₦airaland Forum

No no no no op no, No retreat,No surrender!

Send her money let her take care of her ,marriage is between a man and his wife .
Any woman that can't stand your mum doesn't deserve to live with you

madridguy:
You permitted your wife to kick away your paradise. I will not say anything rather than advise you to start praying to God for forgiveness. A good son will send away the evil thing you call a wife.

If you know what is good for you, start looking for a secondwife somewhere otherwise you will bite your fingers in your old age. I won't say more than that.

Hmmmm! Sad but true. Your wife could ship you out during your later years when she has amassed wealth and got hold of your properties.

You married a heartless and selfish greedy girl.

ozalogbo:
I want to thank you all for your responses. I know exactly what to do. I am not weak as my write up probably portrayed, from the responses of some of you. But a lot of the time, 'forgive and forget' has been a strong weapon of blackmail that others always use against others. I shall not say much for now. Let me thank you again. You never really know the extent to which opinions expressed on a platform like this shape and influence peoples opinions and actions, especially those expressed outside sentiments. Kudos!

I know how you feel about the whole secnerio , the truth is that mother in law and daughter in law hardly relate well especially in our country.

We have heard about so many cases where mothers will turn couples against themselves.

Your wife should have allowed your mom to come and you guys will employ someone to take care of her , cos taking care of ederly people is not an easy task coupled with your job and children.

What you guys lack was communication, had it been that you guys communicated very well , both of you won't be having issues today.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Don't allow her. I am saying that without even reading your post.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

don’t accept. Same rule should apply

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

painful and bad

I have been viewing this site for 2 years now as a guest but because of you I had to register.

Guy you are a heavy simp, and you should have some dignity as a man. I have no issues with u allowing ur mother in law to come live with you.
My problem is that you allowed a woman some body not related to u by blood to send ur mother your own mother o! away in your own house chai. May your mother where ever she is find a way in her heart to forgive you.
The pain u must have caused ur mother is unimaginable. I seriously advice u go to ur mothers grave and ask for her forgiveness.
You acted like a bastard, a wasted ovum. I am seriously angered by this ur post. I hope ur siblings are not passing through the same thing.

May God forgive you.

EriMma1:
I would have told you to do what is in your mind but then, it wasn't the mother who offended you but your wife. Besides you had the choice to let your mother stay with you but you succumbed to her will and let her will prevail. So don't treat the old woman badly because of her daughters sins.

Forgive and let the old woman come. After all she would be the one to do all the care job, not you.

u don't understand how painful this is

Jamesbiodun:
Give her the treatment she give to you selah

Doing otherwise will be against the laws of nature.

Don't use good to pay evil, if not, you will be encouraging thee evil doer. Let people be paid in their own coins

frozen70:
I understand how you feel about her treatment to your mum and eventually she passed on because she didn't get the care you have planned for her due to your wife refusal to cooperate with her

Now it's her mums turn, just allow her to come the one let her provide her needs while you focus on the family needs as usual

What she denied you off is what she is requesting your approval to get, such is life

Your refusal may react to another thing

His refusal should react to Furck all!
He let that ingrate walk all over him and is a pu.$$y!!

People treat others bad because there are no punishment for their actions. You must NOT allow your wife bring in her mum. Let her also employ somebody that will be taking care of her. Don't tolerate such. Are you so weak to put your foot on ground and be in charge of your home?

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

elijah101:
So his mum is allowed to die of loneliness but the wife mum is more special abi … woman … fear woman

No I don’t think the mom should have died of loneliness. I’m just telling you what happens when dependent relatives come to live with the family. The only solution is for you guys to be more hands-on in caring for your loved ones instead of seeing it as a female role. If you remove that single reason, a lot of your wives would be less reluctant to house your relatives. They say no because it always always means more work for them. Why not make a change to that mindset?

Lol,
if it were me....

Op do you know that lonliness and lack of family care might have contributed to the death of your beloved mother? Money cannot buy or replace such love from family..

If I were you, I will look at my wife in the face and remind her what she did to my mother, who knows, your lovely mother would've been alive if she was allowed to spend her old age with her children and grand children?

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

You and your comment belong in the bin.

Don't pls n pls don't

Na waoh.... This life is unfair.

Might be the non acceptance that fastrack your mother's journey beyond. But this life is not fair.

