₦airaland Forum

Mstick:
Madam don't listen to the children on this thread that feels the "ego" of a man should be put before the need of a child.

My advice is, go and bring your son home and DON'T send him to boarding school, be a mother to that boy and mould him.

The people insulting you and giving you such silly advice and supporting your husband will still blame you when that boy turns out worst.

He's not a criminal all he needs right now is your care.

Thanks my dear he will be coming home this Sunday I will not send him anywhere he will live with me the only time he will leave the house is when I decide to quit the marriage and leave with all my children but as long I’m still in the house he will be with me

ebyjoyken:
God will see you through.

Amen

Shifi1:
take him to his father na

Khaiii, you no get fun at all....where the father de?

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

I'll advise you to leave the man if he doesn't change his mind. Those are your kids and they need your love. Provided you're financially stable to take care of them, please do so they don't grow up hating you.

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

Will you say same if the reverse is the case?

Psoul:
Yes she told him and he accepted. That was when he had not heard about the negative thing about the boy.
Stop making it seem as if the man is just heartless.
You will still do the same if u are in the man's shoes.

If u used to have a very close friend that was very nice to u when u were in school, let's say a roommate.
Then you guys left school and u have moved to another city. You start to hear that your former roommate has joined bad gang and she was even arrested and beaten publicly.
If she calls you one day that she is within the same town you are and wants to squat with you for few weeks.
Onyindidi, what will be ur reaction?

But the boy is just 12. He can be reformed at this age and what he needs now is love and guidance because if he grows older than this with the habit, he'll become hardened. The funny thing is that the woman is the person that will be blamed for his habit and her children will grow up resenting her. Inasmuch as I am against divorce, I'll put my child over any marriage.

klenton:
your indeed blessed with wisdom, if i can see you i will definitely host you for a day

on your last conclusion that if the man says NEVER and insists on NEVER then she has a choice to make whether son or hubby? i say there is no choice to make, the man has already made the choice, the son stays with the mother, there are no two ways about it.

legally too that marriage is voidable as it was obtained by deceit.

Yeah, it seems like he's already made up his mind to not have the boy around his house, which is unfortunate really.

The best option for everyone would have been all 3 children in one roof with Daddy and mummy. The ones who really misses out on what an ideal family setup would have looked like are the kids. With them in consideration I will still advise her to TRY and find a more mutual compromise with her husband.

But her bottom line MUST be that her son stays and enjoy the care only a biological mother can give.

letskeeptalking:
You foot 70% of bills in your house and yet you allow your husband to dictate to you what to do with your own son.

Madam, I don't think you are a serious person.

Personally I will rather be single than be with a man who will stand between me and my children. Even if I have to live in poverty. But you are financially capable, you just want to answer 'Mrs' at the expense of your child.

After bouncing him off relatives for years, you are now using your husband as an excuse to run from your duty.

Shame!

I believe you. My mom did same thing. God bless my mom.

Sixfeetbelle:
This means you didn't read my first comment. There, I advised Op to have a long talk with her husband and find out why he backed out of the deal. I even added she should use people he's close to so they can beg on her behalf.


Let me say it clear now since I've seen you keep saying it as if it is the koko. The boy isn't a criminal until proven so. The criminal part is coming from her brother and his wife and their word of mouth isn't everything here. Some people are rarely nice to kids that aren't theirs.

See, like some people pointed out, what that boy needs is a father figure in his life, especially in a home where he feels welcomed. The next four years in that boys life will be very critical in determining how he'll turn out. He doesn't need a man who is skeptical about his presence. He needs love and warmth and if the man is doubtful, then the woman has to place her kids first.

My dear, what u are saying now is quite different from some of ur comments. I started disagreeing wt u when u was brutally against the man. You cannot make me to believe that the man is heartless by not accepting that boy.
It's not bn heartless. He was trying to be careful. Everyone that is related to that woman refused to have anything to do with the boy. How do you want the man that is a bit far from that responsibility to react.

Secondly, I never accepted that that boy is a criminal, but that was the stigma attached to that boys name and I beliv that was why the man was scared of taking the boy in.

If had also seen my comments, you would've noticed that I said that the woman did not really try to convince the man on why they should bring that boy back home. She was only focusing on that if the boy comes back home sending him to school or feeding him won't be a problem since she has money. Where she was focusing was quite different from where the man was focusing on.

Ivebeenbanned:
Learn to construct a proper sentence, Nigerian man.

I'm still saying the same thing. I'm not an American, English is not my language but I'm happy u got the message.

Rent a room self-contained for the poor boy. Otherwise, take him to his dad.

veykey:
But the boy is just 12. He can be reformed at this age and what he needs now is love and guidance because if he grows older than this with the habit, he'll become hardened. The funny thing is that the woman is the person that will be blamed for his habit and her children will grow up resenting her. Inasmuch as I am against divorce, I'll put my child over any marriage.

The issue is that the woman is placing emotion over rationality.
She should know that the man was not involved in that child's bearing.
So she should apply rational words to convince the man.
She can only apply emotion if the man was the boy's biological father.

The boy needs love, but the mother needs to work harder to make the man see why they need that boy around them.
Women are given the powers to make men do what they wouldn't ordinarily do.
She should do dat, unless if she lacks that potential.

The chioce is yours
Chose how you make your bed and lie on it.
But my advise is, your husband loves you, do not disappoint him

Vyvyanvyvy:
I cannot remain in my matrimonial home and seeing my son suffering like an orphan . I cannot put my husband over my son because he can abandoned me anytime soon but my son will always be there for me. I’m ready to quit and focus on my children alone

Psoul:
The issue is that the woman is placing emotion over rationality.
She should know that the man was not involved in that child's bearing.
So she should apply rational words to convince the man.
She can only apply emotion if the man was the boy's biological father.

The boy needs love, but the mother needs to work harder to make the man see why they need that boy around them.
Women are given the powers to make men do what they wouldn't ordinarily do.
She should do dat, unless if she lacks that potential.

I understand

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

Its not that easy.

rali123:
I totally understand what you are going through because a very close friend is going through similar thing, the husband does nothing for the child as well but he lives with them(just a boy about 14years)...

He does not need to go to boarding school for now, he needs YOU, you need to monitor him, show him love and understand, make him see what hes doing is wrong by talking to him all the time and I bet you he will change for better, talk to him about everything, hes friends, school work, what he likes, what he doesn't anything you can think of please...

Your husband, you need to have a heart to heart talk with him, everytime even if it means waking him up at night everyday till he sees reason why the boy needs to stay with both of you, your husband is strong man regardless. God bless you and your home.

basically what you said is ....NAG him till he agrees. I see most women dont know what marriage is. THE CHILDREN DO NOT COME FIRST...your spouse does. Its only from love between them, that the home will be filled with peace and love. Apparently all these damaged strong women that have destroyed their lives preaching mixed families are the major reasons our societal values are deteriorating rapidly. If you give birth out of wedlock and want to put the children first, then wait till your ready for marriage before getting into one. Marriage isnt childs play. These children will grow and face their lives, then youd either be left with your partner and relationship which you built over the years or be alone chasing and disturbing the childs new life and family. That's when you start hearing about devilish mother in laws disturbing homes.

If you decide to become a single mum. Be ready to cater to the kids first, dont get involved with another man and be creating more problems in the children's lives. I think planned single motherhood Is a very selfish thing to do. Well my opinion. In the u.s it was favored in the 80s, but they've seen what it did to their society and now theres a massive campaign against it while our foolish girls are thinking it's the way forward.

Madam go retrieve your son,when both of you get home,kneel down in front of your husband and plead with him to forgive him and promise he won't go back to such life again.

After that,enroll him into a boarding school and give instructions to the school to watch him closely so he doesn't join bad gang and get worst.

Married couples should learn that you don't settle problems by causing or creating a bigger problem. Take care.

Psoul:
Thank you very much.
I love pple that read and understand words very well the way they are bn used.
Unfortunately, you failed to.
I never labeled that little boy a criminal.
I only said that there was a criminal stigma attached to him.
This does not mean that I have concluded that he is a criminal
It's just same as saying that he was alleged for stealing. It's not the same to say that he stole.

Then, you said that if the man refused to accept the child, then he is fake.
This is woefully thought out logic. It cannot stand any test.
The man is free to either accept or reject the boy. He has not offended any law if he refuses to accept. You can only accuse him of low morality.

Finally, you said the man can go away with his 30%....hahahahahahahahaha. Pathethic. Did you noticed in the Post that the woman does not have a comfortable life or earning before she marries that man? Whaooo....you did not see that.

If she was comfortable, she wouldn't have sent his boy to go and live with someone that was maltreating him.
Did you read the line where the woman said she told her husband that they will bring the boy back when things get better financially. Then he was living with her husband in his one room self content.
From there, they worked hard and improved their finance and was able to get a bigger house.

So you wholeheartedly accepted the 70-30% ratio? Hahahahahahahaha.
My dear, they jointly build that home. Even if the woman is making more money, there are other ways the man was supporting that has really helped the woman more than the financial side, but women hardly recognize this. They only see material things.

Fuccccck you and your dull brain. You're a lowly beast who feel women must abide by some stupid egotistical rules of a penis. He does not have to accept her child but her child needs love and guidance. He does not have to do give any to him but he cant stand in her way with his 30%.


Lady if you are reading this...go get your son. He has a lot of potential. Get home, mould him and God will see you through.

Well that’s your choice,maybe you prefer to keep fighting your husband go ahead.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Have already been paying rent for the house we are staying and why should I waste money again ? I have school fees and other bills to pay. my son should be with me , his father {my husband} and his siblings he doesn’t need to be living apart like an orphan when I’m alive and healthy

After reading different nairalanders comments... some comments are quite wise while some are irrational, absolute, not nice.... madam am not going to tell you to leave your husband that a decision for u decide.... concerning your son believe me when i say u need to get him out soon have gone through such I ended up hatting my mum, my life..in fact I was always rude and harsh to my mum I never wanted to hear her voice....I was fifteen when all this happened.....I stole from my uncle....I was always looking unkept.meanwhile my uncle was living life... after my mom eventually got me out.GOD made a way for me 6 years later(2020) I am graduate now earning not much....but better than nothing....I am not saying your boy will become a saint but will be a better child than he we will with your brother....and as for ur husband....if you love him plead cry do whatever woman magic u can to win to avoid breaking d marriage.....but if he chooses not to allow your son in.....the case is in your hands

PinkHealthGroup:
Fuccccck you and your dull brain. You're a lowly beast who feel women must abide by some stupid egotistical rules of a penis. He does not have to accept her child but her child needs love and guidance. He does not have to do give any to him but he cant stand in her way with his 30%.


Lady if you are reading this...go get your son. He has a lot of potential. Get home, mould him and God will see you through.

...Calm down. You are right that he cannot stand in her way and I totally agree with you.

And again,the little boy cannot be left to suffer for what that does not concern him

But my dear,there are procedures and when she fails to abide or follow it,she is bound to make another mistakes in life.

As married couples, solving problems by creating a bigger problem will only worsen the alread smeared marriage.

Wisdom should be applied here.

Plead:
Another tales by moonlight.

Fake stories now the order of the day on this forum

I also think it is fake
I am now paranoid

eyinjuege:
Would you give the same advice to a nigerian man who's wife doesn't want his child from another woman to live with them?

You go too far?
Would he say that to his sister or daughter if she was ever caught in this dilemma?
If yes, then I give up

PinkHealthGroup:
Fuccccck you and your dull brain. You're a lowly beast who feel women must abide by some stupid egotistical rules of a penis. He does not have to accept her child but her child needs love and guidance. He does not have to do give any to him but he cant stand in her way with his 30%.


Lady if you are reading this...go get your son. He has a lot of potential. Get home, mould him and God will see you through.

Hahahahahahahaha....when one runs out of reasonable logic to argue on, he starts throwing sand.

When one gets tired of fighting,
He starts biting

Belafonte:
This is the entitlement we are talking about. How did her elder brother fail her? By refusing to house a thief? Do bear in mind that may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Why doesn’t she send the boy to his father, after all, he’s alive

she said she doesn't know the boys father the boy is a basterd.

jelel6:
Please, for all the guys here who are apparently sympathetic to the Husband, I have a question for you...

How can a man marry a mother of two little kids who are not adults yet and NEEDS TO stay with their mom, would be so ungentlemanly after marriage to request a boy of 12 years begins looking for a relative to stay with whilst his mother is alive, well and capable to look after them?

I'm sure the woman lived with her son and daughter before the husband met them, why marry the mother only to push her son away? Why ask a woman to push her son away because of you?

Things took a hit financially, so you agree with the mother to take the boy to relatives pending improve conditions. Afterwards, the reasonable thing to do is to ask the boy back as soon as things improved. Common!

How can a man feel OKAY when his "marriage" separates his wife and her son?

If a husband CANNOT accept the children of his wife as his partial responsibility due to marriage, how can he then expect any relative whatsoever, to accept the children? Who can be closer to a child than a mom and a step-father?

Original poster @Vyvyanvyvy, if you were my sister, I'd be baffled as to why you'd marry a man who would refuse to allow a small boy stay with you guys. He cannot stay alone. Your husband's excuse that he will influence the girls negatively is simply some fake bullshiit I'd expect from an unthoughtful person.

If that boy were his, do you think he'll send him off to his own brother and leave him there because he's supposedly stealing #100 and biscuits? No! He'll never give up on his OWN CHILD. His own child will never run out of chances.

Besides, a 12 year old boy stealing is NOTHING NEW. Majority of boys did worse growing up. I Stole moms stuff too when I was younger. Majority of the guys or girls, men and women you see commenting here STOLE THINGS if they will be honest with you. But now is the time to straighten your son out. But you can only be sure the best training can be giving if he's with you.

In my short time existing, I've felt real pains when I see how some people treat their relatives who are not part of the immediate family.

I'd be honest to say I myself will not be keen to take in a relative who's not immediate nuclear family, that's the heart. But if I do (which is possible in all ramifications), I'm SURE I'll be Fair and just with them. So you'd understand me when I say I'll NEVER MARRY a woman who can't be fair with my wards. Even if she brought home that said relative, She must be fair and kind to them. And I'm ready to divorce them one after the other if need be.

Reason with your husband with respect and understanding. If he's still adamant, say your brother threatened to throw your son out so you have no other options than to go and bring him with you. If he's still insisting that NEVER means NEVER, I think you can be rest assured he's laying down the ultimate ultimatum, in no uncertain terms:

Son or Hubby? Choose!

I love you, whoever you are!
God bless

payperpost:
then do it

this is probably why the first man run away, you women nag a lot, give that man a breathing space or watch him ran away like the first one, we don't want too much liabilities, we need rest of mind, stop nagging him.

And the mind and thought processes of a coward (cowards) is exposed

For shame

sweetdude001:
Ur huSband is not a bad man, its apparent u Neva loved him u jus wanted someone that d marry u in d first, u r saying son, ur son, watching out for ur own which u do av a right to, he also as a right to watch out for is daughter too, ur son is more important to u, his daughter is more important to him too, in life always put ursef in peoples opinion before u judge, u cant abandon ur son but stop acting like ur husband does not have the right to have some reservation... To be honest d situation he is is not a very pleasant 1, I am sure had it been d boy stayed wit u from d onset he d not av a p... Stop thinking abt u, think about his feelings too, as a woman u wnt accept dis if reverse was d case, if u did u d make d childs life hell jus like ur brothers wife... That's d nature of u women.

I am responding to your first sentence.
Her husband is decidedly NOT a good man
I couldn’t and didn’t read the rest of your post because your first wrong sentence has spoilt everything.
Cheers

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Send him to a boarding school provided he won't go and spoil other children there.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Thanks am going to pick him up on Sunday

Why Sunday? What if he steals something this night outside of your brother’s house and is caught and really hurt? Lawd
Why not today?
That boy has seen hell
You never should have sent him away for one second. He should live with you even in a hell hole. He didn’t ask to be born and for all this
You failed him and are waiting for Sunday?
The constant hammering on Sunday is one of the reasons why I think this post is a scam.
I am on your side by the way if it isn’t a scam.

Save your son at all cost before he get out of hand.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Yes I will leave with all my children because they will be better with me than any one else

Hints magazine (scam post) alert
And I give up!