In this age when you can easily get the baby tested once the pregnancy is 3 months and you flush it out if the result comes out SS. Chairman, leave your brother alone and go start your family. You all just think it is easy for everyone to just let go of their loved ones. Your brother emotional level might be different from urs. So leave that lover boy alone!

bong4:


Chairman ivf isn't over the counter medicine like panadol. Won't they have better things to use their money for? Why plan to have stress when you can avoid it? Can they afford ivf?

My brother, IVF is practiced in not less than 10 hospitals in Lagos. It's not as hard as it was about 3 years ago and people are benefitting immensely from it.

If they can't afford IVF, it's another matter entirely.

My own problem is that they must not gamble and claim faith in God. That is very wrong and evil.

bong4:


Chairman ivf isn't over the counter medicine like panadol. Won't they have better things to use their money for? Why plan to have stress when you can avoid it? Can they afford ivf?

Have you heard of amniocentesis?

DopeAngel:
am i really been ignorant for wanting the best for family. i just want a happy family bro. thats all. if anything happens if they go ahead to get marriage. the challenge will become a burden all family members will bear in the future. am just trying to avoid all that sorrow. how potent is the ivf something? what if they want to have much kids. are they going to keep doing it all the time. i heard it runs into millions of naira and not 100% sure. wont that be even more expenses than having an SS child.

Your concern is genuine. Call your brother and the lady and sit them and talk with them in love. They can still be friends outside marriage and be happy seeing the other person being happy in their homes. Tell them the consequences of their action. There are so many prayer points to pray for in marriage and prayer against sickled children has been answered even before marriage. Let pressure of age not force them into wrong marriage. It is not how far but how well.

He has faith in his semen n d*ck

bong4:


Chairman ivf isn't over the counter medicine like panadol. Won't they have better things to use their money for? Why plan to have stress when you can avoid it? Can they afford ivf?

Planning. There is something called planning. Reduce the wedding expense by 50% and you will likely have the money you need. (or maybe just to add a little more)

its not a must they start having children immediately, they can save up some money for at least a year or two then go ahead with the IVF.

bong4:

Chief, please don't encourage these people. Science has also given us the easier way out if the web. Simply, check your genotype for compatibility amongst other test. Obedience is better than sacrifice or in another way, Heaven helps those who help themselves

Have you been to Luth to ask about the CVS test? I have gone there and and received counselling on it.

Have you walked into fertility clinics to inquire about IVF? I have done that.

Any advice I'm giving is not Internet nonsense. I've checked it out and backed it up.

You're quoting Bible now to ask him to walk away, but you've forgotten that God is a God of making impossibility possible? We're both quoting from the same Bible.

With all I've seen at the hospital,there is no way I will advice two people both As to get married...love is wryn them but reality will soon dawn on them,the sleepless nights,the emotional trauma,the stress and all...I just hope they know what they are about signing for...well I learnt there's a form of selection now that helps if there's money...but I'd rather not put myself in a tight situation...I already lost two of my friends due to sickle cell and I can't imagine anyother

DopeAngel:
thank you fear. the thing is the girl herself is not ready to let him go. she still even calls him. her age factor is making her even more desperate. i dont care if the girl gets married or not. she should just leave my bro alone. i mean is that too hard for a lady to do? am so much pained. right now i have so much hatred towards the girl. right now i am thinking of giving her a very sound warning to stay away from my family or else she would never find peace. i would be very happy to be the black sheep that destroyed the relationship and save the lives of my bro's unborn kids. is it right?

i think is ur brother u need 2 talk nt d poor lady.

1Sharon:


Have you heard of amniocentesis?

Lol
You want to kill him?

Where does he want to hear of it if not from here.

Sultan5:


This is a very tricky and delicate situation. I am a strong believer in preventive medicine but also a strong believer in God. From a medical standpoint this marriage is risky. The financial and emotional drain a child with SS brings is enormous. It will eventually cause a strain between them if they are not strong enough. Not to talk of the effects on the extended family. And that's just one child, what if they end up with multiple children been sicklers. I can't even begin to imagine.

On the other hand nothing is set in stone. With each pregnancy they have 1 in 4 chance of giving birth to a sickler and 3 in 4 chance of giving birth to a healthy child. Those aren't bad odds if you are a gambler. I believe faith is extremely important. I remember a few years ago in Winners Chapel Warri, a married couple who were both AS were testifying with a new born in hand and 2 smaller children close to them. Am sure you can guess their testimony, none of those children were sicklers. Some can say its pure luck others divine intervention. What I will say is Faith is a powerful force don't underestimate it.

