Hi Everyone, i got married in 2018, We are both working class.. I am in my 34 while my wife is in her late 28. My wife has been denying me sex, we rarely have sex. sometimes we can go for over a month without sex. Whenever i ask for sex, she just complains she is tired and that is it. Sometimes i would plead and try yet she wont accept. What pains me the most is the way she react when i try to approach her. She would yell and begin to shout what nonsense is this, who is this now? To the point i only could initiate sex, sat morning and even with that she still refuses. Before we got married I sat her down and told her about this issue, that i hear about it from my married friends and dont want to experience such, she assured me and said our wont be like that but our is now worse. I am not sure we had sex more than 12 times the whole of last year.

The first time i sat her down, i asked her why she is doing all this to me, she complained i dont show her enough love, that she wants me to do more house chores, and also take her to eat outside and watch movies. I told her i will try. Although i knw am not the most romantic guy around, but i try the little ways I can, we sometimes go to see the movies. I do laundry on sat, help with ironing all the clothes she would wear during the week and cook a very few time. I ensured we got a maid so she wont be pressure by house chores. I also gave her my only car so she doesnt need to enter public transport, buy food from great eateries and even icecreams, almost every other week. But she has not changed, the last major fight we had was about 3months ago and it was about sex cause she denied me for no reason. Sex has always been the source of our quarrel. She was even telling me to go meet the maid since i am always so nice to the maid one time i tried to have sex. I really feel pained, like she is taking me for a ride because of my cool and easy going attitude. I have never raised my hand on my wife or even used abusive words. I even try to ask her how work is and gist with her to increase our bonding, yet all to no avail. I am someone who doesnt like going out to share and i believe the issue can only be fixed by the both of us, but this one is begining to drag for too long and from the look of things i am the one at the loosing end. I will go to my inlaws place and smile, nobody know how mean their daughter is to me, i too feel very ashamed raising the matter with my father inlaw. Last week i tried to initiate sex the same rejection, she is tired. I felt very frustrated and am now seriously considering cheating even though i am a Christian. Cheating is not right, cause it is expensive and emotionally draining, exposes one to STDs and it is against my Christian faith but what can i do? Sometime i have had to masturbate to suppress my sexual urge, but for how long can one continue to do this? I feel very ashamed coming to nairaland but what can i do. But dont get me wrong o, my wife has her good sides but this sex issue is really beginning to hurt and it does nt look like she would change anytime soon from the way she has been behaving.

Even if she doesnt find me attractive, should that be enough reason to continue to deny me sex after 3 months. Right now we are not speaking at the moment, cause i am mad with her. The next day after all she did, she come to greet me in the morning and acts like nothing happen. This is how she does and most time i always over look it, but the one from last week really hurt the most. I feel I have made a mistake marrying her. She also doesn't really care about my eating, most time she is only bothered about what our son and the maid will eat. I always have to go to the kitchen and look for what to eat, sometimes i get food outside. Even though i always drop food money. since we started quarrelling she has stopped cooking for me. Just very frustrated.

To the experienced married men in the house, what can i do the address this issue. I am considering collecting my car, not that it would be of any use to me , just to frustrate her

Looks like she have someone outside.....

This your matter long.
Me now am not yet married so I can't advice you

This is strange. I guess this attitude was present when you were both dating as you indicated you had a discussion with her on this matter. How did she get pregnant if you had sex less than 12 times in a year? If she wasn't like this before marriage. It could be stress or she's getting it elsewhere.
I would suggest you inform both family so when you go out for sexual satisfaction nobody would blame you solely.

From people's experiences, most marriages do pass through this stage. After first child, there's always this rejection by the woman in MANY marriages.

I don't want you to see this little challenge as if you're passing through hell... No!

It's a phase that will soon pass. Whatever you do or plan doing, don't cheat on her. That will cause the main problem that you think you have now, and then it'll rain brim stones and fire. Be patient.

