no advice needed, if op at his age, with all the am expose and the rest don't what to do,,, don't worry, ur problem will proffer the solution...
but op is a bad striker, btw 2015 to 2020/2021... three from your wife, one from ex...

The way and reason behind men not recognizing their blood when they see one baffles me. Fathers, may looking at your kids, you should be able to see yourself in them. I don't need DNA to tell me that my kids are mine. I could see my typical behaviors in them, including the ones I was told when I was of their age. Fathers, Look at them well, you will see how your eyes moves, you see your smiles in them, their facial expression when angry, their hairs, shape , the way they walk, run etc. In short, there are many features that will convince you that they are yours or not.

oglalasioux:


You've got over a hundred likes on this mention. But trust me, if you were the one, you won't forget that child. In addition, if the child finds out in future (he will find out), he'll surely look for his father.

In terms of law as you said, modern law recognise biological parents not marriage. I suggest you research more on that.

you are the one to do more research, you will be shocked to find out that what I said is the true position of the law.

How come nobody gave a thought about the child? One day your dad was Mr. Akin, the next day he is Mr. Hakeem. You think children are robot to quickly accept changes. You will soon realise how difficult its gonna be. Especially if he or she was emotionally attached to Mr. Akin.

It may be so difficult that you may have to return to Mr. Akin.

Oyiboman69:
stop saying what you have no idea of...the Nigerian paternity act recognized all biological related child to their biological parents and the child is entitled to whatever their parents have,wedlock or not...a parent can only be deprived of their child only on the basis of custody not what you're saying up there. Go and read the paternity act....

inheritance of property isn't same. Even in saner climes,you can lose paternity of your biological child from a your wife if certain crimes of negligence is established against you,not to talk the child out of wedlock.

Once a woman legally marries,every child she had out of wedlock belongs to the husband, that is the true position of the law, because he will bear his step dad's name,it is as good as legal adoption .

So if you adopt a child from orphanage ,and later someone shows up with DNA report claiming ownership,the law will allow the person take the child)? You will be dreaming to think that the law works with sentiment. That is adoption, not to talk of legal marriage to the mother of a child,

If you have any child like that,you better forget that child, you can never claim him,quote me.

Kapilta:
What else you wan hear? Go do DNA na. And shebi the boy don dey before you marry ya wife so dat one na small thing. The only thing wey dey pain me like dis na that other poor man wey don already lose him job, how he no go take lose him life like dis after that useless gold digger carry pikin wey he don suffer raise go give another man and on top give am divorce paper join. I just dey pity d man and him family. Fear gold diggers.

Fear woman

koning:




Uncannily familiar. I was in same such situation 13 years ago. It's amicably resolved now. Was not easy though.

Can you share how you resolved it?
It would definitely help the OP

Pierocash:
you are the one to do more research, you will be shocked to find out that what I said is the true position of the law.

Position of the law of your village, you mean. Stop spewing ignorance here.

Pierocash:
inheritance of property isn't same. Even in saner climes,you can lose paternity of your biological child from a your wife if certain crimes of negligence is established against you,not to talk the child out of wedlock.

Once a woman legally marries,every child she had out of wedlock belongs to the husband, that is the true position of the law, because he will bear his step dad's name,it is as good as legal adoption .

So if you adopt a child from orphanage ,and later someone shows up with DNA report claiming ownership,the law will allow the person take the child)? You will be dreaming to think that the law works with sentiment. That is adoption, not to talk of legal marriage to the mother of a child,

If you have any child like that,you better forget that child, you can never claim him,quote me.

no you're wrong...you only married the woman not the child...and even if in the course of marriage and your wife had an affair,the law does not automatically grant the husband ownership. The biological father is the true owner unless he displays some paternal negligence during the process.
The court can grant the man custody no doubt but if the woman can point out the biological father of her child and its not the current husband,he looses the paternal right...the case is different if the child is above18 and no court can toil with his right at this age. Go and do your reaserch and stop displaying your naivety online...you can quote from your ethnical angle of south easterner but stop generalizing the Nigerian law from your religious perspective....

