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I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating - Romance (13) - Nairaland

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Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by pocohantas(f): 11:14am On Dec 03, 2019
ornicus:


i am reporting you to the 44th mind for
1) trolling
2) alternate user ID
3) trolling again
4) misleading those of us looking for 2nd wife angry

Lol. I know Romance section guys love threads like this. I had to make it worth their time.

3 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by CCC2(m): 11:16am On Dec 03, 2019
Since your Virgina requires investment and commitment, why no take it to Allen at night. There you will find many committed investors.

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 11:17am On Dec 03, 2019
pocohantas:


Lol. I know Romance section guys love threads like this. I had to make it worth their time.

ebe like say you people don wind down for December. so na to troll boys remain . issokay o
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Azmanaty: 11:17am On Dec 03, 2019
anonimi:




harlequeen, I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I will edit the comment now

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 11:17am On Dec 03, 2019
pocohantas:


Lol. I know Romance section guys love threads like this. I had to make it worth their time.

If she wants reasonable men she should holla me. I got too much reasonable and cool dudes. But there are actually reasonable men out there, I wonder where women are looking at. Online dating is the worst place to find reasonable men.
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by aragon4realz(m): 11:19am On Dec 03, 2019
the truth is ....you don't choose who you fall in love with even if you do the people might not love you...just let love find you

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Harlequeen: 11:21am On Dec 03, 2019
Obito555:
I pray u met the right man just like I pray I met the right woman too
Amen

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 11:22am On Dec 03, 2019
Do what is right in your sight & be prayerful.
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by omomummy13: 11:24am On Dec 03, 2019
First off, you have done nothing wrong. Your heart, your terms. Time and chance my dear. That, is what i thnk you need.

Focus on your NYSC (probably you'll meet him there) and be out to get a good job ( another place you might meet him). All other things will fall in place.

All the Best.
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Harlequeen: 11:24am On Dec 03, 2019
CCC2:
Since your Virgina requires investment and commitment, why no take it to Allen at night. There you will find many committed investors.
That's not the kind of investment i am looking for
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by meobizy(f): 11:26am On Dec 03, 2019
This problem happens to almost every Nigerian female: they have nothing to offer but want the world thrown at their feet.

Don’t worry pocohantas, until you start approaching men you will never find the one who meets your set standards. Keep waiting for men to make the first move and you’ll stay disappointed as usual with the ones who do. I also don’t see anything wrong in your situation because the average male faces worse. Stay happy that men come in the first place.

There’s also the stupid fear and lack of confidence women always possess which I sense in this write-up. I guess it’s why females normally take pleasure in destroying a man’s God-given pride when the chance raises itself.

For all I know this OP is not who I think but one of the older females here forming sisi. I give zero f-ucks. Humans are never satisfied with what comes their way.

I don’t see anything wrong in the lifestyle choice you picked. If you feel there’s anything you’re not doing right you’ll loosen up eventually. The search for sex is so strong it makes humans go out of their way once in a while (actually once in many whiles).

This account was used also because my main username is very popular.

2 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by SouthPaw24(m): 11:26am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job


You're still young. Work on yourself. Prepare yourself for the type of man you're looking for because that man might meet you and be just as disappointed as you were with those other guys.

3 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Harlequeen: 11:27am On Dec 03, 2019
Pufpuf:
You seem to have standards, for expecting such qualities from your man too.
Meanwhile, your expectations tally with mine except that I’m a doctor.
I wish you good luck.
Are you writing PLAB or USLME
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Ladylite: 11:27am On Dec 03, 2019
partnerbizn4:


Please tell, how is life spiritual?

Tell me where harmattan comes from
Have you ever seen SENSE when a human being is being operated on?

Where are your dreams stored?

Who painted the sky?

How come yahoo plus exists and it works....


If you are in Naija and you can still ask how life is spiritual then you may already be a victim

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by AfroKnight: 11:28am On Dec 03, 2019
The OP has standards.

But men with those standards don’t think she’s up to their own standards.

Life is a pot of beans... and dodo.

10 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Debaiz: 11:29am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

You’re looking for someone about ten years older than you that is ambitious.