Don't follow the advice of any unmarried little kid that will come here to shout "SIMP," overlook them, they'll understand when it gets to their turn.

Keep treating your wife well, don't take the car away from her, don't punish her in any way, so long as it's only sex that is the issue, it'll soon pass.

Try and control your sexual urge, whatever you do at this trying time, will decide how peaceful your home will be. Be cool and handle everything in a matured way, she'll change by herself.

Hear me again bro, this too shall pass. It only needs patience.

You don't have kids yet and your wife is acting this way
That's why I don't advice men to get married, if you want baby there's baby mama for you, if you want food there's always one girl that's willing to do all that, sex nko you can get sex whenever and however you want.

this your experience dey make me think Esther go wan deny me sex if I eventually marry her

some50686:
Hi Everyone, i got married in 2018, We are both working class.. I am in my 34 while my wife is in her late 28. My wife has been denying me sex, we rarely have sex. sometimes we can go for over a month without sex. Whenever i ask for sex, she just complains she is tired and that is it. Sometimes i would plead and try yet she wont accept. What pains me the most is the way she react when i try to approach her. She would yell and begin to shout what nonsense is this, who is this now? To the point i only could initiate sex, sat morning and even with that she still refuses. Before we got married I sat her down and told her about this issue, that i hear about it from my married friends and dont want to experience such, she assured me and said our wont be like that but our is now worse. I am not sure we had sex more than 12 times the whole of last year.

The first time i sat her down, i asked her why she is doing all this to me, she complained i dont show her enough love, that she wants me to do more house chores, and also take her to eat outside and watch movies. I told her i will try. Although i knw am not the most romantic guy around, but i try the little ways I can, we sometimes go to see the movies. I do laundry on sat, help with ironing all the clothes she would wear during the week and cook a very few time. I ensured we got a maid so she wont be pressure by house chores. I also gave her my only car so she doesnt need to enter public transport, buy food from great eateries and even icecreams, almost every other week. But she has not changed, the last major fight we had was about 3months ago and it was about sex cause she denied me for no reason. Sex has always been the source of our quarrel. She was even telling me to go meet the maid since i am always so nice to the maid one time i tried to have sex. I really feel pained, like she is taking me for a ride because of my cool and easy going attitude. I have never raised my hand on my wife or even used abusive words. I even try to ask her how work is and gist with her to increase our bonding, yet all to no avail. I am someone who doesnt like going out to share and i believe the issue can only be fixed by the both of us, but this one is begining to drag for too long and from the look of things i am the one at the loosing end. I will go to my inlaws place and smile, nobody know how mean their daughter is to me, i too feel very ashamed raising the matter with my father inlaw. Last week i tried to initiate sex the same rejection, she is tired. I felt very frustrated and am now seriously considering cheating even though i am a Christian. Cheating is not right, cause it is expensive and emotionally draining, exposes one to STDs and it is against my Christian faith but what can i do? Sometime i have had to masturbate to suppress my sexual urge, but for how long can one continue to do this? I feel very ashamed coming to nairaland but what can i do. But dont get me wrong o, my wife has her good sides but this sex issue is really beginning to hurt and it does nt look like she would change anytime soon from the way she has been behaving.

Even if she doesnt find me attractive, should that be enough reason to continue to deny me sex after 3 months. Right now we are not speaking at the moment, cause i am mad with her. The next day after all she did, she come to greet me in the morning and acts like nothing happen. This is how she does and most time i always over look it, but the one from last week really hurt the most. I feel I have made a mistake marrying her. She also doesn't really care about my eating, most time she is only bothered about what our son and the maid will eat. I always have to go to the kitchen and look for what to eat, sometimes i get food outside. Even though i always drop food money. since we started quarrelling she has stopped cooking for me. Just very frustrated.