Klass99:


Lol , pele. I feel you. Did your ex marry another man while pregnant with your child or is she still single?

Why did she come forward with the news now? I mean in November 2020 like you said - I'm just curious.

Is this a case of side chic took in for you? I'm just wondering

I was single when she had d pregnancy and was still dating my present wifey then. She came around to my work location then 2004 to tell me about the pregnancy and met my present wifey and she left with annoyance to d point of praying to God to remove all d love she had for me. Fast forward to 2020 when my daughter was 16 and with serious pressure to know her dad meanwhile we lost contacts. My dear sister na long story ooo but i am on top of it. Thanks

If her husband was doing well, would she have informed you! Evil women everywhere! Please be careful with her! She's looking for another life line for survival! If you can afford DNA test, please do it? Call up a lawyer and draw the terms of engagement for the child, if he is yours!

I pray this isn't another Tunde Thomas of situation, cos I really pity the other husband

charles009:
Good people of nairaland,
Everything you are about to read is not fiction but certain reality.

At the heat of this DNA wahala, a married Ex called me on 6th of Jan to notify me that her son is mine and not her husbands. I remember vividly a certain Saturday in 2015, when we argued intensely over the paternity of the child during her pregnancy. She insisted it was her boyfriends, make una fear women. She swore she was single. Our calculations showed she was ovulating while we had some encounters. She proceeded to block me on all social media platforms and 2 months later, her friend informed me of her wedding.


The issue here is that I am married with two kids and expecting another, she told me her husband lost his job early 2018 and it has been a very rough patch for her family. she says she wants a divorce.

I asked for the boys pictures and it put instant tears to my eyes. Showed a few friends and the resemblance is striking so they said. The most painful of all, he looks not properly looked after.

I am doing fairly OK now, I wouldn't wanna to see my blood suffer, if you were in my shoes how would you handle this. My wife would not want to hear of another child...

Mature advise please...

Bro be very careful...don't try anything stupid this sensitive time your expecting a new born...she has been with the child since she never called you when the going was good...I think your about to be fooled again..be warned!!!!

Oyiboman69:

He's your biological son by law...some things always found their way back to you.
I don't know how you want advice on this trivial issue. Are you going to disowns your blood on purpose?,you said you're financially stable and you can go for DNA if you're not convince. Talk to your wife and let her see reasons from your side. You should be happy,besides,how many years man dey live for life wen you won kill yourself...stand your ground cos you're not the first and definitely won't be the last. That child can become somebody great tomorrow and don't ever think because you're comfortable today someone cannot get to your position even if that person is a child and your kids now has a brother.

The child is not his son. He is a sperm donor! The boy has a father who raised him. You people should think like civilized human beings. Let him focus on his family and not destroy the life of an innocent man.

charles009:
Good people of nairaland,
Everything you are about to read is not fiction but certain reality.

At the heat of this DNA wahala, a married Ex called me on 6th of Jan to notify me that her son is mine and not her husbands. I remember vividly a certain Saturday in 2015, when we argued intensely over the paternity of the child during her pregnancy. She insisted it was her boyfriends, make una fear women. She swore she was single. Our calculations showed she was ovulating while we had some encounters. She proceeded to block me on all social media platforms and 2 months later, her friend informed me of her wedding.


The issue here is that I am married with two kids and expecting another, she told me her husband lost his job early 2018 and it has been a very rough patch for her family. she says she wants a divorce.

I asked for the boys pictures and it put instant tears to my eyes. Showed a few friends and the resemblance is striking so they said. The most painful of all, he looks not properly looked after.

I am doing fairly OK now, I wouldn't wanna to see my blood suffer, if you were in my shoes how would you handle this. My wife would not want to hear of another child...

Mature advise please...

