₦airaland Forum

habeny:
Good afternoon, am a 26 years old lady and am getting married next month, but anytime I have an argument with my fiance he insults me,telling me am a fool, an idiot, etc, have tried to correct him several times but he doesn't see anything wrong with it, just this morning we had an argument and he started again calling me all sort of names. Am starting to get really scared, because if he's doing this when we are engaged what will he do to me when when we are married

He's abusing you everyday with insults, and you're still wondering if you're in an abusive relationship?
You've corrected him and he won't change, are you running a correctional facility?
Now you're scared to marry him afterall youve endured him for (how long have you dated?) so come on what's another lifetime of abuse?


The choice is yours;
I know you're 26yo and probably trying to achieve marital status but think with your head not heart, evaluate your relationship. We don't know him, it is you who do. Do his pros outweigh his cons? Has he ever for once struck you or attempted to do so? How does he treat his sister and mother? Does he respect you? What do you keep doing to incur his wrath or does he explode at the slightest provocation?
No one marriage is perfect, don't be deceived but just make sure you're not getting hitched to a batterer cos all the news you read of couples killing each other also left signs.

Still sit him down or report it to ur mother inlaw...am sure he will listen to her ok...

tosyne2much:
This is just a preamble of how he will unleash his wrestling/boxing skills to administer 50kg worth of punches on your face in conjunction with "smack down" when he finally pays your bride price. These are the salient qualities of potential wife beaters yet you choose to stick to such a man probably because your source of livelihood depends on him. (it's very obvious). I mean do you think marriage is a "magician" that changes people completely from beasts to angels , especially a man that is already showing you his true colour even without legal ownership of you?

This is what to expect when you're too dependent on a man for financial security and your self esteem is thrown to the wind. I hope this will serve as a source of lesson to many Nairaland ladies who are always opening irrelevant threads to express their love for already made men and disgust for broke guys. They need to see how some of these men treat these "long throat" ladies like poo before/after marriage. The way you present yourself to a man determines how he will respect you.

Since you can see the signs of dangers with your korokoro eyes yet you're bent on getting married to this same person next month. That was how my female friend despise all advice and got married to a man with similar character with the OP's fiance, but now she has returned back to her parents home due to assault.

Sha don't later come and open an irrelevant thread asking us ways to cope with your temperamental husband because we won't even let it creep to the front page.

Anyway, I wish you an abusive marriage life in advance with your potential wife beater

You be case
buh you're right though

I don't think the two are compatible

This is DANGER! I believe that your eyes are opened and you know what to do

PrickGetSize:
Does he have enough money to take care of you and your future family?

Does he show you love?

Does he care for your well-being?

Does he fvck you real good?

If the answer to these questions is yes then I see no reason why ordinary insult should spoil your marriage, unless he beats you. Insult him back - call him a bigger fool, a he-goat, a maluu, a stupendous ignoramus calamity - and get used to it. When kids start coming he won't have time to insult you again.

Marriage is for better or worse!

Op see your fiance here!!!

Run for your life

My Sister marriage is all about peace and happiness, if u know that, u will not find all this on him,better desists from the marriage. Because u are still young

My Sister marriage is all about peace and happiness, if u know that, u will not find all this from him,better desists from the marriage. Because u are still young

chynie:
insult him back so he will have a taste of his own pills
if he beats you or gets angry about it
my sister talk to him, if he wouldn't change have a rethink
cos some verbal abuse can hurt pax beating
and verbal abuse kills emotional

so she should tolerate the beating and talk to him?
you think wife beater change so easily?
you ladies still don't get it...a man can act good just to get a woman he wants ...but that does not mean he is a good man......
he is already showing his true colors...the OP should leave the relationship....that's the best

Delay/postpone the wedding ceremony. I know that will be very challenging to do but you need to do that.

If things don't change within 2 months cancel the wedding and the relationship all together.

