Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

remorse or not, the damage has been done already... It is a very simple something, he mom should go stay with her older Siblings while the wife sends her money for upkeep, life no hard, Afterall marriage is between husband wife and no 3rd party

What goes around comes around. She did not want her MIL around but wants her mum around now under same circumstances. She no even get conscience to get mouth to say it knowing what she had done in the past.

The moment you allowed are mother to stay, the journey of your life is question. Guy don't allow the mother to stay they have first born as well ooo. No gree

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

maybe u forgot very fast that marriage is between a man and wife and not between a man and wife and any of their parent, when you allow her live under your roof, just know your mother will turn in her grave and you automatically has carried a curse.... Let her mother stay in her house and she pays someone to be taking care of her.thats if she can't stay with her older Siblings... Don't be a coward alright, you wife set the rules and not you.

Some mother in laws want to prove to the wife that they are the first love of their son.

Some sons also want only their mom in top position, while wife's relatives have no strong hand or say. It's not just a woman's thing.

Omo.

Pls don't allow hervto bring in her mom into ur house coz what goes around comes around

I had a similar experience where I wanted to bring my cousin to live with us, but my wife objected. Despite her objections, I brought my cousin to stay with us and he was a hardworking and diligent person who even helped my children with their reading habits. However, my wife still disliked him and gave him numerous errands to do, even going as far as to prohibit him from using the washing machine. I had to intervene and insist that he should be allowed to use the machine, but my wife became angry with me. Eventually, I had to send my cousin back to the village after almost two years of living with us.

Later, when my wife's brother needed a place to stay, she tried to guilt me into letting him stay with us, but I refused and warned her not to try to bring anyone else into our home. I told her to do the work herself since she had let her dislike of my cousin blind her to the good work he was doing for us. In the end, I walked away from the situation.

In conclusion, I suggest that the person who posted the original message should stand their ground and not allow their wife to bring in her mother after rejecting their mother. They should not feel bad about their mother's death, as death is a natural part of life. They should treat their wife in the same way that she treated them and not feel any remorse about it.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Bro I am so sad after reading this your post after remembering how my own mother can do anything for me. If ever I become rich, have a house and married a visitor to be my wife and my mother is sick. If I bring her to the house and my wife disapprove, I won't even think twice before choosing my mother over her.

Bro you sent your mother home to die in loneliness just because your wife disapproved. Remember you built or rented the house by your self after you started doing well financially because your mother saw you through the university.

I don't want to write epistle for you. You be fool. I have no advice for you just anger. Divorce that woman that will be your penlace for killing your mother

donaldchidi:


My brother, I saying parents should not stay more than necessary no mean u should not take care of them and is not a must that is only in ur huz ur parents must be taken care of...
Besides I don't think your married yet to know what am saying Sha but anyhow very soon you will

He's right, not all parents are troublesome. And the man must know how to be in charge and not like the s!mp we have here as Op. 11 years and counting that my wife and my mother had been living together

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Fear of unknown from a sick old woman. Then the OP should also fear the unknown from her own mother. If I call you mumu now they will say I am rude

Why would you even send your mum away because of your wife. You are fool.

You'll be a bigger fool if you allow her mum to stay in your place

shantti:


Most men too feel inconvenient around their mother in law, not cos of hate but becos of the fear of the unknown.

So try and understand with the op why he wouldn't like to let the woman come to his house.

Just see how u are defending wickedness, u women eh....

Let me tell you something.

When your wife's mother comes, you are able to step out and leave her in the house and escape her if she is troublesome, right? She can't interfere in your workplace or with your leisure time, right?

As for your wife, your mom will be able to enter her back to back. How? She will poke into kitchen affairs which your wife handles. She will poke into house and kids affairs, which your wife handles also. Wherever your wife moves and whatever she does, she will watch and complain. Wives are the ones more likely to be at home - if she sees your wife using her phone, resting or otherwise, she will say she is lazy. Everything, she will chook hand. Unlike you, who will be left alone cuz you are a man.

Father in laws don't poke themselves into affairs like mother in laws do. They don't struggle for affection of their kids with the spouse like mother in laws do. How many times do you see father in laws coming to live in the house, struggling with the son to be holding the most power over their child. Never.

