Hey yah chief adviser, ani were no gbogbo eyin odo iwoyi. May the same thing happen to you as you are planning to destroy another person home. Amen amen
Did u bother to hear her own side of the story? Enibi.

Bluffly:


Remimd her what she did. If she sounds remorseful and felt bad, forgive her but if she tries to justify herself, stand your ground and do not permit her mother to come

Tell your wife your mother's ghost visited you and told you you will die a horrible death suddenly if you allow your mother in law to move in with you

Not anyone can beg me to allow such......

My heart melt when I reached that line that says " ur mom passed away "😭😭😭😭

Just as they told u initially.......
The marriage is between u and ur wife...
Not between u and her and her mother...





Besides...
I'm not sure I can forgive such wife.......may opt for divorce cuz it would be so hard to live with someone I come to hate so much...



Your decision tho......
RIP to ur mom....... your such a weak son, you allowed " they" to control ur home and sent ur sick mum away....

My heart still melts as if she was my mom😑

Bluffly:

Stop thinking in one cube. Did the op mention asking her wife to put her life on hold, Op did not mention if they have a live in maid. So do not assume what was not mentioned.

Okay but I wasn’t referring to the OP specifically. Comprehension is key

If u allow are stay, then you are breaking the law if karma that's about taking effect

Nemesis0147:
u are sick!!
OP don’t allow her bring her old mother into your house…marriage is between you and your wife and not between you,your wife and her mother!!

Since your wife is doing well financially too.,,let her pay someone to be taking care of her mother too!!
Wetin dy do all these men?
Who peace help?
She didn’t consider peace when she was being hostile to your own mother…MENT!!

Op, for me i will not allow her to bring her mother.Period!!

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything.


My question are ...
1) At the time you sent your mother away, did you actually feel at peace ?

2) At your mother's burial, did you feel she was proud of you as a son ?

Being agreeable is not a recipe for peace.....as a matter of fact, if you want true peace, prepare for war!!

Ori o j'ori .........that is my submission

Klass99:


. This is one of the reasons I smile and shake my head when people want to kill themselves over the fact that they don't have children or they haven't given birth yet after a few years of marriage.

These parents you say should not stay with their married children beyond 3 days for a visit and should not stay beyond 1 week in case of a health challenge are the same people who were there when you had nothing, when you were a baby and helpless, they could have crushed you or mistreated you, but no, they did their duty by you and they did it well too.

While I think I understand your view, these sort of rules only make sense for extremely troublesome parents or in-laws who like to cause tension or drive a wedge between couples with their blood is thicker than water mantra, a toxic attitude etc. Not all parents are problematic or bad, neither do most deserve this sort of treatment from their own offspring. Like seriously, what the hell?

Some of you married folks on this forum leave me in shock and awe with your take on issues and it amuses me to no end when you guys turn around again to ask others if they are married or even call them kids because of a difference in opinions.

may God bless you beyond your expectations

This my advice but the decision is left to you. You already made a mistake by not allowing your mum to stay with you and your wife in her final days. This was a grave mistake and that is water under the bridge now. But two wrongs dont make a right. It's now your mother in laws last days. And I think you should allow her to stay with your family but make sure to remind your wife that when it was her she didn't allow your mum stay with you guys. Your wife really needs to beg God for forgiveness. She too will grow old and become a mother in law to someone one day.

My gender nawa!!, what goes around,comes around.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Do you even know how lonely your mother is? You are the only child in Nigeria ryt? Wetin you dey even reason self na wetin I no understand...

Better go and ask God for forgiveness for how you treated your mother who spent all her better years catering for you

As for your mother in law, let the sick woman in and forgive your wife for God to forgive you

cococandy:


I wouldn’t expect him to foot the bills as if it’s his responsibility. It’s not. If he helps that’s fine and wonderful but he shouldn’t be expected to do it as if his job. After all she has 3 older siblings who can contribute financially to their moms care

All the same his wife should rent a place for her mum to stay. She should then proceed to pay someone to look after her mum.

madridguy:
You may not agreed with me today but years to come you will remember me.

