₦airaland Forum

megareal:
Don't mind those quoting you. They are yet to understand that relationships are unique. I had only male friends before marriage. Hubby, then fiance use to come meet us where we were and give the guys drinks. They were there at my wedding and child dedication. We still talk but hardly meet. Infact I am still the refree in most of their relationship ish as it was before I married.

Hubby maintained his female friends too and as each of them married off, we will go to their weddings etc.

The problem I see with a lot of folks commenting is that sex to them is too cheap hence they think everyone indulges in it casually.

The sooner folks learn to control their libido the better trust will be established between both parties.

megareal:
Don't mind those quoting you. They are yet to understand that relationships are unique. I had only male friends before marriage. Hubby, then fiance use to come meet us where we were and give the guys drinks. They were there at my wedding and child dedication. We still talk but hardly meet. Infact I am still the refree in most of their relationship ish as it was before I married.

Hubby maintained his female friends too and as each of them married off, we will go to their weddings etc.

The problem I see with a lot of folks commenting is that sex to them is too cheap hence they think everyone indulges in it casually.

The sooner folks learn to control their libido the better trust will be established between both parties.

ImaIma1:
Exactly! Sex is cheap to them and they can just indulge in it without much thought.

My husband was having this same discussion on a group yesterday and had to ask me if i have ever thought he has anything to do with his female friends.

For one of them, he even helped drive her and her hubby outside lag for their wedding and they still keep in touch. She also came for hers. Infact i tease her to feed him when he visits them. I call her my boo's boo

It is about understanding and creating boundaries. As long as there is trust, it's fine. If my hubby were to be the womanizing type, i would raise an eyebrow. We dont hold each other back from our friends as long as we draw the line.

hotwax:
This has negate all your argument. Meaning you maintain your distance. Some married women going on a date with besties is what we are discussing here...

Your husband is your male bestie. Yeah keep your existing friends..but you got to put boundaries...

hotwax:
This has negate all your argument. Meaning you maintain your distance. Some married women going on a date with besties is what we are discussing here...

Your husband is your male bestie. Yeah keep your existing friends..but you got to put boundaries...

megareal:
We hardly meet because we are too busy. Not because we are running from ourselves. We celebrate birthdays and other anniver Ive met How do you think I settle their marital and relation

hotwax:
So you can go out on dinner with them?

Go clubbing with them?

I have even heard a married woman saying "I just went on a date with him...Jezzz...its just a date" Lolz.

megareal:
Leave that post. My phone was acting up, couldn't type properly and didn't even know the ish submitted. Will delete it now.

Now to your question, I hardly went on dates even when I was single. Your use of that word in this context is wrong because dates are for people who want to be in a relationship. Probably you would use outing.

I meet my friends when they need my help or my input on things. And can never stay away from any events concerning them. I don't know about married women who still club with guys other than their husbands. But that is wrong and is inviting trouble except the husband is included in the outing.

My point of view judging from most of the comments here is that no body should do away with good friends because they are married. If your friends are good, you don't even need to set boundaries as they will respect your marriage. Obviously, you can't hangout out like you used to do or discuss you partner anymore with them, but you shouldn't form unavailable and cut links because of marriage.

I would argue more but I don't have the time biko.

hotwax:
This topic has been controversial from time immemorial.

Here is my take on the matter. Feel free to express your opinions.
Based on my life experiences, I got to know that most ‘just friends’ friendship between opposite sex end up as a smoke screen. Below are what I observed.

1. Most guys will pretend to be ‘just friends’ with girls that turned down their sexual advance. They do this to stay connected with the lady in case opportunity will resurface again. They are like lions laying in waiting, hiding, monitoring a stubborn antelope. Some of them are masters of this pretence that the lady will not suspect anything. This lady will trust them to the extent of even sleeping in their houses.
At the end, these girls fall victim of forceful sexual intercourse, sex under influence of chemical/alcohol or emotional trauma.

E.g, A lady I approached sometimes ago, turned me down. We agreed to be ‘just friends’. One day, she had a disagreement with his guy to the extent of physical assault. She cried to my house. As we were talking through the night, one thing led to another, we had sex.
This is one major reason when my girlfriend tells me a guy is her best friend, I frown at it. In fact I can end that relationship because of it.

2. My uncle’s wife had a man friend ‘just friend’, which nearly rattled his marriage. She is always on phone with this man. They even go out to have dinner together. Even I was pissed off personally but could not express my opinion in someone else’s marriage. She was always playing the jealousy card. My uncle is jealous blahblah. The matter later came to an end when her parents called her to order. They told her that when a woman is married, the only best friend she should have is her husband. Her best friends before getting married should maintain distance if they are responsible except they are nurturing bad intentions too.

3. Young girls these days have mastered the art of queuing up guys. When they are in serious relationship, they friend-zones their toasters and keep communicating with them. When they have little disagreement in their serious relationships, they upgrade the next guy in the friend-zone to bed mate. They don’t make effort to make their failing relationship work because they know they have a queue of guys on their whatsap.

What they don’t realize is that these guys also moved on to the next girl when she turned them down the first time. So when the girl resurface again, they accept her as a bonus “extra p*ssy”. When the relationship breaks down again, they go on social media and rant on how men are dogs, men are liars, men cannot be trusted, they prefer to stay single. Anyways, this is out of scope for this discussion.

4. I had a girlfriend in the past, she made me realize we are not dating because she had a serious relationship. But we played one day and mistakenly had sex. And after that we had sex multiple times. And she keeps ringing it in my ear that we are not dating. She even introduced me to her man as her best friend ‘just friends’

In conclusion, I am not saying being friends with opposite sex is bad, but distance should be maintain if no-dating clause is there. Maintain minimum visits and contacts. Some guys will says “I can’t be taking you out to eateries, spending on you without getting anything back”. So girls, watch your back, nothing is free in freeland.