Standardkid240:
To me you're not being fair here, you sound more like an igbo man.

You don't know nothing..
An Igbo man?..

It's only an Igbo man that will buy the best for the wife with his money and still use the less..

An Igbo man will buy the car for the wife and walk without asking questions.. Wife and children is an Igbo man priority..

Without even asking for the name of the OP.. you should have known he is a Yoruba man.. Ndi ojor..

No. You sir have parasitic tendencies. You married your wife for her paycheck it seems (making her remain at work because of 'economy'), and you don't even want her to have the necessary tools to ease her way of getting that paycheck. A man should be responsible for his family's expenses, yet you force her to work. You still want to use her money to invest in your business. Later, you will come and complain about how she does not respect you as head of the home.

Why should she? And how are you the head of anything as you stand now? You're not. From her perspective, you're functioning literally as her non-performing debtor as well as an average occasional gigolo.

RisenPhoenix:
No. You sir have parasitic tendencies. You married your wife for her paycheck it seems (making her remain at work because of 'economy'), and you don't even want her to have the necessary tools to ease her way of getting that paycheck. A man should be responsible for his family's expenses, yet you force her to work. You still want to use her money to invest in your business. Later, you will come and complain about how she does not respect you as head of the home.

Why should she? And how are you the head of anything as you stand now? You're not. From her perspective, you're functioning literally as her non-performing debtor as well as an average occasional gigolo.

makydebbie:
It's her money and she's the one going through the stress yet you don't want her to get a car? When she's not even asking you for money.

I'm shocked sef, because she's not asking you for money.

Actually it's their money.

Opeyemiebun:


Hmmmm, so I should encourage us getting 2 cars within the next 3months looking at Nigeria's economy and the need to have multiple source of income?.
Waoooh, thanks for the advice!!!

Oga I thought you came asking for advice? Or have you made up your mind already?

If you already know what to do, please don't disturb us again with your marital drama.

However; Happy woman, Happy home!

Shallypop:
Head of family ko, tail of family ni. See ego.

You better go and find your own head and stop wasting time....

SimSify:
Mr..
Get that woman the car.. I read your post and I know what you feel but speaking as an Igbo man!..

Even if she wants to get the car herself.. make a good choice of car for her and give her some cash too..

Without a good and happy wife that Future Investments you talking about won't be realized.. You need a happy home first bro..

For your Mobility you can arrange with a very good cab owner to always take you to see your clients when necessary.. it's either he waits for you or comes around later to pick you up.. your clients won't ask if it's your car not..

And in a couple of months you get a car for yourself..

If your wife is unhappy and your home is not at peace.. you will likely lose more.

Don't let that Baby pass through what you went through growing up.. Your kid deserves the best from birth.. that the real investment..

Family is the Best investment..

One day your job and the car will go.. Family will remain and the decision you make now will determine what your future will be like..

Don't make that mistake..

Flesh and blood didn't reveal this to you but the spirit do.... You make sense wella...

Wow!!
See real men everywhere prioritising the comfort of the Mother and the baby, what a moment to be alive.

Only those enraged kiddos insult real women at every opportunity they have.

RisenPhoenix:
No. You sir have parasitic tendencies. You married your wife for her paycheck it seems (making her remain at work because of 'economy'), and you don't even want her to have the necessary tools to ease her way of getting that paycheck. A man should be responsible for his family's expenses, yet you force her to work. You still want to use her money to invest in your business. Later, you will come and complain about how she does not respect you as head of the home.

Why should she? And how are you the head of anything as you stand now? You're not. From her perspective, you're functioning literally as her non-performing debtor as well as an average occasional gigolo.

This!
Couldn’t have said it better.

Mehn, some Nigerian women dey suffer for this thing called marriage.
On top of her own money oh! This id.iot husband is about to keep this woman and her kid in unwarranted sufferness.
And if care is not taken this hard working single mother will refuse to get herself and her baby a car because of “submission to head of house”.
I hope she her eyes open to see she is married to a selfish idio.t who only thinks about his own comfort and and wellbeing.

