₦airaland Forum

SmellingAnus:
of course they are different but she has a serious issue and she is obviously trying to use the guy to help her over come her issues... I have been on this road both at the receiving and giving end... It's not a good situation for the other party... That's why I maintain that I can't even imagine myself in such situation like the guy... Las Las she go most likely still dump the guy...

You are talking from a place of bias because youre already jaded from the past.

As I said before, some people are difficult to love but thats not the same as being impossible to love.

Its not only well-balanced and emotionally available people who get into lasting relationships. We have to advise her according to the situation she has laid out for us already and not as if she's perfect or superhuman.

Telling her that shes going to dump the guy anyway is not helpful. Telling her that shes okay the way she is isnt helpful either. What is helpful is analysing her behaviour and advising her on what she needs to change about it to get a different result.

She just needs a realistic roadmap from point A where she is now to point B which is a working relationship. She doesnt need to transform herself into an emotional Yogi master for that to happen.

Youre saying "use the guy to overcome her issues" but let me ask you; what is a relationship if not another word for "using"? Any relationship between 2 people is those 2 people gaining some kind of satisfaction and development from each other so as far as the guy is not complaining and is ready to undergo some of the stress that comes with being with a difficult person I dont see anything like "using" here as long as she puts in an honest effort on her end.

midnighter:
Lol do you know that I wanted to mention your monicker...shes sounding like your female counterpart

Really?

That is so sad.

Man ain’t getting any younger.


It still worries me

midnighter:
Its not only well-balanced and emotionally available people who get into lasting relationships. .

exactly my point , even those that are emotionally available, it's not so easy or a guarantee that it will last long not to talk of this very unstable person that is already looking for how she will dump the guy but her major fear is if she will later regret her actions ...

After they Fxck u or what

The FTC reply is rather to harsh. You should have said it in a subtle way

SmellingAnus:
exactly my point , even those that are emotionally available, it's not so easy or a guarantee that it will last long not to talk of this very unstable person that is already looking for how she will dump the guy but her major fear is if she will regret her actions ...

And yet some emotionally available people are roving from pillar to post and some crazy people have a partner who adores them.

Youre just looking at it through a negative lens instead of being objective. Its like youre only reading half of her post...?

Yes now! For her to consider whether she is making a mistake or not by offering her problem up for advice shows that she has potential.

Before making a decision dont you fear whether you are going to regret or not? I dont see anything wrong with being honest about your flaws and asking for help so you declaring that she has no hope because she has a problem is uncalled for.

Or what advice do you actually have for her because I havent seen anything apart from negative forecasts from you so far?

She will just die alone right?

Eyaa. Village people, e no go better for you

midnighter:
And yet some emotionally available people are roving from pillar to post and some crazy people have a partner who adores them.

Youre just looking at it through a negative lens instead of being objective. Its like youre only reading half of her post...?

Yes now! For her to consider whether she is making a mistake or not by offering her problem up for advice shows that she has potential.

Before making a decision dont you fear whether you are going to regret or not? I dont see anything wrong with being honest about your flaws and asking for help so you declaring that she has no hope because she has a problem is uncalled for.

Or what advice do you actually have for her because I havent seen anything apart from negative forecasts from you so far?

She will just die alone right?

I only have advice for the guy unfortunately he is not the Op... My dear life is already too complicated ... Why should I deliberately add more complications to an already complicated institution called relationship/marriage... I honestly feel for the guy cos he looks set to be her next victim ... May he find someone better after he has been dumped by her...

SmellingAnus:
I only have advice for the guy unfortunately he is not the Op... My dear life is already too complicated ... Why should I deliberately add more complications to an already complicated institution called relationship/marriage... I honestly feel for the guy cos he looks set to be her next victim ... May he find someone better after he has been dumped by her...

Lol so your point is that what? The guy is not here! Why didnt you wait for him to open a thread first

Give her advice on her problem since you said you were once in the same shoes, not just to doom her to perpetual failure when shes clearly looking for answers and solutions.

What is the point of all this stuff youre writing exactly because Im sure if somebody answered you like this after you opened up about your personal issue, you wouldnt really like it

chigoizie7:
Really?

That is so sad.

Man ain’t getting any younger.

It still worries me

You will be fine, friend

Michellekabod2:
I am not going to create another moniker for this,i owe no one nothing!

