₦airaland Forum

ireneony:
im coming with mine. .right away.

You took my FTC

tosyne2much:
Space booked for another experience

Synzu:
Booked

Late

simafem:
yes.... in other news at arseblog

“Look, I’m just saying, I’m fed up with him.”
“Come on Judas mate, he’s done amazing things for us Remember when we were just 12 lads with no real purpose, hanging around and nobody thought we were cool?”


“Yeah, but-”

“No buts man. Now we’re cool. We’re somebodies. We’re The Disciples.”


“Sure, I get that, it doesn’t change anything for me though.”

“Really? Think of the branding opportunities here, dude. A whole range of The Disciples merchandise. Robes, robes with hoods, sandals, and I’m sure there’ll be other garments invented in time that we could stitch a logo onto and sell at the markets. We’re gonna make a fortune.”


“It’s not all about the money though. It’s about moving forward as an organisation and I don’t think we’re doing that any more.”


“I’ve got a mate Mark, he’s great with a slate and chalk. I reckon we get him in, sit him down, tell him the whole story, and he could write a book about us. We’d live on through the ages. Think about it, thousands of years from now people could be sitting in their homes with their families, perhaps eating some kind of confectionery that we don’t even know about, reading about us and our adventures.”

“You’re out of your mind, John. That’s never going to happen. Not with yer man still in charge.”


“What?”


“There, I said it. I’ve been thinking this for ages now, but old JC has lost the plot.”

“Are you crazy? You know the score. He’s CONNECTED man. Don’t say shit like that out loud.”

“I’m doing it. I’ve had enough.”

“Mate, think about all the things he’s done for us.”

“Quit living in the past, John.”

“I’m not! All those miracles, like healing the sick?”

“Ages ago.”


“Walking on water.”

“Yeah, he was the first to walk on water, but now everyone can walk on water and some are doing it even better.”

“The loaves and fishes. There were hardly any, and then there were loads of them. Everyone had a right good feast.”

“Again, that happened so long ago, and nowadays there are others who can substantiate bread and seafood with the benefit of in-depth statistical analysis.”

“What are you on about?”

“I want to know about Expected Loaves. Expected fishes. Or should I say ExpL and ExpF. It’s all outdated from him these days. He doesn’t understand how to be a modern messiah.”

“Ok, well you saw the leper, he was all lepery and then he came along and unlepered him. You can’t argue against that.”

“Piffle. If he really wanted to cure lepers he could bring back Richard the Keymaker and Andrew the Grey from their exile in the desert. Then I’d be impressed.”

“I can’t believe this. You’re dead set against him.”

“You’re damn right, I am. Look at this.”

*Judas unfurls a length of cloth on which he has hand-painted a slogan suggesting Jesus’s best days are behind him and he should take his leave*
“Oh no you didn’t!”
“Oh yes I did. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to go see a man about a dog. Definitely not to get thirty pieces of silver from someone or anything. Later, J-train.”

THREE DAYS LATER.

“Well, I hope you’re happy with yourself now, Judas.”
“Sorry John, but it had to be done.”
“Ok, there’s making a change and then there’s having him brutally tortured and crucified for hours on a cross. You don’t think it went a bit far?”
“It was maybe a little grim, but it had to happen for the sake of the organisation. Now we can move on into the modern era and really build this brand into something special.”

*There’s a knock on the door. John answers. Sees Jesus standing there right as rain*

“All right fellas, that was a lovely kip I just had. How’s it going there Judas, lad? Any sheets with you today?!”

“OH FFS!”—


Happy Easter everyone.

wristbangle:
Two years ago, similar experience happened to me when I paid a courtesy visit to my girlfriend who complained that I am not the caring type (hmm honestly women are complicated beings, this is someone I had to miss a job offer just to give her the necessary attention she Is craving for).

So eventually I visited her but the greatest shock of my life was when my girlfriend told me to hide in the roof because she claimed that the male visitor knocking @ her door is a cultist.

I had no choice than to give in to her advice. Apart from the fact that the roof has terribly stained my shirt, the rats and mosquitoes were making jest of my skin. Now the real shocker was when I peeped through the roof to view what was going on between the cult guy and my girlfriend, my eyes went red when I saw the guy giving my ex girlfriend doggy style intimacy.

I couldn't hold the heartbreak, deceit and tears rolling from my eyes and when I shouted "Tola has killed me oo". I fell from the roof, hit my head against the floor and fainted immediately. I woke up in the hospital when the doctor told me that I have been unconscious for several days.


