₦airaland Forum

Saffi:
And to the lady on the first page @ omoge87 that was busy driving her boyfriends around and declining their help when they offered, did any of them marry you? The men here are busy hailing you, but deep inside they would never choose/marry a babe like you in real life. It’s good to be independent, but when you are unable to receive help due to this miss independent attitude, it’s gross and it only drives men away from you in the long run. It’s also very masculine. Ahbeg any rich/stable man who wants to sponsor my life, I will open my hands with a welcoming heart, despite me having my own. Life is too short to be forming strong head

I believe you’re in the United Kingdom where anyone is afforded the opportunity to become whatever the aspire to be as long as they’re willing to work towards it.

Madam your case is different from the ladies who’re permanently based in Nigeria and will never be afforded the opportunity of having a British Passport.

You don’t need a rich/stable man to sponsor your life.

If you need to money to fund your education simply apply for Grants & Scholarships from both Private & Public Entities.

If those Grants & Scholarships are not enough then apply for Financial Aids & Loans from the U.K. Government.

Then whenever you graduate then you can start paying back the government no need to wait for an imaginary man to fund your education.

Secondly you don’t a rich/stable man to sponsor your life.

Simply request for more hours at your current place of work & if they are unwilling to grant your demands then find a second job to supplement your first job.

Nobody has ever died from hard work. You gotta put in the work to fund your lifestyle.

Most Nigerian ladies based in the U.K. are doing the same exact thing so why can’t Saffi?

emmaodet:
About your question - i want approach the ugly woman

You can't use beauty to compare money, if you want to use money as a variable, use money and if it is beauty, use beauty, don't interpolate.

Actually bro you did not get her analogy... She is saying guys are moved by what we see hence the reason why we would not approach a girl who is not beautiful... In the same way, she cannot accept a guy who is not comfortable and well to do making finance her yardstick for consideration....

Even if I don't agree totally with her point of view, But Bros we all have standards in choosing people we talk to, as well as life partners.. Some may be finance, intellectual ability, sense of humour, beauty or whatever... I would not condescend and accept you if you don't meet my standard... I don't expect you to do same when I don't meet yours..

pocohantas:
What Saff said is the reality. Your other post is on point too.

Men also do not want the so called independent women.
I don't get all their whining on social media, when they still log out to date these leeches. It is an ego boost for them. They call the independent woman, feminist. They complain of how she can't be controlled.

Create another thread on single ladies and these same people will be here to tell you of that rich banking executive. They will also tell you they can't marry her. Isn't that the independent woman they should rush?
Who are they deceiving abeg?

I wonder how you guys come up with this conclusions & generalizations.

I can’t speak for every men. But most men I know of including Me do want & date the so called independent women.

pocohantas:
What Saff said is the reality. Your other post is on point too.

Men also do not want the so called independent women. I don't get all their whining on social media, when they still log out to date these leeches. It is an ego boost for them. They call the independent woman, feminist. They complain of how she can't be controlled.

Create another thread on single ladies and these same people will be here to tell you of that rich banking executive. They will also tell you they can't marry her. Isn't that the independent woman they should rush?
Who are they deceiving abeg?

How is she right though? How does anything that Saffi said even make any sense?
First thing she sees is a Guy who has money NOW. a guy that can take care of her NOW.

What happens if/when he goes bankrupt, there is difference between Rich & Wealthy, except you marry a guy who is wealthy & wealth usually comes from Family line. Even at that, a wealthy guy cannot even guarantee peace.

Why can't you just look at the personality of the person? Please what she said is Crap.

Very lovely thread.

Shout to the boys who believe they don't have to buy love, because there will always be a higher bidder.

To the girls who want to be comfortable, but realize that all that glitters is not gold, and wealth may be gone in an instant; girls who look out for deep and meaningful qualities in a man...

May we all meet people deserving of our characteristics.

20 years from now, we will all see the outcome of decisions we take today.

Kudos to the MVPs on this thread
LUCAS99 wetdick escapefromusa LastDance Syberkate Omoge87 et al.

