Bekind123:
To me, that lady is up to something in that marriage by claiming she knows every of the woman's relatives by merely attending her wedding.why does she have to hide to take a picture of her friends wife at a mall, Is she monitoring her?

TheGoodJoe:

That is for the husband to enquire. She is concerned about the closeness. She is asking should she alert her friend. I think so. Especially if she values her friend and his marriage.

Let us leave affair out of it. She is not comfortable with the closeness and she should let her friend know. If it is a cousin or brother, that is for the husband to find out. There may be no cause for alarm, or there might be. When she shows the friend the picture, if it is a family member, he will tell her. If he does not know him, he needs to ask his wife who this close companion is.

if he does not like such a relationship, he will let the wife know and she will stop it.

Please, tell him and show him the picture.

baby124:

The wife also has a right to be very uncomfortable about the OP’s presence in her husbands life, don’t you think? What do you even mean she’s not comfortable with what she saw? Is that a joke? You think OP has a right to be comfortable and speak on who should be around that man’s wife? Are you joking? Is that how invested you are in all your friends relationships and marriages? Did she see them sleeping together?

She’s not comfortable? What a funny joke. You must be laughing at that.

bekpo:
Get only d man's photographs and show it 2 ur friend, ask him if he knows d man. Don't spill d beans untill u r sure ur friend doesn't know him or he's not related 2 either of them.

If u r sure d idiot isn't related 2 them, spill it and save ur friend. But what type of friendship with opposite sex? What if d woman defend herself that it's d same friendship like u both?

TheGoodJoe:

That is for the husband to enquire. She is concerned about the closeness. She is asking should she alert her friend. I think so. Especially if she values her friend and his marriage.

Let us leave affair out of it. She is not comfortable with the closeness and she should let her friend know. If it is a cousin or brother, that is for the husband to find out. There may be no cause for alarm, or there might be. When she shows the friend the picture, if it is a family member, he will tell her. If he does not know him, he needs to ask his wife who this close companion is.

if he does not like such a relationship, he will let the wife know and she will stop it.

Please, tell him and show him the picture.

TheGoodJoe:


You are just running. Even sometimes, I see some kind of relationship with a neighbor and I wonder what is going on. If he is the kind of guy that I am close to, I will hint to him that such closeness his wife is having does not look cool to me. If the guy sees nothing wrong, all Malam with his kettle.

I have done my part. Same way, I notice a woman friend being close to a guy. I had one recently, she was about to marry and an old friend popped out of no where. She was preparing to go and hang out with him when I called her, I told her blatantly, "It is like the marriage you are planning is not sweeting you." I told her to stop it and tell the guy off. She did. Later she thanked me. I was not this close to this one.

He is her friend and she feels something is wrong with his wife's behavior. As a friend, she is supposed to let him know to check his marriage. That is the right thing to do. If you were in this exact situation, and your partner was getting uncomfortably close with someone, you will want your close friend to tell you.

No need attacking the OP. This is strictly about right or wrong.

NoToPile:


Lool so she would show the husband the picture of both of them and ask if it's someone he knows, you must be kidding right?

Wait first is she the husband's sister? What right does she have to be comfortable or not.


I really do hope the wife doesn't find out if she does as you say especially if it turns out that she's not cheating. I can assure you that their friendship is over.

baby124:

The wife also has a right to be very uncomfortable about the OP’s presence in her husbands life, don’t you think? What do you even mean she’s not comfortable with what she saw? Is that a joke? You think OP has a right to be comfortable and speak on who should be around that man’s wife? Are you joking? Is that how invested you are in all your friends relationships and marriages? Did she see them sleeping together?

You better learn boundaries and be careful how you put your mouth in peoples private business. It can turn very fatal for you. The deadliest ones won’t even react in front of the husband, family will reunite them but are you safe?

She’s not comfortable? What a funny joke. You must be laughing at that.

TheGoodJoe:


For now, no one says she is cheating. She is a close friend for 11 years with the guy. That is some closeness. She suspects something is fishy. She might be wrong but still she is uncomfortable with it. The right thing to do is to let the guy know. After that, the guy needs to sort it out.

baby124:


You are the one running to think you are that important to determine what is appropriate in peoples lives. One day, you will learn a great lesson. Keep putting your mouth in peoples marriages directly.

