₦airaland Forum

Red flags

How can you pay flight for a girlfriend? A girl that is not faithful to you? Don't come here saying she is faithful. All those loans she took, she spent it on a guy. Make you try get sense. She is misfortune reloaded.

Bruh, i understand this.

But the fact from my perspective is this..
Everyone have issues, none is without one, u've got too.

So i will tell u this; if that's the only issue with her, like u said "she's a good girl", then help her work on it, help her curtail her expenses.

How?

First.. Fnd out what she's been spending on, even if it takes u both to visit the bank, request for her transaction details, just try to know what she's been spending on.

Secondly.. Ask her to always tell u before she gets anything.

Third.. Table the issue to her parent constructively.

Though girls don't like been monitored, and at initial she'd feel uncomfortable about it, but calmly explain to her, let her know its for her good.
But also, know when to stop, and give her the liberty she truly deserve. At least 3month is enough for that.

But while doing all these, don't let her feel dejected, don't abuse her, but care for her, let her know it's for her own good. Always tell her it gonna be fine, that someone day she will wake up dept free.

The transaction statement will help u in knowing two things; if she spends extravagantly on stuffs (Hair, bags, wears etc) or if she spends it unnecessarily (on irrelevant things, like drugs,clubs,tf to friends etc).

If she spends it extravagantly, try to curtail that, if ur efforts fails then don't marry her because she's definitely going to be a liability and may do stupid things to make money u either go broke or refuse to give.
But if she spends it unnecessary, then help her work on it.

You can't just leave her, because everyone has a problem, and that's hers. You may leave her, get entangled with another lady who's problem is much than hers. No one is perfect, so if you love her, help her work on it.
It should be that you tried and it doesn't work than just letting her go.

You'd say you have been trying, but no, you have been trying in paying off her debts, not trying to make her stop what leads to the dept.

That loan app stuffs happens, maybe she had a pressing issue and didn't want to tell you because
you've been doing more already, then took 100k, had to lend from another loan app to pay back, that happens a lot.

Woman are many out there tho, but wife scared bruh, so be wise. Goodluck.

maikbanj:
Good morning dear Nairalanders,

Thank you for being there in the past with your timely advise(s). I am here again just to get some more on a case.

I have a girlfriend which I plan getting married to as both families are all involved. My girlfriend has had a bad past. She was once abused and all but then I was able to help shape her when I got into her life. I have been there for her in my own little way but lately, she has not been behaving too well and I am not happy about that fact.I will itemize these:

1. She once borrowed her friend her school fees to rent an apartment with the promise the friend was going to pay her back before exams started. Her friend failed to pay her back and I had to provide her with the money in order not to miss her exams. Note, the said friend is a female.

2. Second semester, her pops gave her school fees which I saw the alert. Yea,she travelled down to see me from Lag and she spent some but then I told her she would not have spent her school fees to come see me. Infact at that time I never knew she was going to come because I was sick but she did. So I told her not to touch her school fees again that I was going to refund her the money. She left and I refunded. I paid her flight back to Lagos.

I later found out my girlfriend didn’t pay that school fees. She spent it and when it was time to pay she kept complaining. I was mad at her wondering what she must have used it for. I scolded her and gave her part of the money.(N100k)

3. I have paid several debts for her as she made some mistakes in her online business and was swindled. The most recent one now, she went to get loans from apps online. I don’t even know what would have made her do that as I try assist her when she’s in need. I have warned her severally against borrowing but she went to borrow and now she’s into debt.

I have asked what she used the money for but she can’t even point to one thing. She said she used the initial loan for her personal needs and when she couldn’t pay back, she had to borrow from another app to pay and all. That’s how she kept borrowing to pay another till she borrowed from over 15 loan apps and her debt is running into 350k as at today.

I honestly can’t pay such an amount as I have my own personal problems to carry. I was mad because in the past I have warned her against borrowing and all. Now she’s in trouble and they’ve been threatening her to pay back.

I have told her I don’t have such monies to pay back and even if I had I won’t pay back. I have advised she talk to her parents and siblings about it but she has been scared. I have that money but I can’t pay back as I have more pressing needs to attend to. Since she has refused to tell her parents, I am thinking of telling her parents. I am very close to her family.

This is someone I wanna get married to but with all I’m seeing, I am already having doubts.

She’s from a very good home. Deep down, I love her and she does too. But why these problems, I don’t understand.

Please I seek your advice on how to handle this as I can’t pay such debts. I have done several in the past

Thanks

Which kind babe be dis..she go just reck you.

pay it now. marry her Na only 350k shekina.

LollySeaSide:
Oh, I see.
Did you coin the word yourself because I can't find it related to the meaning you supplied.
I've searched online and in my encyclopedia.

I neva did...
Check again.

