Biglittlelois:
You are not over reacting dear, bear it in mind that a man or woman cannot constantly talk to their married ex for hours without intimate talks and desire to see, and you and I know exactly what will happen when they set eyes on each other, pls end whatever it is you have with him and move on, knowing his family doesn't mean a thing.

I talk with my married ex often and there's no intimate talks and there's no desire to see.


We broke up and she was single for like 3-4 years before she married five years ago and we have not set eyes on each other since day we called it quits. I bail her out of financial difficulties occasionally(sometimes as a gift and sometimes as a no interest loan which she pays back most times before the agreed date.)


The problem with someone of you is generalization. All humans are not the same.


I and my ex were supposed to be just friends but we nearly ruined a beautiful friendship with relationship, others are like that.

He already disregards your feelings and concerns. Your emotional state isn't a priority. This is emotional abuse. A big red flag.

Sessanvandy:
Good evening Nairalanders, please i need your sincere opinion on this issue bothering me.

I have been dating this guy for 9 months and our relationship has been going well except for this issue.

My boyfriend or should i say fiancé ( he has introduced me to his family as the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and my family is in support of the relationship) has been in contact with his ex-girlfriend who is married with a son.

My man spends 1-2hrs on phone with his ex girlfriend in my presence and when i confronted him, he told me to bear in mind that he can never stop talking to her because she didn't offend him and if she needs any monetary support, he won't hesitate to help.

They have no intimate relationship maybe cus of distance, He agreed not to call her but promised to take her calls when she does and she calls frequently.

Her husband also warned him to stay away from his wife but he wouldn't listen.

He is a nice guy with a good heart and we are planning introduction by December

I told him that if he can't stop communicating with his ex girlfriend the relationship is over but he still insist on maintaining contact with her...

Pls am i overreacting, How do i handle this??....mature advice needed!

sorry for the long post.

You are not over reacting but setting the record straight. I speak with my ex but not in front of my wife and not frequently, an ex is an ex irrespective of what was shared in the past and everybody who value his/her present relationship know and respect that. Since you are prepare to let this go apart if he is not ready to change, I want you to give him a little of what he is feeding you with. Get an imaginary or real boyfriend, engage him on phone, either voice or video call when your guy is around then let see how he will take it. If he complain about your call in his presence, apologize to him like you mean it but repeat the same thing the next time his around, if he complain again, apologize and blame it on the guy but don't stop until he decide what he wants with you. I don't support ladies dragging equality with men but at the same time I don't support men who torture their partner emotionally.

Sessanvandy:
Good evening Nairalanders, please i need your sincere opinion on this issue bothering me.

I have been dating this guy for 9 months and our relationship has been going well except for this issue.

My boyfriend or should i say fiancé ( he has introduced me to his family as the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and my family is in support of the relationship) has been in contact with his ex-girlfriend who is married with a son.

My man spends 1-2hrs on phone with his ex girlfriend in my presence and when i confronted him, he told me to bear in mind that he can never stop talking to her because she didn't offend him and if she needs any monetary support, he won't hesitate to help.

They have no intimate relationship maybe cus of distance, He agreed not to call her but promised to take her calls when she does and she calls frequently.

Her husband also warned him to stay away from his wife but he wouldn't listen.

He is a nice guy with a good heart and we are planning introduction by December

I told him that if he can't stop communicating with his ex girlfriend the relationship is over but he still insist on maintaining contact with her...

Pls am i overreacting, How do i handle this??....mature advice needed!

sorry for the long post.

Omo nothing to handle here o, better be ready for a polygamous home. I will not talk again.

Sooorry



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That bastard has no respect for you dump him

Please ehn, if someone disrespects you, NEVER EVER disrespect yourself. It is not your business whether he spends hours chatting with his ex or sleeping with her. Your business is to carry your heart, soul and body and leave that relationship. If you have ever had your heart broken, I won't need to tell you this.

Some men or women addicted to their exes is like opium, that is a relationship you cannot break, so don't try to. It is their responsibility to cut off all exes. If you mean anything to him beyond him thinking he's doing you a favour by being in a relationship with you, he wouldn't dare keep communication with an ex nor flaunt it in your face.

Gather whatever is left of your dignity and exit. The relationship you claim to have with him is not important to him, don't give it more importance so as not to ridicule yourself in his eyes. I have exes, I don't have any of their phone numbers and have no business with them.

catwalq:
Screenshot all their chats and post it online with her face and warn her to mind her family and leave your boo alone..

Relax and enjoy your man in peace

.
Isn’t that petty? Remember she’s only but a girlfriend.
Not supporting the ‘fiancé’ though.

Don't try to fix yourself in-between them, you will get hurt.....they shared something strong. Be yourself and love him your best. Your guy is wrong to answer her calls for such long periods in your presence, that's annoying and disrespectful and maybe, he had never told her he is with his babe right beside him. It's unfair and make sure you tell him that. If you can't cope with the entanglement, leave now that you are free to.

catwalq:
Screenshot all their chats and post it online with her face and warn her to mind her family and leave your boo alone..

Relax and enjoy your man in peace

She will lose the guy forever, there are ones you don't tamper with their old flames.

My advice is that you forget about him and move on. The lady, though married is obviously still very fond of your fiancé and he obviously still likes her. Unknown to him, its possible that she may be regretting not marrying him. This might be dangerous in the near future. Don’t be overtaken by emotions, it might get worse - weaknesses revealed during the period of engagement usually get worse when you’re married.

The brutal truth is that they still long for each other even with you around he still stays on the phone for hours with her then what if you are not there? His actions show total disrespect to you don't fall for his money by claiming his nice a nice guy will respect and care about your feelings.

swiz123:
He might have lost his girlfriend, but he didn't lose his friend.

