₦airaland Forum

Mrbllymer:
I’m waiting for your perspective. 🤔

I hope you have a lot of patience?

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

your wife is so selfish dont let her mum move in let her feel the pain.

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

these selfish and ungrateful creatures chaiiiii

Samantha124:
Why couldn't he nurse her himself since she's his mother like the wife wanting to nurse her own mother?

This is the trash 🗑 you want to quote to the Op...You’re animal in human form.... Make her mother go her siblings house but no because there are not financially okay in there entire family to take care of there aging mother all four children just Dey useless like rain 🌧 water 💦

cococandy:
If you think you’re right and I’m wrong, please create a thread today or tomorrow and ask your fellow guys how they feel about marrying a woman with no job and have to provide financially for her for the rest of her life. We won’t even talk about him providing for her family. That’s out of the question.

Read the responses you will and tell me again who’s being sentimental. I don’t know what you gain from lying to yourselves. You hate and insult women who depend on you. And you don’t hide it. In response women today are more than represented in the work force and still have to be the main caregivers at home.

Something’s gotta give. Deal with it or don’t. But it’s true

Yet the same men go about marrying girls with no job and catering for their every needs.

Remember the slogan his money is our money but my money is my money , sounds familiar? Can u pls tell me the gender that cooked up this slogan and the reason for doing that?

How many Nigerian ladies are stable, how many if them do not use relationships as a means of livelihood. A typical Nigerian boyfriend not even husband will subscribe for his girlfriend, fill her gas, buy her soap and cream, buy her clothes, buy her foodstuffs, and even buy pad for her. Now imagine the load husbands carry. If they had jobs would they be leeching on men. Let a typical Nigeria man go broke, he will realize the true color of his wife, or girlfriend. You know what am saying is true, u can't deny this.


Many female nairalanders like EriNma has created threads on how they can't marry broke guys. They only desire rich guys to leech on. What they failed to mention what how much they would be bringing to the table. They believe in the African notion of males being the sole providers with females being the sole spender of males money. A broke girl desires a rich man, what does that tell you? It means she wants a man who will cater for her every needs.

Are you sure I am still the one lying?

cococandy:
My assumptions are based on facts. Facts that are being proven right as we speak. I’ve been asking the men who are quoting me how they intend to care for their aging parents and none of them has been able to confirm that they are actually working on learning the necessary skills. Some say caregivers while the rest resort to insults when they feel cornered by the question. Tell me again that my assumption about them leaving those tasks to women is wrong. My inference is drawn from a completely logical premise. If I’m wrong y’all please tell me how many of you are actually hands on care givers. I’m waiting.
basically we are on op’s thread and the attitude of the woman in question is totally UNACCEPTABLE, she is totally wicked and heartless, if she has a problem with taking her of his mother she should have communicated and the guy would find alternative of finding a caregiver in his house instead of outrightly sending the old woman away.

not in today’s economy. Keep lying to yourself




A condescending quip that doesn’t actually add to the conversation. What’s your basis for assuming I don’t know data analytics? And if I didn’t, so what?
Does it Change the fact that you guys leave care giving to the women or sometimes pay for it? Or that women in current economic Nigeria are expected to bring financial contributions as well? If you’re so sure, ask your fellow dudes on here what they think of women who depend on them.

But you’re not really ready for the true conversation

cos if you are know a thing about data analysis you wouldn’t have made your last statement.

There are so many homes where maids practically do everything ranging from cooking , cleaning etc.
you are just all over the place in trying to say something meaningful. Stick to Op’s context.

Rokiat:
In this instance, if she did that to your mother no hard thinking even. Just do as she did your own mother.

Find somewhere for her mother to live and someone to help look after her mother.

She don’t have to live in the same house with her mother to look after her mom she can visit everyday.

Fu…k being the bigger person sometimes you have to return the same energy people give out. People
Know exactly what they be doing trust me. Else they will take your kindness for granted and will step out of line and walk all over you.

You have to understand human Nature and knows how to deal with humans be it your own children spouse parents or friends.

Seconded, I believe people should have a taste of their own medicine if the opportunity presented itself. Don’t stand in the way of her karma or she will have no lesson learn and nothing to teach your children.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

This story just dey vex me. If we dey same family you go must collect even if you my elder.
Look If you allow the mother inlaw to come live with you guys then you are the biggest mumu on the planet. The way that your wife go dey look you sef go change. Women detest weak men. Serve her what she served your poor lonely mom. Let her feel the pain as well. If you like go dey allow toto to control you. You go learn

Bitch wanna tap from her old mom's blessings but she denied you your blessings from your late mom.
I never see that bastard of a woman wey go try am.
And fir your info your wife dey look you like mumu. Make I tell you straight up.
If dem say make una swallow Redpill now y'all will scream you are not married so you won't understand bla bla bla. But now look na woman Wan use your head like toddler

pocohantas:
I hope you have a lot of patience?

