₦airaland Forum

Vickygirk:
How old is your son?

Anyway start by eliminating any medical reason that could cause this problem like post- partum depression. Its really common than we Africans want to admit. It can make someone loath her loved ones.

Since its her first pregnancy, its most likely she is going through post- partum depression.

Try and make her communicate how she feels after the delivery of your son. Then help her work through it.
She may not even know she is suffering from it and all the may know is that there are a lot of emotions going through her mind that make her act out and maybe reflect it in object she may thought is the cause.

Meanwhile, as this problem is being tackled, if you are out of shape lately, its time to hit that gym.

All the best in your marriage.
Shalom!

NNEWIsuper:
You're intelligent.. The man's family will feel bad

some50686:
Hi Everyone, i got married in 2018, We are both working class.. I am in my 34 while my wife is in her late 28. My wife has been denying me sex, we rarely have sex. sometimes we can go for over a month without sex. Whenever i ask for sex, she just complains she is tired and that is it. Sometimes i would plead and try yet she wont accept. What pains me the most is the way she react when i try to approach her. She would yell and begin to shout what nonsense is this, who is this now? To the point i only could initiate sex, sat morning and even with that she still refuses. Before we got married I sat her down and told her about this issue, that i hear about it from my married friends and dont want to experience such, she assured me and said our wont be like that but our is now worse. I am not sure we had sex more than 12 times the whole of last year.

The first time i sat her down, i asked her why she is doing all this to me, she complained i dont show her enough love, that she wants me to do more house chores, and also take her to eat outside and watch movies. I told her i will try. Although i knw am not the most romantic guy around, but i try the little ways I can, we sometimes go to see the movies. I do laundry on sat, help with ironing all the clothes she would wear during the week and cook a very few time. I ensured we got a maid so she wont be pressure by house chores. I also gave her my only car so she doesnt need to enter public transport, buy food from great eateries and even icecreams, almost every other week. But she has not changed, the last major fight we had was about 3months ago and it was about sex cause she denied me for no reason. Sex has always been the source of our quarrel. She was even telling me to go meet the maid since i am always so nice to the maid one time i tried to have sex. I really feel pained, like she is taking me for a ride because of my cool and easy going attitude. I have never raised my hand on my wife or even used abusive words. I even try to ask her how work is and gist with her to increase our bonding, yet all to no avail. I am someone who doesnt like going out to share and i believe the issue can only be fixed by the both of us, but this one is begining to drag for too long and from the look of things i am the one at the loosing end. I will go to my inlaws place and smile, nobody know how mean their daughter is to me, i too feel very ashamed raising the matter with my father inlaw. Last week i tried to initiate sex the same rejection, she is tired. I felt very frustrated and am now seriously considering cheating even though i am a Christian. Cheating is not right, cause it is expensive and emotionally draining, exposes one to STDs and it is against my Christian faith but what can i do? Sometime i have had to masturbate to suppress my sexual urge, but for how long can one continue to do this? I feel very ashamed coming to nairaland but what can i do. But dont get me wrong o, my wife has her good sides but this sex issue is really beginning to hurt and it does nt look like she would change anytime soon from the way she has been behaving.

Even if she doesnt find me attractive, should that be enough reason to continue to deny me sex after 3 months. Right now we are not speaking at the moment, cause i am mad with her. The next day after all she did, she come to greet me in the morning and acts like nothing happen. This is how she does and most time i always over look it, but the one from last week really hurt the most. I feel I have made a mistake marrying her. She also doesn't really care about my eating, most time she is only bothered about what our son and the maid will eat. I always have to go to the kitchen and look for what to eat, sometimes i get food outside. Even though i always drop food money. since we started quarrelling she has stopped cooking for me. Just very frustrated.

To the experienced married men in the house, what can i do the address this issue. I am considering collecting my car, not that it would be of any use to me , just to frustrate her

cjeriia:
You of course for ur tot process

kalufelix:
Let-me-say-this-for-the-umpteeth-time..."monogamy-is-the-biggest-scam-of-modern-Christianity"...that-being-said-you-are-nothing-but-a-bloody-simp-who-simped-all-the-way-from-courtship-to-marriage....hmmm...you-sat-her-down-and-asked-her-why-she-is-doing-this-to-you...see-talk...you-even-started-doing-chores-just-so-you-can-see-your-wife's-panties...chai!...what-kind-of-men-is-the-society-breeding-these-days...anyways-i'll-let-the-elders-handle-your-case@Caveadullam@pansophist@GLYCOLYSIS@skepticus....please-give-this-brother-5000mg-of-the-pill...a-fellow-need-to-be-saved...wahala-for-who-be-gentleman/niceguy...