Joshcoli:
I had a similar experience where I wanted to bring my cousin to live with us, but my wife objected. Despite her objections, I brought my cousin to stay with us and he was a hardworking and diligent person who even helped my children with their reading habits. However, my wife still disliked him and gave him numerous errands to do, even going as far as to prohibit him from using the washing machine. I had to intervene and insist that he should be allowed to use the machine, but my wife became angry with me. Eventually, I had to send my cousin back to the village after almost two years of living with us.

Later, when my wife's brother needed a place to stay, she tried to guilt me into letting him stay with us, but I refused and warned her not to try to bring anyone else into our home. I told her to do the work herself since she had let her dislike of my cousin blind her to the good work he was doing for us. In the end, I walked away from the situation.

In conclusion, I suggest that the person who posted the original message should stand their ground and not allow their wife to bring in her mother after rejecting their mother. They should not feel bad about their mother's death, as death is a natural part of life. They should treat their wife in the same way that she treated them and not feel any remorse about it.

Op: Their! Their!! Their!!! That's for non binary gender. Op is he, not their.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Two wrongs don't make a right.
Never extend actions of another person unto the next person. Handle everyone's action individually.
It's not about you but your children and Ur MIL

purples25:
Some mother in laws want to prove to the wife that they are the first love of their son.

Some sons also want only their mom in top position, while wife's relatives have no strong hand or say. It's not just a woman's thing.

Omo.

Aunty didn't even address the issue at hand. Aunty was saying something completely different

Never!
I will not allow her Mum new my house., she should go and take care of her mum and come back when her she's done.

She can't eat her cake and have it...Rubbish!

Please, my brother, follow your friend's advise. In addition, see her as your mother too and find a way to accommodate her.
Meanwhile, I will want you to note one thing; you may ended up mediating between the two of them in future, when she may not be able to tolerate her at the end.

GetMeRight:


Aunty didn't even address the issue at hand. Aunty was saying something completely different

Na so o. The issue made me think of something. Its a chat forum o, say your own.

elijah101:
So his mum is allowed to die of loneliness but the wife mum is more special abi … woman … fear woman

This one no get sense nah and always sentimental with her comment.

Eserise1:
Please forgive your wife, don't pay evil with evil, God will surely bless you,
But what you will do , first call few of your wife's extended family tell them what happened, and you must demand appology from her to you and your family for her hostile way towards your mother

Your comment is very stupid sir .

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

Sit her down and remind her what she said she how she behaved when your mum came around. Even let her know your mum not staying with you at her feeble age contributed to her death. See her reaction. It will determine if you will allow her mum come over. Need I remind you that peace in marriage should be pursued by both parties, not just one. If eventually she shows remorse, then let her mother come stay. A day after she comes, call a meeting between the three of you including her mum and let her mother know how the daughter treated your mum whenever she came around. Let her mother know you don't have her daughter's kinda heart so you'll allow her stay peacefully. This is necessary so that she will know she's privileged to be staying with you and not begin to cause troubles. My humble take.

You're a bastard for pushing your mom away when she needed you the most

It is obvious she is lonely and needs to live with you and constantly play with her grandchildren, that would have prolonged her life.

But she eventually died due to loneliness, thunder go fire you...... I'll never forgive you if I happen to be one of your siblings

OlawaleBammie:

Life lessons part 0

Some people's are bastærds and they shall remain so in this life.

Some people will never recv blessings from their dead parents spirit in this life if they can not revenge for what the parent pass tru in the hand of their partner.

Tho some people are fools cus they can't take the bold decision in their life..how they make money becomes a mystery.

As a man, if this happens to u and u can't as well pay a care giver to be taken care of the I'll patent in her husband home then u re not only stvpid, but Ur parents will forever be crying inside their grave upon u.

Well, some people are just brainless and I will be happy to hear about their misfortunes..

u r also a fool 4 ur approach. U r uncivilized n very ill tutored. U r not matured 2 b admitted in2 ds forum. Cow

eyinjuege:


He could have employed the same maid he had to employ for his mom.
They would both have been in his home- mum and maid
The wife likely refused that option.
Everyone deserves their privacy including OPs wife and even OP himself.
I'm sure he would like to be free in his house with just his immediate family, and no 3rd party like his MIL

Bringing a maid into the home would have caused further confusion in their marriage. The wife would have felt the husband was getting too close to the maid, because of his mother. It would have bred insecurities that were not there before. Having his wife care for his mother would have put a lot of stress on the wife, who was likely caring for young children at that time. By this point in caring for her own mother, his wife would have been like a broke down horse.

