solreb:
I had a similar experience as I am married with 3 kids now for 16 years while meeting my wife a virgin. Steps I took. Ignoring her did not work. It actually drove us apart and that is not any man who is committed to his marriage will do

1. I called her and spoke at length with her. Over a couple of months the changes were not significant and she reverted to her old self.

2. Bought counselling books for us to use together. Did not work because she would not want my company

3. Got my pastor involved. He counseled me and his wife counseled my wife and we did joint ones committing everything to God in prayers.

4. God answered our prayers as he conditioned both of us to be more suitable for each other.

As long there is love between you both coupled with commitment of both parties it will work out as long as you involve God who created you both.

Good luck.

This only worked cos you imputed God into it . I mean the fear of God is what made her change her ways.

I think she needs to see a Psychotherapist as in holistic (cognitive and behavioural one in particular).

OP! She is damn needs you now.

charlezok:
I am a 36 year old man in pretty good shape, 6'2" and good looking. I am a very affectionate and loving person, but my wife is not. I am always the one to initiate sex, hugs, kisses, or any type of physical contact. I don't understand why she's so cold to me. I love her with all my heart, but she is breaking me down. I have tried doing more of the housework, working out 5 days a week, anything I could think of to get her more interested in me but nothing works. She tells me that she loves me, but she doesn't make me feel loved at all. I want her to want to be with me without me asking her too. We have 2 kids that I am committed to being here for, so I am at a loss as to what I should do. Sorry for rambling, but a brother needs help here.

my brother thank God she is ur wife...my fiancee is d worst....I used to ask her whether she doesn't miss me atal?everything about d relationship is on me alone....

charlezok:
I am a 36 year old man in pretty good shape, 6'2" and good looking. I am a very affectionate and loving person, but my wife is not.

Cry me a river!

When they say test drive before you acquire, you guys no dey listen.

My dear, I understand and share your pain, I suffer similar fate in the hand of my wife.
She is just too cold to me, nothing I do intrest her, we do not engage in any romantic play or discussion at home, everything is strictly formal, am a very passionate person as well. On several occasion, I have called her to talk over it but she just would not change.
Am contemplating cheating now cos am not enjoying her at all.for how long would I live with thisno love marriage?

I bliv every human has his/her weaknesses. Understand ur woman and tolerate her 4 whom she is. Since u said she loves u and u already av kids. So! U should even b grateful sey no b all dese girls wey dey open leg anyhow. She might b shy or her sex drive is low

histemple:
Find out what catches her fancy and try that. It's possible she really loves you but she might be shy. It sounds strange but some ladies are too shy not to initiate plays or play dirty with their husband.

Shy despite having two children wit him ??

kelvin100:


Cry me a river!

When they say test drive before you acquire, you guys no dey listen.

And what makes you think he didn't test drive? Or where you come from, people don't change? You never see anything.

@ OP: Was she always like this even before you had your two kids? Some women tend to feel unattractive after childbirth and may even become depressed. Also, not everyone is into the touchy feely stuff. Maybe you are beginning to act like an irritating sissy around her. Stop smothering her with too much TLC if that is the case.

Lastly, I see many guys badmouthing the lady; but if this thread had read "my husband is not romantic", we would have seen long epistles about how we are African men and how our ladies are copying foreign notions of romance. Well maybe OP's wife is a real African woman who has no time for flowers, candlelit dinners and all that mushy mushy stuff. Marry, born pikin, take care of husband, pikin and house. Shikena.

Charlezok
It reminds me of this chick I straffed some weeks ago. She was zero-romantic on bed. The worst woman I have seen in my life. You know what I did? I never complained, I pulled her undies and had fun with her! No pre-intimacy that is kissing, cuddling, smooching and massaging! Just straight I had fun with her. In her final of leaving she kept hugging me, wanted to kiss me I resisted! It was too late!

Morale of the story: while enjoying the best, prepare for the worst. Don't complain or explain just pretend it all fine and ignore, dont worry just have fun!

germainediva:
The best way to get any woman to love you is to ignore her...........women get irritated with too much attenntion

Rubbish I repeat it does not matter whether she or any woman loves you take it from me one day one of you will outgrow the love especially you who appear to have a very carnal view of what love is about.
What matters is that you love yourself.Too many kids watching too much Telly here. Love yourself without stint and figure out what makes you happy. You are still young and now is the time to raise your game and boost your earnings. Deal with people as they are not as they should be you cannot change anyone and it is foolishness to try.

