Chai!!

judedwriter:
No one is totally unlovable. It just takes a lot of time to truly love someone... I mean a lot of time to communicate and try to understand your partner. Be best friends for a long stretch of time... Love will eventually come in.

But if you have a deeper love for God, it won't be difficult to really appreciate your partner, even you aren't linked romantically.

You're very, very emotionally balanced.

And mentally too.

But, this philosophy (which is d right one) isn't popular, so very few will appreciate it or even take it. Until I have you one like, no one did.

OP I have a feel of what are passing through. It's quite a pity you had sex with her.

I once had this small (petite) Yoruba girl. I was first attracted to her because I thought she was Igbo due to her fair complexion.

We got into d friendship, gosh!! She was there, everyday, every night. She will call with her credit and we will gist in Yoruba, we were an item, yet I refuse to ask her out.

I couldn't imagine myself with a Yoruba lady, even if I managed to get pass that hurdle what about her education? She was a hairstylist, her mom had just passed on, her father was away in Benin Republic, her brother was in Abk, so she was just alone in one room.

Two years gone, we were still friends, she kept on asking why I was taking time I really wanted to love her enough to date her but I couldn't find it. She asked if it was because she wasn't in school, then after my NYSC, she got admission to a Polytechnic, she thought I might have a change of heart. I didn't.

Every opportunity to go see her, I turned it down. It's now 4 years, she has decided to move on. I was still trying to close my eyes and imagine that she isn't Bisola but Nkechi or Chioma. Funny is that we spoke Yoruba everytime we spoke.

She invited me one day for that stuff, I told myself; don't do this if you don't love her enough to date her. I didn't go.

The following month she got a date, but she wasn't feeling it. We kept on talking and my presence was a distraction to her new found love. Las las d guy blocked me everywhere and I decided to let it be.

Sometimes, I just seat and beat my heart or brain for not finding that push or extra space to accommodate that girl in my heart.

Truth is sometimes our heart or feelings just plays tricks on us.

My own case was not that I didn't find a very nice beautiful girl but stupid Tribalism wouldn't let me be.

CsRockefeller:
OP I have a feel of what are passing through. It's quite a pity you had sex with her.

I once had this small (petite) Yoruba girl. I was first attracted to her because I thought she was Igbo due to her fair complexion.

We got into d friendship, gosh!! She was there, everyday, every night. She will call with her credit and we will gist in Yoruba, we were an item, yet I refuse to ask her out.

I couldn't imagine myself with a Yoruba lady, even if I managed to get pass that hurdle what about her education? She was a hairstylist, her mom had just passed on, her father was away in Benin Republic, her brother was in Abk, so she was just alone in one room.

Two years gone, we were still friends, she kept on asking why I was taking time I really wanted to love her enough to date her but I couldn't find it. She asked if it was because she wasn't in school, then after my NYSC, she got admission to a Polytechnic, she thought I might have a change of heart. I didn't.

Every opportunity to go see her, I turned it down. It's now 4 years, she has decided to move on. I was still trying to close my eyes and imagine that she isn't Bisola but Nkechi or Chioma. Funny is that we spoke Yoruba everytime we spoke.

She invited me one day for that stuff, I told myself; don't do this if you don't love her enough to date her. I didn't go.

The following month she got a date, but she wasn't feeling it. We kept on talking and my presence was a distraction to her new found love. Las las d guy blocked me everywhere and I decided to let it be.

Sometimes, I just seat and beat my heart or brain for not finding that push or extra space to accommodate that girl in my heart.

Truth is sometimes our heart or feelings just plays tricks on us.

My own case was not that I didn't find a very nice beautiful girl but stupid Tribalism wouldn't let me be.

Your type are dangerous and emotionally manipulative!
You held her hostage emotionally for so long in the name of "friendship"
If you hadn't given her any hope, she would not have waited for you for that long.
I bet you were jealous when she was with another guy, and you felt good when she told you she wasn't into him.

sylve11:
You're in for a long thing.
In the hay days when you're telling her you loved her just to spread her like bedsheet on top a sheet, so you're telling lies, isn't it?

I will not say much because If you nor know how song take start make you no go hurry dance put, before you go dance GARALA inside ASONTO....

Mariangeles:


Your type are dangerous and emotionally manipulative!
You held her hostage emotionally for so long in the name of "friendship"
If you hadn't given her any hope, she would not have waited for you for that long.
I bet you were jealous when she was with another guy, and you felt good when she told you she wasn't into him.

I beg to differ.