To the experienced married men in the house, what can i do the address this issue. I am considering collecting my car, not that it would be of any use to me , just to frustrate her

Visit a marriahe counsellor, your pastor or report her to her parents (If you paid her dowry).
This is nothing to be ashamed of cos divorce is more shameful

You're a BLOODY SIMP

Lol, you even wash and iron your wife clothes!!!

TUFIAKWA

she has someone outside servicing her.obviously they forced her to marry u

[quote author=Uzomacharles post=96221463]Looks like she have someone outside.....

Since you said you were a Christian, I would suggest you confide in the wife of your pastor, tell her everything, I believe your pastor's wife will call her to order and concell both of you. It is in the Bible that you must not deny yourselves except for a reason and it must be mutual. You can also buy books on Christian marriage for her. Both of you can watch a program called living couple on Dove television on every Sunday by 8pm you will enjoy it. Please don't engage in adultery, it is a sin

You obviously need to reignite the spark in your marriage. Go on a vacation, take her shopping, just do something spontaneous. Trust me following a single pattern gets boring over time so it's left to you to find ways of keeping the spark alive...


By the way, ignore the guys above saying she's cheating on you lol. When issues like this happen, there are a million and one possible reasons for it so nothing is certain yet. So it will do you a lot of good not to get paranoid and start creating images up in your head. Unless there's concrete proof, take ur mind off that possibility so you dont give urself unnecessary sleepless nights...Now is the time for you to keep your head up and stay strong.

It's also possible she isn't attracted to you like she was when you were still at the relationship stage. Most times cases like this are psychological, if she doesn't want you in her head, she def won't get wet for you...Ask yourself if you still look good and if you're putting much effort into looking good and fit as you were before you both get wedded. If this is the case, start working out, go shopping for clothes, just get ur groove back on.

Also, ask yourself if you really satisfy her in bed the times you guys have sex. Boring sex is a no no. Spice it up, car, bathroom , kitchen, bedroom, stairs everywhere man, it's your house and shes your wife!!! From experience, a woman who you make steamy, passionate and mindblowing sex to will think twice before denying you sex . (Unless something is wrong somewhere)


Anyways, I believe it's a phase that will pass. If she still doesn't change, you might need a therapist/counselor for her.
Cheating on her will only aggravate matters though, trust me on that, discard any advice telling you to do that. Good luck in your marriage and I hope she comes round soon.

Uzomacharles:
Looks like she have someone outside.....

not necessarily!

Go nd read d book, 'NO MORE MR NICE GUY'. It addresses issue relatin 2 dis ur present predicament. Dia r beta options u cud explore without avin 2 cheat as such wud complicate mata d more.

well! I understand your point.i have seen this with some of my seniors at work stations and from other guys

My guy, women are not ever ready like us. Their process is slow especially for those
that are not used to having sex. you know in our culture, sex is forbidden and it has been demonized especially among christians.
they need a lot of petting and loving to be free to have sex or else they will be feeling used.
you also need to find out from her what her fear is?
is it that you are not satisfying her or bruising her in the process?
marriage is a lot of hard work especially for Christians that don't advocate for testing testing
before marriage.

moneyshop:
From people's experiences, most marriages do pass through this stage. After first child, there's always this rejection by the woman in MANY marriages.

I don't want you to see this little challenge as if you're passing through hell... No!

It's a phase that will soon pass. Whatever you do or plan doing, don't cheat on her. That will cause the main problem that you think you have now, and then it'll rain brim stones and fire. Be patient.

Don't follow the advice of any unmarried little kid that will come here to shout "SIMP," overlook them, they'll understand when it gets to their turn.

Keep treating your wife well, don't take the car away from her, don't punish her in any way, so long as it's only sex that is the issue, it'll soon pass.

Try and control your sexual urge, whatever you do at this trying time, will decide how peaceful your home will be. Be cool and handle everything in a matured way, she'll change by herself.

