₦airaland Forum

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

U are just a fool for being the woman in ur marriage. U are not a leader nor a man to deserve any better than the manipulating wife u got. So u don't have a mental picture of how ur he should be run and u take garbage advise from bigger fools? U left ur aging mother in the care of others? Oh u even know that interacting with the grandkids is good for aged parents and yet u denied ur mother that which is her right and ur responsibility to her just like u were her responsibility in her womb to ensure she did what's right for u to come out good? U immature fools rush into marriage without understanding anything about life other than breathing air, eating,procreation and making little change. U know nothing and yet u say ur a husband. I can't blame ur wife completely. She saw she married a worm and decided who wears the pants in the house. Now God has turned things around to show u ur foolishness for not being in charge of ur woman u still run come NL dey find advise. To slap u faint dey hungry me. Ur mother just suffered for nothing and ur wife husband is going to enforce her will on u as usual. Like someone said up there ur MIL is nit the problem but if I were u I would make her daughter feel what u felt when.... God forbid I can never be as weak and foolish as u. Carry ur stupid cross bastard!

What goes around comes around.lm sure you know what to do. If you can denied your mum of staying with you as the only child in Nigeria and now you're thinking of approving your mother inlaw to stay with you shows you're weak as a man.
Start thinking of how she will react when the chips are down or your old age..You don't have a good wife.

U married a wrong woman and u will regret it all ur life because if u mistakenly accept her mother's u have cheated ur mum for all she did for u from birth let me tell u ur mother not staying with u contributed to her death don't be a fool gv her d same treatment she gave ur mum ,if not ur mother will not be happy with u

My man you're the most stupid person that I have ever come across, your own mother suffered in the hands of your so called wife now you're thinking of what to do to her own mother, my dear I don't have any advice for you

Gerra ara here

12inchess:
This my advice but the decision is left to you. You already made a mistake by not allowing your mum to stay with you and your wife in her final days. This was a grave mistake and that is water under the bridge now. But two wrongs dont make a right. It's now your mother in laws last days. And I think you should allow her to stay with your family but make sure to remind your wife that when it was her she didn't allow your mum stay with you guys. Your wife really needs to beg God for forgiveness. She too will grow old and become a mother in law to someone one day.

This is the dumbest idea. Poster do not listen to this.

Your wife already dared your leadership and was selfish and want you to be accommodating. If you allow it...prepare for more selfishness.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

I don't expect ur wife to even think of bringing her mum. It's not a topic for discussion. She was supposed to know that someday, her own mum will be needing same help as ur mum.
U don't have to border urself sir. Like u were told before, marriage is for husband and wife and she has to stick to that. When it comes to husband's mother, some wife can be so irritating and annoying. We just have to handle them with wisdom.

donaldchidi:
My brother, I saying parents should not stay more than necessary no mean u should not take care of them and is not a must that is only in ur huz ur parents must be taken care of...
Besides I don't think your married yet to know what am saying Sha but anyhow very soon you will

You typed absolute nonsense!!

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Your mum spirit will not be happy with you, she agreed to leave your house so that peoples would not accused her of shatter her son marriage. But if you allow trust me your son wife will revenge for your mom

How can i send my Mum away from my own house?
Holy ghost fire....
My Wife cant cause rift between me and my siblings talkless of my Mum/Dad.
Any woman that doesnt like my decision can go to court.
I prefer to be single than send my mum away from my house.
Thats why sometimes it is good to let ur mother find a wife for u.
A girl that will love and take care of her at old age.
Momma have suffered for us.
When i was a kid, momma will always stand by be in any case.
I Luv U Mum/Dad

Mom007:
Return evil for evil to no one. Especially not your wife Oga.
Look, there is something I always tell my son whenever he comes to complain of his younger sisters behavior of not playing fair during their games and such. I tell him that ladies are not nice. He should never hold a lady to the same standard he will hold himself, he should always be the bigger person. Besides he is older. Truth is, We ladies are mean especially to our fellow gender. Sometimes we don't even mean it, its just how we are wired.
Be the bigger person bro.

By your argument, if a woman commits a crime she shouldn't be persecuted, right? Cos she is a woman.

E

Remind her of what she did to you and your mother.... If she feels sorry, sober and genuinely apologises, then accept it and allow her mum but if she doesn't feel sorry for her action, then don't allow her mum....

All these ladies feel everything should always be about them.... She must feel sorry and genuinely apologise. Otherwise let her mama stay elsewhere where you can send money for her care. Remind her that the marriage is between man and woman excluding mother in law

So his mum is allowed to die of loneliness but the wife mum is more special abi … woman … fear woman

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

Klass99:
. This is one of the reasons I smile and shake my head when people want to kill themselves over the fact that they don't have children or they haven't given birth yet after a few years of marriage.

These parents you say should not stay with their married children beyond 3 days for a visit and should not stay beyond 1 week in case of a health challenge are the same people who were there when you had nothing, when you were a baby and helpless, they could have crushed you or mistreated you, but no, they did their duty by you and they did it well too.