Actually d word got on me d first time I saw it. Was posted on a gals status. "As a lady, mastrubating ones a week is not a bad idea"

...I was like, :owot? ...

Only for me to be cleared thereafter. .
Seems like a pun. Play on words.

My brother..the signs are all over for you to see.we tend to think it's easy to change an adult from that person's natural character,it's not and most times they remain that way no matter the quantum of advice..you say you want to marry her with all what you are seeing,don't be surprised after marriage you come back to your house and realise the house you built is up for sale by her.wake up bro..Ditch the bitch..

Can someone remind me how much is a good coffin

Don’t marry anyone with bad financial habits. They will destroy you! You can’t shape, change or control anybody. You better run for your life.

OscarJaden:
This is a red flag
I guess she believes she has an ATM machine that once she run into he will dispense at any given time
I will advise that you disappoint her this time around
Don't pay even 1 naira and report her to her parents unless maybe you are scared of her


Than for you to pay that money kindly send the 350k to your loving mother to add to her business or do anything she fills like and watch her pray for you more

I believe she s d money freak type and even after u kindly assist her in paying off d accumulated debts dats if u have spare money to give out, on d long run or after u v married her eventually and u kinda fall into little financial issues which is normal but not permanent ... How will she cope with you or assist u?? Ohh she sees someone who is financially capable and since u can't satisfy her money lavishing thirst she dumps u and forget u helped her ass wen it was on fire.... Bro set d boundaries and if u have and u know she has overstepped or cross d red line call it QUIT bro.... This time involve the family... Its about u bro not about her.... If she can't help u cum then u better cum to your sense... My 1 kobo advise

maikbanj:
Good morning dear Nairalanders,

Thank you for being there in the past with your timely advise(s). I am here again just to get some more on a case.

I have a girlfriend which I plan getting married to as both families are all involved. My girlfriend has had a bad past. She was once abused and all but then I was able to help shape her when I got into her life. I have been there for her in my own little way but lately, she has not been behaving too well and I am not happy about that fact.I will itemize these:

1. She once borrowed her friend her school fees to rent an apartment with the promise the friend was going to pay her back before exams started. Her friend failed to pay her back and I had to provide her with the money in order not to miss her exams. Note, the said friend is a female.

2. Second semester, her pops gave her school fees which I saw the alert. Yea,she travelled down to see me from Lag and she spent some but then I told her she would not have spent her school fees to come see me. Infact at that time I never knew she was going to come because I was sick but she did. So I told her not to touch her school fees again that I was going to refund her the money. She left and I refunded. I paid her flight back to Lagos.

I later found out my girlfriend didn’t pay that school fees. She spent it and when it was time to pay she kept complaining. I was mad at her wondering what she must have used it for. I scolded her and gave her part of the money.(N100k)

3. I have paid several debts for her as she made some mistakes in her online business and was swindled. The most recent one now, she went to get loans from apps online. I don’t even know what would have made her do that as I try assist her when she’s in need. I have warned her severally against borrowing but she went to borrow and now she’s into debt.

I have asked what she used the money for but she can’t even point to one thing. She said she used the initial loan for her personal needs and when she couldn’t pay back, she had to borrow from another app to pay and all. That’s how she kept borrowing to pay another till she borrowed from over 15 loan apps and her debt is running into 350k as at today.

I honestly can’t pay such an amount as I have my own personal problems to carry. I was mad because in the past I have warned her against borrowing and all. Now she’s in trouble and they’ve been threatening her to pay back.

I have told her I don’t have such monies to pay back and even if I had I won’t pay back. I have advised she talk to her parents and siblings about it but she has been scared. I have that money but I can’t pay back as I have more pressing needs to attend to. Since she has refused to tell her parents, I am thinking of telling her parents. I am very close to her family.

This is someone I wanna get married to but with all I’m seeing, I am already having doubts.

She’s from a very good home. Deep down, I love her and she does too. But why these problems, I don’t understand.

Please I seek your advice on how to handle this as I can’t pay such debts. I have done several in the past

Thanks

Deal with your liability or you waka jeje. The decision is yours

Hi friend, with what you've said you have a very good heart, and besides you are doing this because you love her..
Solution: ask her again to give you good explanation how she spent those money.. and if she can't ... Ask her to inform her parent about it.. and let them sort it out for her.
But you have to take her to counselor to counsel her on finances if you really love her... So she can practice frugality.
Thanks

God bless you for this. @op this is actually meant for u. I know what am saying. Thanks.

hegelian:
eventually she will outgrow all her mistakes and become a better woman, the most important thing you need to look for in her is her honesty and sincerity and every other thing will fall in place..every great people make tons of mistakes and those mistakes shape them to become better..pls dont leave her rather invest in logical thinking with her, get books on logic and get her to read them tieing them to some sort of reward to know she actually does..becoming good and great people is not a walk in the part and its most times better to make mistakes earlier in life than make them later in life...get involved actively in her life and activate logical thinking thinking with her instead of the emotional ones and with time you shall have the best woman ever, thank God u said you love her and said she loves you too

Hyper tension in the making.
It will interest to know that whatever you can't stop in courtship will multiply in marriage

Hyper tension in the making.
It will interest to know that whatever you can't stop in courtship will multiply in marriage . Speaking from 4 years xperience in marriage

You are 100% correct

YinkaOlusesi16:
if you marry her, u can never amount to anything. she is a canterworm & caterpillar.