After reading that story, the only other thing he could have done is to beat her with a stick like fulani guide their cows.
She acted very malu-like with little dignity.

The hand writing was on th wall. I applaud him for not sleeping with her because then I will say he took advantage.

He enjoyed being the center of her world and only God should be the center of our world.

She is probably very young and na so young dey do- she has not learnt to value herself above all others ... but he did nothing wrong in my opinion. @csrockefellar

Ybaby:


I beg to differ.

After reading that story, the only other thing he could have done is to beat her with a stick like fulani guide their cows.
She acted very malu-like with little dignity.

The hand writing was on th wall. I applaud him for not sleeping with her because then I will say he took advantage.

He enjoyed being the center of her world and only God should be the center of our world.

She is probably very young and na so young dey do- she has not learnt to value herself above all others ... but he did nothing wrong in my opinion. @csrockefellar

For a girl in that situation, you wouldn't blame her. She was probably vulnerable.
Also, she might have probably thought he was hesitant because of her educational level..."maybe if I furthered my education, I'll be good enough for him"
He knew he had no intentions of ever starting a relationship with her, yet he kept her.

[s]

Biglittlelois:
Get a divorce, marriage is not a do or die affair.

[/s]

ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant.
Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

So you did not know she was loud and loquacious when you slept with her? This is what happens when you allow your preek do the thinking for you. How can you even get it up for a woman who doesn't have the qualities you desire?

Wait don't answer- the preek has its own peculiar brain and it doesn't discriminate.

Mscheeeeeeeew. Guy carry your cross. You cannot spoil the life of someone's daughter and run.

bukatyne:


Brother Ollins,

If this lady is as terrible as this, how were you able to get an erection to stick it into her?

How did you start the toasting to get her into your bed and arms?

The same magic you worked to get her pregnant, use it again.

It is in you like peak!

Don't mind him. He wanted to chop and clean mouth but e hook am for throat.

Ybaby:


I beg to differ.

After reading that story, the only other thing he could have done is to beat her with a stick like fulani guide their cows.
She acted very malu-like with little dignity.

The hand writing was on th wall. I applaud him for not sleeping with her because then I will say he took advantage.

He enjoyed being the center of her world and only God should be the center of our world.

She is probably very young and na so young dey do- she has not learnt to value herself above all others ... but he did nothing wrong in my opinion. @csrockefellar

All through, I was the one even pushing her to go to school. In no way was I manipulating her to keep her around.

We never saw since I left school, just phone calls so there was no way I could have stopped her from being free, it's what's she tells me I believe.

She saw that the friendship was very valuable to her and decided to stay despite we not dating.

I believe I did no wrong, I told her why we can't be, she acknowledged but we still kept in touch.

Tomorrow when she completes her education, she will look back and be happy she met someone who pushed her not someone who was interested in her body or frivolities.

@Mariangeles

I

CsRockefeller:
OP I have a feel of what are passing through. It's quite a pity you had sex with her.

I once had this small (petite) Yoruba girl. I was first attracted to her because I thought she was Igbo due to her fair complexion.

We got into d friendship, gosh!! She was there, everyday, every night. She will call with her credit and we will gist in Yoruba, we were an item, yet I refuse to ask her out.

I couldn't imagine myself with a Yoruba lady, even if I managed to get pass that hurdle what about her education? She was a hairstylist, her mom had just passed on, her father was away in Benin Republic, her brother was in Abk, so she was just alone in one room.

Two years gone, we were still friends, she kept on asking why I was taking time I really wanted to love her enough to date her but I couldn't find it. She asked if it was because she wasn't in school, then after my NYSC, she got admission to a Polytechnic, she thought I might have a change of heart. I didn't.

Every opportunity to go see her, I turned it down. It's now 4 years, she has decided to move on. I was still trying to close my eyes and imagine that she isn't Bisola but Nkechi or Chioma. Funny is that we spoke Yoruba everytime we spoke.

She invited me one day for that stuff, I told myself; don't do this if you don't love her enough to date her. I didn't go.

The following month she got a date, but she wasn't feeling it. We kept on talking and my presence was a distraction to her new found love. Las las d guy blocked me everywhere and I decided to let it be.

Sometimes, I just seat and beat my heart or brain for not finding that push or extra space to accommodate that girl in my heart.

Truth is sometimes our heart or feelings just plays tricks on us.

My own case was not that I didn't find a very nice beautiful girl but stupid Tribalism wouldn't let me be.

^^
This here is someone who did not allow his preek think for him.