You see two people together at a mall and all of a sudden, you think in your opinion they should not be talking or that close. Please reread what you wrote and think clearly. Are you joking? You are talking about what YOU think on another person’s marriage or friendships. When do you think or did you think your opinion should matter that much? Your female friend told you who that guy was, and you advised her. OP has no idea who this man is. Does she know if he’s an old friend the wife walked into at that mall? If people wanted to cheat, will they go to a mall where everybody on this earth will see them? Aproko manager, well done.

Please keep planting seeds in peoples marriages and relationships. One day, you go do the one that pass you completely!

NoToPile:


Lool so she would show the husband the picture of both of them and ask if it's someone he knows, you must be kidding right?

Wait first is she the husband's sister? What right does she have to be comfortable or not.


I really do hope the wife doesn't find out if she does as you say especially if it turns out that she's not cheating. I can assure you that their friendship is over.

I hope the OP knows this small issue can degenerate to something she never ever bargained for.

NoToPile:


Please stop saying no one said she's cheating.

The only reason OP opened this thread is because she's suspecting that lady is cheating on her friend with that man. Shuu.

baby124:

Even my siblings marriages, I am not this informed or carry the matter on my head to determine who they should be close to. Not to talk of just a friend. Bizarre! Some people really think they are that influential and have a right to speak/ interfere in peoples lives.

TheGoodJoe:


One in a while means a long time, and not regularly. She said she does not visit regularly.

Her friends wife is hanging out with another man regularly and she feels it is inappropriate and concerned.

That is what a good friend is suppose to do. Protect each other.

Buddy-buddy means hanging out regularly together.

baby124:


You are the one running to think you are that important to determine what is appropriate in peoples lives. One day, you will learn a great lesson. Keep putting your mouth in peoples marriages directly.

You see two people together at a mall and all of a sudden, you think in your opinion they should not be talking or that close. Please reread what you wrote and think clearly. Are you joking? You are talking about what YOU think on another person’s marriage or friendships. When do you think or did you think your opinion should matter that much? Your female friend told you who that guy was, and you advised her. OP has no idea who this man is. Does she know if he’s an old friend the wife walked into at that mall? If people wanted to cheat, will they go to a mall where everybody on this earth will see them? Aproko manager, well done.

Please keep planting seeds in peoples marriages and relationships. One day, you go do the one that pass you completely!

LadyTara:
No p. Let her tell her friend directly and narrate to him how she dodged them and took a picture and all to him as a good friend . I sure hope we get an update of " how the thing go" from the op.

TheGoodJoe:


Did you read where I said if the guy is comfortable with it, all Malam with his kettle? Which means, I do not think my opinion matters much. If i am close to the guy... note this.. if I am close to the guy, I will point it out.

In sane World, that is what friends do. Advise each other. It must not be accepted. Advise is not by force.

So I wonder what lesson to learn. If I feel a friend is miss stepping, I will advise. If I am, I hope my friends advise me too.

TheGoodJoe:


Suspicion is not a fact. She suspects she is cheating. She is not sure she is cheating. That is why she is wondering if she should let it slide.

To me, for a married woman, such closeness is unhealthy. I am not talking she is cheating. The OP is suspecting, not saying she is cheating.

Many suspects have been innocent. So saying she suspects is not saying she is sure she is cheating.

GERRIT?

baby124:

Know your boundary and place in peoples lives. Stop giving unsolicited advise everywhere. Mind your business except they come to you! You have no right to speak or involve yourself in anybody’s marriage or relationship if they did not bring you in. Eventually it will backfire and because you have planted a seed, you may have hurt the wife permanently in that marriage. Not everybody will forgive that. You may assume you should have a right till you cross the wrong person who will deal with you in a very deadly way! Relationships are complex! What you think is inappropriate might be appropriate to the couple.

You are also very young to think you should be advising people in relationships. Age will make you understand that most people in relationships will use your advise for their partners attention to settle a matter and get closer.

NoToPile:


I don't Gerrit, if she's suspecting she should keep her suspicion to herself till she has a confirmation even if she confirms there are ways to go about it.

Nawa oo.

Don't go and plant those stuffs when there's no backing.
Anyway I wish you and the OP the best.