Hear me again bro, this too shall pass. It only needs patience.

she has no right to deny him sex..... your phase EXPLANATION is no justification.
He should keep treating her right while she treating him like trash....his wife isn't even cooking for him again !!! telling him to control is urge

He should wait till she change herself..... Really

what is bad Is bad......no good woman deny her husband sex

Starz825:
this your experience dey make me think Esther go wan deny me sex if I eventually marry her

nah!
only if there is something unresolved and she refused to open it to you

Only appreciate/satisfy a woman/man who appreciates/satisfies you.

Since she's trying to play hide and seek with her honeypot, it's high time you reported the issue to her parents.

Then, the outcome will determine the NEXT step.

Most men do not do up to what you do for your woman yet they get all the sex positions from their wives in the oza room at the right time.

Don't be a loser.

skillmyman:
My guy, women are not ever ready like us. Their process is slow especially for those
that are not used to having sex. you know in our culture, sex is forbidden and it has been demonized especially among christians.
they need a lot of petting and loving to be free to have sex or else they will be feeling used.
you also need to find out from her what her fear is?
is it that you are not satisfying her or bruising her in the process?
marriage is a lot of hard work especially for Christians that don't advocate for testing testing
before marriage.

na lie o!
this our women.it is like you don't know them

the problem they have is that a lot of these young married girls enter reality shock when it comes to after marriage.
some compare there marriages with others
some just go off
some realise that the guy they married is not who dey want
some just go into infedility
some just start to milk their husbands dry
some get blackmailed
and so on and so forth

Uzomacharles:
Looks like she have someone outside.....

I don't think she has anyone outside

Report her to her parents and this is the time to excercise self control please don't commit adultery it's the devil's trap.

moneyshop:
From people's experiences, most marriages do pass through this stage. After first child, there's always this rejection by the woman in MANY marriages.

I don't want you to see this little challenge as if you're passing through hell... No!

It's a phase that will soon pass. Whatever you do or plan doing, don't cheat on her. That will cause the main problem that you think you have now, and then it'll rain brim stones and fire. Be patient.

Don't follow the advice of any unmarried little kid that will come here to shout "SIMP," overlook them, they'll understand when it gets to their turn.

Keep treating your wife well, don't take the car away from her, don't punish her in any way, so long as it's only sex that is the issue, it'll soon pass.

Try and control your sexual urge, whatever you do at this trying time, will decide how peaceful your home will be. Be cool and handle everything in a matured way, she'll change by herself.

Hear me again bro, this too shall pass. It only needs patience.

It can only pass if she is not cheating on him

What role do you play in her life?
If financial, withdraw from it. Tell her you need money to service Ashewo.
Come back late, tell her you are coming from a prostitute place

Flirt with girls in her presence,

Do not ask her for sex again.

If she dresses with some part of her body exposed, tell her she is too far or black etc.
You do not find her attractive again.

Intentionally,buy a packet of condom and remove one and place it where she will see it

Place a bigger bra in your bedroom.


https://tobechispeaks./2020/11/04/a-little-fragrance-of-divorce/

Classic case of Seven Year Itch in the making. They pressurise you into marriage, lose interest in sex one-half to two years into the marriage, telling you the marriage they are in is not up to their premarital expectations. Cause a lot psychological/ emotional pain. By fourth year, they fall in love with some other guy by omission or commission. Then begin to toy with idea of leaving their marriage. Meanwhile, if they suspect the man is about to move on at this time, they overcompensate by having sporadic but intense sex with the husband. Eventually, by the 7th year, they make up their mind to stay or leave.
Mister, it's a fairly popular phenomenon. Wait it out or move on. Those are the options open to you. Prayer and fasting is the third option but then you still have to wait for your miracle to happen bringing us back to the first option. Best of luck.