Best thing for you to do is ensure again they both understand the risks. If they choose to go with faith let them, it's a powerful force. Don't interfere, your brother is not a child and neither is the girl. They know the risks and have BOTH chosen to go through with it. As long as neither one is mentally unstable or unsound in mind, its their choice and they have made it. You have to accept it, try to put aside your own stance and support them because that's what family do.

Trying to threaten the girl with only make matters worse and strengthen their resolve even more especially since your parents have given their blessings. The only thing you will succeed in doing is alienating yourself and I honestly don't see what good that will do.

Please understand, this wasn't an easy decision for them to make and you adding to that isn't fair to be honest. Yes they have made a decision you clearly don't agree with but in the end he is your family. And she will be your family should this pull through. Family gives support so give it. I will just advice you to place it in God's Hands and let him stir the situation to the permanent site.

you are absolutely right, some people think relationship is all about making children.. they don't care about the feelings and faith of the couples..

DopeAngel:
i hate her because she is not listening to me. she stills calls my brother. she does not want to sacrifice the time she has spent in the relationship. my brother made the decision out of fear and desperation to get married. i dont understand what the girl actually wants. i think the reason she does not want to leave him is because there is no age on her side. both of them are not balanced emotionally right now. they are sick upstairs. if i cant get to my bro then i have to get to the girl. am tired already

Awwww. You are frazzled, I see that. Let your parents interfere. She is a health care giver, so she should know the deleterious effect of what she is about to do!


Mother of Nursing, Florence Nightingale would turn in her grave!

Jethrolite:


.



Aside the money that will be spent managing the child's health, their hearts will break anytime they see their weak child.

A child that can not participate in any strenuous activity,

No extra curricular school activity,

Discrimination and rejection against the child from age mate, teachers and other adults,

A child that can't bath cold water,

A child that always has to put on sweaters even when the sun is out.

Then general sickly and weak look even for the few period when the child is healthy.

The child always has to be on folic acid,

Mosquito bite must be prevented at all cost because malaria triggers crisis,

As a baby, the child will be healthy for the first 6 months or less while the mother's blood is still in it, thereafter the crisis starts with the child crying uncontrollably and quickly degenerating from a healthy baby to that sickly look.

mily decides to abandon them.

So much ignorance and naivety in this post . You really need to update ur knowledge cos sickle cell is not how it used to be and is not what you assume it is.

Ignoramus

juola:
There is no big deal in the issue at hand. We don't need to deprive ourselves of marrying someone who we love and have sacrificed so much for because of genotype. We are now in an advanced world. They can go for PGD at bridge clinic or nordical clinic.

i want whats best for them. i dont think any couple wants to go through the whole stress involved in IVF while they see others enjoying their marriage. i know ivf costs a lot of money. that money can be used to by my brother for other better things. dont you think. have you really seen happy couples making babies through ivf. please i just need answers. i think it involves a lot of stress, time, investment and strong emotional backings to go throug such. i want my brother to be happy not going through all these in marriage.

Please beg your brother and his fiancée not to try it, it happened to me two years ago, I fell in love with my girl I told her I was AS but she lied about her own that she was AA I later discovered after the marriage that she AS when she gave birth to a sickle cell boy. have bn spending a lot of money since then on different sickness and buying drugs every time.
Intact the love have disappeared from my heart have told her to go am not longer interested in the marriage cos I cant cope with another SS child ,my marriage may crash any moment from now. no matter the love when d crises of as comes love will vanish because u won't even have time for the so called love please no one should encourage AS vs AS marrige

DopeAngel:
am i really been ignorant for wanting the best for family. i just want a happy family bro. thats all. if anything happens if they go ahead to get marriage. the challenge will become a burden all family members will bear in the future. am just trying to avoid all that sorrow. how potent is the ivf something? what if they want to have much kids. are they going to keep doing it all the time. i heard it runs into millions of naira and not 100% sure. wont that be even more expenses than having an SS child.

My brother, I have enormous respect for your concern over your brother.

However, my own is that he's wrongly insisting on faith and gambling when there are medical solutions. Also, you're wrong for insisting on their breakup when they are happy with what they have.