TheGoodJoe:


[color=#000099 ] Please understand, it is not a one-time thing. The OP has sighted them multiple times. So the bolded excuse does not fly. It is suspicious.[/color]

baby124:

So what if they have been seen multiple times? They could not have met at the mall and seen themselves multiple times? What if the guy works at that mall and she checks on him whenever she’s there? Seeing two people together chatting means absolutely nothing. Even if you see them 100times.

The malls are very big and for the OP to see same people multiple times is also suspicious about the OP. Is she trailing them? Anyway this could be one of NL’s fake stories sha. Make I go mind the business that pays me. If you want to cheat, you must go to the mall where even your in laws will see you

TheGoodJoe:


I wonder why some of you are giving antagonistic vibes. Are you saying if your partner develops fondness with a person you and your best friend do not know, and your best friend sights him with this person multiple times, you will not want your best friend to tell you?

Definitely you do. So what is the problem?

TheGoodJoe:


This one is what I tag long story.

There is only right and wrong. When it comes to a friend, you advise him when you think he is faltering. If he is picking a bad habit. If he is making unsound investments. It is all the same thing.

I can only advise. You can take it or leave it. Advise is not curse. Advise is not meddling. It is still your business and marraige. I just give my own perspective.

Threats is secondary to me. I live by only one rule. THE TRUTH SHALL SET ME FREE.

I won't lie to make you happy. I will just free my conscience and bounce.

baby124:

Ok. Special adviser on other peoples lives and not your own. Like I said, time and age will teach you several invaluable lessons.

TheGoodJoe:


Attacking me will not give you credence.

I have lived long enough to know the implication of "a stitch in time saves nine."

baby124:

You always feel attacked when someone is advising you. But feel you have a right to advise other people. You really think a lot of yourself. . Life de teach sense sha no worry.

baby124:

Know your boundary and place in peoples lives. Stop giving unsolicited advise everywhere. Mind your business except they come to you! You have no right to speak or involve yourself in anybody’s marriage or relationship if they did not bring you in. Eventually it will backfire and because you have planted a seed, you may have hurt the wife permanently in that marriage. Not everybody will forgive that. You may assume you should have a right till you cross the wrong person who will deal with you in a very deadly way! Relationships are complex! What you think is inappropriate might be appropriate to the couple.
You are also very young to think you should be advising people in relationships. Age will make you understand that most people in relationships will use your advise for their partners attention to settle a matter and get closer.

NoToPile:


Leave am, them never use am settle fight before.


My mum had one tenant who was a philanderer, he rented the house as a bachelor, the lady was living with him, they later invited us to the wedding we attended, his wife would always be boasting that her husband dare not cheat blablabla.

Mum had two tenants, two buildings in a compound side by side, we lived in one while the two tenants live in the 2nd one, one flat had entrance at the front the other had entrance at the back. Meaning you had to pass through the two buildings if you wanted to go to the back flat, except you want to go by the side of the fence, my window and mum's 2nd window faced the space in between, mum could see anybody coming through the gate and passing through, I could see who was passing through to the back flat.

The front flats kitchen window faced the large walkway too. The philanderers wife had an habit of going to her parents place every Christmas and that was when he would operate in full force.
Meanwhile one day I was about to step out the gate and I saw a lady coming in, I asked where she was going she said Mr xyz, I directed her there, the guy saw me later and was trying to explain that she's his cousin and in my mind I was like what's my own with your explanation.

The lady at the front would always tell my mum that this guy sneaks women out before day break (all this happens whenever she goes to her parents), mum would always tell her to mind her business. Mum had also seen him once sneaking a lady out.

Two years later another Christmas, this lady and this guy and friends walked in coming back from the beach obviously, I looked at the face, it was the same lady I saw two years ago, they sha entered oo, later fight burst out, they beat themselves and ran out by their entrance.
Serious fight oo,me I stepped out to buy something the tenant at the front was narrating the story when I came and everywhere scatter that the lady was shouting that she won't do another abortion blablabla after how many etc etc, the front tenant settled fight oo told them not to put all of us in trouble that he should not kill someone in this compound and they should carry their madness else where. . They sha left.

Last last mum came back we narrated the matter, as the matter has gotten to I will kill you stage they should not put all of us in police trouble and wife was still at the parents place, mum knew her church, went to tell the pastor to tell her to come back home, because if she called her to comeback she would suspect something was wrong.