@ op
you mentioned you both have a son!

this problem did it start after you both had the baby or this problem started after you got married

or you have been experiencing this before you both married

some50686:
Hi Everyone, i got married in 2018, We are both working class.. I am in my 34 while my wife is in her late 28. My wife has been denying me sex, we rarely have sex. sometimes we can go for over a month without sex. Whenever i ask for sex, she just complains she is tired and that is it. Sometimes i would plead and try yet she wont accept. What pains me the most is the way she react when i try to approach her. She would yell and begin to shout what nonsense is this, who is this now? To the point i only could initiate sex, sat morning and even with that she still refuses. Before we got married I sat her down and told her about this issue, that i hear about it from my married friends and dont want to experience such, she assured me and said our wont be like that but our is now worse. I am not sure we had sex more than 12 times the whole of last year.

The first time i sat her down, i asked her why she is doing all this to me, she complained i dont show her enough love, that she wants me to do more house chores, and also take her to eat outside and watch movies. I told her i will try. Although i knw am not the most romantic guy around, but i try the little ways I can, we sometimes go to see the movies. I do laundry on sat, help with ironing all the clothes she would wear during the week and cook a very few time. I ensured we got a maid so she wont be pressure by house chores. I also gave her my only car so she doesnt need to enter public transport, buy food from great eateries and even icecreams, almost every other week. But she has not changed, the last major fight we had was about 3months ago and it was about sex cause she denied me for no reason. Sex has always been the source of our quarrel. She was even telling me to go meet the maid since i am always so nice to the maid one time i tried to have sex. I really feel pained, like she is taking me for a ride because of my cool and easy going attitude. I have never raised my hand on my wife or even used abusive words. I even try to ask her how work is and gist with her to increase our bonding, yet all to no avail. I am someone who doesnt like going out to share and i believe the issue can only be fixed by the both of us, but this one is begining to drag for too long and from the look of things i am the one at the loosing end. I will go to my inlaws place and smile, nobody know how mean their daughter is to me, i too feel very ashamed raising the matter with my father inlaw. Last week i tried to initiate sex the same rejection, she is tired. I felt very frustrated and am now seriously considering cheating even though i am a Christian. Cheating is not right, cause it is expensive and emotionally draining, exposes one to STDs and it is against my Christian faith but what can i do? Sometime i have had to masturbate to suppress my sexual urge, but for how long can one continue to do this? I feel very ashamed coming to nairaland but what can i do. But dont get me wrong o, my wife has her good sides but this sex issue is really beginning to hurt and it does nt look like she would change anytime soon from the way she has been behaving.

Even if she doesnt find me attractive, should that be enough reason to continue to deny me sex after 3 months. Right now we are not speaking at the moment, cause i am mad with her. The next day after all she did, she come to greet me in the morning and acts like nothing happen. This is how she does and most time i always over look it, but the one from last week really hurt the most. I feel I have made a mistake marrying her. She also doesn't really care about my eating, most time she is only bothered about what our son and the maid will eat. I always have to go to the kitchen and look for what to eat, sometimes i get food outside. Even though i always drop food money. since we started quarrelling she has stopped cooking for me. Just very frustrated.

To the experienced married men in the house, what can i do the address this issue. I am considering collecting my car, not that it would be of any use to me , just to frustrate her

she proberly getting it out there women dont know how to control their emotion,

do u chk her phones codedly?
if not try n search for sex, love you, missing you, when you coming etc if u think shes not cheating best u divorce her n move on, people should know sex is very important in marriage.

else get someone out side n be filling ur self ignore her completely period when she's tired outside she will come around, if she doesn't u guys should go ur way

tobechi74:
What role do you play in her life?
If financial, withdraw from it. Tell her you need money to service Ashewo.
Come back late, tell her you are coming from a prostitute place

Flirt with girls in her presence,

Do not ask her for sex again.

If she dresses with some part of her body exposed, tell her she is too far or black etc.
You do not find her attractive again.