Let them find what works for them but they must never leave it to chance.

Oyenike01:
love is blind..you don't have to threaten the girl,do you even know her stand? maybe nah your brother wan gree die for her matter...
this matter nah reasoning, no be war o.

Abi oh! d guy jst dey talk like say him get personal issue wit d lady.

Mr. man d best person u can talk 2 is ur brother nt d poor lady

1Sharon:


Have you heard of amniocentesis?

My dear, even pronouncing this thing is twisting my tongue. Checking it out on google even shows that it is not a regular test that doctors recommend. I have two healthy kids and during the course to their birth, no doctor mentioned this. My wife and I are compatible and we did all the test recommended (genotype, rhesus etc) to ensure that.
It is not as easy as stated ooo. All the guy wants is a happy home for his brother.
My sister's late mother in law disliked her cos she and her husband went ahead to marry despite their incompatibility. Both of them are even medical doctors. All the ivf and this one you mentioned, I am sure they knew. They lost their first two daughters to sickle cell. God's Mercy kept them and they now have two healthy girls again. But I tell you, the first 12 years of that marriage wasn't complete without visits to the hospital, blames, cries and even burial of two lovely girls. You wouldn't want to hear the full gist. God is merciful and powerful but He has given us wisdom and power of choice.

Aremolekunowo:
Please beg your brother and his fiancée not to try it, it happened to me two years ago, I fell in love with my girl I told her I was AS but she lied about her own that she was AA I later discovered after the marriage that she AS when she gave birth to a sickle cell boy. have bn spending a lot of money since then on different sickness and buying drugs every time.
Intact the love have disappeared from my heart have told her to go am not longer interested in the marriage cos I cant cope with another SS child ,my marriage may crash any moment from now. no matter the love when d crises of as comes love will vanish because u won't even have time for the so called love please no one should encourage AS vs AS marrige

Sorry bro. Her non disclosure is very evil and criminal.

If you are still interested in a way out, you may check this thread and research further on it online.

https://www.nairaland.com/1050015/cvs-amniocenthesis-diagnosis-centres-nigeria

Your decision remains yours.

yvelchstores:
If only people know the PAIN to watch ypur child suffer even ordinary injury not to talk of sickness. They dont want to spend the productive years of their lives watching their flesh and blood suffer, trust me. If they insist, tor.

You just spoke my mind there. I bet neither of them has a sickler as a close relative. What is the gain?

Harkindeylee:
. AS and AS is not good at-all oo. I know of a couple that lost their son at a very high level. Age 30, almost done with his PH.D death came. SS. He has being struggling with it for so long and yet he still died. it pains me alot. I felt it and I wasn’t really close to him. Now. He died after staying alive for 30years. 30 years of pain. How do you think his parent will feel?

My own suggestion. Kindly sit your brother down once again. Talk sense into him. Let him know the risk involved. He’s obviously not on his right state of mind and ready to settle down so fast. Just let him know he’s making the wrong choice. Or better still talk fiercely to your parent about it. They are educated and grown up fellows people of strong faith but they can’t put God to a Test. You can’t test God. Ignore my grammatical errors if any.

exactly.thanks bro. I have tried all i can to talk him out. i think i have to involve extended family members. this is more than me

DopeAngel:
Serious Advice Needed Pls- How Can I Resolve This Impending Doom In My Family

Please nairalanders i kindly need your advice on this family issue. my elder bro met this girl sometime last two years after having too many disappointments in relationship. he said he wants to finally settle down that he is tired of waiting and disappointments.

Now the serious problem is both of them are genotype AS, but my brother does not care, he still wants to go ahead with the marriage. He is saying he has faith and hope in God that nothing will happen. even my parents are not helping matters, my parents are strong church elders and they are even saying my brother should pray that God can change things.

I am so pained with my parents stand on this issue knowing the severe consequence that follows. i was hoping they would outrightly dissolve the relationship but no they are hoping on God. What pains me the most is that the girl herself is a nurse, she knows better than everybody but yet she is not considering that.

Right now i hate the girl because she is coming to ruin the life of bro's unborn children

Tell your brother to read about CVS and IVF + PGD. These are medical ways to avert having a SS child. And if you are in Lagos...go to the Sickle cell centre, opposite luth at idi Araba. They do the CVS testing at the place.