She kuku came back and was saying that pastor called her and asked where she was and told her to start coming back home that she even thought her husband was cheating that's why he called her back that her husband dare not blablabla, Maa sho ee, ko to be etc, na so all of us dey look at each other.

Upon the whole drama that happened we didn't say pim to her . Funniest part the couple are still together last time I checked, they moved out long ago from mum's long ago all these drama happened between 2009-2014.

We later got to know that he had even been dating the girl before he married his wife and it seemed the wife knew the girl, seemed they were friends back in school sef.

NoToPile:


Leave am, them never use am settle fight before.


My mum had one tenant who was a philanderer, he rented the house as a bachelor, the lady was living with him, they later invited us to the wedding we attended, his wife would always be boasting that her husband dare not cheat blablabla.

Mum had two tenants, two buildings in a compound side by side, we lived in one while the two tenants live in the 2nd one, one flat had entrance at the front the other had entrance at the back. Meaning you had to pass through the two buildings if you wanted to go to the back flat, except you want to go by the side of the fence, my window and mum's 2nd window faced the space in between, mum could see anybody coming through the gate and passing through, I could see who was passing through to the back flat.

The front flats kitchen window faced the large walkway too. The philanderers wife had an habit of going to her parents place every Christmas and that was when he would operate in full force.
Meanwhile one day I was about to step out the gate and I saw a lady coming in, I asked where she was going she said Mr xyz, I directed her there, the guy saw me later and was trying to explain that she's his cousin and in my mind I was like what's my own with your explanation.

The lady at the front would always tell my mum that this guy sneaks women out before day break (all this happens whenever she goes to her parents), mum would always tell her to mind her business. Mum had also seen him once sneaking a lady out.

Two years later another Christmas, this lady and this guy and friends walked in coming back from the beach obviously, I looked at the face, it was the same lady I saw two years ago, they sha entered oo, later fight burst out, they beat themselves and ran out by their entrance.
Serious fight oo,me I stepped out to buy something the tenant at the front was narrating the story when I came and everywhere scatter that the lady was shouting that she won't do another abortion blablabla after how many etc etc, the front tenant settled fight oo told them not to put all of us in trouble that he should not kill someone in this compound and they should carry their madness else where. . They sha left.

Last last mum came back we narrated the matter, as the matter has gotten to I will kill you stage they should not put all of us in police trouble and wife was still at the parents place, mum knew her church, went to tell the pastor to tell her to come back home, because if she called her to comeback she would suspect something was wrong.

She kuku came back and was saying that pastor called her and asked where she was and told her to start coming back home that she even thought her husband was cheating that's why he called her back that her husband dare not blablabla, Maa sho ee, ko to be etc, na so all of us dey look at each other.

Upon the whole drama that happened we didn't say pim to her . Funniest part the couple are still together last time I checked, they moved out long ago from mum's long ago all these drama happened between 2009-2014.

We later got to know that he had even been dating the girl before he married his wife and it seemed the wife knew the girl, seemed they were friends back in school sef.

TheGoodJoe:


Yet to see a point in the story.

My point is simple. If your partner is keeping a suspicious relationship with a person, you will want your best friend who found out about it to tell you.

Unless you disagree with this statement, I wonder what the beef is with some people here.

baby124:

Age will teach people that not everyone is mature enough to deal with such situations. You may think your guy is mature and will handle things as a mature person you think he is. But let me tell you, physical friendships are totally different from emotional relationships. The face we show our family is different from the ones we show our friends and very different from what we show our spouses. So much is invested in a marriage that things could turn deadly in a split second. If one person feels aggrieved. Some people also handle such situations by blaming everyone else but their spouse for the problem. Na then the Aproko go know that khaki no be leather! The person will just focus on the Aproko like the Aproko is the cause of all her problems in this life and in their marriage.

Hmm, such things take so much work and is so dangerous that one has to be sure and so careful. No matter what, one spouse whether in anger or during sex will leak the information on who told them what. Na there the ultimate gbege don start. Lifetime enemy don come be that!

Some partners are even so secure in their marriage to the point that, they can turn who you thought was your best friend and confidant to your greatest enemy! Even my mama and papa relationship, if you put mouth walahi, you go regret your life. They will team up and face you!