Zupay, dude listen to what he's saying. Wisdom is profitable to the wise. A wife who can't stand and allow your old mom live with you won't be there for you when you become old and weak.

It's that simple. A wife like that is selfish and lack empathy. You don't even need to reach your old age to see her manifest in her true color. Just lose your means of income and you will get to understand what madridguy is saying.

It will be an insult to Your mother wherever she is now, that what you refused to do for her, you want to do for your wife's mother. You are a weak man, and that wife will turn your kids against you later.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Zupay:


I am very certain I won't remember you just as you won't remember me.

Haba, your go to solution is "marrying a second wife", one would ask how does that solve the issue on ground? If a man is tired of the marriage, let him end it and work out providing for their children, if any and should have a clean head going into another relationship.

What an old man sees while lying on his bed, a young chap won't see it stop a skyscraper.

What Madridguy mentioned is a fact. That woman is spiteful and cunny. I also see a tinge of selfishness in her

Op, do unto her as she did unto you. Period.

Don't forget marriage is between a man & his wife. Don't let her come.

The reason why the woman voice overshadowed his concerning her mum was simply because the woman is the bread winner. She's earning more than the husband
Because if the man is truly the one in charge, he will never allow her wife decision to stand

That's just it
He's not telling us the whole story

My own mother who toiled n suffer for me... somebody will tell me to kick her out of my house . Dem neva born that woman who go try am with me

Zupay:


For you, marrying a second wife has always been your solutions to a man's marital issues.🙄🙄

I agree with madridguy
That choice is usually good.

Man!
Apply Newton third law of motion.
You have got your perfect answer!

Whem I get married, I will treat my wife's family exactly the way she treats mine...

[quote author=ozalogbo post=122134449]I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, . NO, if you dont want more problem in your marriage . if she come you will always remember your mum and you will not be happy.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

This life sha! OP You are not firm enough. This is why your wife had the nerves to be hostile towards your mum when she was alive. When she fully knew you are your late mum's only child still here in Nigeria.

Like a few have commented, tell her that her mum can stay with any of her older siblings. That you will support them monthly with any financial assistance that you can.

Don't even tell her that it's because of what she did to your mum. Someone like your wife might not be remorseful but will play the victim card, and let her entire family know, and they might come to resent you.

Better be firm, but be loving and understanding when need be. Or a woman like your wife will use your head anyhow since she doesn't have a conscience.

I just wish I could drop a voice note because . I'M SERIOUSLY PISSED. infact I dey PARA ON A HIGH LEVEL. what rubbish? What insolence? Scold her very well for even having the thought. Remind her what she did to your mum. Don't even have conversation shout on her. Nonsense.

This thing really vex me.

Your wife dey give your own paradise attitude till she left your house and you gree..... D truth is all women don't wanna live with their husbands mama but nah husband must let them know say they are our mini gods.

It's even wrong for your wife mom to stay in your house... In my own tribe, she will stay with any of her child who is a man.

Zupay:


For you, marrying a second wife has always been your solutions to a man's marital issues.🙄🙄

He's a Muhammedian, don't mind him.

donaldchidi:
Well am not saying this because of how your wife treated your mum and I don't want you to see it as such...

Normally it is not right for any parent or parents to stay with dia sons or daughters that is married, unless it is visiting which is not supposed to be beyond 3days or highest one week if the case is health wise or 3 months for omugwo for Igbos and those that have such tradition...
Anything higher than all this is not good and have tendency of submarging the peace in your home which is very bad in marriage.

Be wise my brother and don't let emotions rule your reasonings...
I was in your shoes

And how did your own issue play out

reading this thing alone is making my blood boil. God forbid ! that woman will leave my house a million times before my mother is stressed in my own house. i dont really understand how some simps behave. it is not normal for you to loss your self and everything that makes you happy just to make another person happy. baba!! if you take that woman in, you are really a fool. except you both pay the rent o.

Guy, nor let ur mama for grave call you to join her there,because you will be spitting on her grave, if you allow ur mother inlaw to come live with you. Probably, your mum was buried in the same house you live in...

ojun50:
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity

you are not a real man if you allow her mum to come stay with you, remember she said marriage is between husband and wife, this is a very big cheating, act like man