Hmmm women!

@ ireneony, weldone oo

misspicy:
Late

henrylowe:
Very hilarious experience you've got up there Tosyne. Let me also share mine since there's nothing to be ashamed about

I date this lady for a few months but the only barrier to effective display of love in Tokyo was the fact that her parents were unnecessarily being strict which prevented us from having the opportunity to see each other but always talked on phone. In fact, I dare not visit her and even when she managed to sneak of the house to visit me, she would be very conscious of time for the fear of being scolded if her parents ever found her missing in the house.

One day, on a Friday to be precise, she called me to come and sleep over at her place as her parents were going for a vigil. As a sharp guy now, I smiled to God for answering my prayer. I went to the bathroom, got dressed and also lied to my own parents that I was also going for a vigil, I was granted amnesty and headed to her place around 11pm. The whole show started for couple of minutes after which we both slept off (I don't expect anybody to ask me what the show was )

When it was around 4am, there was a knock on the door that was when I knew he was in deep mess. Her parent came earlier than expected. Ordinarily, according to her, she assured me that her parents would not return back until past 5am, but this time I guess things went out of hand.

After few minutes of confusion on where to hide, I decided to hide beneath the curtain of the toilet located next to her room so that I would quietly sneak out through the main door as soon as her parents enter into their room. As God will have His way, I successfully hid there, she went to the door, open it and greeted her them. I heard her father playfully told her she no dey use sleep play and all that. She was heading back to her room when calamity happened

Her mother went straight into their room as her father headed towards the toilet to pee before going in with wife. Seee gbege !!! Before I could say Jack, her father opened the curtain of the toilet and caught me. I thought of running for my dear life but on a second thought the door was already locked with keys so no where to run to

He pointed a torch light on my face and the first question was "what are you doing in my house"? I became a deaf and dumb person at that instance. (Who fit answer dat kind question? ). The man started shouting at the top of his voice and started calling neighbours that he had caught a thief in his house. I began to plead saying "Sir, I came to take your daughter Mathematics lesson and I carelessly slept off". A 50kg slap was registered on my face and he began to beat me mercilessly. When it was dawn, the police came and bundled me to the station since my girlfriend who was in the best position to save him also denied ever knowing me because she knew her head would be ripped off if she made a confession

I granted a bail later in the day when the she finally confessed that I wasn't a thief


Lalasticlala come and share yours too

misspicy:
You took my FTC

Oma307:
U try ooo, i cant just imagine myself hiding in the roof rather i will walk out jejely

misspicy:
[b]I have an embarrassing moment too



I can remember my teenage years when I was just blossoming and the attention from guys was a thing of pride

On a certain day,one particular handsome guy who has been giving me side eyes accosted me on my way from an errand in the evening around 5pm,so we got talking and the chemical reaction taking place in the air was so strong,I didn't even realise i was blushing sheepish and I was oblivious of my surrounding,the sweet words he was saying to me, was all I could hear and feel,i was not even conscious that we already got to the front of my gate,and we stood talking for some minutes,the only thing that brought me back to reality was the heavy slap I received on my back KPAAAH! , I became aware instantly,low and behold my grandma has been watching me for some minutes without my knowledge,and I was there swooning at his sweet words

The embarrassment was so much,as she forbids me from leaving,then gave the guy the word trashing he will never forget , people had gathered and were pleading on our behalf. .
The guy left with his head bowed,since then,he refused to look at me again.

LOL, that experience taught me not to walk with a guy on my street till date



nostalgic




popcorn for y'all [/b]

firstking01:
Which of em i wan share now cus dem plenty

wristbangle:
U want make d guy kill me?

Oma307:
Lastest incident

donephi:
Monal.isa185, come share your Cv

I no be guy na

firstking01:
shame no go gree me , it was too shameful and funny

Monalisa185:
I no be guy na

jayloms:
All I know is dat Op and wristband can lie for Africa

Na ur experience we dey wait for

Oma307:
Abeg, i want to laugh cause ur words always come with comedy

donephi:
Na only guys u see?

yes na.. I like following instructions... read the title again

obiorathesubtle:
[color=red] I've waited for sth like this..



Okay, here goes.. This girl yea.. We're cool n ish.. She's about 3years younger.. Buh our chat is mostly x-rated..


So one day, she says I should come over, I dress up, buy a stuffed dog, swallow my viagra.. Sachet of condoms in my rear pockets, check my breath, do some sit ups....


