₦airaland Forum

well,it takes two to tango and two ppl cant walk together unless they agree!if this is what he wants and its dfft from urs,the right time to move on is now!OR U WANT TO BE A SINGLE PARENT TAKING CARE OF UR KIDS ALL ALONE?ITS OBVIOUS THIS MAN IS AVOIDING RESPONSIBILITIES!USE UR BRAIN NOW!!

"The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting."
How in the world of F did you know the stuff in quote? Due to societal norms, people are expected to get married bla bla bla but there's actually no rule that says you can't be single hence my support for your guy. In your defence, i think you should move on and decide if marriage is what you need or not, there are tons of men out there, don't go for good when better is available.

Emary:
Have some self-respect and move on! He doesn't see you as wife material otherwise he would be begging you to marry him. Don't waste your time on that otherwise, you might be shocked to find him marrying someone else under your nose. Don't expect him to change his mind either. Your goals are simply not aligned.

maybe this na the type wehy wan maly viRAGe BeB

All of you advising her there are tons of men out there ready to wife her up.

There is no guarantee, it's like you guys don't know the number of marriageable ladies seeking marriage outside. if i dey lie, go shiloh, anywayz, who says she can't be lucky.

The way e dey go now, women go dey hustle partner from womb.

Judybash93:
"The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting."
How in the world of F did you know the stuff in quote? Due to societal norms, people are expected to get married bla bla bla but there's actually no rule that says you can't be single hence my support for your guy. In your defence, i think you should move on and decide if marriage is what you need or not, there are tons of men out there, don't go for good when better is available.

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.

There is nothing you can do about it. Marriage cant be forced, it is a mental decision. Secondly being is baby mama is not a good idea at all. The children suffer alot, baby mama herself suffers too.... your boyfriend does not want to be tied so he can leave anytime poo hits the fan. I am not saying he is a bad guy but that is the thing.

Well situation like this is a painful one when one person wants a forever union but the other person just want to be free and have fin while it last.

Your boy friend has friends who believe in this story and they sold it to him..

Dont force him, you will regret it and you will lose your value. Dont try to get pregnant and try to hook him it wont work.

My simple advice is watch how things go if after a year he is still singing the same song then start keeping yourself open for other potential suitor.

There is nothing like THE ONE... you thought he was your special one until you found out you wanted different things in life in regards to long term issues. I am not saying he is a bad person, but you are not on the same page.

I believe when a man finds a good woman he will try and keep her and not want to keep her as a baby mama. His loyalty to you raise a doubt. But dont conclude he might just be getting around the wrong people.

Dont push it, dont force him. You will lose your value... just ask him maybe 3 or 6 months later and see his reaction.

chlowi:
one thing i always say to people is DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Emotional trauma is one that even medicine cant cure but time ....

While the best advice would have been to find someone else... truth is your man aint going to change his mind except another woman makes him feel the need to and that woman probably aint you.( this may have hurt forgive me )

weigh your options and shoot for your happiness . Remember no one will cry with you or share that pain if you choose to leave him for someone who doesnt see marriage as an issue.

But if you simply cant , am sure the tickets are left open for you.... It may just be his way of indirectly telling you he has no intention of marrying you knowing fully well most woman will not settle for that his option .....just so you prepare yourself ontime

God God God, you are like the most intelliGent human BeinG on NAIRalanD. Oh, I maRvel at the wisDom of GoD BeStOwed on man

Confusedgirl869:
My sister, I tire o. To think that he is the first man I fell hopelessly for. I have always been cautious of this love thing not getting to my head. It was just different with him and worst is I'm not sure I can move on with someone else.

You can do it. I tell you from experience.
Just give it a try and see.
In fact start with diverting your attention to someone else.
Break the communication gap and then ensure you rarely see.
Then watch it, you will be surprised.

Saintmary:
Sorry darling, just want you to know that some people care about you.
Please don't allow one selfish guy to rob you of long term happiness. At least, you have a chance of finding love if you're single and without this guy on your neck.
Cheers.

Which love exactly are you people shouting up and down, love doesn't exist and the same thing goes for religion.. Stop being deceive with these unrealistic concept

KenBen217:
so I'm not the only one who doesn't want to marry and just want kids

We plenty for here

AristocraticMe:
There is nothing you can do about it. Marriage cant be forced, it is a mental decision. Secondly being is baby mama is not a good idea at all. The children suffer alot, baby mama herself suffers too.... your boyfriend does not want to be tied so he can leave anytime poo hits the fan. I am not saying he is a bad guy but that is the thing.

Well situation like this is a painful one when one person wants a forever union but the other person just want to be free and have fin while it last.

Your boy friend has friends who believe in this story and they sold it to him..

Dont force him, you will regret it and you will lose your value. Dont try to get pregnant and try to hook him it wont work.

