You have a son out of wedlock then you should marry a man who is divorce and has kids or whose wife is deceased

ronaldbecky:
i was reading this as a guest,bcus of this i have to login and quote u,which i normally dont do..u r very stupid and most foolish person to ever come across...u r an ass hole..idiot

Vyvyanvyvy:

It took me almost 3 weeks because I was trying to compromise with my husband but he made up his mind that he doesn’t want to see him here so I also made up my mind to go and bring him this Sunday. Sunday it’s the best day because I don’t go to work and my brother and his family will also be at home and I want to thank and appreciate both of them for everything they did for him and leave with my son in peace

Kiezodumah:



Madam let's be sincere here. If u knew ur husband had 2 kids for another woman ,would u have accepted to marry him Lets say u agreed to marry him despite having kids outside wedlock, would u have allowed those children to stay with their dad,ursef and their step siblings . Let's assume u allowed them stay, wud u have loved them
unconditionally like ur own without discrimination
I won't ansa those above questions for u cos u know them already in ur heart .
Humans are selfish by nature. However, most women are selfish, wicked and inhumane when it comes to reversal of roles in this same issue. They treat househelps with disdain and inhuman tendencies let alone the children of their husbands from another woman: those ones are dead already.
Women always want to have their way all the time. Let's call a spade what it is; madam even if u were the richest woman on earth ,ur husband did u a great favor marrying u and even accommodating of ur children .
You hurriedly came to NL to condemn him and garner sympathy. If u like pay 100% of those children's bill, I don't care.

The greatest,honest,most sincere ,best and most responsible thing u can ever do for ur children espply you son is to locate his biological father or his relatives. I don't mean to sound judgemental but u shud cover ur face in shame.
Except u want to be totally elusive to ur responbilty as a mother or u want to be overtly stupid, how wud u open ur legs to conceive for a man whose relatives u don't anything about Then u come here and pass judgement on ur husband for even allowing u to bring home one of ur kids ..
All u wud be doing now is playing mind games on that man, denying him sex or food etc. God wud judge u if u do that : I no curse u o,na the truth I tell u so.
Go find the relatives of ur ex husband. Go back to where he used to live. People know him there ,his friends ,his work place etc ..so many ways to search for him... His tribesmen..Somone close wud know his village..
That is the best thing right now u can do for dose children.. Not threatening ur current husband that u want to leave the house to go and protect ur son out there .And u will think when he comes home someday ,he doesn't meet u 1st day , 1 week u yet to return ,then he wud be forced to tell u to come home with him.. If that happens ,it just dey plaster over the cracks on a pillar holding the building of a house. One day he go collapse again and u go to square one..

Many of us here just dey talk selfishly. Ask her about her first marriage ,that's if she even did any proper wedding sef.
U claim not to know ur in-laws whereabouts and ur 1st 2 children's father travelled out. That means u didn't do any traditional rites to say the least. Cos if u guys actually did, his people wud come/ go over to ur family house to do the custodial things..Both families wud get to know one another and the rest is history. That's where the foundational problem emanated from. Not until that is solved forget it, nothing u do now wud profer a lasting solution.
Your story is not complete madam until tell us about ur first affair with the oda man.. U can't tell us that u guys don't communicate @ all... Ur husband try sef.
From history ,most women tend to still sleep with the father of their children from previous marriages whether he is the country or not. When he comes back, things go still happen normally like they used to..

All this long thesis not one single like.

It must be filled with nonsense then.
I jump and pass

Purifiedsoul:

Be rest assured that bringing that child to your husband house will bring you no good.

Forcefully. That's insubordination and lack of respect for her husband. If he throws her out, she would blame him to be at fault.

Rather, she was meant to reach a compromise, ask for his advise and let's see how it works. Force does not do any good. She might oose on both sides as you rightly said.

Men detest Op's attitude.

hohafrank:
Then rent one room apartment for him close to you for proper monitoring.

It seems your nagging wife has nagged out the remaining sense from your brain

egopersonified:
Imagine being rejected at 12 by every single family member you know. I feel pity for the boy. This damage may never heal. I wish I could accommodate him. I can never trade the safety, love and peace of my kids for anything.

You only wish Of course you can accommodate him!

veykey:
I'll advise you to leave the man if he doesn't change his mind. Those are your kids and they need your love. Provided you're financially stable to take care of them, please do so they don't grow up hating you.

See where you got it wrong. Leave another man after 3kids and still expectant due to the fact that the husband is not ready to yeild to her demands? That's very wrong.

If she does that because she's financially stable. Will the stability be forever? Would you assist if she comes begging for assistance?