Intentionally,buy a packet of condom and remove one and place it where she will see it

Place a bigger bra in your bedroom.

you are only fueling her desire to go out to sleep with the phreek of her choice which you will not like

Anyway,,I don't feel pity for any guy that complains of one issue or the other that he may be having with his wife..becos you must have broken a very good Ex's heart and decided to settle for this one....Please enjoy what you paid for...Thank you.

brotherman, my own little advice is for you not to ask sex or do like it's bothering you anymore, if it get too hard masturbate, when she notice your change in attitude towards her she will think you are getting elsewhere and call herself to order, unless she doesn't want the relationship anymore

some50686:
Hi Everyone, i got married in 2018, We are both working class.. I am in my 34 while my wife is in her late 28. My wife has been denying me sex, we rarely have sex. sometimes we can go for over a month without sex. Whenever i ask for sex, she just complains she is tired and that is it. Sometimes i would plead and try yet she wont accept. What pains me the most is the way she react when i try to approach her. She would yell and begin to shout what nonsense is this, who is this now? To the point i only could initiate sex, sat morning and even with that she still refuses. Before we got married I sat her down and told her about this issue, that i hear about it from my married friends and dont want to experience such, she assured me and said our wont be like that but our is now worse. I am not sure we had sex more than 12 times the whole of last year.

The first time i sat her down, i asked her why she is doing all this to me, she complained i dont show her enough love, that she wants me to do more house chores, and also take her to eat outside and watch movies. I told her i will try. Although i knw am not the most romantic guy around, but i try the little ways I can, we sometimes go to see the movies. I do laundry on sat, help with ironing all the clothes she would wear during the week and cook a very few time. I ensured we got a maid so she wont be pressure by house chores. I also gave her my only car so she doesnt need to enter public transport, buy food from great eateries and even icecreams, almost every other week. But she has not changed, the last major fight we had was about 3months ago and it was about sex cause she denied me for no reason. Sex has always been the source of our quarrel. She was even telling me to go meet the maid since i am always so nice to the maid one time i tried to have sex. I really feel pained, like she is taking me for a ride because of my cool and easy going attitude. I have never raised my hand on my wife or even used abusive words. I even try to ask her how work is and gist with her to increase our bonding, yet all to no avail. I am someone who doesnt like going out to share and i believe the issue can only be fixed by the both of us, but this one is begining to drag for too long and from the look of things i am the one at the loosing end. I will go to my inlaws place and smile, nobody know how mean their daughter is to me, i too feel very ashamed raising the matter with my father inlaw. Last week i tried to initiate sex the same rejection, she is tired. I felt very frustrated and am now seriously considering cheating even though i am a Christian. Cheating is not right, cause it is expensive and emotionally draining, exposes one to STDs and it is against my Christian faith but what can i do? Sometime i have had to masturbate to suppress my sexual urge, but for how long can one continue to do this? I feel very ashamed coming to nairaland but what can i do. But dont get me wrong o, my wife has her good sides but this sex issue is really beginning to hurt and it does nt look like she would change anytime soon from the way she has been behaving.

Even if she doesnt find me attractive, should that be enough reason to continue to deny me sex after 3 months. Right now we are not speaking at the moment, cause i am mad with her. The next day after all she did, she come to greet me in the morning and acts like nothing happen. This is how she does and most time i always over look it, but the one from last week really hurt the most. I feel I have made a mistake marrying her. She also doesn't really care about my eating, most time she is only bothered about what our son and the maid will eat. I always have to go to the kitchen and look for what to eat, sometimes i get food outside. Even though i always drop food money. since we started quarrelling she has stopped cooking for me. Just very frustrated.

To the experienced married men in the house, what can i do the address this issue. I am considering collecting my car, not that it would be of any use to me , just to frustrate her

how in the whole world did you guys date is my first question

Preshmane:
brotherman, my own little advice is for you not to ask sex or do like it's bothering you anymore, if it get too hard masturbate, when she notice your change in attitude towards her she will think you are getting elsewhere and call herself to order, unless she doesn't want the relationship anymore

the issue is not sex!
the issue we have here is a wife using sex as a manipulative weapon against the husband