Opeyemiebun:

Hmm, thanks alot....i will take your advice and let only her get for now.
My reasons are numerous, aside the economy Families will believe we have the money stocked up somewhere . We both take care of numerous responsibilities in our extended homes

Why can’t you people learn to say NO to your families for Christ sake?
You have no problem saying NO to your wife spending HER OWN MONEY on a car, you know she really needs. Why is it then hard for you to say NO your family? Ehn?

I will like to say thank you to everyone who contributed in one way or the other.
I needed to be woken up.
I have picked every useful points including the insults to ensure I be the best of myself to my wife and kid .
Happy week ahead!!!

RisenPhoenix:
No. You sir have parasitic tendencies. You married your wife for her paycheck it seems (making her remain at work because of 'economy'), and you don't even want her to have the necessary tools to ease her way of getting that paycheck. A man should be responsible for his family's expenses, yet you force her to work. You still want to use her money to invest in your business. Later, you will come and complain about how she does not respect you as head of the home.

Why should she? And how are you the head of anything as you stand now? You're not. From her perspective, you're functioning literally as her non-performing debtor as well as an average occasional gigolo.

Thanks alot even though I shouldn't have quoted you. But for some people who might also pick one or two things from the thread.
First, I still sent monthly upkeep to them.
I don't ever ask for money from her.
What I do is to always guide my wife to make a better decision in investing her money. That I have done many times, if she becomes a billionaire tomorrow it should be from the good decisions.
The job, I got it for her.......
Man need to be able to make lot of sacrifice for his home.
The married Men here actually understand where I am coming from and I have learnt a lot from you guys input.
Do have a nice day!

elektra:
Mehn, some Nigerian women dey suffer for this thing called marriage.
On top of her own money oh! This id.iot husband is about to keep this woman and her kid in unwarranted sufferness.
And if care is not taken this hard working single mother will refuse to get herself and her baby a car because of “submission to head of house”.
I hope she her eyes open to see she is married to a selfish idio.t who only thinks about his own comfort and and wellbeing.

Smiles, thanks alot Madam but for the record my wife is not a Single Mother, she loves her marriage and her husband, she is not a feminist and she actually appreciate all the things her husband also bring to the table.
I am getting her the car with my own money as adviced by more experience people on here

Opeyemiebun:

Smiles, thanks alot Madam but for the record my wife is not a Single Mother, she loves her marriage and her husband, she is not a feminist and she actually appreciate all the things her husband also bring to the table.
I am getting her the car with my own money as adviced by more experience people on here

I put it to you that your wife is a feminist.
That is why she is inclined to buy her car with her own money. That is why she is contributing financially to the household, while also being the primary caretaker for your kid. If she wasn’t a feminist, she would have made your life a living hell until you cuffed out your money to buy both those cars.

But please, don’t let me burst your bubble about what you believe feminism is.

Opeyemiebun:

Look, I want to know from the experience of older couple on here how to manage such situation.
It is her money, and I have mine but as the head of the family I don't want to hurt her knowing she does alot too.
Thanks alot though

Oga, you're sounding selfish. If she's all that you say she is, she shouldn't even be buying that car all by herself. Buy her the car... or you contribute 70%.
You can sort yourself out later. She's looking out for both herself and the child. What is it?

maynation:
Wow!!
See real men everywhere prioritising the comfort of the Mother and the baby, what a moment to be alive.

Only those enraged kiddos insult real women at every opportunity they have.

And if you notice, it's not those popular male monikers that are commenting.

Most of the mature males on NL don't go about spewing rubbish. They only contribute to real topics, giving good advice.

Please don't be selfish, she needs the car more than you. After all you have been running your business without car, so continue until you have enough money to get another car for yourself.

The day my wife put to bed I gave her my car and I started using public transport and didn't die Please be a man and look out for welfare of your family first that's why you are the head.