Get the facts.

You’re by my guessing in your 20s. So whoever you’re looking for is most likely in their 30s.

One thing about ambitious men is that they tend to settle down early. Those who can’t settle down early will have one very important reason they haven’t(may be personal). So the probability that that ambitious man would’ve settled down before 30 is very high ruling him out of your age preference. The few once who are yet to decide will be ruled out by the fact that they will most likely appear as unserious cos of their little achievement and advanced age.

My advice is to either cut out the age thing cos the zeal of ambition is mostly visible in 20s. In the 30s, the ambition is mostly a personal struggle and won’t be visible in the mans life style.
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Suremikky(m): 11:30am On Dec 03, 2019
you Can be intelligent and not wise, well read yet naive...all becos experience can not be substituted with anything..few years from now u will know better and your outlook on life will be a lot different.

3 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Harlequeen: 11:31am On Dec 03, 2019
uscofield:


No woman would say ill about herself.
Here are some guides:

I met this lady when i was squatting with my pal (just after NYSC), had no job, no money and no house of my own in the new state of abode. Managed to get a teaching job and same day of the job, my things were thrown out of the house by my pal.
My plans was to marry a girl from a rich home, with good education and well spoken, but what can i do when i don't have a job. Had so many of the girls around but none looked inward to see what i could become tomorrow.
They girl I met (waec holder with incomplete result) picked me up with her little cash, paid for a room for me and asked me to start life from there at no refund for the rent.
I asked the girl to enroll for waec which she did and passed. same year, she gained admission into the higher institution. Two months into the classroom, i got a job. I supported the girl financially and ensured she got the better part of her education.
Two years later, It was time to settle down, i met some of the girls (they are not aware of my present status) for marriage, they declined my proposal with flimsy excuses.
Most of the girls are not married till date. The one i craved dearly for died few months after her wedding (God saved me from her).
I called the girl that gave me shelter when i had non, asked for her hand and she accepted.
Five years in marriage and still counting, I am wonderfully blessed. Blessed with my own property, a car, two wonderful boys, professional certs., and now nursing the dream of leaving this country.

This is a true life story. Completely true.

Here is the advise:
She wasn't my class, not in my league, not from rich home but i saw some qualities in her that can keep you going. I moulded her into what i wanted (a graduate, a mother, and a working class).
No one prays for less in life but God is the ultimate planner of our lives.
You can't see all you deserve in a man but you can make the man what you want. Men are soft and easily yield to the desires of their partners when they get the needed support from her.
Make sure you have the right attitude to hold a man (no turn monitoring spirit when he is away).
Give someone a chance because you can't truly know what a man is made of until you have his heart and vise versa.
Remain nice to others even if you don't have interest in them, they can be your guests during events. They can also change their lives just because of your attitude towards them.
Remain focused on your dreams.
Poor man today can/may never be poor tomorrow.
"Hand to mouth"guys today can become CEOs of tomorrow.

I wish you the best.
that's so inspiring, maybe i am being arrogant. I will try to be nicer.

6 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Adem20: 11:33am On Dec 03, 2019
[quote author=Lightway post=84568000]Look at this...

When I was in the Univeristy i set a high standard for myself.. i didnt look at broke girls twice and I could only date girls with 100k in their account.... I look out for the rich people and associate them.

Here is your problem

You didnt really specify the specs you want...

Define an ambitious man.

Should he have a million dollars in his account or 1 million?

Should he have a car or cars?

Should he be black or white?

Will you accept a man with a tattos?


You only gave these descriptions

He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs

There are many men with these features, so you need to be very specific.

When you narrow down the characteristics that interest you, ask yourself one question...

Where can you find this kind of man? On the street? By the road? In the highbrows of lekki, like you said Or on social media?

If you cant find him, then ask yourself...

Does this man really exist?

Sometimes we watch too many movies, listen to too many social media talks, consume too many relationship books and shows and all that garbage push us to fantasize and create a partner (man) that doesn't exist...

Just look at your man, you want him to have all the great features just the same way a lot of people want all the bad in the world to be gone..