I have spent most of my life single. I tried linking up with people but to no avail. Why? I will not do the blame game here. Is all my fault. I meet someone, get heed over heels for the person but I lose interest easily. When it comes to commitment, when the friendship is to get to the next level I ghost them. I don't know why. At best out of the blue I lose interest and become blank, not returning calls or replying messages, at worst I become disgusted at the fellow for no reason at all then move one to the next male friend. Nothing serious comes out of it...

So I decided to give up trying. My female friends and I go on an outing, some guys approach us and get our numbers. Months (sometimes years) later they are still waxing strong with the males, one of them even got married to one of them. But me? After a couple of weeks I find myself having to ghost the guy that I was head over heels for.

I gave up on love and chose to be single. I have been single for years now.

I met this guy march this year,we bonded like never before. I have never in my entire life felt like this before. It is so strange that each conversation we have all seems anew like we are starting all over.

It's almost ten months and the fire is still intense.
I have never had such a long friendship with a male. People assume we are dating. He gives me so much JOY... He is so awesome, different from all the others i have known. He changed me.

I just figured out i want to end the friendship, I don't know why. I am tired. I want to walk away. The passion is still there but i want to be away. I wanted to get a new SIM but my conscience will not. What has kept me from doing this is because i wonder how he will feel..

I want to walk away. Will i regret this?

how is it now ?

Michellekabod2:
I am not going to create another moniker for this,i owe no one nothing!

I have spent most of my life single. I tried linking up with people but to no avail. Why? I will not do the blame game here. Is all my fault. I meet someone, get heed over heels for the person but I lose interest easily. When it comes to commitment, when the friendship is to get to the next level I ghost them. I don't know why. At best out of the blue I lose interest and become blank, not returning calls or replying messages, at worst I become disgusted at the fellow for no reason at all then move one to the next male friend. Nothing serious comes out of it...

So I decided to give up trying. My female friends and I go on an outing, some guys approach us and get our numbers. Months (sometimes years) later they are still waxing strong with the males, one of them even got married to one of them. But me? After a couple of weeks I find myself having to ghost the guy that I was head over heels for.

I gave up on love and chose to be single. I have been single for years now.

I met this guy march this year,we bonded like never before. I have never in my entire life felt like this before. It is so strange that each conversation we have all seems anew like we are starting all over.

It's almost ten months and the fire is still intense.
I have never had such a long friendship with a male. People assume we are dating. He gives me so much JOY... He is so awesome, different from all the others i have known. He changed me.

I just figured out i want to end the friendship, I don't know why. I am tired. I want to walk away. The passion is still there but i want to be away. I wanted to get a new SIM but my conscience will not. What has kept me from doing this is because i wonder how he will feel..

I want to walk away. Will i regret this?

You sound like an introvert who needs to disconnect from time to time to recharge. I think you have not come to terms with this aspect of yourself and are taking it out on your relationships.

Believe me I have dealt with this issue myself and it is an ongoing fight. First things first realise this is what you are ain't no shame in it. Next, establish a pattern for yourself on communicating and disconnecting from people for your own satisfaction. Then talk with your friend, let him know this is how you are and what he should expect. Make sure he realises it has nothing to do with him just something you need to do so you can keep functioning.

midnighter:
You will be fine, friend

Thank you.

Someone said most of the times. Introverts disconnects to recharge.

chigoizie7:
Thank you.

Someone said most of the times. Introverts disconnects to recharge.

Yeah. I think the key is making an effort to accommodate another person into your space and getting somebody who doesnt take the "moods" personal

Pele cardi b

midnighter:
Lol so your point is that what? The guy is not here! Why didnt you wait for him to open a thread first

Give her advice on her problem since you said you were once in the same shoes, not just to doom her to perpetual failure when shes clearly looking for answers and solutions.

What is the point of all this stuff youre writing exactly because Im sure if somebody answered you like this after you opened up about your personal issue, you wouldnt really like it

Sweetheart it's obvious both of us are biased... While you are tending towards giving the Op which happens to be a female a favourable piece of advice, I am more interested in giving her man a favourable piece of advice...

midnighter:
Yeah. I think the key is making an effort to accommodate another person into your space and getting somebody who doesnt take the "moods" personal

Most times I just let go,

I think it is being selfish on my part.

I had one who understood and willing to always stay.

But it is just not fair, I mean, how can you get someone hanging just because you are having a mood swing? That is being inconsiderate.

SmellingAnus:
Sweetheart it's obvious both of us are biased... While you are tending towards giving the Op which happens to be a female a favourable piece of advice, I am more interested in giving her man a favourable piece of advice...