To put in in simple street psychology you are being pimped by someone who understands your inadequacies. The next thing that will start happening to you is sexual dysfunction. Do not be pimped brother. Find another woman on the side and enjoy your life of which you only have one

Does she act badly and when you raise it you are made to feel as if you are a drama king
Does she act badly and never apologize
Receive gifts and act unimpresed etc
Trust me you are being pimped

When you IGNORE people do no do it to prove anything do it because you mean it because you have woken up and started living your life for YOU

[quote author=Jacksparrow0712 post=35506381]Wetin this thing dey talk? that hair weekly pay go feed you monthly. I dare you to upload your abule pic. Let's see you acne and eczema designed face [/quote. Can't u see hw irresponsible u look? No responsible child wit responsible parents will allow their child keep such hair. Only irresponsible children say shit. U wanna see my pix? U too small to see my pix. U stewpid swine . I pity de girl dating u.

charlezok:
I am a 36 year old man in pretty good shape, 6'2" and good looking. I am a very affectionate and loving person, but my wife is not. I am always the one to initiate sex, hugs, kisses, or any type of physical contact. I don't understand why she's so cold to me. I love her with all my heart, but she is breaking me down. I have tried doing more of the housework, working out 5 days a week, anything I could think of to get her more interested in me but nothing works. She tells me that she loves me, but she doesn't make me feel loved at all. I want her to want to be with me without me asking her too. We have 2 kids that I am committed to being here for, so I am at a loss as to what I should do. Sorry for rambling, but a brother needs help here.

My brother, the first thing you are doing wrong is that you are essentially rewarding bad behaviour.

Psychology 101: what gets rewarded gets done.

If you keep coming to work late, does your boss try bribing you with beer to become a better employee? I think not.

Secondly, sex with your wife is not something to be negotiated. Some wise guy rightly said: "Negotiated desire leads to obligated compliance". I believe you want the fireworks version and not a chore. This is the problem with counseling and complaining and whatnot.


Furthermore, your situation is not in the least unique. What is currently happening to you is just a universal story of women using their husbands for financial security and babies. And then keeping their legs shut.

Well, because her mission is accomplished.


You haven't seen a pattern, because you haven't looked. Similar stories are all over the internet, men from different cultures and continents, but the same story.


Women are lovely to look at, but beneath their lovely exterior lies an evolutionary serpent. Cunning, machiavellian and absolutely ruthless.


Last week, I watched the South African lion-whisperer guy on NatGeo, and the narrator said something very striking...he said experts criticized the Kevin Richardson guy because the tendency was for people to think lions were nice cuddly pets...instead of vicious predators.

Women too are not nice cuddly pets.


The thing with most of us men is that we barely know what we are dealing with. On the surface, they may not know what they are doing, but their software is fully aware, forever seeking its goals and totally unforgiving.

The only language it speaks is power. And it has zero sympathy for weaknesses.


You see its hidden hand whenever a young girl, somewhere, follows a 'bad-boy', instead of the nice nerd. You see it whenever a woman upgrades to a more dominant, more successful male. You see its hand each time a wife or girlfriend wields sex as a bludgeon. You see it whenever a woman masks a child's paternity and passes it off as yours.

You see it whenever an old flame is ignited just because you found a new mate. You see it each time women are into you - just because other women are into you.

You see it whenever a woman starts hoarding her vagina because she has accomplished her mission. In the US, for example, this is the point at which she divorces you, takes your house and babies and leaves you all fvcked up.


Short, bald, fat ugly men are getting laid by their wives. You don't need to be a model to fvck your own wife man.

Marriage is supposed to be the highest union and bond she could ever form with any human being on this planet. And fvcking you is one of the least things she could possibly do for you...and she is not doing it.

And if she's not fvcking you, she is derelict in her duty to God and to the marriage institution.

You owe it to yourself to seek your pleasures and comfort in whatever other arms that give it.

Be the man you are meant to be. Speak less in bribery, but in consequences.

Dear Op, this may be some reasons why your wife acts cold towards you:
1. Like some peeps have said it may have to do with herupbringing. Where this is the case, you have to talk to her and make her open up herself more to you.
2. Your wife may not have a sex drive that matches yours. Also, some women love intimacy but really do not enjoy sex. They fear that whenever they try to initiate intimacy with their men it may end up in sex so they will rather stay away. You also have to know if she is this type of woman so you can ask her what she wants and when she wants in.
3. You mentioned that you have two kids. Although you said you do help out, which is very good, the help you give her may not be enough for her. Consider getting her a house help if you have none already. She may be cold towards you bcoz she feels tired after taking care of kids, house chores, kitchen etc esp if she works. Getting her help also gives her more time for you and a less stressed woman is a happy woman.
4. Do you bond with your kids or leave everything "children" to her? Do you spend more time with your friends or with her and ur family? Some women love it when their husband spends time with her and the family. She may be acting cold towards you bcoz she feels you put her in a condition where all she has to worry about is the family while you spend most of your spare time gallivanting outside. She may not know how to tell you this.
5. Do you respect her and provide for the family? Do you pick quarrels with her and use abusive words on her then when it's time for sex you come and start forming all-romantic? It is difficult for true love to breed in a family where there is always strife and enmity. Do you provide for your family? If you do, do you try to rub it in her face because you do. Are you always trying to compete with her?
6. Finally, check your personal hygiene. It's not all aboutgood looks and keeping trim. No woman Will be interested in a man who does not keep himself well, in fact she will loathe you. How many times do you take your bath, change your boxers? How neat are your underwears? Are you well shaven, do you use deodorants, etc.

May God help you as you try to find out the missing link.

At first, I was skeptical about your writeup but it finally made sense.

In summary, you meant the man should focus on himself that will in return bring him happiness

omonnakoda:
Rubbish I repeat it does not matter whether she or any woman loves you take it from me one day one of you will outgrow the love especially you who appear to have a very carnal view of what love is about.
What matters is that you love yourself.Too many kids watching too much Telly here. Love yourself without stint and figure out what makes you happy. You are still young and now is the time to raise your game and boost your earnings. Deal with people as they are not as they should be you cannot change anyone and it is foolishness to try.

To put in in simple street psychology you are being pimped by someone who understands your inadequacies. The next thing that will start happening to you is sexual dysfunction. Do not be pimped brother. Find another woman on the side and enjoy your life of which you only have one

Does she act badly and when you raise it you are made to feel as if you are a drama king
Does she act badly and never apologize
Receive gifts and act unimpresed etc
Trust me you are being pimped

When you IGNORE people do no do it to prove anything do it because you mean it because you have woken up and started living your life for YOU

Toks2008:


Have a heart to heart depp communication asking her what could be wrong.

though this is no issue but will become one only if she rebuffs your advances.

Ladies are naturlly timid and traditionally its a man who initiates the move most times so thats perfectly understandable.

nevertheless i guess you should sit her down and tell her you are the type of man who enjoys a lady initiiating the moves.

But trust me,your wife is perfectly ok but as i wrote,you will only have reasons to worry iif she was formally a sex initiator but changed or if she rebuffs your sexual advances.

@bolded,

If d wife is perfectly ok Op wnt be here for diagnostics.

yemi1261:
My dear, I understand and share your pain, I suffer similar fate in the hand of my wife.
She is just too cold to me, nothing I do intrest her, we do not engage in any romantic play or discussion at home, everything is strictly formal, am a very passionate person as well. On several occasion, I have called her to talk over it but she just would not change.
Am contemplating cheating now cos am not enjoying her at all.for how long would I live with thisno love marriage?

You want to cheat? Okay o. But maybe she wants more than romantic play at home. Take her on dates to expensive restaurants. Spend romantic weekends at posh hotels. Take her to Paris, Venice, Milan, the Caribbeans, Dubai. Let's see if she will show you love or not after that.

My brother, put the shoe on the other foot. Would you justify it if she cheats on you because you are not romantic enough, or worse still cannot provide for her like Dangote?

omonnakoda:
Rubbish I repeat it does not matter whether she or any woman loves you take it from me one day one of you will outgrow the love especially you who appear to have a very carnal view of what love is about.
What matters is that you love yourself.Too many kids watching too much Telly here. Love yourself without stint and figure out what makes you happy. You are still young and now is the time to raise your game and boost your earnings. Deal with people as they are not as they should be you cannot change anyone and it is foolishness to try.
To put in in simple street psychology you are being pimped by someone who understands your inadequacies. The next thing that will start happening to you is sexual dysfunction. Do not be pimped brother. Find another woman on the side and enjoy your life of which you only have one
Does she act badly and when you raise it you are made to feel as if you are a drama king
Does she act badly and never apologize
Receive gifts and act unimpresed etc
Trust me you are being pimped
When you IGNORE people do no do it to prove anything do it because you mean it because you have woken up and started living your life for YOU

I don't like this your advice. So you are saying the OP should not work on his marriage but rather find satisfaction outside? If it were a woman who brought this to the table, will you be giving her the same advice?

