₦airaland Forum

Keneking:
But where is lalasticlala sef...

Buhari's govt destroying relationships since 2015

Wetin Buhari do you?.useless Apc led federal government, where is my cane to flog sense into Buhari and his useless cabinet

Rokia2:
Stop been emotional. Love is overrated.

Let her go.

you've had a bad experience with men doesn't mean you shouldn't allow others experience love or discourage them from it.

Three years relationship ha!

Let her go bro..... It's all good.

And then. Bullshit manup jor

hh

Na dat one come make you cry come nairaland?abeg let her go jo

Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

Simple....... Let her go...... She is not yours....

She's not the right person for you. Move on.

MrHistorian:
You've written well.No surprises you worked in a Magazine company.

Now to your story,I will castigate you for over-investing in a lady you are not officially betrothed to.Thank God you acknowledged that and must have learnt from it.However,her sudden change in character might not be unconnected to the following points;;;

FINANCIAL INSTABILITY
Since you lost your job and have being financially crippled to meet her demands unlike before when you shower her with unrequested gifts.She "might" be a too materialistic lady who finds it very difficult to adjust with situations thus her sudden excuse of getting too late to marry just to find a mutual way of breaking up with you afterall she believes there are other rich suitors awaiting her.

REMOUNTING PARENTAL/SOCIETAL PRESSURE
Your Post claimed that her parents didn't give an approval of your relationship at first which makes it easier for her to pull up any action that might endanger your relationship with her since her parents approval of you was sluggish and not entirely wholeheartedly.Also,The recent proliferation of pre wedding pictures on the cyber space and other related social platform might just have triggered her obsession witj getting married as at this time irrespective of the opposing odds.

Girls of these day got nothing on you when it comes to marriage bro. all they seek is their selfish interest of leaving the poor fam home soon to enjoy that freedom with u. no vision but their mission to suck up (you). stay wise bro, focus on your hustle, them girls are here forever.

Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

Guy I have someone for you. Forget your girlfriend you will love the person I will introduce you to.

I feel your pain

Bro you pilot how your life will be.
I will advise you to stick to your plan of getting married at 29yrs,try and make that money.
Leave her to move on with her plan of getting married.
GODBLESSYOURDECISION

ScotFree:
Let her go bro. You're not financially ready. Plus you still think it's not time yet. Another point is, she has found someone. Or her family has intoduced a man to her and she has given in to her parent's pressure. This is a fact. That's the only reason she is shying away from you now. You can't hold her back, don't try to. She will hate you for it if you try to spoil things for her when you aren't ready yourself.

Lesson to learn: Don't invest unwisely in a business that doesn't have a future. The wise ones know what i mean

Sharp guy.

@OP,
For no good reason, a girl will not just quit a long relationship. If there was nobody else, she'd be mounting pressure on you to marry.

Slowly, due to the economic situation and time/age, she has now agreed to heed her parents' advice.

Whatever you spent on her or how long you have both been together is sadly irrelevant right now. She sees no good future with you. It might be myopic on her part but that is the reality now.

Move on with your life & pray for your fortune to change for the better.

Eya! !!! Calm down. I really feel for you. I have been in this kind of situation before. I must tell you it really hurts but the ealier you understand that she is no more yours the better for you. Or do you have the money to pay for her bride price now? It's not all relationships that ends in marriage. Pick up your life and move on. Don't try to persuade her to stay. Open up yourself, make new friends and before you know it you will get her out of your heart. It is well.

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

Rokia2:
I am sorry bro but she already found somebody. She's just telling you in subtle ways so you don't go crazy when she finally drop the bomb.

Start preparing yourself mentally how to face reality.

Like I said love is overrated don't kill yourself over this matter. Focus on how to be successful instead the right woman chosen by God for you will come. It's only the matter of time.

...so you can be this sensible ...there is hope

dis is a good super story... pls take it to Wale Adenuga....

Oga. Leave her and move ahead with your life. Focus on building yourself

You want to turn her to Lord of the ring

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

I can understand how you feel. Many of us have been there. It hurts, but let me tell you what helped me heal.
1. Forgive her: resentment is too much a burden to bear. Freely forgive her and let her go.

2. Work extra hard: work so hard to make it and prove her wrong. If u make it, she would wish she waited.

chillychill:
Three years relationship ha!

...surprise I know ... Unlike child bride you are use to

Hmm

Na una go tire.
Continue to blast single ladies o.
They'll keep breaking your hearts and marrying the ready guy. It's a vicious cycle.

When you are also ready, another young guy will be heartbroken.

I do understand how you feel, and it is normal to feel this way, it is allowed. Shed all the tears you can, sulk as much as you can.... It will help you feel better. If she has made up her mind trust me you make her reason otherwise. Just figure out a way you can cope with all of this and try to make your yourself happy again. Perhaps there is a reason why God didn't let you two work out, maybe this is even a blessing in disguise who knows? Only God knows what human being doesn't. What is meant for you will surely be yours.

Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.[/quote]

This is what I always tell my guys, work hard make money then see how women will flock around you like bees.
Naija girls aren't loyal

Ma guy pray nd ask God 2 giv u ur wife nd b prepared 2 marry if He shows u. If u ar nt ready jst take a deep breath allow dat young lady 2 go nd marry u wil cope. I tell u marriage is an institution u bag ur certificate b4 u start ur studies! Sleep go do person wey die

Philosophia:
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What you guys are saying is the hardest thing for me to do right now. It is hard to even contemplate. My hands are even shaking as I type this.

lol... bros... I feel your pain! not easy! but let's face the fact! she has no time she is a lady... time!!! no deh dem side! ....I like putting my self in peoples shoes... I dicus extensively with my girl seriously... if she decide to live me... somehow it hurts ... but ... because of the fact I love her I will truly understand with her... I always and always tell her this... life has faces... even in business think of the pitfalls always it helps... alot

Can't you see the babe is indirectly pressurizing you to settle down with her?

If you don't want to marry her, just set her free

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

we al bn here b4.that u feel u can't live without her shows she's in control of d relationship and I jst wot to remind u dat wen a gal say is over,trust me it's over.if u don't want her to put u under pressure hence making ur life miserable pls let her b,case u 4gotten d beautiful ones are not yet born,nobody in dis world is indispensable

Philosophia:
So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.

you have bein gettin advice from men... Let me give you froma lady view, that lady has someone else knockin. She might Not have said yes but the guy is tellin her the "i am not here for jokesi really wantto marry you if you say yes we can have the wedding before the year run out" line. then This Got her thinkin. if i wereto advice you i will say tell her to do a break down costin for a weddin

She has seen someone else.