I get to her house all charged up and ready to _fuck her brains out.. Yea.. So I see her cousin with her(a boy).. They laughing and talking about nonsense, and my eyes twitching, steaming with anxiety and whatnot.. I give her the dog, she loves it, she hugs me.. I look at that ass and imagine all the good time I'm gonna have when her cousin leaves..


30minutes later and her cousin's still sitting on the couch telling bland annoying jokes.. Urrrghh.. I wish I had a gun!!.. Not too long after, he gets up and is about to lea

wristbangle:
Two years ago, similar experience happened to me when I paid a courtesy visit to my girlfriend who complained that I am not the caring type (hmm honestly women are complicated beings, this is someone I had to miss a job offer just to satisfy her selfish attention; chai lalasticlala can bear me witness that I have suffered in the hands of Women, he should push this article to FP so that guys can learn from my story ).

BACK TO THE STORY

So eventually I visited her but the greatest shock of my life was when my girlfriend told me to hide in the roof because she claimed that the male visitor knocking @ her door is a cultist.

I had no choice than to give in to her advice. Apart from the fact that the roof has terribly stained my shirt, the rats and mosquitoes were making jest of my skin. Now the real shocker was when I peeped through the roof to view what was going on between the cult guy and my girlfriend, my eyes went red when I saw the guy giving my ex girlfriend doggy style intimacy.

I couldn't hold the heartbreak, deceit and tears rolling from my eyes and when I shouted "Tola has killed me oo". I fell from the roof, hit my head against the floor and fainted immediately. I woke up in the hospital when the doctor told me that I have been unconscious for several days.


Hmmm women!

@ ireneony and falconey, weldone oo

henrylowe:
Very hilarious experience you've got up there Tosyne. Let me also share mine since there's nothing to be ashamed about

I dated this lady for a few months but the only barrier to effective display of our love in Tokyo was the fact that her parents were unnecessarily being strict which prevented us from having the opportunity to see each other but did more of phone conversation. In fact, I dare not visit her and even when she managed to sneak of the house to visit me, she would be very conscious of time for the fear of being scolded if her parents ever found her missing in the house.

One day, on a Friday to be precise, she called me to come and sleep over at her place as her parents were going for a vigil. As a sharp guy now, I smiled to God for answering my prayer. I went to the bathroom, got dressed and also lied to my own parents that I was also going for a vigil, I was granted amnesty by money dad and I headed to her place around 11pm. The whole show started for couple of minutes after which we both slept off (I don't expect anybody to ask me what the show was )

When it was around 4am, there was a knock on the door that was when I knew he was in deep mess. Her parent came earlier than expected. Ordinarily, according to her, she assured me that her parents would not return back until past 5am, but this time I guess things went out of hand.

After few minutes of discombobation on where to hide, I decided to hide beneath the curtain of the toilet located in the axis of the sitting room so that I would quietly sneak out through the main door as soon as they enter into their room. As God will have His way, I successfully hid there, she went to the door, open it and greeted her them. I heard her father playfully told her she no dey use sleep play and all that. She was heading back to her room when calamity happened

Her mother went straight into their room as her father headed towards the toilet to pee before going in with his wife. Seee gbege !!! Before I could say Jack, her father opened the curtain of the toilet and caught me. I thought of running for my dear life but on a second thought the door was already locked with keys so no where to run to

He pointed a torch light on my face and the first question was "what are you doing in my house"? I became a deaf and dumb person at that instance. (Who fit answer dat kind question? ). The man started shouting at the top of his voice and started calling neighbours that he had caught a thief in his house. I began to plead saying "Sir, I came to take your daughter Mathematics lesson and I carelessly slept off". A 50kg slap was registered on my face and he began to beat me mercilessly. When it was dawn, the police came and bundled me to the station since my girlfriend who was in the best position to save him also denied ever knowing me because she knew her head would be ripped off if she made a confession

I was granted a bail later in the day when the she finally confessed that I wasn't a thief


Lalasticlala come and share yours too

ireneony:
FTC

This Thread will not pass me by.
I know am not a guy. Abeg make una dash me like.

Let me share mine even though I'm not a guy.
There was this guy I love so much.
I have this feeling he was going to marry me.
He took me to his friend's birthday party.

In front of everyone in knelt down facing me, before he could utter any words, I jumped and screamed! Yes!!! I will marry you! Unknown to me , the reason he knelt down was that he was trying to lace his shoe. The next thing he said was babe what! I am not ready for marriage .

I was so embarrassed ...
Before I could face the audience, I woke up from my dream

Omotayor123: