Oyindidi:
My sister, them dey cry for my mention since

As they should. That's how we feed. Cheers

Richy4:


When I was growing up in Nigeria wayback, I used to hear about Abuja Marriage.. as I began to mature in my teens those days in Abuja , It started making perfect sense. Yes, a couple can stay in a relationship with kids without caring where or who their relatives where. I saw that in Abuja in the late '90s. I did not say someone told me.I saw it..

Though this might be extreme but OP has the right to divorce him on a bridge of contract. this is because he promised to accept her for who she was with her kids and all what not after marrying her, he refused to honour his agreement... I don't know if you are good with Law sha... You may agree or disagree with me but I stand by the side of truth.

Bro, Assuming that reverse was the case, and the man had 2 children and OP refused to have anything to do with them or even allow them to set foot in that house, Do u think all these young men dishing out advice would have spared the lady? I have stayed long on Nairaland to know that advise here are based on genda. Noone wants to call a spade a spade.

the problem isnt walking out of the marriage. If she did that nobody would blame her. Let her walk out shekina...

Shifi1:
take him to his father na

h

Abi

Vyvyanvyvy:

You are right my dear I should have waited for my kids to grow. See when we first met he had all those sweets words that he loves them they are his he will treat them well etc etc and I taught it was God that send him to my life ooo if I knew it would be like this today i wouldn’t even wasted my time marrying him. Have a lots to say but Not everything is good to say on social media

He probably didn't lie when he said he loved them
All this you wrote probably made him have a change of views about you and your children

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

What abt feeding..... What abt him corrupting other children

Ivebeenbanned:

As they should. That's how we feed. Cheers

My paddy

BoboKush:


What abt feeding..... What abt him corrupting other children

Is he Nigerian politicians? Free the boy joor

rali123:


I totally understand what you are going through because a very close friend is going through similar thing, the husband does nothing for the child as well but he lives with them(just a boy about 14years)...

He does not need to go to boarding school for now, he needs YOU, you need to monitor him, show him love and understand, make him see what hes doing is wrong by talking to him all the time and I bet you he will change for better, talk to him about everything, hes friends, school work, what he likes, what he doesn't anything you can think of please...

Your husband, you need to have a heart to heart talk with him, everytime even if it means waking him up at night everyday till he sees reason why the boy needs to stay with both of you, your husband is strong man regardless. God bless you and your home.

ofcos ..so says an ediotic single mum. You bang bring out a child and suddenly expect someone else to carry responsibility. Damaged thinkers.

deathmen12:
It’s not entitlement Oga, the boy is just 12, and you can’t conclude he is a thief... so if it was the elder brother son will the elder brother send the boy out of his house? May God not let us be in a situation when our children will go and stay with relatives, heart of men is too polluted.

Theif or no theif.... he never wanted the boy in the first place cos he’s already grown..
Remember he took in the younger girl child with the mother....that’s the thing people consider when taking up single mothers... that girl could t have been more than 1...remember the woman said they moved to a new apartment, now they’ve stayed 3years in the new house...meaning the younger female child from the OP was brought in with at a very young age probably 2 or 1 year old....or even lesser.comsidering she never told us how long they stayed in the old house.....

The girl is practically his own own if they don’t tell such a child this is not ur father she won’t know....the man probably doesn’t want that grown boy that will come and cause segregation among the children...choice is why he ddnt allow him in the first place...

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

See mumu talk..... E suppose park ha whole family dey feed n take care of..... because e love the woman na..... The man no suppose get life he's meant to live for her n ha all

elladara:


This could be very true especially when you are unfortunate to have child/children for family that care less and does not appreciate relationships . i have a daughter of 6 years, her father is at least 85 percent responsible, i mean he pays her bills most especially school bills and send monthly allowance and am financially okay to an extent as well, so with the grace of God my daughter gets what she needs. we are not married and we cant marry as he as moved on. none of his family asked of the child not for a day, i stopped calling and visiting them 3 years and some months ago when i realized i worth more than what am getting.

Madam i can understand what you can be going through, my advice is pls dont trade your son/children for anything. if you are financially okay, have a discussion with you husband that you want to enroll him to a boarding school and he would only be coming over for holiday. or get a room apartment and get a nanny for him while you go visiting.

that's the only sensible advise a chic has given here. The other dumbos keep saying the man is obliged to carry another mans pikin on his head.

Madam, you don't fight authority, you appeal to authority.
your present husband is the authority as long as you have decided to remain his wife for now,
men naturally becomes hard when their ego is in a threat mode by this I mean, when you make a man feel less of himself he will make decisions to affect your pride, simply humble your self and talk and have a conversation
Forget the 70% bills you pay, negotiate your son into your house.
Most of people advising here are singles, they are using emotions to advise you.
You are in real life situations that needs real solutions. Humble your self and talk it over and don't expect it to end in just one conversation. The conspiracy of the universe will help you

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

Is it by force to want the son
Hanty lover

Richy4:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.



Haba!! U are acting as if he was doing her a favor by marrying her.. That mentality is so rustic in my opinion

Didn't he...?