My simple advice is watch how things go if after a year he is still singing the same song then start keeping yourself open for other potential suitor.

There is nothing like THE ONE... you thought he was your special one until you found out you wanted different things in life in regards to long term issues. I am not saying he is a bad person, but you are not on the same page.

I believe when a man finds a good woman he will try and keep her and not want to keep her as a baby mama. His loyalty to you raise a doubt. But dont conclude he might just be getting around the wrong people.

Dont push it, dont force him. You will lose your value... just ask him maybe 3 or 6 months later and see his reaction.

nke ihe oge Cho?

Confusedgirl869:
It's going to be hard. Thanks dear

A woman can become scared of marriage may be because of rape or some other abuse. But no man is afraid of marriage. He is indirectly telling you that he really enjoyed all the sex you have given him so far, but doesn't love you. Indirectly telling you that he will marry another woman when he gets ready. It's to your benefit to move on with your life. If you force him, you will suffer at the end after maltreating you. He will definitely cheat on you.

Confusedgirl869:
Hmmm bae, what about my parents? Especially mum after all the home trainings she gave, wouldn't she think I disgraced her? Being the first daughter, you know how our parents think na.

with the way our ladies are doing one wont pray to get married infidelity everywhere in Nigeria no lady is exempted even me my single mother baby mama can bleep for 1,000

Boredasf:
So you want him to sacrifice his freedom by marrying you abi
Abeg shift!!!

That young man is wise for not wifeing you up.
Marriage benefits Women not men.

I sincerely hope more men adopt this philosophy.
You women don't deserve marriage.
Any man that decides to marry any woman in this 21st century should know that he is doing her a HUGE favor!

Chicken brain only weaklings are scared of marriages

gbemishile:
It's been a real torture for me all these years psychologically
I realise at one point that marriage isn't for everyone,even though our society extremely demands it.
I am not psychologically matured for marriage even though am over ripe in age for it.
So many things to say but this is social media

Please I need to hear the so many things..

Please please

TomMary:
Chicken brain only weaklings are scared of marriages

Only cheaters get into marriage

TomMary:
Chicken brain only weaklings are scared of marriages

You don't have to insult him to make your point.
Ur point would have been appreciated by him, if you took your time as a LADY to explain the rudiments of marriage in his life and how it will affect him positively.

From Many write ups here and what is obtainable out there, Men are growing in rage concerning marriage.
U would have done justice to his belief by giving him a thorough mature explanation rather you made it worse.

MEN also benefit from marriage when they marry Good Ladies.
I have come across men who talk a lot about their wives and how she helped them through.
Prove that point to him

TomMary:
Chicken brain only weaklings are scared of marriages

My dear .... You won't understand...

The marriages I'm seeing these days are not the marriages our parents thought us or even the one thought in the bible...


Feminism killed marriages

egojiokwu:
A woman can become scared of marriage may be because of rape or some other abuse. But no man is afraid of marriage. He is indirectly telling you that he really enjoyed all the sex you have given him so far, but doesn't love you. Indirectly telling you that he will marry another woman when he gets ready. It's to your benefit to move on with your life. If you force him, you will suffer at the end after maltreating you. He will definitely cheat on you.

The bold words are not true and will never be.
How did you know all the indirectness?

Does love alone sustain a boy/girl relationship talk more of marriage?
Do you know how many families built on 100% love that broke up due to irreconcilable differences and infidelity?

TomMary:
Chicken brain only weaklings are scared of marriages

Manipulation as usual. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to counter his post by telling us what exactly men gain from marriage?


And to the Nairaland ladies advising that she should leave the man she loves (and who loves her) to get married to another person...it really makes me wonder why exactly women want to get married...because in this case, it sure as hell isn’t because of “love”

kurlz:
You can do it. I tell you from experience.
Just give it a try and see.
In fact start with diverting your attention to someone else.
Break the communication gap and then ensure you rarely see.
Then watch it, you will be surprised.

You have sense...

2 bottles of Small stout for you

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.

SO so gi bu baby mama CiTiZenShiP Onwe metara NwOke ihe ojo? Na we wey fit never CRoss frens' with Benefit level

HRMK:
well,it takes two to tango and two ppl cant walk together unless they agree!if this is what he wants and its dfft from urs,the right time to move on is now!OR U WANT TO BE A SINGLE PARENT TAKING CARE OF UR KIDS ALL ALONE?ITS OBVIOUS THIS MAN IS AVOIDING RESPONSIBILITIES!USE UR BRAIN NOW!!

you look like all these people that poSt STAMP

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.