CaveAdullam:
A little gist:

1. The brain region for sex in women is 2-3 times smaller than in men.

2. Because of a high amount of testosterone in men, which is about 10-100 times higher than in women, men think about sex round the clock while women; average of 14 times in their menstrual cycle.

3. Because of the menstrual cycle of women, the first 14 days is their happy mood and the last 14 days is a dangerous one for them, and others around them.

4. If women see a dominant male after marriage, they detour their focus towards him, and fantasize about him. And if care is not taken, they might end up corralling his sperms.

5. If women are psychologically, emotionally and physically stress, their reception towards sex is poor and very low. So, not until a woman becomes comfortable around her man, free from every workloads, sex will definitely be a problem for her. And this is very common among career women.

Did you met your wife a virgin?

If yes, then,

1. You're are not good when it comes to the game of sex. She wants you to fulfill her fantasies, and it seems you're unable. So, up your game.

2. When a woman becomes a mother, her attention shifts from her husband towards her kids. Understand this, and still up your game.

If no,

1. How was sex before marriage?
Way below, you said you are a Christian, and to put it clearly, it is possible you didn't engage in sexual intercourse before marriage.

The implication here is: higher body counts or sexual partners before marriage, the lower the bonding between her and her husband. Simple!

2. Premium tears scenario: a male that knows the game is tingling her, and has now become her focus and fantasy.

If she was not a virgin before marriage, just know you're dealing with an alpha widow, you don't have the key and will never have the key that opens her legs and takes you to her heart. She didn't choose you, you choose her. You're not the man she wants to submit to. She doesn't see you as a dominant man, and therefore it will be difficult for you to win her. She use you to seal the deal: beta bucks at age 26 after enjoying herself during the party phase.

But there's a way out: Dread game.

Dominant men don't negotiate anything with their spouse. They set the pace, and she follows. You failed because you lack the foresight to see that GENUINE DESIRE CAN NEVER BE NEGOTIATED. Your frame is weak. Your boundary is loose. You are easily manipulated, and women are disgusted by such kinds of men.

Your plead for sex is disgusting. You made sex become your second god, and she is really using it as a weapon of control over you. You place her on a very high pedestal which you ought to have occupied, and now, she dangles her vagina before you, and if eventually, she finally allow you have your way, you see it as a prize, and her; elevation of power.

Why do you allow yourself to peter to this level? You're weak my friend, and women hate weak men. She sets terms and conditions for you because you're weak. No frame, no dominance.

You better start informing your in-laws that their daughter is coming back home----dread game number 1.

Shut up, your wife doesn't have any good side. The number one thing good women give their husbands as a form of submission is good sex. She is evil if she restrains her conjugal rights. Your wife loathes you man. No atom of respect. BS!

Yeah, infidelity is wrong as it exposes you and your households to predators. Infidelity will make you lose focus on your kids, your paramount goals, your money, time, emotional conflicts etc. I'm no advocate of infidelity.

STDs are out of it. With good contraceptives, and willingness on your side to abide by it, STDs will be far away.

O yeah, you're a Christian man, I pray the dread game works for you. If not you're on a long thing.

Seriously? Are you a man?




2. Start coming home late. If you close from work early, don't come home straight, look for a cool vicinity not far from your residence, and take some relaxation. With this, you've put her on suspense.

3. Take a leave from home on Fridays and come back home Sunday evenings. You can take your child during some of the days.

4. Send your maid back home, and inform your wife that it is her duty to perform the chores at home; washing, cleaning and cooking. If she refuse, tell her to start preparing for divorce.

5. If she refuse to cook, stop giving her money. Cook for yourself and your child. After all no food for lazy woman.

6. Buy new clothes, and start dressing neatly.

7. Begin to flirt with other women when you're in proximity to her. You can fake it if it seems hypocritical towards your Christian faith by feigning phone calls.

8. Stop sharing same bedroom with her. You doing so will make her feel and know that you don't care how much she hoards sex.

9. Make your communications with her become abrupt. State your points without any form of explanation.

10. Don't take her out. Don't buy her gifts. Don't form uncle romancer. Not until she develops a genuine desire for you, all rewards must be on hold.

11. Start preparing her mind for divorce, and if you do so, it will send a negative signal to her brains that you're ready for business.

12. Don't apologize ever again. Don't negotiate ever again. If she does not absorb to your frame, it's hight time you let her go.