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

but it still shock me when u said u don't have any contact of any of the relatives of ur first son's father. How come? All those times u guys were dating, he didn't introduce u to any of his siblings?. Secondly, do what u have to do to better ur son's life because if things gets out of hand at this stage and he turns something else, the world will blame u in the future that u didn't fight hard enough for him.If u really foot 70percent of the bills in the house, then ur husband shouldn't complain much about u bringing ur first son in because u will still be the one to foot his bills. Like I told u, do what u have to do to better his life

Good Question.

He has slept with over 200 girls but wants to meet a virgin. HEHEHEHEHE

lepasharon:


Are you a virgin?

Vyvyanvyvy:

Yes I got married 3 years ago and I had 2 children from previous relationship , one with my husband and I’m pregnant with another

Marriage is all about communication. Continue talking to your husband and pray about it. Don't let it result into a fight, else he will hate the boy.

Oyindidi:
What about his family or friends? That boy needs your care that's why he's misbehaving(stealing)

how are you sure,the family or friend will be reliable to take care of boy like there own son.Yoruba will say?oju oloju koledabi oju eni?the best tin is for her to plead wit husband so dat she will be able to take care of him in a normal way.

I don't think I have the stomach to take any man's kids as mine in the name of marrying a wife.

I just can't, I'm sorry.

Send him to a boarding school

BoboKush:


See mumu talk..... E suppose park ha whole family dey feed n take care of..... because e love the woman na..... The man no suppose get life he's meant to live for her n ha all

Drop it here

Oyindidi:
How? The man promised to bring the boy in when they move to better place. Where your conscience dey?

Were u dere ni

You're mad

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

Such a chauvinistic pig.

How dare you?

Do you know this woman personally? What favor did you think her husband did in marrying her? Do you know if this woman is the bread winner of her family?

So, you want this woman to allow her son suffer because her relatives rejected him?

Do you even have a soul?
Where is the Agape love in you?

I shame for you

dayorich:
You're mad

And your balls are getting smaller cos you're crying right now. Drop your tears here

Sixfeetbelle:



I love how you made that thought incapital letters. It's like you're reading my mind. I mean, why accept the daughter and reject the son? It looks fishy.

The suspicion you brought up is mischievous. Nothing points to that in the OP's entire narration. Your type is the one guilty of that immaginary act of child abuse because it is what you would have done if you were in his position. Hate manipulative and frustrated ladies.

Saintmary:
Very simple, travel to your brother's place, pick up your son, bring him home.
If your husband is a sensible man, he will only leave your child's upkeep to you without raising hell. Good luck.

yea,i like dis your advice, if he is sensible man like what you said.he will not do anything he might not go along wit the boy immediately but wit time they will get along together

Sixfeetbelle:


If it's your child, you won't make this statement. No child deserves their parent treating them like a baggage. That is how resentment breed in people, leading some to be mentally unbalanced.

On the man's part, I'd say he's a coward. He knew there were two kids before the marriage, and he accepted one but rejected the other. Why? Why did he accept the girl? Did he have ulterior motives for her? Is that why he doesn't want the boy around? His actions looks fishy.

See warped logic. The second husband is a coward, while uiu did not qualify the father of the abandoned child nor his relatives. Your reasoning is abysmally poor.

Oyindidi:
I'll rather leave that Godforsaken marriage. My son stays with me or I leave that man

when you are still alive? no no no no

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

I wonder why she is still with the very wicked man? And I am reading the posts from guys on here who are supporting evil just because, gender

Dear OP, he married you (that is not doing you a favour) and you guys talked about those kids who you didn’t try to hide from him. He accepted to marry you in your entirety and now he is being really selfish and mean. He does not love you
Leave him (I wish you can leave him shaa)
I really really dislike that man!

Also dear poster, don’t be having too many children, you hear?
I hope you find a solution to this horror, in a way that you can tell your 90plus self, lying on her death bed, “I made the decision regarding my children that was best for them, I wrapped them in love and care because they didn’t ask to be born, I took decisions that empowered my soul and which were not wrapped in selfishness and desperation”
God bless

Vyvyanvyvy:

Why does he have to worry when he doesn’t buy anything for them ? Even the child we have together I’m the one paying her school fee even for him to give me money for scan it’s a problem. It’s not like he doesn’t have any but he is a very stingy man

you reason with emotions, a man reason with facts and figures. Thinking both positive and negative perspective of life. Your man might be stingy like you said, he probably might have supported you increase the items you sell or rather the services you render. If you tell me he didn't do anything for you, then what makes you accept him? I've been reading your comments as being independent, being independent takes a lot of factors as a woman. I'm not try to protect the man here, the truth is. On a faceless forum, one can say whosoever he/she wish abt their partner. If you're independent, I'd advice you take your two children from your elder brother who has done his best, take them to borden school, and make sure you don't quarry with your brother. It not easy for another woman to care for another man's child in her matrimonial home, while her own kids are still in the same roof. I don't know you in person, but I'm sure you gotta work on your character.