You don't solve a problem by creating another one. You are giving more problems to the woman and all the kids would continue to suffer. It is unfair to allow kids to suffer for what they know nothing about. Our society is filled with rogues, bastards, touts all because of these problem that could be resolved amicably.

Tell her to go and beg her husband, send emissaries to plead and give conditions. Let her accept the terms. The man is not mad. He knows why he's standing on his word. He can be armtwisted when things go haywire.

The woman has failed to accept she's at fault hence, her stance to forcefully bring the boy home. Arrant nonsense.

Smile4mee01:
@ Guys : Learn from this. Never , ever agree to marrying a single mother.

There is a reason why Male Lins kill cubs before they take over territories.

Its not emotions, its logic for your own good.

My 2 cents#

True,
complications like this will always arise.
See the comment of the op and her fellow baby mamas, I already see what the man is going through.
The major reason she is forcing the boy on the man is because according to her she pays her bills, such women always see the kids as their all and all hence depriving the man the love he deserves.
Most baby mamas always put their kids first, she is even fortunate the man married her.
Most men hardly marry them and will rather chop them and run away.

Godsfavour78:
which game madam. Oya confess

You still asking? Na dem

[quote author=Vyvyanvyvy post=87420448][/quote]
Go and get your son, before its too late. He will be a teenager soon.

MyChoice1:


Tears are flowing freely down my cheeks by just imagining the pain and trauma you and that boy are going through. That boy is the sacrificial lamb here, a hero I must say. He was shipped off to a relative, away from the love and warmth of his mother and kid sister he has been used to at a very tender age, just to accommodate a total stranger of a husband. Things improved yet his mum failed to come and take him back �. The husband that took the rightful place of this young chap is forming King Kong all of a sudden without considerable financial commitment or improving the emotional well-being of the family. He's popping out more babies! What's the joy in this union? wetin you gain sef?
When you get to that house on Sunday, please rush to your son and give him warm embrace, tightly with tears in your eyes and ask him to forgive you. Don't give room to anyone even your brother to talk ill about him because it's you that failed the boy..12yrs only. He's my first child, a son too agemate and I can just imagine how I still see him as a baby. Thank your brother and his wife for being charitable all these while. Take your son home to where he rightfully belong, and make it clear to your husband that you can't tolerate any hostility towards the boy. Love begets love! Don't send him to any boarding school, let him bond and blend with him family. Be prayerful and be vigilant. God bless you �

I shaded tears reading this. This generation is sick.

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

i am d last idiot to marry a woman that had already given birth b4.
The new husband is a clown for stooping that low in d 1st place.

Madam,
Listen! All this people advising you to forcefully bring your son to the house against your husband's decision are not helping your situation.

Your husband is a human being like yourself and as well has his reservations. Yes, he may have promised you heaven and earth during courtship. Now, this is marriage and you must face the realities.

You got pregnant for a stranger not once but twice. I blame you for not digging deeper about his root. You were naive.

It's very easy to blame everyone other than yourself. You're blaming your son's behavior on those who opted to assist you in time of need. What of you? How often do you visit your son? How often do you buy gift items, take him out and bring him to your new home on visits? How often do you check on him? Is he in school and how often do you visit him at school and ensure his needs are met?

You transferred the responsibility of caring for your teenage son to others and now you are crying and blaming your new husband? Isn't that sad!

Let me advise you again. It doesn't matter whether you contribute 100% to the family upkeep. He is your husband and surely has a say on who lives in his house, including his mother. He promised you bla bla now he has a daughter too that should be protected from an overtly exposed teenager. Got that?

Since you have failed abinitio to identify ties to your children's real father, you must act wisely and submissively. Plead with your husband and get him to suggest a way out. He is under no obligation to accept the responsibility you wish to bestow on him. So be humble.

Don't allow those living in first world countries to deceive you. It is actually tough to raise children in African, not more a single parent. Be wise.

If your husband is still adamant on bringing your son home. Register him in a Boarding school and ensure you visit him REGULARLY with gifts. Always tell him how much you love and care about him. If every other person fail him you shouldn't too. Show him love and care. Take to eatery,park and games etc. Gradually you will change his mindset about life and make him acceptable to all, including your husband. Say good things about him to your husband and always report his progress/success to him at intervals.

Your husband only needs assurance that he won't be a bad influence to other of his kids and bring his name to disrepute. After all, he accepted your daughter.

Good luck

eyinjuege:


We're talking of a child here.
Not an 18 year old boy, but a child who has probably just entered JSS
1.
Come on. He's just 12 years old, and already facing so much tribulations.
His mother should have never allowed him away from her in the first place. He should have stayed with them even in the one room apartment, but I'm sure because of f^ck OP asked him to move so he won't be peeping at them.
Nonsense.