Brother Ollins, be like CsRockefeller

UndauntedYOCA:
Lol, sometimes we have got to fave the consequences that arise from not being able to control our urge. Anyways, it's either you learn to love her or you let go but you have got to cater for that child.

The child is the main reason we are still together. While growing up I had vowed to bring up my own kid in my house and not another man bringing up my child.

judedwriter:


Naturally, we fall in love with people we spend quality time with. It's natural, that's why friends are for life, we want to spend eternity together. It's the same with your wife, spend more time with her and love will grow.

But God is love. His love is far superior and He fills our hearts with His love when we fellowship with Him in Bible study, prayers and praises. When we are filled with God's love, it is easy to love unlovable people.

Hmmmm. Thank you

Biglittlelois:
Get a divorce, marriage is not a do or die affair.

hmmmm

etrange:


<deviation>
I also know the talk of "skin-to-skin dey sweet pass", "condom is for boys", "real man go raw and withdraw", etc. Maybe those are what you shouldn't have listened to. If, when looking back, the major mistake you see and regret is getting married to her, then you need to think some more because getting married to her (though avoidable) was a only a consequence of a bigger mistake. The deed has been done, selective regretting can gain you Nairaland sympathy but that won't change a thing in your life. So don't just say you regret getting married to her (that makes it look like she is the protagonist), regret going in raw (a mistake you both made).
</deviation>

Sorry for that deviation, I had to let it out.

Now, I'm not an advocate of sticking to marriage if both parties are not happy, it makes zero sense and it could turn violent easily. Having separated parents is much better for the kids than a violent home. If you guys aren't happy together, I'll advise you go your ways to avoid stories. You have to understand this could result to you not participating actively in your baby's upbringing; a price you pay for your freedom. We just can't have it all.

If she's happy and contented in the marriage, it gets more complicated. Kicking out a woman who is happily married to you with your kid is not an option. True you can't easily cultivate love and you can't find what was never there but if what you don't like is her classlessness and not that she's always nagging, overspending and/or any such vices, then you could still make a friend of her. The so-called passionate love burns out after some years, friendship is what keeps couples going afterwards. If you make her your friend, at least, and she begins to understand you want her well-being, it will be easier to communicate the changes you want to see. Communication is key.

I know my take might not mean much cause it's a very difficult situation but the summary of what I'm saying is, don't be selfish in whatever decision you take, consider the other two parties involved.

Best of luck!

Wow. I read this thrice. Very blunt and helpful to me I must say.

Ishilove:
I
^^
This here is someone who did not allow his preek think for him.

Brother Ollins, be like CsRockefeller

I didn't take after Mr John D. Rockefeller for nothing

But Mr Ollins, just try, take this as a mountain you must move. We can't keep running away from every challenge we encounter.

Read books, listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, let love radiate to her tru you. It's tough I know but you gat this, I believe you die!!

Remember, if we love only those that love us or are deserving of our love, then what good have we done?

Mariangeles:


For a girl in that situation, you wouldn't blame her. She was probably vulnerable.
Also, she might have probably thought he was hesitant because of her educational level..."maybe if I furthered my education, I'll be good enough for him"
He knew he had no intentions of ever starting a relationship with her, yet he kept her.

In a way I understand what you are saying but he told her several times that he was not interested.

SHE STAYED !

She cannot move forward if she is playing the victim.

CsRockefeller:


All through, I was the one even pushing her to go to school. In no way was I manipulating her to keep her around.

We never saw since I left school, just phone calls so there was no way I could have stopped her from being free, it's what's she tells me I believe.

She saw that the friendship was very valuable to her and decided to stay despite we not dating.

I believe I did no wrong, I told her why we can't be, she acknowledged but we still kept in touch.

Tomorrow when she completes her education, she will look back and be happy she met someone who pushed her not someone who was interested in her body or frivolities.

@Mariangeles

OK. You did well.

Try to make up your mind to make the marriage work by finding something loving about her. you see, love is a commitment. And I will advice you to read this book. five languages of love.

Ishilove:

Don't mind him. He wanted to chop and clean mouth but e hook am for throat.

Mariangeles:


For a girl in that situation, you wouldn't blame her. She was probably vulnerable.
Also, she might have probably thought he was hesitant because of her educational level..."maybe if I furthered my education, I'll be good enough for him"
He knew he had no intentions of ever starting a relationship with her, yet he kept her.

Continue 'infantalizing' women and expect respect.

faithfull18:

Please, help us ask oh.

You choose to love, it's a decision.