It appears you two are at different levels of maturity

habeny:
Good afternoon, am a 26 years old lady and am getting married next month, but anytime I have an argument with my fiance he insults me,telling me am a fool, an idiot, etc, have tried to correct him several times but he doesn't see anything wrong with it, just this morning we had an argument and he started again calling me all sort of names. Am starting to get really scared, because if he's doing this when we are engaged what will he do to me when when we are married

You shouldn't have waited till now. I am quite sure he was displaying this much before he proposed.

Yet, you said yes.

Marriage doesn't change anyone, sweetheart. What he displays now, he will continue to, unless by some divine intervention. When he pays that thing called 'bride price', he will take that as a validation for abuses and beating.

Naturally, I will want to say, "call it quits now", but love is that thing that shuts commonsense and switches on emotions. So you won't listen. And, just know that he will continue with the violence.

amokeme:
Talk? One thing you need to understand about men like this is that, they see absolutely nothing wrong with what they are doing. As in nothing! Let her talk to him and you will hear how he turns the whole thing on her head.
It's in him already, he needs to be with someone who doesn't see anything wrong with the insults. That's the only way, but the change aspect? Forget it

well said...pride is one common traits wit people
it takes a humility to change...and one good thing about humble people they won't insult someone in such manner......
amokeme@ you're beautiful though from yr pic

tosyne2much:
This is just a preamble of how he will unleash his wrestling/boxing skills to administer 50kg worth of punches on your face in conjunction with "smack down" when he finally pays your bride price. These are the salient qualities of potential wife beaters yet you choose to stick to such a man probably because your source of livelihood depends on him. (it's very obvious). I mean do you think marriage is a "magician" that changes people completely from beasts to angels , especially a man that is already showing you his true colour even without legal ownership of you?

This is what to expect when you're too dependent on a man for financial security and your self esteem is thrown to the wind. I hope this will serve as a source of lesson to many Nairaland ladies who are always opening irrelevant threads to express their love for already made men and disgust for broke guys. They need to see how some of these men treat these "long throat" ladies like poo before/after marriage. The way you present yourself to a man determines how he will respect you.

Since you can see the signs of dangers with your korokoro eyes yet you're bent on getting married to this same person next month. That was how my female friend despise all advice and got married to a man with similar character with the OP's fiance, but now she has returned back to her parents home due to assault.

Sha don't later come and open an irrelevant thread asking us ways to cope with your temperamental husband because we won't even let it creep to the front page.

Anyway, I wish you an abusive marriage life in advance with your potential wife beater

.

While I have no problem with your first paragraph, you may need to tone it down a bit in the second one. First, its not only men who are richer than their wives that abuse them. We have such men across all classes of race, religion and financial class. Because you are broke does not make you a good man nor does it mean you will appreciate your wife more. And while I don't support gold digging or marrying a man just for money without considering other things like his character and upbringing, a woman does not have to be insulted because er husband is richer than her or she's financially dependent on him.

You cannot copy the west in the parts that suit you alone. How many of you Nigerian men can share house chores with your wife? Since she's bringing in the same as you. In some families where both spouses are working, one sometimes stops due to the demanding nature of their work to have more time for the kids, could be the father or mother. Even some couples abroad make this decision and decide to live on a single income while bringing up children in a good manner.

Also, a woman can decide to be a full time housewife, part time housewife or a full career woman, she doesn't deserve to be insulted as long as this decision is made with her partner. At the end of the day, what works for family A is different from what works for family B.

I agree with your suggestion to the OP though, one has to be really careful, so you don't rush out of the marriage later.

tosyne2much:
This is just a preamble of how he will unleash his wrestling/boxing skills to administer 50kg worth of punches on your face in conjunction with "smack down" when he finally pays your bride price. These are the salient qualities of potential wife beaters yet you choose to stick to such a man probably because your source of livelihood depends on him. (it's very obvious). I mean do you think marriage is a "magician" that changes people completely from beasts to angels , especially a man that is already showing you his true colour even without legal ownership of you?