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

wat r u saying. Did he accuse her of his own mom?

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

A woman that do not tolerate your mum you want to tolerate her mum? Indeed some men are weakling , even if you will forgive make her remember what she do to your mum in the same condition and listen to her and hear what she will say

seanwilliam:
Women and manipulation .

Lol

Pay her back in with her
very coins..

What is good for the goose
is good for the gander.

If she was so heartless In rejecting
your mum.

You may offer to pay a caregiver to
live with her.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

When it was about your Mum, marriage was between a man and his wife.

Now, it's her Mum's turn, marriage has suddenly become a relationship among a man, his wife and his mother-in-law.

My friend, if you allowed that woman into your house, I will personally strip naked and curse you, what kind of a son are you?

She should also go and get a caregiver to take care of her ailing Mum.

ojun50:
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity

Are you sure this will not cause more resentment?

shantti:
Why r u women like this
Why do u support evil so far it is your gender that perpetrate it.

So the wife's refusal to let her mom in law come wouldn't lead to another this.

OP!!!! DO NOT LET THAT WOMAN STAY IN YOU UR HOUSE. GIVE HER SAME TREATMENT!!!!!!??

It doesn't work that way

He will allow her in but if aam the man

I will leave her medical bills on her daughter

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

I agree with the very first comment after your post.

Your revulsion is the reality of what you went through in the hands of your wife.

Can you genuinely say that your mum wasn't a pain in the neck whenever she came around to your place? If the answer is yes, and be frank in answering this! If the answer is yes, then you need to ask your wife if she's also asking that her mum comes stay in your house, after all marriage is for two people, and not three.

Whatever her response, remorseful or not, tell her to give you time to think about it! I pray she doesn't become nasty about your demand for time to think about it!

After about a week bring in your mother-in-law. If the old woman didn't open up the issue of why it took you time to accept her coming in, don't also talk about it, i also pray she doesn't. If she does, tell her the whole story and if she feels like going back to her home, fine with you!

I don't blame most of our young ladies who have been taught nonsense by most marriage counsellors and marriage motivational speakers, they've ruined marriages with their toxic nonsense they called teachings and seminars. All these talk about dont allow anybody to come in-between you and your husband nonsense teachings!

How can a spouse tell me he/she loves the partner and you don't love the mother of your partner? There are some nasty mothers -in-law no doubt, but if yours isn't such why have no love for her?

Just welcome her in as soon as you feel cool to do so.

The best way to punish your wife for what she did, is to take a good care of her mum! Pour the love you weren't allowed to give to your mum on her mum in a double manner and pray for the good health of that woman.

If your wife doesn't come around to beg you for the pains caused you, by pouring this love on her mum, then you need to give up on her! She's not a woman of substance, na just another woman.

All the best brother.

anthonyuncle:
let the woman come.
invite your wife's siblings, and your extended family members to your house.
sit all of them down in your house and tell them what your wife did to your mum.

the truth is, most things women do in marriage were advised or encouraged by their parents and siblings.

I agree with you bro, her siblings or friends or even her mum in question may have advised her then not to her mother in-law in.

Vicas2000:
This is the dumbest idea. Poster do not listen to this.

Your wife already dared your leadership and was selfish and want you to be accommodating. If you allow it...prepare for more selfishness.

marriage is not a competition. You cannot continue like that because the woman was wrong so the man too should go wrong. If the man did not allow his mother inlaw then it becomes something else. It may lead to seperation or divorce because they'd harbour enemity within themselves. I'm sure you don't have a sister or brother for the man or woman right?

Please allow peace to reign

seanwilliam:
and if the her Mom comes to live with them , who is going to bear the medical bills and other financial costs ? The expectation is that the husband will bear it. Now ask yourself , is that fair?

You’re right. If the expectation was for him to bear the financial burden alone, that would be unfair.

In reality though financial expectations are not dumped on men alone. it’s only on nairaland that it happens. In real life most of your wives and moms work then come back home to be the primary home keeper still. And if you have a live in relative, they are also expected to be the primary care giver for that person all while contributing financially. And y’all get to gripe about being “providers” when in truth, you’re not.

Just be sincere to yourselves. You ask for more than you give and that’s why these stumbling blocks keep coming up in your families (not you specifically just in general).

Remind her of how she treated your mum.