₦airaland Forum

Navalsadiq:
your not a serious person.young girls of these generation they will never learn.if your mother had adopted would she have had u

healthserve:
The Op has deeper psychological issues bro. Don't bother. Nothing here or counsel from here would easily work. Some problems cuts deep into psychological, spiritual levels, not to forget deep flawed logic that leads people on a self-assuned path of safety till it cost them more than they realize. This isn't someone you can influence easily as they'll see themselves as hardly wrong, and yes not open to make needful corrections to lead a happy life!



Trust me I know this one. This is purely a psychological issues with the possibility of deeper spiritual background issues and then the obvious " habit " issues, habits that has been applied for so long that has formed the basis of how they apply themselves to life, hence they won't see their actions as wrongs cause over time it has evolved into their embelmic-actions

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

Seun:
I commend you for knowing what you want. Now you need to know what what you want wants.Talk to happily married men who fall into the category you're looking for and ask them what attracted them to their wives. Cultivate those qualities and then you'll be able to attract such men.

Seun:
I commend you for knowing what you want. Now you need to know what what you want wants. Talk to happily married men who fall into the category you're looking for and ask them what attracted them to their wives. Cultivate those qualities and then you'll be able to attract such men.

pocohantas:
Do they have something for me?
They are always asking of me, yet no show.

ojun50:
Last last you will end up marrying the wrong person.

Harlequeen:
there are many children needing a parents's love and guidance to be better members of society

What is wrong with adoption?

ojun50:
Last last you will end up marrying the wrong person.

CHoccolaTE:
@bold
Many of them are blockheads that dont listen, that's how they get married and retard_ their family's progress with their lazy and stubborn natures.

I know one like that, an old family friend, he' very jobless but will remain inside house 24/7 waiting for his wife to hustle and bring money because he knows she won't let her kids starve. When they married he was doing uber work before his car got stolen and since then the guy packed up and refused to be useful to himself. If the woman tries to convince him to start up something he gets angry and starts frowning face as if she is disturbing him.

Housework he no dey do, money he no dey bring, he doesn't even go job hunting.
Just waiting for woman to feed him everyday.
Na that kain man woman go poison out of frustration people will start saying she is very wicked.

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

Harlequeen:
there are many children needing a parents's love and guidance to be better members of society

What is wrong with adoption?

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

Harlequeen:
Wow! Real mature! Oya, clap for yourself.

jclassiq:
Yea, but the thing about time is that it doesn't wait for anyone. Now I'm not suggesting you lower your standard or anything. But if the man you are looking for doesn't come, will you be willing to live out your life as a single person? This is the question that needs to be asked.

degamemaster:
Continue setting standard until you clock 40yrs. If you're asked to state in all honesty, what you have to offer the man or bring to the table of marriage, won't it be the usual your overused and slacked pussy and empty brains and useless body curves? Anything else?

Harlequeen:
being sexually active was not the mistake. Being with a man who lacked drive, who always had one excuse or the other. Who will still be sleeping by 10 am while i had gone to school or work. whose words and actions never matched, who was in a hurry to marry me and get me pregnant, but was clearly not ready to start a family , wasn't ready to wait for me. Till the extent that he got another girl pregnant. that was my mistake.

Harlequeen:
I'm very average in looks, but full of self esteem. Some nairalanders even think i am ugly,but they are entitled to their opinion and poor taste.

Tsolutionifede:
don't worry, I will talk to her to consider you and manage whatever standard u have

Harlequeen:
.

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get into a new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

GrabHisBalls:
She shouldn't drop the mentality of listing credentials oh! People marry for selfish reasons even though they will tell you they love you unconditionally. The woman you married, you married her for selfish reasons. At least, she didn't collect a Kobo from you while dating. That was selfishness on your part.

How do you people advise people to drop standards? Anything doesn't go. Not all men with the dick are worth a relationship, not to talk of marriage.

anonimi:
Is there anything wrong with living life as a single person?
Are there not many accomplished people whose legacies live beyond them who were single and childless

pcguru1:
I get what you mean, this is what I think works , since you want someone with common interest, I will advice you to stop using online dating chats, I dont like being an hypocrite , the type of conversations I have there align with the current intention I have at heart which is sexual in nature. If you want to meet reasonable people you have more chances within communities that is centred around tangible things. What I mean is, join a group be it literature, something mind stimulating, you will be able to relate more and see people and how they interact in a proper manner. The same guys on NL here that talk nonsense might actually be reasonable people, so tldr spent more time meeting people in person than online. I hope this works. Also you lost me with the masturbation part or maybe you're being paranoid, there's tons of masturbatory materials online with categories. So I doubt anyone would masturbate with your pix.

Beosten:
What you have to understand is that if you see someone with these credentials, he must have used and dumped a lot of women before you met him. I grew up with a very poor grandfather, and still, I had two girls who were ready to be mine right from secondary school days. Another two women in the university fought each other to a standstill just to have me because they thought I have good future. I married none of the four. I spent 80% of salary from my first big job on a girl by paying her school fees. She ended up leaving me. I married someone who didn't collect Kobo from me before marriage, and I had no job when I married her. Today, I have 3 sources of income.

My advice for you is that you should drop this mentality of listing credentials upandan. If you can, believe God to help in this aspect; not by becoming a church goer, but by chasing righteousness.

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

uscofield:
No woman would say ill about herself.
Here are some guides:

I met this lady when i was squatting with my pal (just after NYSC), had no job, no money and no house of my own in the new state of abode. Managed to get a teaching job and same day of the job, my things were thrown out of the house by my pal.
My plans was to marry a girl from a rich home, with good education and well spoken, but what can i do when i don't have a job. Had so many of the girls around but none looked inward to see what i could become tomorrow.
They girl I met (waec holder with incomplete result) picked me up with her little cash, paid for a room for me and asked me to start life from there at no refund for the rent.
I asked the girl to enroll for waec which she did and passed. same year, she gained admission into the higher institution. Two months into the classroom, i got a job. I supported the girl financially and ensured she got the better part of her education.
Two years later, It was time to settle down, i met some of the girls (they are not aware of my present status) for marriage, they declined my proposal with flimsy excuses.
Most of the girls are not married till date. The one i craved dearly for died few months after her wedding (God saved me from her).
I called the girl that gave me shelter when i had non, asked for her hand and she accepted.
Five years in marriage and still counting, I am wonderfully blessed. Blessed with my own property, a car, two wonderful boys, professional certs., and now nursing the dream of leaving this country.

This is a true life story. Completely true.

Here is the advise:
She wasn't my class, not in my league, not from rich home but i saw some qualities in her that can keep you going. I moulded her into what i wanted (a graduate, a mother, and a working class).
No one prays for less in life but God is the ultimate planner of our lives.
You can't see all you deserve in a man but you can make the man what you want. Men are soft and easily yield to the desires of their partners when they get the needed support from her.
Make sure you have the right attitude to hold a man (no turn monitoring spirit when he is away).
Give someone a chance because you can't truly know what a man is made of until you have his heart and vise versa.
Remain nice to others even if you don't have interest in them, they can be your guests during events. They can also change their lives just because of your attitude towards them.
Remain focused on your dreams.
Poor man today can/may never be poor tomorrow.
"Hand to mouth"guys today can become CEOs of tomorrow.

I wish you the best.