Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

Weakling of a man. The wife killed the guys mum if that's your reason. When she accuse you of any nonsense you remind her of how she killed your mum simple. I think it is men like you that make woman too powerful. If the wife has any atom of Sense she wouldn't even come with such suggestions. What is good for Greece is also good for Uganda

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

I remember you and your story and we advised that you get a nurse to stay with your ailing mother-in-law.
Condolences on her passing.

You don’t come across as someone who believes revenge is a dish best served cold.
I would do what is right and not popular( As what is popular is not always right ) . At the end of the day you live with your conscience.

1. I would tell the wife, as long as taking care of your mother doesn’t infringe on any of your duties and responsibilities to me . Mama can stay.
2. For the record, you wholeheartedly disagree with the way your mother was treated ( get that out of your system )
3. Enjoy 😊

Keep your insults to yourself. The guy in question has displayed enormous maturity but rude upstarts like you dont know better than being rude to anyone that has a different opinion. Again, I reiterate my question was never intended for you. Now, run along and get something doing

Justbehave:
Your question sounded so dumb. Shift abeg as if you don't know that she didn't need to be a bad mil before women like you hate.Answer my question nah. This shows you can do worst than ops wife for you to be asking such.

frozen70:


I understand how you feel about her treatment to your mum and eventually she passed on because she didn't get the care you have planned for her due to your wife refusal to cooperate with her

Now it's her mums turn, just allow her to come but then, let her provide her needs while you focus on the family needs as usual

What she denied you off is what she is requesting your approval to get, such is life

Your refusal may react to another thing

Lol this people self. If he had refused to send his mother away it would have resulted to another thing, if he refused to allow the wife's mother to his house it will still result to another thing. That makes him the only one who wants the marriage to continue right? If she gets this chance she will demand for even bigger one and if he refuses it could result yo another thing.

It is only a weakling that bring this to public platform. This case is the simplest case i have seen in NL. What's good for the Greece is also good for Uganda

anthonyuncle:
let the woman come.
invite your wife's siblings, and your extended family members to your house.
sit all of them down in your house and tell them what your wife did to your mum.

the truth is, most things women do in marriage were advised or encouraged by their parents and siblings.

No be only allow her to come. That his wife is a demon and must be treated as one.

MrBrownJay1:


if the above is how your wife felt about your own mother coming to stay with you guys, then she has NO RIGHT to expect her own mother to come stay with you guys... NONE!

GOD BLESS YOU.
THE WHITE MAN BUSINESS IS TO DEVALUE MASCULINITY.
NOW UR WIFE SAYS WHATEVER SHE WANTS AND IT STANDS, BT U AS THE MAN OF THE HOUSE CAN'T .

SIMPHOOD IS WHAT ALL MEN IN AFRICA SHOULD FIGHT AGAINST.

MEN ARE TOT M HOW TO PROTECT THEIR MARRIAGE AND LEAVE HIMSELF VOLUNARY TO EVERY NONSENSE

Darammliveth:



Kill that suggestion before it arrive! This case is very simple. Your wife should know better. What goes around comes around. Karma is a bitch! How can you be hostile to your mother in-law.

Let her mama stay with any of her eldest siblings. Thank God she's not the only child. Then you can send her money monthly for her upkeep. Lobatan.

HE SHOULDN'T EVEN SEND HER ANY MONEY

I can't believe you are even thinking about it.. considering what she did to your mum

ojun50:
Discuss with her and remind her how she treated yr mum, then tell her to give you time to think about it.

In the end still allow her mother to come and stay for peace and unity.

Every married man should understand that the wife is not your blood so expect anything expectable but is children is his blood.

Do u know if it was the loneliness that killed the man's mother too . let her go take care of her mom.somewhere else too I will never agree to this .. Bro keep ur advice to ursef

Neweramify:
Op your wife was wrong, but try and understand her fear. Most women feel inconvenient around their mother inlaw. Not because she hates her mother inlaw but for the fear of the unknown.

Let her know how you feel knowing she wanna bring her mum in when she rejected your mum. I'm sure she will feel remorse of her action.

Permit her to bring her mum, cause if anything happen to the old woman, she may accuse you of one thing or the other.

women have proven to be the most dangerous animal against a man.

why must u lots find a way to defend ur fellow women nor matter their crime ?

she has fear this.
she has fear that.

men no the get fear too ? The simp boy should be fearing that he married a demon and needs to untie himself frm her and her entire family.

MEN WHO EMBRESS SIMPING ISN'T SUPPOSED 2 BE FEELED 4.

MY ADVICE 4 MEN HERE IS DAT THIS MADAM QUOTE IS A TRAP 2 MAKE U GUYS SIMP 4EVA.