While I think I understand your view, these sort of rules only make sense for extremely troublesome parents or in-laws who like to cause tension or drive a wedge between couples with their blood is thicker than water mantra, a toxic attitude etc. Not all parents are problematic or bad, neither do most deserve this sort of treatment from their own offspring. Like seriously, what the hell?

Some of you married folks on this forum leave me in shock and awe with your take on issues and it amuses me to no end when you guys turn around again to ask others if they are married or even call them kids because of a difference in opinions.

Bro me sef dey weak, as in who even made these rules

it's good that I am not u, bros ozalogbo, because I would rather chase my wife away than push away my sick mom.... absolutely impossible.....And now after she done reject my own momcy she wants me to accept hers... omoh 🤣😂😂😂😂......It would NEVER HAPPEN!

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Nonsensical ramblings..
Birds of a feather..
Accuse ko,confuse ..
This is how you women treat your Mother In Laws..
When it comes to your Mother you start capping..
Shift!!

Killbillz:
U are just a fool for being the woman in ur marriage. U are not a leader nor a man to deserve any better than the manipulating wife u got. So u don't have a mental picture of how ur he should be run and u take garbage advise from bigger fools? U left ur aging mother in the care of others? Oh u even know that interacting with the grandkids is good for aged parents and yet u denied ur mother that which is her right and ur responsibility to her just like u were her responsibility in her womb to ensure she did what's right for u to come out good? U immature fools rush into marriage without understanding anything about life other than breathing air, eating,procreation and making little change. U know nothing and yet u say ur a husband. I can't blame ur wife completely. She saw she married a worm and decided who wears the pants in the house. Now God has turned things around to show u ur foolishness for not being in charge of ur woman u still run come NL dey find advise. To slap u faint dey hungry me. Ur mother just suffered for nothing and ur wife husband is going to enforce her will on u as usual. Like someone said up there ur MIL is nit the problem but if I were u I would make her daughter feel what u felt when.... God forbid I can never be as weak and foolish as u. Carry ur stupid cross bastard!

hehehehehehehehehehe dude u nail it

Mom007:
Return evil for evil to no one. Especially not your wife Oga.
Look, there is something I always tell my son whenever he comes to complain of his younger sisters behavior of not playing fair during their games and such. I tell him that ladies are not nice. He should never hold a lady to the same standard he will hold himself, he should always be the bigger person. Besides he is older. Truth is, We ladies are mean especially to our fellow gender. Sometimes we don't even mean it, its just how we are wired.
Be the bigger person bro.

arrant nonsense, utterly rubbish.we all are human.i treat u d way u treat me.if u like be woman I don't care

MrBrownJay1:
if the above is how your wife felt about your own mother coming to stay with you guys, then she has NO RIGHT to expect her own mother to come stay with you guys... NONE!

That's a typical Nigerian lady for you mate!

Selfish set of people.

Dindondin:
Send her away n let your daughter in-law send you away in future

the wife's son inlaw will also send her away. The problem started from the wife not him.

Single people we come and advice you too

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Wonderful thought.


If nairaland is always like this without tribal and religious abuses and hate speech


Weldon

Please forgive your wife, don't pay evil with evil, God will surely bless you,
But what you will do , first call few of your wife's extended family tell them what happened, and you must demand appology from her to you and your family for her hostile way towards your mother

Those painting words say I should forgive, well for me Li-li e no go happen for my house. I will just tell her to go and explain/report to the family what happened and their decision will always remind me of my own. Las las the man was a weak from inception.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

forgive and forget please. You can remind her what she did during your late mother's time but please allow her mother live with you guys.


Let love reigns please

EriMma1:
I would have told you to do what is in your mind but then, it wasn't the mother who offended you but your wife. Besides you had the choice to let your mother stay with you but you succumbed to her will and let her will prevail. So don't treat the old woman badly because of her daughters sins.

Forgive and let the old woman come. After all she would be the one to do all the care job, not you.

The woman was aware about the treatment given to mother in law,because she would discuss it her

cococandy:
I actually agree. As there’s already tension based on what happened with his mom, it might be detrimental to her health to be in that super charged environment

Absolutely

This your story is not complete. Tell us what she did when your mum finally passed away. Did she feel bad or sorry or remorseful. If none of this was the case then I'd advice not to give in to her request. In my little experience women hardly learn when you repay their wrong doing with kindness.

EriMma1:
I would have told you to do what is in your mind but then, it wasn't the mother who offended you but your wife. Besides you had the choice to let your mother stay with you but you succumbed to her will and let her will prevail. So don't treat the old woman badly because of her daughters sins.

Forgive and let the old woman come. After all she would be the one to do all the care job, not you.

ur head no correct

Dindondin:
Send her away n let your daughter in-law send you away in future

Furck your reverse psychology.
And Furck that daughter in law..
All of una should Furck off!

People forget that it will get to there turn too

12inchess:
This my advice but the decision is left to you. You already made a mistake by not allowing your mum to stay with you and your wife in her final days. This was a grave mistake and that is water under the bridge now. But two wrongs dont make a right. It's now your mother in laws last days. And I think you should allow her to stay with your family but make sure to remind your wife that when it was her she didn't allow your mum stay with you guys. Your wife really needs to beg God for forgiveness. She too will grow old and become a mother in law to someone one day.