Saffi
I'm sorry for calling you a numpty and a dolt. It was out of character for me.

Saffi:
If you like, write essays upon essays to dispute my claims, I speak the truth and that’s facts and that’s why most of you men are triggered.
Nothing you say will convince me to settle with a guy who only has potential. If I cannot see something substantial already that can grow, I’m not buying it. Good luck to all the ladies who want to build a man, you will lose more than you gain. Bye bye.

Most people are triggered because you’re making inaccurate statements which are by & large untrue.

Omoge87:
Like I said in my post... I am not a feminist...you can be independent and self- sufficient as a woman without being a feminist. Is a lady supposed to sit down on her butt till her husband arrives to provide for her - her knight and shining armour.
One should be developing themselves whilst waiting on the person God has for them ... so yes I will continue to be Bob the builder with God being the main architect of my life till he brings the person I can build with and he and I can build together. We will take what he has built and what I have built and put it together.

I have a friend that does not work and relies on her husband for even just the basics. This man beats her up like there is no tomorrow. She endures because if she leaves him she won’t be able to survive financially. He is her source of income literally for her and her immediate family also. Why does he abuse her- because he feels she is a liability and he knows without him my friend will not be able to ‘survive’. When I see her I wonder ‘can this really be life?’. What drove her to this - is exactly what the original posted about - does he have money? Does he have car? If she had her own she wouldn’t have bypassed the person that didn’t have a car or 30 billion in his account - but had character and was God fearing - because her focus would have gone beyond materialistic thinking.

I hate to use this example- but it’s like DavidO and his GF - she has remained with her boyfriend that has fathered two children by two different women in the course of their relationship- my brain can’t comprehend why she has stayed (husband I can understand as marriage is till death do us part - but boyfriend?) However, I can only deduce that is simply because of his status (I may be wrong as I don’t really follow their gist) If she was self- sufficient would she have remained in such? (I don’t know - maybe yes, maybe no.) -However I know being independent comes with some kind of self - respect and self-esteem for a lady and vice versa for a man.

So my dear sister my post has nothing to do with feminism, but everything to do with as a woman just have your own independence- doesn’t mean you can’t respect or submit to your boyfriend or husband -

Remain blessed.

Come I need to know you in person. It seems your perspective to life sound interesting

Saffi:
I don’t understand it. They want independent women but once they see her, they run. So what’s really the truth here, and who is deceiving who? You want an independent woman but just as long as she’s not making more money than you, biko you can’t have your cake and eat it. Once a woman starts making more money she automatically becomes proud and uncontrollable. Is it not better to settle with the leech? I tire oh

Another false statement...

Majority of guys I know are not running from an independent woman.

Secondly, I never disclosed how much make during the course of any given relationship but most girls I have dated automatically assumes I make more money than them.

It all boils down to presentation.

Not all women automatically become more proud & uncontrollable when they start earning much money than their significant other in a relationship.

If they do, then they had those inherent traits built into them even before the relationship took off.

SyberKate:
Guys you can sit this one out

gosh this is loooong

Paxie55:
The way poor and lazy guys always make it sound as if asking and having a monetary standard should be abolished.

A woman will offer to give birth, house chores, cook and all that, then contribute at least 40% financial assistant in the relationship.
Then, what is now the work of the said man of the relationship if money is the only thing you can offer.

Ladies, have a job but you see, never lower your standard.
At op, after giving him your all and all to prove that you careless about his money, did he or did he not dump You?

If a guy likes you and wanna get married to You, nothing financially will stop that, that's if he has the money.
So, I'm never listening to the rants of nl lazy broke men.