I've gone to bed hungry just to make my wife and kids happy and here I am typing because the hunger didn't kill me. Please learn to go all out for your family before thinking about your comfort.
Thank you

RisenPhoenix:
No. You sir have parasitic tendencies. You married your wife for her paycheck it seems (making her remain at work because of 'economy'), and you don't even want her to have the necessary tools to ease her way of getting that paycheck. A man should be responsible for his family's expenses, yet you force her to work. You still want to use her money to invest in your business. Later, you will come and complain about how she does not respect you as head of the home.

Why should she? And how are you the head of anything as you stand now? You're not. From her perspective, you're functioning literally as her non-performing debtor as well as an average occasional gigolo.

This is the true situation, he is just claiming he is not using her money but guiding her on how to spend it just to sound reasonable. User!!!

Sammyimpostor:
Please don't be selfish, she needs the car more than you. After all you have been running your business without car, so continue until you have enough money to get another car for yourself.

The day my wife put to bed I gave her my car and I started using public transport and didn't die Please be a man and look out for welfare of your family first that's why you are the head.

I've gone to bed hungry just to make my wife and kids happy and here I am typing because the hunger didn't kill me. Please learn to go all out for your family before thinking about your comfort.
Thank you

Thanks alot Sir, I really do appreciate your input.... This will go a long way

Opeyemiebun:


Thanks alot even though I shouldn't have quoted you. But for some people who might also pick one or two things from the thread.
First, I still sent monthly upkeep to them.
I don't ever ask for money from her.
What I do is to always guide my wife to make a better decision in investing her money. That I have done many times, if she becomes a billionaire tomorrow it should be from the good decisions.
The job, I got it for her.......
Man need to be able to make lot of sacrifice for his home.
The married Men here actually understand where I am coming from and I have learnt a lot from you guys input.
Do have a nice day!

You said, and I quote
"Due to Nigeria's economy, I asked her not to resign as she keeps working while I also keep on with my hustle"

as well as

"We both contribute financially and bring something to the table as we run 2 different homes."

So from your own words, this can be understood;

- she runs her home (containing the child) and you run yours (with no responsibilities other than yourself).

- your wish is to reduce your own stress at your job by buying a car justifying it with essential mobility. Of course, this comes at the expense of her forgoing any attempt at relieving her equivalent stress; as well as the baby's (remember that the baby is also exposed to potential okada accidents and breathing danfo fumes into his sensitive lungs).

- your desire to make her become 'a billionaire' is less for her own sake than for the sake of your comfort; since you have already shown that your comfort has priority over hers. Likely, in the event that she attains that level, you will still be directing her money and forbidding her from buying anything for the purpose of her personal comfort; because it will still make as much business sense to you to invest the money then, as it does to you now.

Why didn't you think to let her buy her car, and you buying a used Jincheng for yourself if it is truly about mobility? A Jincheng provides you with the same level of mobility as a civil engineer as a car and can go anywhere a car can go. Plus you can invest the money you would have used on your car instead.

RisenPhoenix:


You said, and I quote
"Due to Nigeria's economy, I asked her not to resign as she keeps working while I also keep on with my hustle"

as well as

"We both contribute financially and bring something to the table as we run 2 different homes."

So from your own words, this can be understood;

- she runs her home (containing the child) and you run yours (with no responsibilities other than yourself).

- your wish is to reduce your own stress at your job by buying a car justifying it with essential mobility. Of course, this comes at the expense of her forgoing any attempt at relieving her equivalent stress; as well as the baby's (remember that the baby is also exposed to potential okada accidents and breathing danfo fumes into his sensitive lungs).

- your desire to make her become 'a billionaire' is less for her own sake than for the sake of your comfort; since you have already shown that your comfort has priority over hers. Likely, in the event that she attains that level, you will still be directing her money and forbidding her from buying anything for the purpose of her personal comfort; because it will still make as much business sense to you to invest the money then, as it does to you now.