In reality, the world is so bad that some people dont want to live in it anymore and they commit suicide.

But there are great people out there doing good, with a good heart and a giving spirit. You have seen them and you probably envy them. Unknown to you, many of these people already know the truth, they have studied the bad in this world and learned how to live with it... So while they do good, no one can cheat them or outwit them because they know whats up.

So while your man must has good, impressive features he must have bad features too. And while you're fantasizing about the perfect man for you, remember that no one is perfect and there is no perfect man. In fact, you might find out that no man has all the qualities you want. Instead, they have most, a few or none of these attributes. The right thing to do would be to give those with most of these features you want a chance and learn from there.

Try to learn lessons while you're younger, because they'll sharpen your decision making skills when you get older.

I learned this while chasing after the right partner while I was making 200k per month and hunting only ambitious ladies. So, the feeling is mutual

Harlequeen

Well written
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by psalmuelwater(m): 11:34am On Dec 03, 2019
SBL28:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I lose interest in people easily too. Sometimes I wish I had someone to whisper sweet nonsense in my ears, you know that rush that comes with new love grin but the rest of the time, I'm just enjoying my peace. No point going around sampling frogs all over the place in the name of searching for Mr right.

And it's not bad to know what you want. Do you pray? Because without God's guidance, all these attributes you listed won't mean anything, some women did more than this and tthey still ended up with 'horsebands'.
It is God that chooses for us. So don't bother yourself, just be praying and working on your career, at God's time, His appointed man for you will show up.

P.s those friends that told you to look towards V.i, Lekki blah blah don't know what they are talking about, na where all these fvckboys even plenty pass, too many 'faworajas'. undecided or they kept a group of good guys in one house there? Lol
Your head is there
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Nobody: 11:35am On Dec 03, 2019
GrabHisBalls:
She shouldn't drop the mentality of listing credentials oh! People marry for selfish reasons even though they will tell you they love you unconditionally. grin The woman you married, you married her for selfish reasons. At least, she didn't collect a Kobo from you while dating. That was selfishness on your part.

How do you people advise people to drop standards? Anything doesn't go. Not all men with the dick are worth a relationship, not to talk of marriage.
Of course everyone should have standards, but what the op mentioned is too much, she should reevaluate her standards to things more reasonable and she even said when she meets men with her standard she doesn't like them. What else does the op wants, make she kuku use clay build her own man.

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Tsolutionifede(m): 11:35am On Dec 03, 2019
AlphaStyles:
what has high high standards brought her?
don't worry, I will talk to her to consider you and manage whatever standard u have
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by CSTR2: 11:38am On Dec 03, 2019
What do you have to offer?
I didn't see anything special in what you listed as selling points.

You are not even a virgin. And you are average looking too.
And you also don't have a well established career from what you said.
What do you have to offer for all those high standards?

The man that fits your criteria is a hot cake.
You are not the only woman that wants him.

So what do you have to offer that others don't.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Harlequeen: 11:39am On Dec 03, 2019
adanny01:


When a brand becomes too expensive than its alternatives, the brand spends more time on the shelf.

Even though an iPhone is the best phone maker, Samsung beats it in several ways by being more affordable and less restricted.

You are not the only girl with a virgina. Others are less restricted, less pricey and will get more dicks.

When 2 people decide to get married, it is not the number of dicks she had or virgina he bleeped that determines anything.

What am saying is that sex is not a reward for your partner, it is a desire you want to satisfy yourself first and your partner second.

Someone like me will refuse sex from you because of the strings attached. Its even worst if you want the conditions met before sex.

I think you are trying to force destiny in your favour and you are trying too hard. I think looking for a particular type of man is a bad idea. The way to go is determining if the guy you are dating is the particular type of man. If the guy you are dating is half the man you expect, compromise should be considered. If along the way, you had sex with all the guys you dated, its not a crime.
sex is high risk and low reward for women and not pleasant for all women. That is why faking it is almost second nature to so.e women.