This is what to expect when you're too dependent on a man for financial security and your self esteem is thrown to the wind. I hope this will serve as a source of lesson to many Nairaland ladies who are always opening irrelevant threads to express their love for already made men and disgust for broke guys. They need to see how some of these men treat these "long throat" ladies like poo before/after marriage. The way you present yourself to a man determines how he will respect you.

Since you can see the signs of dangers with your korokoro eyes yet you're bent on getting married to this same person next month. That was how my female friend despise all advice and got married to a man with similar character with the OP's fiance, but now she has returned back to her parents home due to assault.

Sha don't later come and open an irrelevant thread asking us ways to cope with your temperamental husband because we won't even let it creep to the front page.

Anyway, I wish you an abusive marriage life in advance with your potential wife beater

Very good post. Nothing more to add.

PrickGetSize:
Does he have enough money to take care of you and your future family?

Does he show you love?

Does he care for your well-being?

Does he fvck you real good?

If the answer to these questions is yes then I see no reason why ordinary insult should spoil your marriage, unless he beats you. Insult him back - call him a bigger fool, a he-goat, a maluu, a stupendous ignoramus calamity - and get used to it. When kids start coming he won't have time to insult you again.

Marriage is for better or worse!

Nairaland is filled with unfortunate kids,i mean u wrote all those Gibberish down there,ogao


What a shame is that all you can say,dont you know from word

PrickGetSize:
Does he have enough money to take care of you and your future family?

Does he show you love?

Does he care for your well-being?

Does he fvck you real good?

If the answer to these questions is yes then I see no reason why ordinary insult should spoil your marriage, unless he beats you. Insult him back - call him a bigger fool, a he-goat, a maluu, a stupendous ignoramus calamity - and get used to it. When kids start coming he won't have time to insult you again.

Marriage is for better or worse!

Hope you realize that insult mostly leads to punching?

joceey:
This is just the beginning of your unhappiness marriage life immediately after marriage na public embarrassment and beating you go they receive and am sure that this your man na from the east cos it's common among those wey no go school....You better look before you leap

And the men from east don't go to school

Your stupidity is legendary!

while I love being beaten by my partner... different strokes sha.....

My dear, no marriage is perfect in the entire world trials and tribulation will come. I will never advice you to leave him becoz another lady will be ready to replace you at anytime without minding its outcome. Find his weak spots and use it against him but never you challenge him cus he has more advantages than you do. That's the fact Men and women can't be 100% equal more especially in marriage.

PrickGetSize:
Does he have enough money to take care of you and your future family?

Does he show you love?

Does he care for your well-being?

Does he fvck you real good?

If the answer to these questions is yes then I see no reason why ordinary insult should spoil your marriage, unless he beats you. Insult him back - call him a bigger fool, a he-goat, a maluu, a stupendous ignoramus calamity - and get used to it. When kids start coming he won't have time to insult you again.

Marriage is for better or worse!

What an advice. . and it got over 100likes .. smh

Jman06:
And the men from east don't go to school

Your stupidity is legendary!

lols

are u seriously considering marryin`g some

PrickGetSize:
Does he have enough money to take care of you and your future family?

Does he show you love?

Does he care for your well-being?

Does he fvck you real good?

If the answer to these questions is yes then I see no reason why ordinary insult should spoil your marriage, unless he beats you. Insult him back - call him a bigger fool, a he-goat, a maluu, a stupendous ignoramus calamity - and get used to it. When kids start coming he won't have time to insult you again.

Marriage is for better or worse!

I guess you have not heard of emotional torture. If you don't know, it's more difficult for women to bear than hardship itself. Why would you advise her to insult her husband back? What if he gets physical? You will advice her to get physical too? Marriage is not by force!!!