SHE WOULD DO THESAME TO HER MOTHER~INLAW & FEEL THE MAN MUST UNDASTAND

EriMma1:


I still feel he shouldn't retaliate. If anything happens to her now, they'll say it's because he denied her access to care even when it's not the case. So somethings are not worth dragging. He should just overlook.

What are they currently saying about the death of op's mum as result of his wife's atrocity. If she doesn't mind what they are saying, then the op shouldn't mind what they will say after he have retaliated.

drnoel:


Two wrongs don't make a right.
Never extend actions of another person unto the next person. Handle everyone's action individually.
It's not about you but your children and Ur MIL

If u discovered ur wife poisoned your food to kill u. Considering ur kids, what will u do?

Since two wrongs doesn't make a right, u forgive and continue to eat her food, right?

Friendship, Relationship, and marriage can never come between i and my mum.

my wife doesn't have the power to tell me if my mom comes or not.

i just have to tell her that my mom is coming , then she can tell me any of her reasons why she should come immediately, now, or later and if her reasons isn't meaningful enough then she must come.

if its a health issue, then she must come unless she decides to go to her daughters place, same way her mother\family is free to visit us.

if my mom leaves my home becus ur maltreated her, then u aren't ready for the marriage.

ozalogbo:
I am the first child of my mother, and I have two younger male siblings. I am doing well financially. My wife is the last of four children in her family. My dad died when I was still in the university, and this affected my mum.

However, as she aged, her health waned. She was a retired teacher. My brothers are not in the country. Both of them are in Europe. I wanted to have my mother stay with me in her later years because of her health and loneliness but my wife did not want it.

Whenever she was ill and I brought her home to be with us, my wife was usually hostile, especially if my mum had stayed beyond a week. She did not hid her disapproval, and this caused problems in the marriage. People advised that I should send my mum away and pay someone to live with her and take care of her. They said that marriage was between a man and his wife, not between a man, his wife, and his mother. I did and peace returned. Eventually my mum passed on after a few years.

Along the line, my father in law also died. And down the line, my mother in law's health began to deteriorate. We live in the same town. Among my wife's siblings she is the only one doing quite well. Now there are suggestions that the mother should come and live with us so that my wife can give her proper care. I believe that her living with us and seeing her grandchildren will help her. And indeed i have no problem accepting her, but when i remember the treatment my wife gave to my mum, there is a strong revulsion, in fact, anger in me. I shared with a friend, and he advised i forgive my wife, but the revulsion is so strong that i would feel cheated if i agreed.

What do you guys think. She reminded me then that marriage was between a man and his wife only. Shouldn't this also apply to my wife now?

An eye for an eye makes the world go blind but there are questions that must be answered and the answers will determine what should be done

1.Has your wife suggested to you or asked that her mother moves in with you?

2.Those suggestions you received are they from folks who your wife is speaking through or its genuinely from them

3.Has your wife realized that what she did was wrong? Is she truly sorry about it?

You can do as some have said, let your mother inlaw move in with her other kids while you send her monthly upkeep

BRATISLAVA:

Unforgiveness is written in your heart. Yet you preach a gospel.

Go check it. Forgiveness is based on the fact that it is an issue which is forgivable and overlookable. But when a person crosses that line, it is unforgivable.

And forgiveness comes from the Spirit, thus, we can not forgive unless The Spirit lets us, if not people would do that fake forgiveness where they say "I have forgiven her o but the issue is still paining me."

NaBanga:


Bringing a maid into the home would have caused further confusion in their marriage. The wife would have felt the husband was getting too close to the maid, because of his mother. It would have bred insecurities that were not there before. Having his wife care for his mother would have put a lot of stress on the wife, who was likely caring for young children at that time. By this point in caring for her own mother, his wife would have been like a broke down horse.

Would I personally let her bring her mother into our home, maybe. However if it began to cause stress I would help her find a maid and a place nearby to house her mother.

What he should have done was to rent a place nearby to house the mother and the maid. In that way, he and his family could have visited his mother regularly to make sure she was being well managed. His wife is likely in a better position to care for her own mother due to her children's ages. In addition, it is her mother and she is taking on the responsibility. The husband would not have been in the position of taking care of his mother. It would have always been on the wife to do so, even with a maid helping.

Sir stop this thing u guys are doing
Do u guys hate ur mothers that much
Who said a middle aged woman can't be the care giver in his home.
Why r u supporting evil
Is ur wife forcing u to type this

ojun50:


My problem here is, people who are not married and family oriented will be giving advice to married couples. If you want a peaceful home don't pay evil for evil

What abt the married ones that are chipping in their advise and telling the op to stand his ground. What about them?

iInjureHerYansh:

You just proved me 100% right @emboldened. Dump really?😂 Shame on whoever made you a lawyer

😂😂😂😂😂
The girl na acute olodo

Samantha124:
We all make mistakes at the end of the day and I take full accountability for my own mistakes and I'm not even ashamed of it.

