Listening to bunch of confused people in Nigeria is a recipe for disaster

Why exactly are you and your mum begging him? I think you are more disappointed him the envisaged good and easy life you dreamt. Move on. He didn't love you enough.

Sister, flee! I repeat, flee!! .Leave that family and move on with your life; you have just been saved from marital disaster.
What kind of man is a man that makes his private discussions with you public, word for word? A man that cannot take his own stand?? He listens to his sisters on everything, regardless of what u have to say about it Why should you live with the mother-in-law and family after the instead of getting an apartment if he is not ready to take you with him?
If he is doing that now, u are on a long thing if you marry him. There will be no privacy in your marriage.

RE-EXAMINE YOURSELF AND IF POSSIBLE LET YOUR FRIEND THAT IS SINCERE DO THAT FOR YOU. IF YOU ARE NOT GUILTY,MOVE ON IF OTHERWISE ADJUST YOURSELF AND STILL MOVE ON. MOST IMPORTANTLY BE TEACHABLE THIS IS THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

Beke2020:
Dear Jzhane,

Please hide my ID.

I am very hurt. My wedding was supposed to take place last Saturday but it was called off without any explanation.

I met my man through my mother’s friend based aboard three years ago. We had our marriage introduction 2016 and we planned the wedding for April 2017 but sister was like we should postpone it reason is that for the brother to come down to Nigeria that the UK embassy don’t take absent of a spouse because they wanted to do it in his absent.

He begged me to wait that I should please bear with him it was not easy for me because already I have told people about my wedding and the date.

My ex has four sisters and they are kind of very close so involved them in everything he wants to do which I don’t have problem with that.His mum accepted me and me I love her took care of her like my mother even the sister who is out of marriage is staying with her mum with four children I love her too.

Fast forward to when the date was pick which is 25 of August that we started having issues.

It was his sisters that shopped for my wedding things which I complain that I don’t like the color ,they said the list I gave them was too expensive which is the hall and food ,I got a hall of #160 they got a hall of #300k near their house not even the bride side I never complain ,they said after the wedding I will stay with mother in law and sister which I said no due to distance and the nature of my work.

The worst of all that happened is that my ex was telling his sisters every thing we discussed both the argument and my chat he was forwarding it to them. His sister in Nigeria was telling them all manners of lies against me and they believed her.

They put pressure and fear on him not to marry me he has to call off the wedding after buying things for the wedding. He is around in Nigeria now and I try to see him but his family are refusing me seeing him because I don’t have his Nigeria ‘s no.

I was told that he said he love me but he scared based on what they told him. That I am not a wife material. That I will control him and drive him out because he stays in US.

My mother has been begging them but they refuse to listen.
He even blocked me since then. His cousin told me they already found another girl for him.

What do I do,I dated this guy for three years. I love him. I already have done introduction. Everybody knows I am supposed to be getting married. The scandal is killing my parents.If this guy still loves me,how do I win him back? He never gave a chance to explain myself. What did I do wrong?

Or should I really move on? After three years? Where do I start from?



https://livelystones.com.ng/after-planning-our-wedding-for-3-yearsthey-say-i-am-not-wife-material/

But you know in your heart that you don't love him na. You known that the sisters are right. You are planning to divorce him moment you get overseas and continue your lesbianism full time. Abeg joor swerve!

Things like this happens often in courtship but there's nothing prayers cannot do; private chat me or ring me on 07032178167; I'm sure there's always a way out because with God all things are possible. Pls don't give up, trust God and belief everything is working for ur good aiit, God bless u!

GloriaNinja:
THE STORY IS NOT COMPLETE BUT ALL I GOT TO SAY IS....



EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON...HE MAY NOT BE THE MAN DESTINED FOR YOU.

you nail it

Born2Breed:


Gbam!!!

U too much.

Manage this bottles of beer or you prefer the tank?

Lol.
Thank you, the tank will do.