My sister please leave the relationship, is going to be hard but is the best thing to do. It is better you have a broken relationship (courtship) than having a broken marriage. Whatever you face now, expect 100% or more of it in marriage. Leave before you find yourself in a situationship. My two kobo

tosyne2much:
This is just a preamble of how he will unleash his wrestling/boxing skills to administer 50kg worth of punches on your face in conjunction with "smack down" when he finally pays your bride price. These are the salient qualities of potential wife beaters yet you choose to stick to such a man probably because your source of livelihood depends on him. (it's very obvious). I mean do you think marriage is a "magician" that changes people completely from beasts to angels , especially a man that is already showing you his true colour even without legal ownership of you?

This is what to expect when you're too dependent on a man for financial security and your self esteem is thrown to the wind. I hope this will serve as a source of lesson to many Nairaland ladies who are always opening irrelevant threads to express their love for already made men and disgust for broke guys. They need to see how some of these men treat these "long throat" ladies like poo before/after marriage. The way you present yourself to a man determines how he will respect you.

Since you can see the signs of dangers with your korokoro eyes yet you're bent on getting married to this same person next month. That was how my female friend despise all advice and got married to a man with similar character with the OP's fiance, but now she has returned back to her parents home due to assault.

Sha don't later come and open an irrelevant thread asking us ways to cope with your temperamental husband because we won't even let it creep to the front page.

Anyway, I wish you an abusive marriage life in advance with your potential wife beater

you would have made a lot of sense if you chose your words wisely and if you werent inappropriately blunt

Humility017:
well said...pride is one common traits wit people
it takes a humility to change...and one good thing about humble people they won't insult someone in such manner......
amokeme@ you're beautiful though from yr pic

Thank you...

WellEndowed:
It is going physical, trust me

Exactly

kidaby:
.

While I have no problem with your first paragraph, you may need to tone it down a bit in the second one. First, its not only men who are richer than their wives that abuse them. We have such men across all classes of race, religion and financial class. Because you are broke does not make you a good man nor does it mean you will appreciate your wife more. And while I don't support gold digging or marrying a man just for money without considering other things like his character and upbringing, a woman does not have to be insulted because er husband is richer than her or she's financially dependent on him.

You cannot copy the west in the parts that suit you alone. How many of you Nigerian men can share house chores with your wife? Since she's bringing in the same as you. In some families where both spouses are working, one sometimes stops due to the demanding nature of their work to have more time for the kids, could be the father or mother. Even some couples abroad make this decision and decide to live on a single income while bringing up children in a good manner.

Also, a woman can decide to be a full time housewife, part time housewife or a full career woman, she doesn't deserve to be insulted as long as this decision is made with her partner. At the end of the day, what works for family A is different from what works for family B.

I agree with your suggestion to the OP though, one has to be really careful, so you don't rush out of the marriage later.

You've said it all. One should be very careful

habeny:
Good afternoon, am a 26 years old lady and am getting married next month, but anytime I have an argument with my fiance he insults me,telling me am a fool, an idiot, etc, have tried to correct him several times but he doesn't see anything wrong with it, just this morning we had an argument and he started again calling me all sort of names. Am starting to get really scared, because if he's doing this when we are engaged what will he do to me when when we are married

Habeny as much as I wish you the best, this is a clear sign the dude is potential woman beater, delay the marriage because of it, let him know he wont find things easy if he cant change, damn what people say about the wedding, your marriage is what matters

Tobiloba84:
you would have made a lot of sense if you chose your words wisely and if you werent inappropriately blunt

I will be subtle in expressing myself next time.. Pardon me on this

that is a red light you are seeing o.. maybe after praying for God to tell u if he is ur husband, that is a sign my sister. two options, its either u quit now using that as ur point, or u stay and program ur mind that what you r seeing now can not be avoided in d future ..not advisable, marriage is for better for worst o and it is for a life time. if u accept his act that cannot be changed now, u have accepted it for ur life time.