You can call me dumb all you like, but what matters is that I'm getting my achievement for my hard work while you see receiving social media likes as an achievement.

Anyway, good luck receiving your likes.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Exodus15v11:
You were your mom's only child left in Nigeria, hence she should have stayed with you to take better care of her and show her love during her remaining years, but you sent her away because of your wife, knowing fully well that she was not only ill but she was lonely. You did not do right by the woman. I can only imagine how she must have felt.

Yes, the same rule should apply to your wife's mom. You two can find someone to go stay with her and look after the finances involved. Or one of her siblings can go stay with her. As her siblings are there in Nigeria, she has a lot more family support than you did, which makes it even more baffling that she wants to be a hyprocrite and have her mom stay with you when she denied your mom of this same treatment and was hostile towards her.

MADAM MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY

NoToPile:


Abeg stop explaining to that person. He would never see reason with what you are saying.

U know u are dumb right?
The way u lot skip the issue at hand and start cooking up unrelated rubbish just to portray urself as the victim is baffling. Did the op said his wife was the one catering for his mum? Why all these? Why are u projecting ur hatred of mother in laws onto a sick old woman that is already dead.

U will become what u hate one day. Its a matter of time. Then, same hatred will be projected onto u.

Oyira:

pls are you married? If you are you will understand the pressure of a woman. He did the right thing by getting someelse take good care of his mother.

He should also at most get someone to take care of his Mother in law that's the best he can do.

His mother in law can be coming from time to time

Getat with shallow reasoning .. Which one be pressure of a woman ..? After letting the man's mother died of loneliness

MrBrownJay1:


if the above is how your wife felt about your own mother coming to stay with you guys, then she has NO RIGHT to expect her own mother to come stay with you guys... NONE!

Seconded

frozen70:


I understand how you feel about her treatment to your mum and eventually she passed on because she didn't get the care you have planned for her due to your wife refusal to cooperate with her

Now it's her mums turn, just allow her to come but then, let her provide her needs while you focus on the family needs as usual

What she denied you off is what she is requesting your approval to get, such is life

Your refusal may react to another thing

IF HE DOESN'T PAY HER BACK, WOEMEN LIKE U WILL LEARN AND DO THE SAME TO UR SIMP HUSBAND

Gloriagee:
Waoh, the story is sooo strange? Was it a question of her being too religious for your wife and frowning at her actions or dressing? Did you have househelps or your wife was scared to be overwhelmed by the labour? There just might be another angle....

😂😂😂😂😂😂
Women, chai!!!

frozen70:


I really understand your point, I want her to face with the shame of what she did to her mother in law, if she has any shame

By the time the husband doesn't contribute a penny to her medicine and upkeep

She Will feel the heat

Aunty pls die this talk
He shouldn't let her in his house period.
Remember that marriage is between a man and his wife, no third parties

BRATISLAVA:


He's already feeling guilty.

But why do people neglect their parents because of spouses? Maybe their parents did that to their grandparents too, so it's only just dessert going round.

Children who lived with their parents for a minimum of 18 years, inconveniencing a man and his wife tirelessly for close to 2 decades, suddenly get married and think they are the only two people on the earth because they are husband and wife now themselves. Their parents mean nothing to them. Siblings mean nothing. They don't have umbilical cords any more.

As a parent, don't sink too much into your children. Be selfish. Children are the most selfish people to walk to the earth. They see parents as burdens, so while caring for them, don't put too much heart or care into their rearing. They will marry someone and refuse to acknowledge that you need their love and care too.

The op knows he treated his mother badly and it's haunting him in the form of his in-law wanting to come and stay.

It's very bad. Some people are just clueless

Gloriagee:
Im just interested. His mum sounds so nice so why will the wife not want her around. The question is not intended for you though cos everything is manipulation to the manipulative........

Have u considered the fact that the wife might naturally be a wicked and bitter person

Op ur wife knows u are a bloody simp thats why she got the guts to tell u this.

EriMma1:

Let's temper justice with mercy. Two wrongs cannot make a right

1) He who applies The Law does no wrong. "Do unto others what you want done to thee/An eye for an eye" not an eye for an ice cream.

She did not give Mercy in her time, she cannot even be asking for Mercy".

2) Mercy is earned because The Law Says so. Give Mercy, get Mercy.

OP I don't think you want to come back to narrate how your home got set apart as a result of unsettled issues.
For the fact that you still have fresh memories how your mum was badly treated by your biased wife. On this note I advice you not to allow her mother to come over with the intention of staying. If that happens it won't end well.