Ikpongiton:
if u feel threaten wit d character of your bros wife 2 be,will u allow it,if u can stop it? everybody want his\her brother to marry,but not a bad wife

Ikpongiton:
if u feel threaten wit d character of your bros wife 2 be,will u allow it,if u can stop it? everybody want his\her brother to marry,but not a bad wife

If my life or that of the family is threatened or our existence is threatened by the so-called proposed new wife coming into the family, then it means she must have a very bad character warranting that. Maybe she is an estimated bad woman with every palpable eeaskn and evidence.
But look at the instances sited by the op, and how the sisters wants to be over-bearing and in-charge of their brother's life even while married. You will see they are just being selfish and afraid they wouldn't have same influence over their brother once he is married.
Would you be happy as a new wife if your in-laws determines what happens between you and your husband?
Just think about it. With the picture the op painted, it showed the In-laws to be are selfish and would stop at anything to maintain their personal gains from their brother even at his own detriment.

God delivered you ma see below:


.My Wife Is A Wicked Woman,She Denies Me My Right As Her Husband


https://livelystones.com.ng/my-wife-is-a-wicked-womanshe-denies-me-my-right-as-her-husband/

the guy is not husband material. however, it is good to pretend. I am very the new girl will pretend and let them have their way and strike them thereafter usually after 2 kids.

chiommy123:
You should be thanking God

yes ooo some disappointments are blessings.. if the story is true. Imagine your husband to be be sharing your secrets with his sisters that's childish...

There is a saying that if you want your in-laws to hate you try marrying their bread winner......and for the OP am very sorry for whatever you seem to be going through presently, take heart and please stop begging.

my God. what is happening to our ladies? so u are begging a guy like this because he is based abroad. Op from ur story, I know u must have told ur friends that your guy is abroad, making them feel inferior, telling everyone who care to hear that you will relocate to whether UK/US soon. imagine your mother going to beg a family that has rejected you. who does that. my dear you have lost your value as a woman. I will keep warning most Nigeria girls about abroad guys it works for some but majority is just a scam. last week, a guy who came to marry a lady beat her blue black. this is a girl that was arranged for him to get married to. move on dear .

chiommy123:
You should be thanking God

Seriously! U need to go and do thanksgiving in church. Do u imagine what they will make ur life to be after wedding?. Ur life will be a living hell with some1 that believe his sister over u.

sometimes when I read comments here, I shake my head... nairaland is just the worst place to seek for advice and opinion.

Now some of you are been judgemental. What's wrong with a girl wanting to go for an abroad based guy? we all have choices and know what we want, respect other peoples choice because you also have what you look out for. That you don't base abroad doesn't mean you should hate on girls that want abroad guys. Same way some ladies rather go for a rich guy, its same way some guys rather go for a working class or rich girls, you see, its their choices.respect it.

now someone said she was desperate for his ring! like seriously! have u tried putting yourself in her shoes? wedding plans cancelled few weeks to wedding day! do you think you won't go nuts! do u know what it means.... everyone knows u are getting married this month and then gbam its no longer happening. Do u know she would be mocked. Her family too.
She has planned her future, no of kids with said man, do you think its easy to just let go.
Someone even said she should aspire to be like Linda Ikeji..... oga save your advice for your sisters. when a woman decide to put career first, she works hard and end up not getting married, you will talk. when she tries getting married, you will still talk... someone that said she is working..what exactly do u want?

All she needs is words of encouragement and comfort. Help her to realize that she dodged a bullet and he wasn't meant for her not trying to put her down.

its just a phase, over time, she will get over it and it will be a thing of the past.
its easier to diss advice, but when it happens to you, you can't take the advice.. its normal for her to go back n beg, she is a human being.

danelson007:
my God. what is happening to our ladies? so u are begging a guy like this because he is based abroad. Op from ur story, I know u must have told ur friends that your guy is abroad, making them feel inferior, telling everyone who care to hear that you will relocate to whether UK/US soon. imagine your mother going to beg a family that has rejected you. who does that. my dear you have lost your value as a woman. I will keep warning most Nigeria girls about abroad guys it works for some but majority is just a scam. last week, a guy who came to marry a lady beat her blue black. this is a girl that was arranged for him to get married to. move on dear .

some see it as a game of chance (overseas' union).....come to think of it at this age and time who goes into a union without knowing the other partner, even those that even knew their other halve aren't safe talk less of a faceless lover. As said begging from her write up really broke my heart even her mum had to follow suite, she should just know that if that guy makes a U-turn and marries her only time will tell the outcome.

You seriously want still marry the mommys boy? Women sef. Una go see big hand writing for wall una no go still gree read am.

davit:
Cock and bull story! Your English sef no go make the guy marry you.

