₦airaland Forum

freshvine:
Your husband nags about everything, you complain

When he has he provides, sooner he lost his job he became mentally slow without vision

You know he's from a poor background lust blindfolded you now it becoming obvious

Truth be told you never loved him but was attracted by his charm.

Don't just think you are an angel and it's his duty to work his life out just to please you but think of a way to make your rich family support him. Most guys are CEOs and directors of their in law business empire.

All I read was a hate filled post by a distrust woman who is pained in her marriage due to lack of finance. Why didn't you ask the forum how you could help your husband overcome his joblessness?

Like most modern feminist : divorce him his lazy asz doesn't deserve you

it is only a shameless man that waits for his in-laws everytime. Her father pays his kids' fees, if that hasn't gingered him to work even menial jobs, then he's a failure

You just registered on NL yesterday and your topic hit the FP instantaneously.

Ok naa.

Never marry for beauty! Be you a man or woman.


Qualities like good character, God fearing,faithfulness, honesty, hardworking, etc should be taken seriously. Ofcourse beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and is very relative.

Aspirebig

edwife:
Good one!

I also don't get this post.It is rather too late for her or maybe she is trying to teach the younger ones not to follow her footsteps.

u blind shey u no see d topic 'lessons' I don't blame u ur primary school English teacher was checking food flask for meat when he/she should be teaching you English language and morals

Nitefury:
Bisi is hurting.

Reminds me of a thread asking why Nigerian men shy away from responsibilities once they know their wives are capable and willing.

You're husband is just being very selfish. He understands you wouldn't slack paying your kids tuition or take up his responsibilities so he just relaxes. Trust me Bisi, you hubby understands what he's doing perfectly well. His thinking is after all, you got his ass covered even when you dated, so why should you stop when you're now married? If you ask me, i think he also understood earlier on you wanted him for his looks and at the end of the day, he settled with you knowing your (family's) financial capabilities.

No be only women dey dig gold sha. Your hubby just do fine-boy fine-boy catch you.

Things like this drive women away from their partners emotionally.

Different strokes for different folks.Madam take heart.God almighty will see you through.

bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.

. That's your cross you'll carry for the rest of your life. Shebi u do shakara for pple like me wey no fine...lol

goldenruby:
Hmmmmm. Looks to me like there's really no rule that governs the marriage institution.
Well for me, A man's physical Beauty is absolutely irrelevant! Give me a 'gorilla-looking' man if he's got the most handsome heart and ready to lay down for his family, I'd be ready to compliment his looks

all lies. you women want what you dont have. you have a handsome man who is irresponsible and all of a sudden you want an ugly man who is responsible. you get an ugly man who is responsible and all of a sudden you want a very handsome man. you know how many women scream on nairalander that GOD FORBID they marry a man that looks like oshiomole on nairalander ? every time osho and his wife pop up on frontpage all these women screaming about how ugly he is and how they dont know how she sleeps with ' that thing ' at night. you women are crazy. PERIOD. you always want what you dont have

Women marry men hoping they will change, unfortunatetly they don't change.
Men marry women expecting they won't change, ultimately they change.

You husband married expecting you to continue footing the bills and providing 3 meals for him daily. and now you want to change.

You married him hoping he will eventually change and foot the bills and provide 3 meals daily, with support from you. True to the saying he is not changing. Kpele.

Hmm!

bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.

Hmmm,my lady i must confess that im indeed touched by your story and i can relate with every bit of it having been part of that institution called marriage.

Now i would like you to calm down and read my advice deeply

Woman first and foremost you must realize that there is nothing like a good ore bad choice of spouse but what we have is your choice and when you make that choice you must be prepared for any form of eventualities such as this.

A million years of courtship does not guaranty that the caring guy while dating will turn cold and just as you wrote up there,he was caring at a time asides from the nagging aspect which is a defect and trust me everyone has a defect including you and i.

I will not use the word unfortunately rather i will say fortunately for you the case is not the one that has to do with him sleeping around or beating you up which is a good ground for divorce so in this case please throw the taught of divorce outside the window.

Yes their are some businesses that are degrading fore a graduate no matter how profitable they may seem and there are some businesses that can totally divert the aspiration of a man so the fact that he knows the type of business or job he wants is not a bad thing but the bad side of it is not doing enough to actualize the business or job he desires.

Dear sis,you made no mistake in choosing a spouse,not at all, you simply followed your heart and you must know that every marriage is like a black market and no matter how sweet the courtship may look and no matter how caring sweet,romantic the man or woman can be,people do change and i know what i am talking about.

Your husband is not really lazy as you think,not every one of us has the hustling spirit and some of us would rather do a 40k monthly job and grow old with it while some of us will rather look for a poo business that makes huge monthly take home.

In conclusion dear,this is a cross you have to bear.Pray to GOD to provide him a job,be good to him, encourage him and trust me his heart will melt towards you.

With prayers i believe GOD will provide a way out and he will get back to his feet. Better still,sit him down and ask him what he would like to do because every man out there have a plan but the problem is not having enough financial power to actualize it.

If you can help him invest once again into a good business of his choice and i believe that most men usually become a shadow of themselves when they are in financial lack so relax, you have no issue at all. Just tune your mind to be happy and i must congratulate you for the wonderful gift GOD gave to you through this same man.

The best way to be happy in any marriage especially when you have children is to focus on the children and yourself and ignore the man if he is a philanderer but in this case,he only seem to appear to you as lazy but trust me, you just might be wrong,every man has his dream career,business or job. So help him actualize it by encouraging and praying for him and with GOD all things are possible.

GOD BLESS YOUR MARRIAGE.

bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.

when we want the best, we end up having the worst, and when we think it is worst,we end up having the best.

A reverse world we are living

Ioannes:
How does posting this on Nairaland help your marriage weather the storm? instead of you to post your problems to God you are posting it here, were you told that God visits Nairaland ni?

it seems a chord was struck.. re u in d same shoes with op's husband? So u can't get the lesson right? Issorai

5minsmadness:

What?

safarigirl:
it is only a shameless man that waits for his in-laws everytime. Her father pays his kids' fees, if that hasn't gingered him to work even menial jobs, then he's a failure

He was working right until now? Do you know that one of my friend the husband lost his banking job and took to cab driving but she has to stop him. It was too demeaning for her young family. Thereafter he join a refuse collecting company and the mostly work late in the night and early morning just to support his family and yet again my friend kick against it asking the hubby to sit at home until she saves enough money to enable him start a good well funded business. This is pure expression of love.

I'd not exonerate the husband of laid charges but they should strike a balance in their family income.
She praised the husband but FINANCE is the problem of this marriage.

freecocoa:
What?

@previous bolded****raises up hand hesitantly **I would av... In my early days...

Keneking:
1. He was handsome.
2. It is PhD not PHd
3. Is he still handsome after 8years?
4. Do you plan on increasing the family size beyond 5pax.
5. Employ a maid at home so that your husband can get another job. Try this. It would work.

is there any sensible relationship between mental laziness and employment of housemaid? Just a simple answer will be appreciated.

bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.

Is your husband the last-born?

5minsmadness:
@previous bolded****raises up hand hesitantly **I would av... In my early days...

Lol, lucky you, good thing you realised it ain't all about looks, but who's to say you now know what it takes?

This lesson from the poster's story cannot be overemphasised but sadly enough, I tell you people that some ladies that are reading will still not take heed and they will still make this same mistake.

So much to say regarding this topic but i'll just leave it at the above. They say 'A Word' is enough for the wise.

Many times I wonder where the Love our parents displayed back in the days have gone, when they loved purely from the heart with no material attraction attached. My father was still in the university when she met my 'hustling' father with no car, small money and what have you although handsome but she said she looked beyond that, that I was his heart that won her over. She even said she left a well to do naval officer back then for him as that one never had time although he loved her and he didn't show promising prospects of being physically present for his family but my father will 'EVERYDAY' from his part time teaching job, stop over to check up on her and drop something no matter how small for her or he must buy something on his way even if it is biscuit.

Fastforward, today they are still together with 4 children and wealthy and the naval officer, equally doing fine but one wife in Nigeria and another one in the US.

its sad that our girls and ladies of nowadays have dumped true love and what defines it for IPhone 6, Oniru beach, The Place and small nonsense money.. When even God our creator has said 'never despise the days of little beginnings' and I add

Little Beginnings with Love as Foundation, 'translation' God is Love.

bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.

a man means a provider n a woman a helper, u learnt d hard way

It's quite unfortunate! But seriously I wonder how a man would lay so low and allow the wife shoulder the responsibilities of the family... It's not a rock science to understand but just common sense.. Where did he keep the ego and pride of a man? Plsssss single ladies here test the intelligence of any guy before you even date him....because if that man is known as dummy, u automatically becomes Mrs dummy as well no matter how intelligent u are. U ultimately become his property and not d other way round.... Well!!!! Am hoping to have a fun filled home as surely as God lives.

sis try eeh the lord is ur strength

Ioannes:
How does posting this on Nairaland help your marriage weather the storm? instead of you to post your problems to God you are posting it here, were you told that God visits Nairaland ni?

Nigerians!!!
Smh
Stop being judgemental... she is posting her experience and advising people... did she ask for God's help here?

75% "very"handsome guy always lazy and dnt care of family they so much biliv in apearance rathan than wok. While 95% of 'very' beautiful lady always end as bad wife, they always ve mindset that so many men ar waitin 4 them outside if husband dnt behave well. Hence pride sets in. Anyway understanding is most potent tool in mariage undastand what u want/desire b4 u go.

This is a very touching story. Just that when ladies read this, they will take the advice to the extreme of dating rich dudes alone forgetting he may become stingy in marriage despite having millions in account.


That is why it's very imperative to balance all character in a guy before saying " I DO"

75% "very"handsome guy always lazy and dnt care of family they so much biliv in apearance rathan than wok. While 95% of 'very' beautiful lady always end as bad wife, they always ve mindset that so many men ar waitin 4 them outside if husband dnt behave well. Hence pride sets in. Anyway (understanding) is most potent tool in mariage. Undastand what u want/desire b4 u go for patner

queenfav:
Kpele @op..Well I thank God I am already pretty,so I am not so big on landing a handsome man...Over the years,I have learnt to look skin deep into a man to know if he can be ion my life.Who e fine face help?lol.The main focus is his attitude generally and compatibility.But sha, @op the feeding him thing before marriage is a bit too far o.That was a big red flag!A real man would not allow his girl feed him.He would take on menial jobs,meet friends sef to help.He would only ask his lady for help when his cards are all burned out.And even then he doesn't turn her into a paymaster.I drew a lot of lessons from the story sha.I can relate to the nagging part.That's a very big God forbid!That means we would be two women in the relationship na.Well, being prayerful cannot be overemphasized before getting married.Because we can't have a person all figured out,until you marry him/her.

Table just got turned and u ladies have to feel it.

This thread is giving me hope shaa

Ioannes:
How does posting this on Nairaland help your marriage weather the storm? instead of you to post your problems to God you are posting it here, were you told that God visits Nairaland ni?

I pity the life of this generation. Look at the nonsense this shallow minded nitwit is pouring hoping he/she is passing a message. The OP just save the life of million ladies going into marriage for the wrong reason. Please take your preaching to religion section. Thanks.

freecocoa:
Lol, lucky you, good thing you realised it ain't all about looks, but who's to say you now know what it takes?

Right now all I need is a woman I can wake up to in the morning, who gives me good food and great sex and who doesn't mind my catering for her. She should also be religious But not too much. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

sukkot:
and why are you wasting your time doing phd ? are you trying to be a lecturer ni ? that extra time you are wasting on phd you can use it for better things. maybe you will be less stressed. but ermm carry your cross. we all have our cross that we carry daily. there is no human being without his or her cross. it is called being refined and purified in the furnace of affliction. it is a celestial burden placed on every mortal.

be guided...not every PhD holder wants to teach...u can go into research.

A handsome man is he who is financially stable at least,has vision and able to support his woman in every aspect

sorry to say,your husband is not handsome
Naija women be forming financially independent while dating then they suddenly expect their husbands to provide when they get married,no knowing that naija men are like pushing financial responsibilities to their wives.
From day 1,in as much as you are rich,let a man know his responsibility!!