If you are not biased, you will know that everything the old women are doing as dropped drastically for the modern women, alot of them don't wash clothes again because there is washing machine, they don't give birth to the average 6 and above kids again because the civilised families only want 2-3 kids max, they don't cook much again, mostly dinner that is important, i eat fruits in the afternoon or garri with groundnut and mostly bread and tea in the morning or fast indomie with boiled egg, the cleaning of the house is now mostly done by hired house girl or weekend cleaner.
So tell me, why these screaming of house chores, cooking etc when everything as dropped drastically and you are told to channel this extra energy and time to work and bring in 40% for the family expenses why you take 60% for yourself.
Or if we are to revert back to traditional roles, pls how many of you ladies will wait in the marriage without running,
Imaging a hubby bringing 70-80k per month and the wife is to play traditional role which means the hubby foot all the bills and wife takes care of the kids and home,
2 bedroom house rent in Ogun state - 150k (2 months salary), feeding, school fees, clothes, you need to save for car and land for house, emergency like burial or wedding of a family member, dont you think the family will struggle?
Even if the guy is collecting 120-150k, na still struggle.
So pls wake up and smell the coffe

[author=phorget post=75122266]Just say "HELLO" to most Nigerian girls then you've automatically started to owe them.[/quote]This is hilarious.

Omoge87:
Each to their own my dear sister. Being independent is not gross - it’s a life skill every man and woman should learn. It does not mean you cannot accept or receive help - there is also a thing of being too independent for example like Genevieve and Linda (not a bad thing for them - but before women like that will be able to settle down with a man - it would take a lot).

The independence/Self - suffiency - I am talking about is one that does not require you to sit down and cross leg - and do nothing with your life because well you are waiting for Dangote’s son to
come to your aid.

To encourage a guy that has not married you to sponsor you up and down is for me a no no - but each to their own. One of my now ex’s offered to pay for my MSc for me - I said no. He was hustling as was I - before I met him, before I knew of his existance I knew I wanted to study - so I saved for it - simple as that. Why should a boyfriend be carrying my heavy financial burden - when he isn’t my husband. It’s not about miss independence attitude for me it’s about basic principles.

If the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship breaks down are you going to pay him back the thousands of money back? My conscious won’t allow me rest - but each to their own.

I did not marry them and they did not marry me for reasons known to myself and them - mainly spiritual incompatibility + the issue of sex before marriage). 1st one didn’t drive - second one did (both relationships were 50/50 - we assisted each other). They could ask me for reasonable things and vice versa - but for a boyfriend to say I want to buy you a car- I will say no because if we break up how does it work? Do I return the car?
Do I return the school fees? One benefits whilst one looses.

Please go and read the post of the girl who had her fees paid and is now asking on this forum does she have to marry the guy - the poor guy did it because he thought he was investing in their future- not knowing that there was no future for them in the girls mind - very unfair on that man.

To conclude a lady cannot just sit down cross her legs and rely solely on a rich man to come and assist her in life. Then she will just be taking, taking and taking and giving nothing back in return but sex - eventually the guy gets fed up- because let’s face it he can get sex from anywhere. That’s why on this forum - all you see are guys everywhere insulting women that all they have to offer is sex and nothing else, which is unfortunate.

However, each to their own. May God grant us all our hearts desires that are in line for His will for us. May we all fulfill destiny and purpose in Jesus Name. Amen.

I bow out of this forum as it seems this nairaland can become addictive if care is not taken ooo. It has been an interesting discussion. Thank you OP for the topic.

Don’t even try it...

They expect you to return the car once the relationship ends...

I have seen it happen with my two eyes...

Why do you think the Men usually buy the Car in his name instead of the Lady name...

I even witnessed a scenario where the said lady refuse to return the car citing that it was a gift obtained during the course of the relationship.

Gift Kwa?

The man sued her to small claims court & got his car back.

Guest007:
The rule hasn't been that men have more MONEY/LIFELYHOOD than women?

Today women have more money and Men can't live up to it. For a Man to not have a job was a taboo and now its still a taboo.

If I can AFFORD everything you are offering then why would i take any bs?

By Man's design ,and Nature I guess, women Are commodity. You have to invest one way or another, financially or emotionally, you don't think?

Times are changing so attidues must change or else you sound mad.

Last question; Why does the solution have to be WOMEN step down, instead of MEN step up?