Mariangeles:
You're still asking?
When you marry her, be prepared to live in debt for the rest of your life.

Obi ya ka nor go di na Ukwu na Ara the lady...

O ga agbahu ya n'anya...No family is happy living in debt.

Talk about not being contended..

maikbanj:
Good morning dear Nairalanders,

Thank you for being there in the past with your timely advise(s). I am here again just to get some more on a case.

I have a girlfriend which I plan getting married to as both families are all involved. My girlfriend has had a bad past. She was once abused and all but then I was able to help shape her when I got into her life. I have been there for her in my own little way but lately, she has not been behaving too well and I am not happy about that fact.I will itemize these:

1. She once borrowed her friend her school fees to rent an apartment with the promise the friend was going to pay her back before exams started. Her friend failed to pay her back and I had to provide her with the money in order not to miss her exams. Note, the said friend is a female.

2. Second semester, her pops gave her school fees which I saw the alert. Yea,she travelled down to see me from Lag and she spent some but then I told her she would not have spent her school fees to come see me. Infact at that time I never knew she was going to come because I was sick but she did. So I told her not to touch her school fees again that I was going to refund her the money. She left and I refunded. I paid her flight back to Lagos.

I later found out my girlfriend didn’t pay that school fees. She spent it and when it was time to pay she kept complaining. I was mad at her wondering what she must have used it for. I scolded her and gave her part of the money.(N100k)

3. I have paid several debts for her as she made some mistakes in her online business and was swindled. The most recent one now, she went to get loans from apps online. I don’t even know what would have made her do that as I try assist her when she’s in need. I have warned her severally against borrowing but she went to borrow and now she’s into debt.

I have asked what she used the money for but she can’t even point to one thing. She said she used the initial loan for her personal needs and when she couldn’t pay back, she had to borrow from another app to pay and all. That’s how she kept borrowing to pay another till she borrowed from over 15 loan apps and her debt is running into 350k as at today.

I honestly can’t pay such an amount as I have my own personal problems to carry. I was mad because in the past I have warned her against borrowing and all. Now she’s in trouble and they’ve been threatening her to pay back.

I have told her I don’t have such monies to pay back and even if I had I won’t pay back. I have advised she talk to her parents and siblings about it but she has been scared. I have that money but I can’t pay back as I have more pressing needs to attend to. Since she has refused to tell her parents, I am thinking of telling her parents. I am very close to her family.

This is someone I wanna get married to but with all I’m seeing, I am already having doubts.

She’s from a very good home. Deep down, I love her and she does too. But why these problems, I don’t understand.

Please I seek your advice on how to handle this as I can’t pay such debts. I have done several in the past

Thanks

Your just a simp oh my God I feel like crying go mark this words it we end in a premium tears for you forget her pass she is financially reckless get sense now that it early she is just using her pass to misbehave guy get sens

My happiness is that you can see the red flag by yourself. Don't be surprised she's spending the money on another guy, our ladies of this days cannot be trusted.
Sir, run for your life, this is her lifestyle and not even you can change it. Do your investigation very well you'll realize that she's been lying to you all this while.
Pls be wise, you've already spent enough on her don't go and marry someone that'll cause you heart attack.

maikbanj:
How am I the problem??

You kept help her out of the mess you never allowed her to feel the buddy of pain she as created for her self how we she learn

Munzy14:
Obi ya ka nor go di na Ukwu na Ara the lady...

O ga agbahu ya n'anya...No family is happy living in debt.

Talk about not being contended..

I nukwa ya na "I'm more confused to be honest"

maikbanj:
Good morning dear Nairalanders,

Thank you for being there in the past with your timely advise(s). I am here again just to get some more on a case.

I have a girlfriend which I plan getting married to as both families are all involved. My girlfriend has had a bad past. She was once abused and all but then I was able to help shape her when I got into her life. I have been there for her in my own little way but lately, she has not been behaving too well and I am not happy about that fact.I will itemize these:

1. She once borrowed her friend her school fees to rent an apartment with the promise the friend was going to pay her back before exams started. Her friend failed to pay her back and I had to provide her with the money in order not to miss her exams. Note, the said friend is a female.