13. Set the terms and conditions of the house, and you tell her she's free to leave if she cannot comply.

If you do all these properly it will work, but if not, I think you should prepare your mind for a second wife(Women are the same though, except you're a masculine man will they submit to you) or opt for a divorce from marriage as a whole. Your happiness and peace of mind should come first. Make sure you do all things possible to raise your child under the right environment.

Martinez39s and Evolutionlove, I have done my part, and I know this young man is 2 steps away from the redpill. He that has an ear let him hear.

Thanks.

God bless.

collinsuchendu:
Exactly. God bless you bro.

CaveAdullam:
A little gist:

1. The brain region for sex in women is 2-3 times smaller than in men.

2. Because of a high amount of testosterone in men, which is about 10-100 times higher than in women, men think about sex round the clock while women; average of 14 times in their menstrual cycle.

3. Because of the menstrual cycle of women, the first 14 days is their happy mood and the last 14 days is a dangerous one for them, and others around them.

4. If women see a dominant male after marriage, they detour their focus towards him, and fantasize about him. And if care is not taken, they might end up corralling his sperms.

5. If women are psychologically, emotionally and physically stress, their reception towards sex is poor and very low. So, not until a woman becomes comfortable around her man, free from every workloads, sex will definitely be a problem for her. And this is very common among career women.

Did you met your wife a virgin?

If yes, then,

1. You're are not good when it comes to the game of sex. She wants you to fulfill her fantasies, and it seems you're unable. So, up your game.

2. When a woman becomes a mother, her attention shifts from her husband towards her kids. Understand this, and still up your game.

If no,

1. How was sex before marriage?
Way below, you said you are a Christian, and to put it clearly, it is possible you didn't engage in sexual intercourse before marriage.

The implication here is: higher body counts or sexual partners before marriage, the lower the bonding between her and her husband. Simple!

2. Premium tears scenario: a male that knows the game is tingling her, and has now become her focus and fantasy.

If she was not a virgin before marriage, just know you're dealing with an alpha widow, you don't have the key and will never have the key that opens her legs and takes you to her heart. She didn't choose you, you choose her. You're not the man she wants to submit to. She doesn't see you as a dominant man, and therefore it will be difficult for you to win her. She use you to seal the deal: beta bucks at age 26 after enjoying herself during the party phase.

But there's a way out: Dread game.

Dominant men don't negotiate anything with their spouse. They set the pace, and she follows. You failed because you lack the foresight to see that GENUINE DESIRE CAN NEVER BE NEGOTIATED. Your frame is weak. Your boundary is loose. You are easily manipulated, and women are disgusted by such kinds of men.

Your plead for sex is disgusting. You made sex become your second god, and she is really using it as a weapon of control over you. You place her on a very high pedestal which you ought to have occupied, and now, she dangles her vagina before you, and if eventually, she finally allow you have your way, you see it as a prize, and her; elevation of power.

Why do you allow yourself to peter to this level? You're weak my friend, and women hate weak men. She sets terms and conditions for you because you're weak. No frame, no dominance.

You better start informing your in-laws that their daughter is coming back home----dread game number 1.

Shut up, your wife doesn't have any good side. The number one thing good women give their husbands as a form of submission is good sex. She is evil if she restrains her conjugal rights. Your wife loathes you man. No atom of respect. BS!

Yeah, infidelity is wrong as it exposes you and your households to predators. Infidelity will make you lose focus on your kids, your paramount goals, your money, time, emotional conflicts etc. I'm no advocate of infidelity.

STDs are out of it. With good contraceptives, and willingness on your side to abide by it, STDs will be far away.

O yeah, you're a Christian man, I pray the dread game works for you. If not you're on a long thing.

Seriously? Are you a man?




2. Start coming home late. If you close from work early, don't come home straight, look for a cool vicinity not far from your residence, and take some relaxation. With this, you've put her on suspense.

3. Take a leave from home on Fridays and come back home Sunday evenings. You can take your child during some of the days.

4. Send your maid back home, and inform your wife that it is her duty to perform the chores at home; washing, cleaning and cooking. If she refuse, tell her to start preparing for divorce.

5. If she refuse to cook, stop giving her money. Cook for yourself and your child. After all no food for lazy woman.

6. Buy new clothes, and start dressing neatly.

7. Begin to flirt with other women when you're in proximity to her. You can fake it if it seems hypocritical towards your Christian faith by feigning phone calls.

8. Stop sharing same bedroom with her. You doing so will make her feel and know that you don't care how much she hoards sex.