You have no sense at all

I know how hurtful you must be feeling now but you should be extremely grateful to God for saving you from such man and his family.

This is why I don't buy into such an arranged marriage, abroad matching making marriage is a no no for me.

Take care of yourself dear, 3years is a long time to waste but you will be fine.

You should be thanking God for saving u from the clutches of greedy family. Is this d kind of man u want to marry? The one that is being controlled by his sisters? U are chasing shadows.
If u truly need freedom, find love elsewhere. That is not d end of life, build positive air around yourself. Engage in constructive discussion and dwell little in d past.
Open ur mind about relationship and work hard. Men will come but don't discriminate on d basis of their careers, finance and appearance. Knowing that men of substance are not dressed in gold, its only when u scratch them.
Lastly, pls don't forget to examine ur life and work hard to remedy ur own shortcomings. U are not without one. I would have loved to follow up on this and update us frequently how u are doing. Tell ur mum not to beg, that is an insult on u. U are more than that. U are a jewel in d savanna. eimoga24@gmail.com

lesson to you girls who will dump an average guys for any abroad base guy.Am sure numerous guys have tried show you love but you rejected them because of your oversea lov,now you have to start from the scratch.Am sure those guys u reejected are doing fine or married by now..

Father figures on both sides were missing ad or, uninvolved.Ur man is a non-independent mind u need 2avoid going by d calibre of devourers/sisters around her.U wl nvr enjoy d marriage.Ask ur mother's friend 2appeal 2them ad if dat fails,u leave them 2meem their perils. Then seek a fall-back partner wt independent mind and go 2Registry simply ad follow up wt traditionals.. I pray for you 2get a bdta man ad d pray is answered.D sisters r envying you as a working class.Read Ps.86 ev'day...

Indeed, you should be thanking God. If you get married to him, his sisters will still ruin the marriage because they seems to control him. You can still love another man, better than him who will not judge with hearsay evidences. BROKEN ENGAGEMENT IS BETTER THAN BROKEN MARRIAGE.

Beke2020:
Dear Jzhane,

Please hide my ID.

I am very hurt. My wedding was supposed to take place last Saturday but it was called off without any explanation.

I met my man through my mother’s friend based aboard three years ago. We had our marriage introduction 2016 and we planned the wedding for April 2017 but sister was like we should postpone it reason is that for the brother to come down to Nigeria that the UK embassy don’t take absent of a spouse because they wanted to do it in his absent.

He begged me to wait that I should please bear with him it was not easy for me because already I have told people about my wedding and the date.

My ex has four sisters and they are kind of very close so involved them in everything he wants to do which I don’t have problem with that.His mum accepted me and me I love her took care of her like my mother even the sister who is out of marriage is staying with her mum with four children I love her too.

Fast forward to when the date was pick which is 25 of August that we started having issues.

It was his sisters that shopped for my wedding things which I complain that I don’t like the color ,they said the list I gave them was too expensive which is the hall and food ,I got a hall of #160 they got a hall of #300k near their house not even the bride side I never complain ,they said after the wedding I will stay with mother in law and sister which I said no due to distance and the nature of my work.

The worst of all that happened is that my ex was telling his sisters every thing we discussed both the argument and my chat he was forwarding it to them. His sister in Nigeria was telling them all manners of lies against me and they believed her.

They put pressure and fear on him not to marry me he has to call off the wedding after buying things for the wedding. He is around in Nigeria now and I try to see him but his family are refusing me seeing him because I don’t have his Nigeria ‘s no.

I was told that he said he love me but he scared based on what they told him. That I am not a wife material. That I will control him and drive him out because he stays in US.

My mother has been begging them but they refuse to listen.
He even blocked me since then. His cousin told me they already found another girl for him.

What do I do,I dated this guy for three years. I love him. I already have done introduction. Everybody knows I am supposed to be getting married. The scandal is killing my parents.If this guy still loves me,how do I win him back? He never gave a chance to explain myself. What did I do wrong?

Or should I really move on? After three years? Where do I start from?



https://livelystones.com.ng/after-planning-our-wedding-for-3-yearsthey-say-i-am-not-wife-material/

Your major problem is that YOU MUST HAVE ALREADY ADVERTISED AND BRAGGED ABOUT GETTING MARRIED ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

if not, I don't see any big deal about it.
The family don't want their son to marry you.
Do you intend to force yourself in?
You should be happy they showed they don't like you.