The Man loves his wife and wants to work on his marriage which is why he came here to seek for help. Marriage is give and take and there is no rule that says it's only the woman that should strive to make it work. The OP should work on himself and his woman. It is only after everything fails to work that he may want to resort to this kind of advice you are giving him.

chimkaire:
Hi, Senator

my run away love

why are u complanining? does she cheat on you?.....u cant get every thing in marriage...u may also have ur own shortcomings which she may have ignored....u are here begging for romance .....go home my man and let the woman be

Ugly girls be like..........
Ma'am Methuselah, no need uploading your pic. I don't wanna puke

oochi123:
.

Wokeyim:


I don't like this your advice. So you are saying the OP should not work on his marriage but rather find satisfaction outside? If it were a woman who brought this to the table, will you be giving her the same advice?

The Man loves his wife and wants to work on his marriage which is why he came here to seek for help. Marriage is give and take and there is no rule that says it's only the woman that should strive to make it work. The OP should work on himself and his woman. It is only after everything fails to work that he may want to resort to this kind of advice you are giving him.

No o. If it were a guy you would hear "we are African men. We don't have time for romance. Nigerian girls should stop copying western ideas of romance."

charlezok:
I am a 36 year old man in pretty good shape, 6'2" and good looking. I am a very affectionate and loving person, but my wife is not. I am always the one to initiate sex, hugs, kisses, or any type of physical contact. I don't understand why she's so cold to me. I love her with all my heart, but she is breaking me down. I have tried doing more of the housework, working out 5 days a week, anything I could think of to get her more interested in me but nothing works. She tells me that she loves me, but she doesn't make me feel loved at all. I want her to want to be with me without me asking her too. We have 2 kids that I am committed to being here for, so I am at a loss as to what I should do. Sorry for rambling, but a brother needs help here.

maybe u look too soft to her.....its time to harden up. Be a little aggressive and assertive but dont abuse her.

Wokeyim:


I don't like this your advice. So you are saying the OP should not work on his marriage but rather find satisfaction outside? If it were a woman who brought this to the table, will you be giving her the same advice?

The Man loves his wife and wants to work on his marriage which is why he came here to seek for help. Marriage is give and take and there is no rule that says it's only the woman that should strive to make it work. The OP should work on himself and his woman. It is only after everything fails to work that he may want to resort to this kind of advice you are giving him.

That is Oyibo ideology.Marriage is for having children and raising them responsibly. He can always marry another wife there are plenty of women out there

I'm not sure you are married, you won't be talking like this if you were...

omonnakoda:
That is Oyibo ideology.Marriage is for having children and raising them responsibly. He can always marry another wife there are plenty of women out there

No man should love her lady more than she loves him, or at worst , he must not show he loves her more than she loves him.

The best and sanest relationships are within the above precept.

To bring her to your level of affection, you must use the reverse psychology and appear to find her less attractive, with time she will begin to find you more attractive.

Wait you didn't see all that before marriage? Or maybe you are doing so much in the kitchen and she feels that you are like her fellow woman.... Some women wants us to stand always as men and not dullards. I can't really say more cos I'm not in thus same shoe at least not yet

If you try all your possibilty no result get another woman to marry.

I'm talking from experience and that time she will now realised what she did to herself.

There are some women that are like that maybe becos of d way she was brought up. Talk to her, play with her and make her your friend, she will change.

ekwerendi55:



my brother thank God she is ur wife...my fiancee is d worst....I used to ask her whether she doesn't miss me atal?everything about d relationship is on me alone....

quit now b4 is too late

Mr gentleman, why waste time with her when i can really spoil you.....

datalossvictim1:


PM me, I will show you love and affection

bia! nwayi oma! Kedu nke bukwa nkaa? Another woman's husband? odikwa risky! O! Anyway how you dey?

evegran:
Wow! Op sorry!
But wasn't she always like this before you married her?
If she wasn't and she's changed and become cold, then she's unhappy.
Talk to her, find out what's wrong. Be nice and gentle, maybe you should listen to her more.
Some women give up on a man who never listens. Some men do everything else but listen, Op maybe you're like that. #justsaying

nice point