Talking to her in your presence means that he has nothing to hide. so my dear, do away with insecurities.

He should do away with his stupidity. Only a stupid guy or girl does such.

LadyTianna:

Simple solution: Start calling guys in his presence. Tell them to feel free to call you too. Talk for long periods of time with them. Make sure you smile, laugh and joke while on these calls. Your man's brain will reset
If he complains, tell him they're just your friends and you didn't quarrel with them

mumu

lilmonarch:
are you excusing his partner in crime that's married? Oh.. I forgot she is also a "man".

He is the fiance. Loyalty and respect is demanded from him. The ex has her family and the husband can choose to demand loyalty from her, as he should.
But this is not about the ex but the total disrespect shown by op's fiance.

God will provide you a good husband
Cause you haven't seen one

cicodeblazzer:
u are a big fool and a deceiver. Its ur type that uses your demonic advice to destroy the families and relationships of vulnerable others seeking advice. So u are advicing the op to go on war of will with her man? I was thinking u are going to tell her to stoop so low and conquer whatever the devil is trying to do to break she and her man wit gud qualitiz (THAT IS CALLED KEEPING/STICKING TO HER MAN AND SAVING HER RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE @ ALL COST....which is one quality and duty of every mature and sensible woman). The op should re-examine herself(there must be sometin she lacks which he gets when talking with the ex) and use her onions to replace the ex.

But why call an innocent guy a fool?!!!

I don't understand how you would feel very comfortable to refer to someone as a fool at the slightest opportunity.

You had a point in mind against his advice, simply mention it to him BUT NOT CALL HIM A FOOL!

Haba haba, would you enjoy being referred to as such?!!!

The husband of your husband's ex might harm your husband ....In any case you won't 've a peaceful marriage ....run away from that relationship ....if he can't stop dealing with his ex....then he is not gonna be faithful to you

Chii59:

He is the fiance. Loyalty and respect is demanded from him. The ex has her family and the husband can choose to demand loyalty from her, as he should.
But this is not about the ex but the total disrespect shown by op's fiance.

but you were talking about men not being emotionally mature. The married woman that won't let her ex be is emotionally mature right?

lilmonarch:
but you were talking about men not being emotionally mature. The married woman that won't let her ex be is emotionally mature right?

Stop trying to be smart. You get my point already.

[left][/left]

drake99:
na married ex dey sweet pass, okafor's law

I

Sessanvandy

I hv to comment because this one is personal to me.

The first problem is that most of us hv a misconception about relationships.

My ex was d first girl to be genuinely nice to me n our breakup was neither our faults. As a Nigerian girl, u might not realize how much ur fellow sisters scar most young men 25 n below. When a guy finally found d first girl who is truly different, he just locks in.

Even if I am married after 50 years, I will still talk to my ex. I am just telling u that if boy is not alone in this. For my case, I hv a soft spot for her, not love. And yes, I will always pick d call. Do u want him to start going to d toilet to pick a call? This dude is even open more than me.

See it this way. Most of these guys appear good to their gf but they have all sorts of hidden girls. At least in your case, u know d girl in question n to d best of ur knowledge, they are not seeing. Who do u want to leave him for? A player who u think is a good guy because he is expert at hiding his side chics?

u might even be nicer than d girl but because she was d first, she always have d edge.

These guys were probably talking for 4 hours per day while dating. If it now reduces to 1 hr per week; that's progress. Give him time, don't fight him, he is a good guy. Don't nag too, or give an attitude when he is calling. Give him time. Make him jealous without making it obvious. Lastly make him know that u can genuinely hv ur own fun too without him.

If it's hard for him to betray or forget his ex, that's exactly how hard it will be hard for him to betray u. 9 months is nothing. Time

Honestly, this was my exact story some years back, his married ex calls him even by 2am, whenever I tried to talk to him it turns out to quarrels, it made me feel like I was insane and insecure, I mean good men are hard to come by like they said, so I endured. He promised me all they talk about is random gist, sometimes he answers her call in my presence but after one heated argument I asked him to choose btw me or her and he said me but then I started noticing he doesn’t talk or mention her name anymore, I was happy but I noticed he was always holding his phone even in the bathroom, one day he forgot and her chats was just pouring in, this was around 10pm, I asked him at first he lied but later told me he never stopped talking to her...well not trying to praise myself here but I’m the type that would hardly get jealous but that was how he made me feel, insecure...we are no longer together but I will advise to talk to him once more else please leave, you are too beautiful and you deserve peace...

You have identified an obvious RED FLAG in the relationship.
So,if he doesn't stop to talk to his ex in either way of call,run as fast as your leg can take you, as dangers await you.

He introduced you to his family automatically ua his fiancé..

My friend loosen ur shakels and start loosing him in ur mind.he hasn't moved on from his previous rship which makes you the fall back,the "I am now ready to settle down" girl in his life.

No sane dude talks for hours on phone with ex in front of his girlfriend talk less of fiance .

After marriage this one will pass you in the sitting room with a girl straight to ur bedroom telling u he wants to discuss private business with her,u will Then come here to disturb us.

besides,.do you know how many of the girls I dated that are known by my family?..till his family comes to urs and make their intensions known that is Nigerian engagement,thats when you call him fiancé.....for now? He is ur fuuckmate ,and ua the fall back girl (side chick) for now..The plan B girl

That is intolerable. If I am with you, then there cannot be any conversation with your ex!!!

Wetin dey inside this puna again that people can't be faith full to their wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, bbn, even some ministries.

Everyone just giving us wey never settle down heat .

RUN RUN RUN