But first read about it and have an understanding. There is no need to dissolve the marriage and they can marry and not have a SS child. There are medical ways to it now.

[quote author=DopeAngel post=67003818] i want whats best for them. i dont think any couple wants to go through the whole stress involved in IVF while they see others enjoying their marriage. i know ivf costs a lot of money. that money can be used to by my brother for other better things. dont you think. have you really seen happy couples making babies through ivf. please i just need answers. i think it involves a lot of stress, time, investment and strong emotional backings to go throug such. i want my brother to be happy not going through all these in marriage.[/quote
I know you want the best for them. But they have made up there mind. I have been through 6heartbreaks and if I find a man who is AS and is a very good person,I will go for him. All they need is to know what we are doing. Its not compulsory for them to start making babies immediately they get married. let them save money for the IVF and limit the number of children they want to maybe two or three.

get a well sharpened cutlass, take a bottle of schnapps and go to her to threaten her.

OkoYibo:


My brother, I have enormous respect for your concern over your brother.

However, my own is that he's wrongly insisting on faith and gambling when there are medical solutions. Also, you're wrong for insisting on their breakup when they are happy with what they have.

Let them find what works for them but they must never leave it to chance.

thanks man. The faith thing is exactly my worry. The decision was not borne out of faith but it was made due to desperation to get married and avoid another disappointment if he leaves this girl. He is not stable right now emotionally. But it seems like you are married already?

Hhhhmmm... Surprised at some of the comments.... The OP is being selfish and wicked. One thing about us Nigerians is that, we are too aggressive.We get angry and aggressive unnecessarily and we think our opinions count in other people's life... Everybody has his/her own life to live.

Getting married to AS is not a death sentence, there are so many improvements in medicine that has reduced the fear.... Marriage is not about giving birth only.....

So many AA couples are childless and malaria kills millions of babies every year before age 5...

Visit sickle cell Foundation in Lagos, they will suggest so many options ur brother can take... PNS is not up to N300,000 at SCF......

234-1-7621522
+234-803 584 6666
+234-8100002001
+234-8100002003
Email
info@sicklecellfoundation.com
scf-ng@hotmail.com

The Programme Coordinator
Sickle Cell Foundation Nigeria
National Sickle Cell Centre,
Opp Lagos University Teaching Hospital(LUTH), Ishaga Road, Idi-araba, Lagos.
P.O Box , 3463 Surulere, Lagos.
+234-803 584 6666

The address of SCF. U can call them on the phone, though, they might sound rude but it is good u pay them a visit....

AS-AS getting married is not as deadly as u think.. There are options the couples can consider before saying I do. That ur brother avoids AS partners doesn't mean he is immune to all other diseases ravaging d world.

DopeAngel:
thanks man. The faith thing is exactly my worry. The decision was not borne out of faith but it was made due to desperation to get married and avoid another disappointment if he leaves this girl. He is not stable right now emotionally. But it seems like you are married already?

Whatever we say here, the decision is still theirs. But the best people they can listen to are those who have or are passing through this issue and how they tackled theirs. Wise men now learn from others experience!

1Sharon:


So much ignorance and naivety in this post . You really need to update ur knowledge cos sickle cell is not how it used to be and is not what you assume it is.

Ignoramus

Please tell me what it is now. I want to be educated.

you're biased. Both of them are AS but you're hating on the girl that she's coming to ruin your brother's unborn children as if they are not also hers. they know what they're getting themselves into, you've advised and they refused to listen. let them be.

It's 2018 Bro, at ten months pregnancy they have a technology that can test if the child will be ss and terminate the pregnancy and you try another time, you can have 4 good children out of five only one will test positive of ss and you can terminate it before the baby grow in the belly. Go google it bro and leave your brother alone. One things they will not escape having all AS Children.

baqina:
Hhhhmmm... Surprised at some of the comments.... The OP is being selfish and wicked. One thing about us Nigerians is that, we are too aggressive.We get angry and aggressive unnecessarily and we think our opinions count in other people's life... Everybody has his/her own life to live.

Getting married to AS is not a death sentence, there are so many improvements in medicine that has reduced the fear.... Marriage is not about giving birth only.....

So many AA couples are childless and malaria killed millions of babies every year before age 5...

Visit sickle cell Foundation in Lagos, they will suggest so many options ur brother can take... PNS is not up to N300,000 at SCF......

It's 270,000 as at February sef