Marriage by nature requires one party to be above the other. 50/50 doesn't work. And it must be the man who is higher up because nature has a mechanism that prevents women from settling with a lower man called Hypergamy...
Men can't step up because Society is mad pushing women to be independent. Especially in the West. Now for the first time MORE women than men have enrolled in colleges and universities. And men are avoiding the same. It's a disaster waiting to happen. 50 years later women will be well off as a group above men. And many men will not have a woman coz women can't date down. They will be chaos. Men will burn everything and no-one will be safe.

LUCAS99:
I wonder how you guys come up with this conclusions & generalizations.

I can’t speak for every men. But most men I know of including Me do want & date the so called independent women.

Indeed

pocohantas:
Indeed

I don’t know where you meet your men.

But I’ve dated independent ladies & I’ve never have any problem doing so.

Independent Ladies abound where I reside so one shouldn’t have a problem locking one in.

The basic problem most people encounter in a relationship is simply because they seek to date way above their league.

LUCAS99:
Another false statement...

Majority of guys I know are not running from an independent woman.

Secondly, I never disclosed how much make during the course of any given relationship but most girls I have dated automatically assumes I make more money than them.

It all boils down to presentation.

Not all women automatically become more proud & uncontrollable when they start earning much money than their significant other in a relationship.

If they do, then they had those inherent traits built into them even before the relationship took off.

i wonder where they got the idea that most men won't date independent ladies, men love independent ladies, not leeches

the only independent lady i will never date is those that want to marry you after 2 months of dating by all means, that one na trap

truthsayer009:
How is she right though? How does anything that said even make any sense?
First thing she sees is a Guy who has money NOW. a guy that can take care of her NOW.

What happens if/when he goes bankrupt, there is difference between Rich & Wealthy, except you marry a guy who is wealthy & wealth usually comes from Family line. Even at that, a wealthy guy cannot even guarantee peace.

Why can't you just look at the personality of the person? Please what she said is Crap.

I am not interested in the first thing she sees, we all see something first, yours might be boobs. I like that she is real about it. Lots of your guys claiming lovers of Miss-independent, will choose a 23y/o slayqueen you can control over a 29y/o miss-independent. We see it happen everyday.

Men look out for youthfulness in a woman, just as women look for a man that can provide. So, let's stop deceiving ourselves. We all want the other for something, most times selfish.

A broke guy can't guarantee peace either. Lots of the guys that demolished vaginas and hearts in the university were all broke with just 2 boxers to their names. Lots of them were even cheating on their gfs. A man that will give you peace, will give you peace irrespective of his financial status.

All that we want independent women ends on NL. Outside here, most Nigerian men will choose a dependent woman. It gives them control! They love control!!!

LUCAS99:
I don’t know where you meet your men.

But I’ve dated independent ladies & I’ve never have any problem doing so.

Independent Ladies abound where I reside so one shouldn’t have a problem locking one in.

The basic problem most people encounter in a relationship is simply because they seek to date way above their league.

K...

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

see intelligent answer, any other truth apart from dis one here is a lie if only some few can reason jst like you but NO

ifex370:
Dude that's not not true..

Did you see the part were she said her friend in the US thinks the same?...

Its not a Nigerian problem.. Women all over the world are changing because social media gave everyone the chance to see new things and so, no one would like to settle for any less

can we simply jst sey social media or rather technological development seems to have caused more harm than good? i believe years back orientations like this were not that common, but seems what was suppose to be a thing of value to mankind seems to be "if not a major problem" to mankind.
well, dem really sey if eye too open na dirty dey enter that is what we are facing now with some females.

What a thread.
Everyone should be free to choose what they want in a partner.
The truth is that reality hits a lot of people in the face and they keep lowering and lowering their standards till they find someone they can manage.

All this noise na for here most of them go end. If you know you know.

tunize:
can we simply jst sey social media or rather technological development seems to have caused more harm than good? i believe years back orientations like this were not that common, but seems what was suppose to be a thing of value to mankind seems to be "if not a major problem" to mankind.
well, dem really sey if eye too open na dirty dey enter that is what we are facing now with some females.