Would I personally let her bring her mother into our home, maybe. However if it began to cause stress I would help her find a maid and a place nearby to house her mother.

What he should have done was to rent a place nearby to house the mother and the maid. In that way, he and his family could have visited his mother regularly to make sure she was being well managed. His wife is likely in a better position to care for her own mother due to her children's ages. In addition, it is her mother and she is taking on the responsibility. The husband would not have been in the position of taking care of his mother. It would have always been on the wife to do so, even with a maid helping.

purples25:


Let me tell you something.

When your wife's mother comes, you are able to step out and leave her in the house and escape her if she is troublesome, right? She can't interfere in your workplace or with your leisure time, right?

As for your wife, your mom will be able to enter her back to back. How? She will poke into kitchen affairs which your wife handles. She will poke into house and kids affairs, which your wife handles also. Wherever your wife moves and whatever she does, she will watch and complain. Wives are the ones more likely to be at home - if she sees your wife using her phone, resting or otherwise, she will say she is lazy. Everything, she will chook hand. Unlike you, who will be left alone cuz you are a man.

Father in laws don't poke themselves into affairs like mother in laws do. They don't struggle for affection of their kids with the spouse like mother in laws do. How many times do you see father in laws coming to live in the house, struggling with the son to be holding the most power over their child. Never.

May you never grow to be a mother in law. Wicked soul. When we call most of you women fish brain it's because of your type.

So when a person doesn't understands you it means he or she is dump? Wow! Interesting.

Last time I checked, it takes a dump person to identify another one.

But anyway, let me go do my job as a lawyer, so that I can receive my achievement at the end of the month, which is today of course..💃💃💃

iInjureHerYansh:
Like when they don't understand everything I said.
Your type only good for pumping and dumping. Anything other than that the man is in danger.

I bet you won't still understand what I just said cos you dumb?

solexybaba:
u r also a fool 4 ur approach. U r uncivilized n very ill tutored. U r not matured 2 b admitted in2 ds forum. Cow

Ahaa Imbecīl3 I did even refer to anybody na...not even the op.

Didirin why are u so pained?

Eranko arindin why are u attacking me laidis na

Monki can't u see I just delivered a life lessons ni??

Oohh this kao just wounded my emotions

Just because u re living with wild animers doesn't mean u should talk like animers na

Justbehave:
May you never grow to be a mother in law. Wicked soul. When we call most of you women fish brain it's because of your type.

Easy for you to say as you are not the one whose relative will be poking hands into your eyes. You care less as the man. Anyway, my theory only applies to interfering and troublesome mother in laws. You can be emotional or you can get it.

Slurity:
This advice has done justice to what I want to advise. Yes, it is a painful thing for you now to allow what your wife did not allow for you but believe me, you will gain happiness if you did not do the same thing back to her. God bless you with more wisdom Sir.

My problem here is, people who are not married and family oriented will be giving advice to married couples. If you want a peaceful home don't pay evil for evil

Samantha124:
So when a person doesn't understands you it means he or she is dump? Wow! Interesting.

Last time I checked, it takes a dump person to identify another one.

But anyway, let me go do my job as a lawyer, so that I can receive my achievement at the end of the month, which is today of course..💃💃💃

You just proved me 100% right @emboldened. Dump really?😂 Shame on whoever made you a lawyer

We all make mistakes at the end of the day and I take full accountability for my own mistakes and I'm not even ashamed of it.

You can call me dumb all you like, but what matters is that I'm getting my achievement for my hard work while you see receiving social media likes as an achievement.

Anyway, good luck receiving your likes.

iInjureHerYansh:

You just proved me 100% right @emboldened. Dump really?😂 Shame on whoever made you a lawyer

purples25:


Easy for you to say as you are not the one whose relative will be poking hands into your eyes. You care less as the man. Anyway, my theory only applies to interfering and troublesome mother in laws. You can be emotional or you can get it.

That's why I said that God should never allow to grow to be a mother in-law because you will be among the troublesome mil. Just say amen to my prayers.