No dear, I am giving her realistic and objective advice based on the information she provided in the OP while you are purposely warping and twisting what she wrote in an attempt to rubbish her out of some misplaced loyalty to the guy who hasnt posted anything here! Does it make sense?

You wont put herself in her shoes as the person seeking help but would rather indulge your own emotions and machinations that have almost nothing to do with what we are discussing and keep leading you to a faulty conclusion

If you can link all these things you keep writing back to what she actually said and not your own experiences then I can take you seriously. All you keep repeating is that she will still dump the guy, she must still dump the guy which is out of the point, isnt it

LordReed:
You sound like an introvert who needs to disconnect from time to time to recharge. I think you have not come to terms with this aspect of yourself and are taking it out on your relationships.

Believe me I have dealt with this issue myself and it is an ongoing fight. First things first realise this is what you are ain't no shame in it. Next, establish a pattern for yourself on communicating and disconnecting from people for your own satisfaction. Then talk with your friend, let him know this is how you are and what he should expect. Make sure he realises it has nothing to do with him just something you need to do so you can keep functioning.

wow....you once battled this and yet yoy are happily married with kids?its means there is hope for me....thank you for your advice

Michellekabod2:
wow....you once battled this and yet yoy are happily married with kids?its means there is hope for me....thank you for your advice

maybe if you have more sex with them ,you will love them more...just saying

Michellekabod2, you have daddy's issues

healthserve:
Stop using people. Be better. Stop taking people for a ride with your emotional recklessness


Use and discard. Passive Narcissistic personality disorder. Go see a therapist. You're a destroyer


You also have an over-inflated ego. The world doesn't revolve around you. And No, you're not too good for everyone.


You're an egomaniac that exists for feel-good vibes only with a detached feeling from regular existence. Go see a therapist. You're pathetic

This says it all. A narcissist is a destroyer of human beings. Any sane man who is involved with a narcissist will regret the day he was born..

OP those guys you hurt are better off cos people like you destroy husbands on a whim with no regrets.

You are literally evil. Its just who you are and you need help.

streetzdreamz:
you are simply scared,or scarred and it's a psychological condition,it's all in your head and the way out? I really don't know because I'm equally searching for answers,people tagged it "misogyny,gay, player,spirit wives(ridiculous yeah?)and a whole lot of comments,all I knew was I had that misogynistic tendencies since childhood and I been battling it over the years,which yielded a positive result,I've had awesome friendship with ladies,but taking it a step further ruins it all,all relationships were short termed and it's tiring when you have to leave, even without a reason or no fault from your partner,it isn't about narcissism,or being a perfectionist,no one is perfect but it's just something I'm planning to put behind me in the coming year,people don't understand how bad it is one wanna keep a relationship make it work like every normal human,but at the end you find yourself drifting off and detaching without a solid cause or reason,just give this a trial,and give yourself a mandate of seeing it through,tell yourself you are done being lonely,and give a sort of dependency on your partner,that independent mindset have been built over the years of being alone,you gotta break it down,and when that horrible feeling is at it's peek,take a time out but don't detach..

some people are judging not knowing the pain i feel each time i start to lose interest

midnighter:
No dear, I am giving her realistic and objective advice based on the information she provided in the OP while you are purposely warping and twisting what she wrote in an attempt to rubbish her out of some misplaced loyalty to the guy who hasnt posted anything here! Does it make sense?

You wont put herself in her shoes as the person seeking help but would rather indulge your own emotions and machinations that have almost nothing to do with what we are discussing and keep leading you to a faulty conclusion

If you can link all these things you keep writing back to what she actually said and not your own experiences then I can take you seriously. All you keep repeating is that she will still dump the guy, she must still dump the guy which is out of the point, isnt it

sweetheart stop trying to manipulate me to come over your side

I wish the guy was on Nairaland going through our comments

SmellingAnus:
sweetheart stop trying to manipulate me to come over your side

I wish the guy was on Nairaland going through our comments

Can you link your comments back to what she said in her OP or not?

Michellekabod2:
wow....you once battled this and yet yoy are happily married with kids?its means there is hope for me....thank you for your advice

Yes so it's not an impossible thing. Just realise this is who you are and use it to create your own happiness. Don't try to compete in socialisation like more extroverted people, you'll just develop more and more dissatisfaction. Live out the you you are unapologetically.

I think there might be a problem somewhere which u need to identify, check ur life history well because i had a friend dat had such problem not knowing d mother was behind d problem but God intervene & she was free. This is Africa where juju dey work

Uve already started regretting it that's y u posted this but u just don't know it yet.