True. Social media is the culprit. That thing is the cause of the discontent that is the root of all these. The people before us were usually satisfied with little. Now everybody sees what every one else is doing so we don tear eye.

pocohantas:
I am not interested in the first thing she sees, we all see something first, yours might be boobs. I like that she is real about it. Lots of your guys claiming lovers of Miss-independent, will choose a 23y/o slayqueen you can control over a 29y/o miss-independent. We see it happen everyday.

Men look out for youthfulness in a woman, just as women look for a man that can provide. So, let's stop deceiving ourselves. We all want the other for something, most times selfish.

A broke guy can't guarantee peace either. Lots of the guys that demolished vaginas and hearts in the university were all broke with just 2 boxers to their names. Lots of them were even cheating on their gfs. A man that will give you peace, will give you peace, Irrespective of his financial status.

All that we want independent women ends on NL. Outside here, most Nigerian men will choose a dependent woman. It gives them control! They love control!!!

True for most.

Ranchhoddas:
What a thread.
Everyone should be free to choose what they want in a partner.
The truth is that reality hits a lot of people in the face and they keep lowering and lowering their standards till they find someone they can manage.

All this noise na for here most of them go end. If you know you know.

Reality always come knocking by that time potential guy have gotten a reliable partner while madam dating up is attending all church prayers and praying for husbands

pacifik:
Most of the time I don't blame our ladies... Potentials don't pay Bills in this country, some men stay grounded in their potential level until the end of time.

You talk about a nice background, Religion and personality, my dear such qualities are quite rare in this country now... "everybody na street"... Even the guys from the nice background, that pray from dawn to dusk and have saintly impeccable personalities have ditched all that shit in search of ways to survive... In this country now the only way to survive is to "tear eye" and explore options without moralistic sentiments.

I've always said this, if you're a young man and you've not set a solid financial foundation for yourself in this country then don't think of engaging in a relationship or marriage, your main focus should be on getting the money first, leave woman matters for those that can maintain them. My people has an adage.... "The beauty of a Man is in the Weight of his Wallet"...

Seriously, I don't blame any lady (especially those from poor backgrounds) who realistically assert that "No Money, No Honey"... This should be a challenge to our young men to get out from their Potential energy field and become Kinetic men that take charge of their world at all cost, Men that can Rule their World...

The painful truth is that this country has nothing to offer young men with potentials and sweet personalities anymore, our country only rewards the rugged, tough, reckless and Brave hearted ones.. Those that can smash the rules to survive..

i guess by ruling ur world you simply mean" GET RICH IN ANYWAY OR DIE TRYING IN ANY WAY" hard work still pays bro.

faithfull18:
True for most.

Isn't it ironic that 99% of Naija girls are gold diggers according to them, yet most of them and their circle only date independent women? They are also surrounded by these same independent women(sisters, mothers, aunties, ex-gfs...etc).

Do not listen to the things they say, rather watch the things they do

Ranchhoddas:
True. Social media is the culprit. That thing is the cause of the discontent that is the root of all these. The people before us were usually satisfied with little. Now everybody sees what every one else is doing so we don tear eye.

what to do now " no saint no devil" it has come to stay in as much as its causing issues it has also helped too. na jst that some guyz standard is not standard but mere greed and laziness.
we still have good girls out there.

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

may God bless you

pocohantas:
Isn't it ironic that 99% of Naija girls are gold diggers according to them, yet most of them and their circle only date independent women? They are also surrounded by these same independent women(sisters, mothers, aunties, ex-gfs...etc).

Do not listen to the things they say, rather watch the things they do

Talk is really cheap. A good number of Nigerians are mostly talkers rather than doers.

faithfull18:
Talk is really cheap. A good number of Nigerians are mostly talkers rather than doers.

Naso nne.

I am even surprised the economists in the house are not telling us to cut off supply (men should stop giving). I guess supply is no more controlling demand