I am not saying i don't like sex, i don't regret being sexually active. I am not in a relationship, and do not see the point sleeping around.
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by pocohantas(f): 11:40am On Dec 03, 2019
ornicus:


ebe like say you people don wind down for December. so na to troll boys remain . issokay o

It is fun. cheesy

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Harlequeen: 11:40am On Dec 03, 2019
adanny01:


When a brand becomes too expensive than its alternatives, the brand spends more time on the shelf.

Even though an iPhone is the best phone maker, Samsung beats it in several ways by being more affordable and less restricted.

You are not the only girl with a virgina. Others are less restricted, less pricey and will get more dicks.

When 2 people decide to get married, it is not the number of dicks she had or virgina he bleeped that determines anything.

What am saying is that sex is not a reward for your partner, it is a desire you want to satisfy yourself first and your partner second.

Someone like me will refuse sex from you because of the strings attached. Its even worst if you want the conditions met before sex.

I think you are trying to force destiny in your favour and you are trying too hard. I think looking for a particular type of man is a bad idea. The way to go is determining if the guy you are dating is the particular type of man. If the guy you are dating is half the man you expect, compromise should be considered. If along the way, you had sex with all the guys you dated, its not a crime.
sex is high risk and low reward for women and not pleasant for all women. That is why faking it is almost second nature to so.e women.

I am not saying i don't like sex, i don't regret being sexually active. I am not in a relationship, and do not see the point sleeping around.

3 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by Powersurge: 11:40am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Man (human being) has many variations. That is , it is very difficult to predict a man. What he will be or not. Life is not about what is, it is about what will be. The best plans in life don't always work and sometimes, a "no plan" eventually get the job done.

Don't categorise people only by what you heard them say, sometimes they could do exactly opposite.

when I was in service, I had a female friend (...still friends). She knows me as a womanizer and a proud person. She was wondering how she was coping with me. But somehow, I made it clear to her from beginning that our contact cannot go beyond friendship. She thought I was bluffing...that I had ulterior motive to get under her pant. Since she known me for that. Hence she was always very cautious. And I will be there laughing at her caution. One day someone joked about her marrying me. She was offended. She said I am never serious about life ( not in an annoying way though). I always laugh at her assumptions. She thought she knew me. But she didn't.

As time passes, She began to develop feelings. I reminded her again about what I told her earlier. Because I don't want anybody to be crying on my neck. I made it clear to everyone I was rolling with that it was just for fun. She knew about that. That further heightened her assumption that I was just for the puna.

After service, her feelings has become full blown. Cry and tears I now order of the day. That was what i was avoiding. She is a pure soul.

I don't have money yet. So she wasn't crying because I have money. She later discovered my DEEP SEATED ambitions. And she discovered that they tally TOTALLY with what she wanted in a man. It is those ambitions that are preventing me from going for her even now. Because they are not fulfilled yet. and she wants to brake her own rules with the hope that they will be fulfilled in the future. But I am not ready to break mine.

the moral of my boring story is that just live. Answers will locate you in human form when you least expected. And I would advise that setting standard for people doesn't always work.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by iamclime(m): 11:41am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
Yes i am. I am feminine, soft, good company, intelligent, just starting out my career, well read and so much more. The man who i end up with will be truly blessed.

The first question you should ask yourself is: Do I myself possess all these wonderful qualities and qualifications I desire in a marriage partner?
If you really do, the right person will soon discover you or be discovered by you.
But if not.... seriously, you're on a long thing!
Blessings.

2 Likes

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by uscofield: 11:43am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
that's so inspiring, maybe i am being arrogant. I will try to be nicer.

It's actually my story. Key into it and remain blessed.

1 Like

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by obowunmi(m): 11:43am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Unfortunately, Nigerian women MUST choose between lazy but faithful.

Many men out there have no plans for their lives, which is why there are more successful women than men.
Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by skinnyinc(m): 11:44am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?


I think you should just be open minded and dont expect too much. Believe me there are a lot of great people out there. And then lastly friendship should be the basis of whatever it is you intend going into. There is still time hun so steady steady ok. All the best hun

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Don't Know What My Problem Is With Men And Dating by styles2009: 11:45am On Dec 03, 2019
Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Shilon then

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