2. Second semester, her pops gave her school fees which I saw the alert. Yea,she travelled down to see me from Lag and she spent some but then I told her she would not have spent her school fees to come see me. Infact at that time I never knew she was going to come because I was sick but she did. So I told her not to touch her school fees again that I was going to refund her the money. She left and I refunded. I paid her flight back to Lagos.

I later found out my girlfriend didn’t pay that school fees. She spent it and when it was time to pay she kept complaining. I was mad at her wondering what she must have used it for. I scolded her and gave her part of the money.(N100k)

3. I have paid several debts for her as she made some mistakes in her online business and was swindled. The most recent one now, she went to get loans from apps online. I don’t even know what would have made her do that as I try assist her when she’s in need. I have warned her severally against borrowing but she went to borrow and now she’s into debt.

I have asked what she used the money for but she can’t even point to one thing. She said she used the initial loan for her personal needs and when she couldn’t pay back, she had to borrow from another app to pay and all. That’s how she kept borrowing to pay another till she borrowed from over 15 loan apps and her debt is running into 350k as at today.

I honestly can’t pay such an amount as I have my own personal problems to carry. I was mad because in the past I have warned her against borrowing and all. Now she’s in trouble and they’ve been threatening her to pay back.

I have told her I don’t have such monies to pay back and even if I had I won’t pay back. I have advised she talk to her parents and siblings about it but she has been scared. I have that money but I can’t pay back as I have more pressing needs to attend to. Since she has refused to tell her parents, I am thinking of telling her parents. I am very close to her family.

This is someone I wanna get married to but with all I’m seeing, I am already having doubts.

She’s from a very good home. Deep down, I love her and she does too. But why these problems, I don’t understand.

Please I seek your advice on how to handle this as I can’t pay such debts. I have done several in the past

Thanks

Ask yourself, do you think she would consider marrying you if you were so much into debt?

Her good home didn't mould her to be disciplined. She will continue to be indisciplined with finances even after marriage. As a bachelor looking for wife... See hell fire, see heaven, choose one.

I for drop advice but you already get 8 page of advice. But just know this, you never shaped her. She was damage but you couldn't tell because of kpekus

Gkay1:
This is my own view,
The lady u intend to marry don't know how to save but squander and spend money unnecessarily. Now ask yourself a simple question, do I love this lady and does she live me ?.
If she love and you love her, call her and talk to her and rebuild her, nobody is perfect in life. We all have different weaknesses.
Try your best to know what she use to spend the money on and correct her. But if she refuse to adhere to instructions, leave her.

Rebuild keh .... Simply man your seeing red flag ur still talking about rebuild that not her first or second time and she is getting this money for nothing important her problem is way beyond the guy problem

When it comes to marriage love is not enough!! Know that and know peace,, if you have made up your mind to marry her just ignore the online app dey can't do nothing going by our laws in Nigeria no one can be jailed for failing to repay a loan the best they can get is work out modalities to repay the loan in a court of compete jurisdiction...
But also know that the so called lady has financial management issues be ready to deal with that in you marriage and it will be foolish to think she will change in marriage....
Thatz my 2cent

Mariangeles:
I nukwa ya na "I'm more confused to be honest"

Umu nwoke nke a wu ndu anyi, until ya eme anyi voom! Na anya.

The red flag is boldly placed there, but he is claiming confused.

The world now, no be when one will keep a woman who doesn't know how to economize and harness resources even the man is financially buoyant.

Normally okwa nwoke na emebishi ego, the woman will now put a check on him..Ugbu a tables don turn for OP.. o ya ga put ga check on his woman ike gwuru uwa o...

This kind of woman, you no fit give her money to keep without akuko na egwu Mike Ejiagha

LollySeaSide:
Oh, I see.
Did you coin the word yourself because I can't find it related to the meaning you supplied.
I've searched online and in my encyclopedia.

Well, it's in dictionary. Preferably Advanced Learners Dictionary.

sirqeeboi:
Pls shield more light on this ur word can't find the meaning online.

D meaning is in dictionary o...

It's even staring at me as am typing dis...
Advanced Learners Dictionary

This is a red flag my dear. Wives are supposed to be better fund managers than husbands. But hers is vise visa. She is not a wife material. And don't go into marriage out of emotions of love for her or her parents bcoz marriage is not meant to be endured but to be enjoyed!!!!

Are you sure she's doesn't have another boyfriend she's spending all the money on? Anything is possible when it comes to women.

Cutehector:
Set financial boundaries. If she doesnt respect these boundaries then a strict discipline should be meted out. Enough is enough

No need for financial boundaries. She is already a financial mess who will keep indulging as long as he keeps paying/cleaning up her mess.
Thus, I will advise him the same way I would advise my brother to run for his dear llife otherwise POVERTY will be his middle name when they get married!
It is well.