You are bn emotional. The man was bn rational. You can't solve this problem by bn emotional.

Legendguru:
You have a son out of wedlock then you should marry a man who is divorce and has kids or whose wife is deceased

What are you saying? Didn't his husband knew about the children before he married her?

Belafonte:


Asiere, my lineage doesn’t have to be the holiest to eschew stealing

Anufia who is eschewing stealing so the kid should die of hunger

Psoul:


You are bn emotional. The man was bn rational. You can't solve this problem by bn emotional.

So the poor boy should die? Even if hid biological father does not care, can't there be any man who can love his mother and also love him alitte? Nija guys. I greet una.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

There are only two choices, divorce the man and have your child wit you or be with the man without your child. You never know which child will be your pillar tomorrow. Your situation is a tough one but I think you made the first mistake. You shouldn't have gone into marriage with a formal agreement on the welfare of that child.

THIS IS A FINAL WARNING TO MEN DON'T EVER MARRY A WOMAN WHO HAD GIVEN BIRTH. NEVER TRY IT THEIR ARE WORST THAN EBOLA AND CORONA VIRUS COMBINED

dalass:
The boy at this stage is exhibiting traits all teenage boys go through and if your elder brother can't control him to the extent that he wants him to leave, don't expect your man to want the boy in his house.

As Africans, your first man can come for his boy anytime. No one would want to labour over another man's kids. As soon as he comes to live with you and hubby, your husband becomes a part of his life automatically.....Am sure his family and friends would advise him against such.

[/b][b]Woman, pray hard first!

Then on your knees, with a pitiful look and very low voice plead with your husband for a few years.... 3-4 year stay with you people.. Your boy should be in JS3 or so, so 3 years to WAEC.. Then pls give it all it takes to enter higher institution...Then, he's home free
..has little or no business coming home
.

Or boarding school! Yes...he's only home for the holidays and then back to school... There are even some Christian home schools who still have students stay back during holidays... Find out about those and put him there if your husband doesn't shift ground.

Don't allow the boy run away.. Act fast, so you don't blame yourself and he doesn't blame you too

I must say everyone on NL is feeling for your son. I am!

Cc: Vyvyanvyvy

Whatizdis?
Sweet Lawd on a bicycle!

FaithfulGurl:
oil dey your head
Best advice so far, I think everybody should stick to these words of wisdom

Hehehehehehe
Are you serious?
We are really diverse in thoughts and thinking, human beings that is

confido2017:
Hello Sis, I understand your pain earnestly. [s]Since your son is 12 years old can you plead with your hubby so he can be staying few weeks or months during the School vacation. I will suggest you put him in a very good Boarding School[/s].

Your son will definitely be fyne but please don't let him be with relative that will make him feel rejected. He needs your motherly love.

Thanks

Better like this, no?
Well to me my edit is better
Cheers

Oyindidi:
Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you.

Modified
O ye Nairaland men! I like the taste of your tears, keep crying in my mention
I said what I said with my chest
Donate your tears here the tank is here

you are a bad person oooo. Your words alone can move mountain.

Nor have many children. She should have been on birth control. If she leaves, she has 4 children to care for.
Talk to him - maybe he is concerned because
the boy steals and undisciplined. Send him to a boarding school with hope he can be reformed. You sef dey run business no fit instill the discipline needed at that age.

jcmaiah:

There are only two choices, divorce the man and have your child wit you or be with the man without your child. You never know which child will be your pillar tomorrow. Your situation is a tough one but I think you made the first mistake. You shouldn't have gone into marriage with a formal agreement on the welfare of that child.

Draining topic

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

After 2 complaining...
Your husband try sha ...

Boarding house done finish for Nigeria?

Hmmmm

Jonathan:

After 2 complaining...
Your husband try sha ...

Boarding house done finish for Nigeria?

What if you happen to be the 12years old child? Would you still suggest boarding school because your mother is married to another man who don't want you in his house. Think carefully. What if it's you?

janvier27:
Your son is not a thief. He's a small child who found himself in an unfortunate situation, and he'll surely get over it. He needs love and attention. It's difficult not to place blames. I think you should have allowed those kids to get older before marriage. Your elder brother has failed you. So also your husband. Keep appealing to your husband or take a break off to live with your kids and show them love so that they can grow properly. Marriage is not all about keeping a woman at home and raising biological children from her.

In your face, marriage is liability and lack of peace of mind that should be embraced... Which kain BRAIN be dis?

Oyindidi:
Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you.

Modified
O ye Nairaland men! I like the taste of your tears, keep crying in my mention
I said what I said with my chest
Donate your tears here the tank is here

Oyindindinrin
Get well bro

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

I suspect two different fathers... Hmm...