9. Make your communications with her become abrupt. State your points without any form of explanation.

10. Don't take her out. Don't buy her gifts. Don't form uncle romancer. Not until she develops a genuine desire for you, all rewards must be on hold.

11. Start preparing her mind for divorce, and if you do so, it will send a negative signal to her brains that you're ready for business.

12. Don't apologize ever again. Don't negotiate ever again. If she does not absorb to your frame, it's hight time you let her go.

13. Set the terms and conditions of the house, and you tell her she's free to leave if she cannot comply.

If you do all these properly it will work, but if not, I think you should prepare your mind for a second wife(Women are the same though, except you're a masculine man will they submit to you) or opt for a divorce from marriage as a whole. Your happiness and peace of mind should come first. Make sure you do all things possible to raise your child under the right environment.

Martinez39s and Evolutionlove, I have done my part, and I know this young man is 2 steps away from the redpill. He that has an ear let him hear.

Thanks.

God bless.

Suky01:
What a stupid analogy to make. You don't even know him yet you assume he must have broken some girls heart. Someone just poured his heart rather than read and comprehend you just want look for an excuse to blame the man

kalufelix:
Let-me-say-this-for-the-umpteeth-time..."monogamy-is-the-biggest-scam-of-modern-Christianity"...that-being-said-you-are-nothing-but-a-bloody-simp-who-simped-all-the-way-from-courtship-to-marriage....hmmm...you-sat-her-down-and-asked-her-why-she-is-doing-this-to-you...see-talk...you-even-started-doing-chores-just-so-you-can-see-your-wife's-panties...chai!...what-kind-of-men-is-the-society-breeding-these-days...anyways-i'll-let-the-elders-handle-your-case@Caveadullam@pansophist@GLYCOLYSIS@skepticus....please-give-this-brother-5000mg-of-the-pill...a-fellow-need-to-be-saved...wahala-for-who-be-gentleman/niceguy...

baralatie:
you said likely but the way the op described it has nothing to do with depression.
she is not even 40 to 50 years where this condition are apparent in women.
she is 28 years old.
this is a classic learned behaviour not a medical one

demanuel:
Ladies & Gentlemen!

Should a man be in certain mood before he carries out his responsibility at home?

Can he be happy today and decide to make provisions for the home front, and "not be in a good mood tommorow" and decide not to provide for his home?

cooooooks:
The strength of a man is in his ability to control his own life.

Libido cannot be high enough to blind a sensible man and make him use his own hand to defeat himself.

If he cheats and they attempt to divorce, she will have a card to play before a court. The man should be wise. The man, OP, should get legal advice and focus on himself. If and when he feels ready and desirable (fit, happy, with hobbies/interests); he should seek a divorce and flee far away from his toxic marriage.

Perhaps they should have never gotten married in the first place, (how did he not know his wife before marrying her?) he still has control of his life.

Canvass:
Classical case of Seven Year Itch in the making. They pressurise you into marriage, lose interest in sex one-half to two years into the marriage, telling you the marriage they are in is not up to their premarital expectations. Cause a lot psychological/ emotional pain. By fourth year, they fall in love with some other guy by omission or commission. Then begin to toy with idea of leaving their marriage. Meanwhile, if they suspect the man is about to move on at this time, they overcompensate by having sporadic but intense sex with the husband. Eventually, by the 7th year, they make up their mind to stay or leave.
Mister, it's a fairly popular phenomenon. Wait it out or move on. Those are the options open to you. Prayer and fasting is the third option but then you still have to wait for your miracle to happen bringing us back to the first option. Best of luck.

superlightning:
You are just being theoretical here.....there is a limit to everything....it's not about anger, it's about addressing a need. Whether you accept it or not, nature has wired men into prioritizing sex in his marital life, and of course, you can't cheat nature.

Uzomacharles:
you're just an advance kid

superlightning:
You are just being theoretical here.....there is a limit to everything....it's not about anger, it's about addressing a need. Whether you accept it or not, nature has wired men into prioritizing sex in his marital life, and of course, you can't cheat nature.

cooooooks:
Generalizations notwithstanding (as though there are no asexual people), it will be foolish to allow "nature" to worsen your predicament. We humans are more than our predisposed reactions, we have the ability to think, deduce and predict. A wise man should check whether allowing this nature to dictate his actions will improve or worse his life.

superlightning:
keep speaking grammar.

speak grammar when you want to control hunger

speak grammar when you want to control sleep

speak grammar when you want to control urination

speak grammar o