Unless you mean you aren't sexually attracted to her anymore but I am sure you were when you were flinging upandan

I need memes biko

ollins:
The child is the main reason we are still together. While growing up I had vowed to bring up my own kid in my house and not another man bringing up my child.

Start loving her.....

bukatyne:




Continue 'infantalizing' women and expect respect.

For you to understand people and why they act way they do, you'd first have to put yourself in their shoes.
There are reasons why people act the way they do, and only a few people can understand that.
Something that is obvious to you might be oblivious to others.
Having an experienced person to guide us through life so that we don't make the mistakes that they made is a blessing and also an advantage. Not everyone has that.
For a girl like that who barely has a family, no mum to advise and guide her through, do you expect her to just know these things?
Buka, you need to always look deeper into situations, put yourself in the shoes of those involved before you judge.

Unnerve:

Funny question, but not surprising coming from a woman. Lol

You don't understand the unique electrical impulses of a man's brain. Most men don't need to believe a woman is great or the best before sticking it into her.
The problem usually begins when he gets carried away by how good the sex was and then marries her just because of it, e.g the OP

I very well understand that men have an opportunist mentalist towards sex and will sleep with any girl willing to.

It takes a man who is assertive and visionary by training, self-awareness/discovery or religion to overcome that impulse.

Cc: Geng

If she feels the same way, that means you guys can get amicably divorced. You can’t force love

Mariangeles:


For you to understand people and why act the way they do, you'd first have to put yourself in their shoes.
There are reasons why people act the way they do, and only a few people can understand that.
Something that is obvious to you might be oblivious to others.
Having an experienced person to guide us through life so that we don't make the mistakes that they made is a blessing and also an advantage. Not everyone has that.
For a girl like that who barely has a family, no mum to advise and guide her through, do you expect her to just know these things?
Buka, you need to always look deeper into situations, put yourself in the shoes of those involved before you judge.

A contrary opinion does not necessarily mean judging neither is pointing out cause and Effect. I also think you should take your own advise.

You did not extend this sympathy to the OP you quoted because he is male.

Just how the lady could make a mistake because she did not 'know better', it did not occur to you that the guy narrating the story could also have made mistakes because he did not 'know any better'?

ImaIma1:
I guess sex happened or she just fell pregnant.

If not, why get intimate with someone you can't seem to stand.

Awon Linda Ikeji geng!

I think you meant to say lack of control

By the way it’s not unique to men. Many women will let anything/anyone stick them too when they feel h0rny.
And no it’s not something to be proud of.
It just is.

Unnerve:

Funny question, but not surprising coming from a woman. Lol

You don't understand the unique electrical impulses of a man's brain. Most men don't need to believe a woman is great or the best before sticking it into her.
The problem usually begins when he gets carried away by how good the sex was and then marries her just because of it, e.g the OP

Klass99:


Lol, is this girl well at all?

Did you not receive the memo that for men, sex is only a physical act with no feelings attached?

Or the memo which says that third leg is as useless as the b in debt? And it controls the ones who don't want to learn self control or discipline?

Your comment cracked me up and starting it with Brother Ollins was just something else.

You remind me of our Sunday school Aunty who we didn't like to see on a Sunday evening, when all we wanted to do was swim in the club's pool house.

@ OP, I have never been with anyone I didn't like, so I have no experience to share

I don't how brother just popped into my head o jare.

Women missed the plot when they decided to 'sleep' about with commitment aka 'sexual liberation'.

The natural man is a sexual opportunist and will sleep with anything. It takes training, discipline and/ or religion to break out of that pattern. That is why a lady should as much as possible know and understand the dynamics of the relationship before sex.

The natural woman is a sexual victim and will always 'feel' used when a sexual relationship goes wrong. It also takes training, mind renewal and religion (the way it is taught not helpful though) to think differently.

The OP in his sexual opportunist nature slept severally with a girl till she got pregnant. And he can tell us he doesn't love her. Twenty years ago, he would have been flogged in the village square because it is believed at his age, his vision should drive his decisions and not his pen.is

In the spirit of 'freedom and in pursuit of happiness,' he has been told to divorce if he still can't 'feel'.

Anyways, if he got married in the church, he better find the love and build his home with his wife.

There is no provision of divorce due to lack of love and it is 'husbands, love your wives' not 'men, marry who you love.'

cococandy:
I think you meant to say lack of control

By the way it’s not unique to men. Many women will let anything/anyone stick them too when they feel h0rny.
And no it’s not something to be proud of.
It just is.

I don't know if many women will agree with you here, lol. but yes, it just is and I never did imply it was something to be proud of as a man as I'm sure you did not either despite your caveat.