movement2020:


That grudge is really embedded in you and love of 15yrs is no joke coupled with the fact that you didn't date your husband. The foundation was the problem.

Ma, no one and nobody should stay in a relationship where he or she is not happy. Your happiness really matters. You already know what you want and making efforts to make it work is not yielding positive response.

Few questions more

Would you drop the kid for him?

No I have no intention of dropping my child for him,my child goes with me anywhere i go!

The seperation you're seeking, is it to re-strategize in order to develop love from afar or date a new guy and see if that would work or go back to your former relationship if he has not married (I doubt).


The seperation i seek for is just for me to restrategize and to see if i can develop love and feelings for him in absentia and also if I can open up good communication with him.


Do you find it hard to tell him your inner most mind?

Girlwhocares:


Yes,I find difficult to open up to him,even when I'm in physical pains,i try as much as possible to keep it to myself..

My communication with him is very bad cos i feel irritated at any slightest thing.

Greatzeus:
Did you ever feel like this in any of your previous relationships?

No,I was a very lively ,romantic and easy going with my first boyfriend.
We had alot of things in common,we were happy together,we were adventurous,we were physically and emotionally connected in fact,people call us twinnie back in the days!

If yes,then the problem is not your husband,but you.You need to see a psychologist .
If no,then it clearly shows you don't love your husband AT ALL,infact you are not sexually or physically attracted to him. What you described up there is not marriage at all,it's better you both go your separate ways and look for partners that will make you happy, instead of making you depressed.

Girlwhocares:


Yes,I find difficult to open up to him,even when I'm in physical pains,i try as much as possible to keep it to myself..

My communication with him is very bad cos i feel irritated at any slightest thing.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me,I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad i will make them feel,also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant,we hardly have any conversation,we do things differently,we share different rooms,no sex for the past 3years!even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage i can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday,we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, i hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best,which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times,I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely,bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because i know i might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.


Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind,my heart is heavy,I need someone to talk to,I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly dont need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through alots all i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Girlwhocares:


Yes,I accept my mistake for going into the marriage when i knew i was not not totally into him but i was made to believe love wasnt enough and one can grow in feelings and love in marriage.

movement2020:


That's sounds nice. You really know what you want and you are ready to make it work by all means. Communication in absentia via text, calls and chats will go a long way in solving lots of issues. You would open up, ask questions and as well proffer solutions. It's a good idea but...

Since you are married, it would be difficult to tell him you want separation, he would definitely think otherwise and heaven may let loose which I think you are also avoiding.

There would certainly be a way you can do it.

What about travelling to a cheaper country which can afford?

The means is what I can't phantom or do you have a way to do it?

itsme01:
Divorce Divorce and Divorce

namiji2598:

3 years without sex? Are u guys getting it somewhere or what?

Well,ever since i got married i havent cheated on him!
I'm also not getting it elsewhere.

Back to the question op, ur husband suppose Don suspect say u don't love him and that's why he keeps on prooving himself
I don't really believe in love, because I have seen couples who love themselves so much but there is no happiness in their home, the betterment of ur marriage lies in your hands jus try and make it work,
Give him sex
Do house chores
Appreciate him
And open ur hearts for him and try to love him

Girlwhocares:




Yes,this has been the best alternative but honestly i dont know how to tell him a seperation is need and he wont feel bad.
So he wont feel otherwise.
All i want is just for our marriage to work out.

Thank you so much for your time,I really appreciate.

Girlwhocares:
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I do house chores when the need arises,thou i have someone who assisted me in doing most.
I tried has much as i can to appreciate him and as regards opening up my heart,it seems difficult like there's this defensive mechanism blocking my communications with him.

Girlwhocares:




Yes,this has been the best alternative but honestly i dont know how to tell him a seperation is need and he wont feel bad.
So he wont feel otherwise.
All i want is just for our marriage to work out.

Thank you so much for your time,I really appreciate.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me,I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad i will make them feel,also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant,we hardly have any conversation,we do things differently,we share different rooms,no sex for the past 3years!even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage i can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday,we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, i hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best,which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times,I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely,bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because i know i might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.


Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind,my heart is heavy,I need someone to talk to,I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly dont need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through alots all i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

healthserve:

Evil wicked bitter soul. Why not divorce and go with your side fvck mates than subject a human to your witchcraft

crackkhaus:

As much as your words might seem harsh, I'm inclined to add a like and a share to it.

I can't believe people are petting her.

Divorce the man already mehn..he will definitely be better for it because I don't see how she is helping/contributing to his life. No sex for years, no emotional support, no addition to his overall growth, NOTHING.
Just sitting there like a fvcking light fixture feeling like she's doing him a favour by staying married to him, acting like the victim, when in fact she is the antichrist herself.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me,I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad i will make them feel,also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant,we hardly have any conversation,we do things differently,we share different rooms,no sex for the past 3years!even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage i can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday,we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, i hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best,which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times,I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely,bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because i know i might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.


Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind,my heart is heavy,I need someone to talk to,I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly dont need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through alots all i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Omar09:


I'm gonna go out of the way and do what others have failed to do here. And I wish your husband will see this comment of mine.


I blame your husband! Why do I blame him?
He forced himself on you. [color=#000099]Because he forced himself on you, he couldn't see that you both should have remained at being just friends. He was hellbent on dating you and getting married to you. Which is bad. And you might have hidden your true self from him consciously or subconsciously and because he was blinded by his infatuation and lust couldn't see it coming.

Yes,he forced himself on me,I wouldnt agrue less maybe becsuse of my background I wouldnt know but i remembered during the wedding preparation i wasn't excited of getting married,my family was fully responsible for all the expenses and it was an elaborated one.
One thing i remembered 1month to our weddin,i was always crying without no one to speak to but 2weeks to the day,i was courageous to open up to a close aunt that i wanted the wedding cut off but she gave me the shock of my life by saying and i quote " my dear,you want to put the family to shame,what will people think and say?how will you face the society that your wedding was cut off 2weeks to the said date and to crown it all, she said people don't marry for love,the feelings will grow as you grow and live together" but deep down i just needed someone to understand my feelings and not being sentimental.

Right from the day one i knew i was going to put all effort to make this work,but i didnt expect this resilence will linger this long, i have tried all my best,its just not yielding result.


All I wanted was just being friends with him and nothing more.

To op, you just have to divorce him on the terms that you both are not compatible. He will see you as the bad person, but that's for you not showing him your true self and getting in on the bandwagon of marriage. And he will be heartbroken because he deserves it. He shouldn't have forced himself on you.

If you divorce him, you will do him a great favor so that he can find happiness. But make sure it comes to him as subtle as possible.

Girlwhocares:

Yes,he forced himself on me,I wouldnt agrue less maybe becsuse of my background I wouldnt know but i remembered during the wedding preparation i wasn't excited of getting married,my family was fully responsible for all the expenses and it was an elaborated one.
One thing i remembered 1month to our weddin,i was always crying without no one to speak to but 2weeks to the day,i was courageous to open up to a close aunt that i wanted the wedding cut off but she gave me the shock of my life by saying and i quote " my dear,you want to put the family to shame,what will people think and say?how will you face the society that your wedding was cut off 2weeks to the said date and to crown it all, she said people don't marry for love,the feelings will grow as you grow and live together" but deep down i just needed someone to understand my feelings and not being sentimental.

Right from the day one i knew i was going to put all effort to make this work,but i didnt expect this resilence will linger this long, i have tried all my best,its just not yielding result.


All I wanted was just being friends with him and nothing more.

namiji2598:
madam I am not married yet, but I have enough experience in marriage cos I have stayed with so many married couples in my life and am assuring you that marriage is very hard to be perfect, in as much as u can't force love in to ur heart, u can only allow it grow. Ur husband should try winning your heart, he should read you very well and know ur heart desires, he should know the kind of man you need and he should try being that type,sometimes is not by jus being a good man sometimes is by being the right man, if you ar the type that desires clubs and party, no matter how he tries he can never win you unless he is also that type, of you ar the type that needs flowers but your husband only gives you money, he can never win your heart, if you ar the type that needs vacations and great sex but your husband never took u for vacation, he will never win your heart,he have to know ur heart and try feeding it
And how did you guys cope with sexual urge? Do u guys cheat?

healthserve:




Evil wicked bitter soul. Why not divorce and go with your side fvck mates than subject a human to your witchcraft