Lmao. Sure 🙄. You want to keep me waiting ?

ChybuzzDD:
It's quite annoying and disappointing to see how some men allow their wives to maltreat their parent(s) who suffered to train them.

A wife who doesn't want to see how mother in law in her husband's house should leave instead.
There shouldn't be any negotiation about that.

honestly, men have all the inheritance but it is women who is left to take care of aged parents,Imagine if this one is my brother, ha, na me go call am and abuse the living daylights out of him if he try am and woe betide him if the wife and kids abandon him at old age, he don die be that.

Wow! What kind of an animal am I? A cat, a bird, or an elephant?

I love animals.

Aklee4994:
This is the trash 🗑 you want to quote to the Op...You’re animal in human form.... Make her mother go her siblings house but no because there are not financially okay in there entire family to take care of there aging mother all four children just Dey useless like rain 🌧 water 💦

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

shantti:
I understand
Cry harder

Have you answered my question?

shantti:
Have you read all you've typed

Samantha124:
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Painment

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Op I am not good in calling people names

What really surprises is that what effrontery does your wife really has for her to take such vital decision in ur home ?

Who is marrying who?

Is she the one build the house or pay the rent?

Honestly base on what I may perceived u may not be having a say in ur home.

Thank God that she did not pretend by allowing ur mum to stay with u only God knows the kind of cruel treatment she could have been giving to that poor old woman.

I still find it difficult to believe this story.

Does she knows what your mum passed through before u become what u are today?

Both of you need to seek the face of God for forgiveness because u may receive such treatment from your children at ur old age.

Op shame on u.

wallahy u no get sense at all am disappointed by ur behavior towards ur mum haba u even have the mind to send ur mother away from ur home and pay someone out there to take care of her imagine so ur wife does not even considered ur mum as her mother that means u don't care any much about ur mum after all the time they spent caring u for 9months birth u she feeds u and spend all her last earn money just to make sure u have quality education sacrifice herself to make u become what u are today is all because of ur mum but u intentionally send her out of ur home because ur wife as is happy about it , hey go and ask for mum forgiveness u have sin her peace will never rain in ur life all what u got will go in vain I doubt any son can do this to his biological mum , if ur like tell her to invite all her family members to ur house for treatment , I don't know what to call u ur mum that gave birth to u fa hmmm

cococandy:
Thats usually the expectation and they don’t see how that’s a big deal even though they themselves can hardly put their lives on hold for one of their own kids much less an in-law.

Did she suggest caregiver while she lives with them and the op refused? He categorically doesn’t want the woman in her son’s house. Please I have worked around old people and I don’t see the big deal while they have a caregiver.I will curse any of my brothers that will try this nonsense. It is because of this that old parents end up dying alone when they have children.Everyone has one story or the other. Well, she has to get a taste of her own medicine

orion7:
What a useless son. It’s not your wife’s fault you don’t value your mum. Let her teach you how children should treat thier parents. You reptile

I swear, this is No annoying

Samantha124:
Who were you expecting to nurse your mother had it been she stayed with you guys until she passed away?

Your wife?

As people dey gather likes for first page of thread like this you no even get 1 like. That says a lot already. Mumu

Samantha124:
Wow! What kind of an animal am I? A cat, a bird, or an elephant?

I love animals.

i know you don’t like cat 🐈‍⬛ because you like taking bathe same as bird and elephant but I think you love dog 🐩 because he always take bathe from his owner

Samantha124:
Please, the questions were directed at the op and no one else here.

If you don't mind, let him be the one to answer my questions, so that I can know how to advise him.

Op ignored you cos you sound more stupid ND Dumb at the same time and even tho he sounds like a naive person I don't think it's up to the extent of him indulging a dunce, hence his silence towards your question. Cleared

Samantha124:
Wow! What kind of an animal am I? A cat, a bird, or an elephant?

I love animals.

I always think 💭 you’re a deep thinker that is just the reason why I stalk your moniker but unfortunately you keep disappoint yourself here but I know you’re not this way before I just pray God restore your sanity to normal functioning...My good friend.

cococandy:
When sick and old in-laws come to love with the family, the expectation is that the wife will be the one to provide care for the sick and old family member. So your wife should have the final say on who’s coming for extended say in my opinion.

Because let’s face it, your wife would have been the one to give your mom bed baths, bathroom care etc. now that her mom is coming, she’s still the one who will be expected to do that. Not you.

So it might not be the presence of your mom she didn’t want. She just didn’t want the extra responsibility which invariably falls on her. Before you ask why she can’t treat your mom the way she treats her mom, know that her mom will be willing to die for her but your mom won’t. That’s the difference

Stupid post. Let her go die in her husband's house. I no dey even pity men that take you people's advice. The gospel is everywhere now. Any man wey no Wan wise make him suffer

No way, your mother in law shouldn't be allowed into ur home, Give your wife and her siblings money to care for her, but let her stay with one of your wife's siblings. You can visit with your children

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

You would be the biggest fool if you agree. I mean, remind her of your mum and ban your MIL from visiting sef. She can't eat her cake and have it.