from my own perspective here, it seems u are the problem here, this guy has seen something about u that he can never live with hence he threw the option
of babymama for u to decide and from your own upbringing, he knows u can never accept it.. My advice is check yourself well before entering another relationship becos this your boyfriend is 35... Shows hes more matured and experienced than u.. Here are somethings u need to check
-men love women that can cooperate with them in responsibility of a home.. If u are have the mentality that its the responsibility of a man to do everything at home.. Check it
Are u clean? Men observe this things.. U may not know.. Some ladies have terrible smell after intercouse hence the guy swears never to marry them
Character... Some ladies are mannerless and haughty and spontaneous mood swings.. Check this
Imcompatible sex life... Some ladies are so insatiable and have higher drive than their partners.. Never unleash all your sex capabilities now that u are courting hence he thinks he might not be able to cope later.
Lastly communication.. are you secretive?if yes pls check it.. I wish u well as u check this things

MOnkeyBabe:
Uyaii still Dey?

yes ... You wan kill am before?

Millenniumlady:
Please don't ruin my reputation on this forum who knows if my soul mate is here becareful of the things you say about me.

na your spirit mate not soul mate

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Confusedgirl869:
Hmmm bae, what about my parents? Especially mum after all the home trainings she gave, wouldn't she think I disgraced her? Being the first daughter, you know how our parents think na.

c d kind names were una dey bear

I THINK LIKE THAT GUY

Confusedgirl869:
Hmmm bae, what about my parents? Especially mum after all the home trainings she gave, wouldn't she think I disgraced her? Being the first daughter, you know how our parents think na.

Uhh, so what you are saying is that if not for your mother you would have taken the baby mama stuff. You will have yourself to blame not the guy if you take it.

Please don't become USELESS
You are more than a baby producing FACTORY.

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.

In the gender name woMan, there is the word MAN.
That denones responsibilities for the WOMAN too.
Those responsibilities when it comes to matrimony includes Financial commitment amongst other things.
Matrimony is 50/50 thing. 50 for the male and 50 for the feMALE. But he being stronger could do her a FAVOUR of shouldering 60% while leaving for her 40%.

The critical analytical statement above is not what most Nigerian Ladies and even there MUMS inclusive understand about Dating, Marriage, Matrimony and Marital Life. And that is WOEFUL!! SO SO HORRIBLE!!
Why? There will never be a Balance in a home that do not keep to the rule of 50/50 or 55/45 or 60/40. And when there is no balance there will always be issues.

The forgoing factor is the major concern Smart Men/Guys do use as yardstick to determine there life partner.
He will surely come forward to propose if he sees that you truly have a balanced view of MATRIMONY and it accompanying spousal responsibilities.
Not that because He is the head of the Home, he should now be the Sole Provider of the Family. No it should not be because ***HE PROVIDES THE SPEARM, YOU DONATE YOUR EGG TO BRING ABOUT A CHILD****
In addition to all I said, the quoted post below is Powerfully made for you!!

Beatswim:
from my own perspective here, it seems u are the problem here, this guy has seen something about u that he can never live with hence he threw the option
of babymama for u to decide and from your own upbringing, he knows u can never accept it.. My advice is check yourself well before entering another relationship becos this your boyfriend is 35... Shows hes more matured and experienced than u.. Here are somethings u need to check
-men love women that can cooperate with them in responsibility of a home.. If u are have the mentality that its the responsibility of a man to do everything at home.. Check it
Are u clean? Men observe this things.. U may not know.. Some ladies have terrible smell after intercouse hence the guy swears never to marry them
Character... Some ladies are mannerless and haughty and spontaneous mood swings.. Check this
Imcompatible sex life... Some ladies are so insatiable and have higher drive than their partners.. Never unleash all your sex capabilities now that u are courting hence he thinks he might not be able to cope later.
Lastly communication.. are you secretive?if yes pls check it.. I wish u well as u check this things

MOnkeyBabe:
nke ihe oge Cho?

meaning?

Beatswim:
from my own perspective here, it seems u are the problem here, this guy has seen something about u that he can never live with hence he threw the option
of babymama for u to decide and from your own upbringing, he knows u can never accept it.. My advice is check yourself well before entering another relationship becos this your boyfriend is 35... Shows hes more matured and experienced than u.. Here are somethings u need to check
-men love women that can cooperate with them in responsibility of a home.. If u are have the mentality that its the responsibility of a man to do everything at home.. Check it
Are u clean? Men observe this things.. U may not know.. Some ladies have terrible smell after intercouse hence the guy swears never to marry them
Character... Some ladies are mannerless and haughty and spontaneous mood swings.. Check this
Imcompatible sex life... Some ladies are so insatiable and have higher drive than their partners.. Never unleash all your sex capabilities now that u are courting hence he thinks he might not be able to cope later.
Lastly communication.. are you secretive?if yes pls check it.. I wish u well as u check this things

Well articulated too.
But she may not be the problem as you purported.
The guy may be afraid or not ready too.