Why didn't you think to let her buy her car, and you buying a used Jincheng for yourself if it is truly about mobility? A Jincheng provides you with the same level of mobility as a civil engineer as a car and can go anywhere a car can go. Plus you can invest the money you would have used on your car instead.

Okay... You have gotten it all wrong.
Bringing something to the table means there are things she personally needs that she handles.
I pay her rents,set her up for business and got her one of the best paying federal job even before we got married.
We have been friends for 7years.
Even with money she seeks my opinion which has worked for us.
On the issue of car, I never said I told her not to buy... It was in my head to find a solution where we would make the best decision for our home.
We both need it, but I was thinking buying two is not economically viable.
I needed to be woken up and I got the best answer which is to buy for and suspend mine .
Lastly, even if she becomes a billionaire... I would be a happy man because she always give me the opportunity to make decisions for us.
She recognizes my function as a Man, she recognizes my intelligence and sacrifices to make decisions we end up being happy with after the results start showing up.
When you marry your friend,you enjoy some leverages to help one another out and make the best decision for your partner.
Enjoy your day Sir

Don't allow her to use her money alone to but a car. Contribute at least 25% to the amount.

Standardkid240:
To me you're not being fair here, you sound more like an igbo man.

Thunder faya you dia.
An Igbo man wont even allow his wife to trek if they have only one car'.

Shift please

Shugavee:
Mtchewwwww u no get problem! Next

Shift please
Nonsense and ingredients

Shugavee:
Mtchewwwww u no get problem! Next

Get the first car and give it to your wife. She needs and deserves that more than you do. It is not an easy thing running the house without a car. She needs it more.
There is no better way to show that you support her and all her sacrifices for the family but by prioritizing her needs above yours.

Opeyemiebun:
Evening guys, please I will like to seek people's opinion concerning this issue that I have in my home.

I am a married Man with a Kid. Before marriage, my wife has a federal job outside Lagos while I run my business in Lagos. Due to Nigeria's economy, I asked her not to resign as she keeps working while I also keep on with my hustle. I have to be fair to her as she has been giving her all in this marriage and I so envy her strength to make things work despite the distance.

We had our first child last year and she is going to a year.. We both contribute financially and bring something to the table as we run 2 different homes.

I know she goes through a lot taking care of the baby without a car and I know how tedious it is for her to manage.

We are both young (I am 30 while she is 28)
We got our first few properties this January and we planning to do other things as we both bring money together to get things done.

We have plans of getting our first car within a month and my wife suddenly demanded that she also needs a car where she is due to the stress she goes through daily picking my child from creche and managing that with her own job. I asked that I employ a helper for her but she doesn't want.

She plans on getting the car within the next 2months with her own money. My issue is that I am business oriented and see it as a waste of money buying 2 cars when we can buy one and invest the money for the other one.

I am a Civil Engineer and my Job requires I get a car for mobility.
I feel guilty by trying to stop her from getting the car while I get mine and at the same time, if she get one I will also need to get.

I have been cracking my head up trying to see how we can go about it without hurting her and be fair to her as she is the best woman I can ever ask for.

What should I do, should we both get cars and let other stuffs take it course?

If there is anyone who needs the car most, that should be your wife.

kunleweb:
My dear. You don't want peace abi. You better support her fast and run and get her the car so she'll praise you more. She needs that car abeg

There is no issue here sir..it is her money,allow her get the car!Leaving in Lagos with a child and even doing office work with any assistance or help is really stressful

You are not making any sense, buy your car and allow her buy her own. Did you marry her to be giving you money to invest?

makydebbie:
It's her money and she's the one going through the stress yet you don't want her to get a car? When she's not even asking you for money.

I'm shocked sef, because she's not asking you for money.

Honestly, I am shocked too.
A woman has worked hard and wants to give herself comfort with her money,without asking for contribution from the husband...Yet Husband finds a fault with that.

What do men really want?