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. God just saved you from a boy in a man's body. It's painful but the best thing is to move on. Forget about what people will say. it's you that'll suffer the consequences later. It's easy for us to tell you to move on because we're not in your shoes but that's the best thing to do. Time will heal all wounds. You may think age is not on your side but I tell you when God blesses you with your own husband, age will be so trivial.

henrygale:

You sound like you are same type of person with the guy in question if you are a guy, so just making an excuse for your not being able to make up ur mind nd allowed to be tossed about; or if you are a female, you are in the same class of the sisters who wouldn't just allow their brother be all coz they feel threatened by the lady hence they/you are selfish.
For God's sake, what else do you want to learn or know about the lady that you haven't known after 3 years of dating, and all of a sudden she is no more a wide material

Lmao. So sisters cannot advice their brothers without being labeled selfish or feeling threatened
That is family, especially if they are Yorubas.

But wait o, why have you concluded the sisters are evil and the guy is a dummy but the writer of the story is the Saint? You only heard one side of the story

Prayers, my dear. But hey, if I were a lady, I wouldn't marry a sisy as a husband. From your story, that guy is not yet ripe for marriage. I can see you not ready to marry his whole family but him alone, which is good. I bet you, that new girl will not last there if that guy is not liberated. Domineering attitude of his family is not what any sane lady can endure.
Don't mind today, think tomorrow. Do you want to marry the guy, or him and his whole family? I mean who forwards private chats between him and his fiancée to his family, metcheew

You need to go for spiritual cleansing. Not ordinary dear.

henrygale:
I think you have just been saved from what you would have termed your worst marital nightmare coz it is clear the siblings and family has a good grip of the guy who seems to be their source of livelihood.
You are seen as a threat who will take away this source of livelihood from them; and funny enough, the guy in question is their dummy and doesn't have a mind of his own.
3years is small and doesn't count compared to a marriage you will regret after forcing yourself into it.
There's always time to retrace ur steps and start again. Take it as one of those mistakes ones does in life and thank God for not ending up with him; the societal issues will definitely come but brace urself up to face dem, and move on with your life.
One of the worst thing in marriage is to be hooked with a man who doesn't have a mind of his own especially when being advised or tossed about by his family.
I wish you luck as you move on.

Perfect. I couldnt have said it better.
But have you noticed she seems desperate. I mean WTH is up with all that begging

spiceadole:



Your major problem is that YOU MUST HAVE ALREADY ADVERTISED AND BRAGGED ABOUT GETTING MARRIED ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

if not, I don't see any big deal about it.
The family don't want their son to marry you.
Do you intend to force yourself in?
You should be happy they showed they don't like you.

That one dey
She don do pepper dem

rosalieene:
sometimes when I read comments here, I shake my head... nairaland is just the worst place to seek for advice and opinion.

Now some of you are been judgemental. What's wrong with a girl wanting to go for an abroad based guy? we all have choices and know what we want, respect other peoples choice because you also have what you look out for. That you don't base abroad doesn't mean you should hate on girls that want abroad guys. Same way some ladies rather go for a rich guy, its same way some guys rather go for a working class or rich girls, you see, its their choices.respect it.

now someone said she was desperate for his ring! like seriously! have u tried putting yourself in her shoes? wedding plans cancelled few weeks to wedding day! do you think you won't go nuts! do u know what it means.... everyone knows u are getting married this month and then gbam its no longer happening. Do u know she would be mocked. Her family too.
She has planned her future, no of kids with said man, do you think its easy to just let go.
Someone even said she should aspire to be like Linda Ikeji..... oga save your advice for your sisters. when a woman decide to put career first, she works hard and end up not getting married, you will talk. when she tries getting married, you will still talk... someone that said she is working..what exactly do u want?

All she needs is words of encouragement and comfort. Help her to realize that she dodged a bullet and he wasn't meant for her not trying to put her down.

its just a phase, over time, she will get over it and it will be a thing of the past.
its easier to diss advice, but when it happens to you, you can't take the advice.. its normal for her to go back n beg, she is a human being.

You strike me as one of those people who like to do things because of what people will say and are in the habit of flaunting things to hear other people's opinions. In your wisdom you sacrifice your dignity and self worth because of a chance to go abroad and what people will say. I actually shake my head for you.