Go to a deliverance ministry for like Christ Mercyland Deliverance Ministry in Warri for deliverance. A therapist can't help you. I don't know your age but you might end up in your fifties without a guy or a husband if you don't tackle it spiritually

Michellekabod2:
I am not going to create another moniker for this,i owe no one nothing!

I have spent most of my life single. I tried linking up with people but to no avail. Why? I will not do the blame game here. Is all my fault. I meet someone, get heed over heels for the person but I lose interest easily. When it comes to commitment, when the friendship is to get to the next level I ghost them. I don't know why. At best out of the blue I lose interest and become blank, not returning calls or replying messages, at worst I become disgusted at the fellow for no reason at all then move one to the next male friend. Nothing serious comes out of it...

So I decided to give up trying. My female friends and I go on an outing, some guys approach us and get our numbers. Months (sometimes years) later they are still waxing strong with the males, one of them even got married to one of them. But me? After a couple of weeks I find myself having to ghost the guy that I was head over heels for.

I gave up on love and chose to be single. I have been single for years now.

I met this guy march this year,we bonded like never before. I have never in my entire life felt like this before. It is so strange that each conversation we have all seems anew like we are starting all over.

It's almost ten months and the fire is still intense.
I have never had such a long friendship with a male. People assume we are dating. He gives me so much JOY... He is so awesome, different from all the others i have known. He changed me.

I just figured out i want to end the friendship, I don't know why. I am tired. I want to walk away. The passion is still there but i want to be away. I wanted to get a new SIM but my conscience will not. What has kept me from doing this is because i wonder how he will feel..

I want to walk away. Will i regret this?

Michellekabod2:
I am not going to create another moniker for this,i owe no one nothing!

I have spent most of my life single. I tried linking up with people but to no avail. Why? I will not do the blame game here. Is all my fault. I meet someone, get heed over heels for the person but I lose interest easily. When it comes to commitment, when the friendship is to get to the next level I ghost them. I don't know why. At best out of the blue I lose interest and become blank, not returning calls or replying messages, at worst I become disgusted at the fellow for no reason at all then move one to the next male friend. Nothing serious comes out of it...

So I decided to give up trying. My female friends and I go on an outing, some guys approach us and get our numbers. Months (sometimes years) later they are still waxing strong with the males, one of them even got married to one of them. But me? After a couple of weeks I find myself having to ghost the guy that I was head over heels for.

I gave up on love and chose to be single. I have been single for years now.

I met this guy march this year,we bonded like never before. I have never in my entire life felt like this before. It is so strange that each conversation we have all seems anew like we are starting all over.

It's almost ten months and the fire is still intense.
I have never had such a long friendship with a male. People assume we are dating. He gives me so much JOY... He is so awesome, different from all the others i have known. He changed me.

I just figured out i want to end the friendship, I don't know why. I am tired. I want to walk away. The passion is still there but i want to be away. I wanted to get a new SIM but my conscience will not. What has kept me from doing this is because i wonder how he will feel..

I want to walk away. Will i regret this?

You are already regretting it... just yet to accept the reality of it.

Observation: Its like your standards (expectations) from a guy, in terms of qualities are way to high for you to be willing to commit.

Advice: Take a deep thought and ask yourself what you think would become of you, if you continue with this fickle-like attitude

chigoizie7:
Most times I just let go,

I think it is being selfish on my part.

I had one who understood and willing to always stay.

But it is just not fair, I mean, how can you get someone hanging just because you are having a mood swing? That is being inconsiderate.

Nobody is perfect, if its not mood swings it will still be something else. If somebody says she can take you like that, allow her

midnighter:
And yet some emotionally available people are roving from pillar to post and some crazy people have a partner who adores them.

Youre just looking at it through a negative lens instead of being objective. Its like youre only reading half of her post...?

Yes now! For her to consider whether she is making a mistake or not by offering her problem up for advice shows that she has potential.

Before making a decision dont you fear whether you are going to regret or not? I dont see anything wrong with being honest about your flaws and asking for help so you declaring that she has no hope because she has a problem is uncalled for.

Or what advice do you actually have for her because I havent seen anything apart from negative forecasts from you so far?

She will just die alone right?

kindly ignore them...if it was within my powers will i seek for help in this thread?or they dont understand the pain i feel when i lose someone due to this issue. It seems so easy to tag it "dumping"