Klass99:
. This is one of the reasons I smile and shake my head when people want to kill themselves over the fact that they don't have children or they haven't given birth yet after a few years of marriage.

These parents you say should not stay with their married children beyond 3 days for a visit and should not stay beyond 1 week in case of a health challenge are the same people who were there when you had nothing, when you were a baby and helpless, they could have crushed you or mistreated you, but no, they did their duty by you and they did it well too.

While I think I understand your view, these sort of rules only make sense for extremely troublesome parents or in-laws who like to cause tension or drive a wedge between couples with their blood is thicker than water mantra, a toxic attitude, etc. Not all parents are problematic or bad, neither do most deserve this sort of treatment from their own offspring. Like seriously, what the hell?

Some of you married folks on this forum leave me in shock and awe with your take on issues and it amuses me to no end when you guys turn around again to ask others if they are married or even call them kids because of a difference in opinions.

It's the filthy infiltration of western "culture", that baffles me really. people are running away from responsibilities in the name of living a "better life." during my term as a hotelier, I did not witness communal gatherings among any other race like Indians, Pakistanis, and the likes. father inlaw, cousins, brother inlaws, as in ,the family institute is so strong!!
reminds me of an interview Oprah winfrey was conducting with one indian man and his wife.. Oprah was asking them how they manage to stay with their parents, she was like " you and both your parents live in the same building, how's that possible?" The indian guy replied "do you stay with any of your families" Oprah answered No.. he then asked, "how is that possible"... remarkable!!!

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

You are justifying his wife's beastly attitude is worrisome She was simply being selfish and self centred.

I also urged him to do what will make his marriage succeed. Every other thing is secondary. That is what counts. There are kids involved.

If the wife was penitent and knelt before her husband that she knows she did wrong and begs for forgiveness, I doubt he'd be here asking questions.

The wife may not feel an ounce of guilt over her double standards. It's just wrong. If I was in her shoes, I would first beg my husband for forgiveness even before bringing up the topic. I might even bring my family to him to apologize for my past behavior.

It is not fair. But the success of the marriage is paramount. It is for better, for worse.

if you allow her mother to come live with u.You are the fool also the one that kill your mother.Women are wicked .They act selfishly. But u are a weak man,how can she be bold to tell u she want her mum to come after she denied your own mother her last happiness on earth.I will advise you to man up and know that the greatest enemy of men are the women.You must be able to force your way on them somehow .The moments you allow women to have control over u,believe me you are are goner.
If I were u,I would insist on my mother living with us and give her enough reason why she needs to.Letting her know we are one as my mother is her mother while her mother is my mother, that we must take care of them together.
You must preach love to her not hatred.Suppoting women on this like this will surely backfire on you in future.
The bone on contention now is that if you didn't allow her mother to come and she eventually die,your wife will be your enemy for life as she will never forgive you unlike you did to her.
You need God intervention in your life,also don't allow woman to control your opinion sometime.They are selfish people,know this and know peace

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

My advice to you is to forgive your wife for her stance concerning your mum and try to rise above the urge to retaliate, since you have no issues with your mother-in-law staying with you. Yes, marriage is between you and your wife but if circumstances occur such like this that you have to accommodate a 3rd party please do so. In fact your prayer is to be thankful to God that you are in a position to be of help and support financially.

Nawa o! See plenty derogatory words: baskard, s2pit, fool, brainlens, just to for you to contribute to a simple matter! Eh! Wale take it easy o! It is well.

OlawaleBammie:
Life lessons part 0

Some people's are bastærds and they shall remain so in this life.

Some people will never recv blessings from their dead parents spirit in this life if they can not revenge for what the parent pass tru in the hand of their partner.

Tho some people are fools cus they can't take the bold decision in their life..how they make money becomes a mystery.

As a man, if this happens to u and u can't as well pay a care giver to be taken care of the I'll patent in her husband home then u re not only stvpid, but Ur parents will forever be crying inside their grave upon u.

Well, some people are just brainless and I will be happy to hear about their misfortunes..

No amount of love for a woman would make me ask my mom to leave my house just because my wife feels uncomfortable. My mom that suffered to put food on the table when my dad died?
Most women would do everything to make you turn against your family but will do everything to protect theirs

Stevenbright:
Simply remind her that you accept and believe that 'marriage is between a man and his wife only! And don't allow it but support your in-laws family with financial and material aids for the upkeep of their mum.

This is very important so that she will learn her lesson otherwise she will think she is smart and can always have her way.

Thos is almost a solution.

Only that I suggest he initially refuses and supports ate financially from afar as you suggest but eventually relent. This will teach the wife and the children a lesson.

Perhaps, the standoff should be short considering the old woman's health.