Not a problem
Not your fault
Even if your wife reads this post on nairaland she no go anything

First thing you do is talk to your wife. If you do anything else first, it will look suspicious to her and she will forever side eye you regardless of the outcome.
You must tell your wife what happened and the two of you approach it together as a United front, otherwise you may end up ruining your marriage over dumb and unnecessary shit

paulolee:
talk to ur ex first and try run a dna urself, if its true then you inform ur wife
some people jus cnt avoid wahala, me am not married yet but one of my ex girlfriend just keep saying that she must destroy my marriage whenever I get married because I made her lose her boyfriend dt she loved soo much...
we both take it as a joke but I would surely cut. her off and blank hee for good when. dt time comes..

Why u let her lose her boyfriend but remember wetin Eve do Adam.... So be careful and ask her to forgive and move on

Nato008:

when u people comment like this....u make us ask this weird question" do u people read without comprehending or read to comment off point "... did u not read where he said the were in a relationship eh, did u read the OP saying he bleeped outside marriage...please read it again b4 u comment and rant biko

Bros, read your comment again, then take a deep breath and read the write up. If he had zipped up while dating, will stories that touch the heart like this, come up?

If the boy is yours, then it is yours.
Man up and take care of your child
Tell madam and set boundaries with your ex. Make sure your ex does not disrespect your madam if you want to sleep well at nite.
And if your wife act angrily- Please be patient with her and look for a way to calm her down.
The ex husband go dey ok even though it is painful for him. He will move on.

Prettychild:


Bros, read your comment again, then take a deep breath and read the write up. If he had zipped up while dating, will stories that touch the heart like this, come up?

what are u even saying....she was pregnant and he asked her she said is not his....is not like he was running from the responsibility now she is back claiming another thing and u are saying zip up, is like ur own issue is about sex, people having sex in relationship...if that is ur beef abeg shift..

DukeNija:


The child is not his son. He is a sperm donor! The boy has a father who raised him. You people should think like civilized human beings. Let him focus on his family and not destroy the life of an innocent man.

sperm donor....na people like u go get girl pregnant abandon am....so if is u after learning u have a child, u till pretend like nothing happened and move abi claiming u are a sperm donor...is well

Pierocash:
Forget about the child, focus on your family by law he isn't your child.

If men can reason like this, there will be no problem.

Pierocash:
Forget about the child, focus on your family by law he isn't your child.

.

Nonsense!
So, his true and first blood does not deserve to his true biological father because of a foolish woman.
The law is ASS if you don't know?

calcal:


If men can reason like this, there will be no problem.

Then maybe your father ain't ya father or your children ain't yours.
How can you know that you have a child suffering outside and you look away?
Years to come that child will not also blame the mother but you too

Pierocash:
Forget about the child, focus on your family by law he isn't your child.

Yeah... so who's child is it? Aren't we encouraging men to do DNA tests on their kids to make sure they aren't taking care of another man's children? So if you also ask the biological father to forget his kid, then what becomes the fate of the child and the mother? Isn't it sad that we encourage men who have children with other women asides their wives to just forget the kid and then we turn around to shame the women for not opening up to their husband about the child? This our desire to free men of any blame in paternity issues shouldn't also make us encourage them to be heartless. Law or no law, only a wicked man would watch his child suffer.

paulolee:
talk to ur ex first and try run a dna urself, if its true then you inform ur wife
some people jus cnt avoid wahala, me am not married yet but one of my ex girlfriend just keep saying that she must destroy my marriage whenever I get married because I made her lose her boyfriend dt she loved soo much...
we both take it as a joke but I would surely cut. her off and blank hee for good when. dt time comes..

don't wait till you want to marry. cut her off now! I made sure I destroyed every past relationships before marriage and I'm better for it. no avenue to try shit

baralatie:

what happens when the ex husband on learning that the child is not his dies of heart attack

One of the best advise so far!
OP,you have a problem in your hand right now and if wisdom does not prevail,hmm,it may cost you something valuable in future..
Follow these suggestions:
- Don't tell your wife anything now.
- Go to do a DNA test - with the boy and your ex- at your choice of a good hospital where your wife is a stranger to the hospital personnel!
-which ever the results- positive,i want to assume,sit your wife and show her the results,let there be a calm,possibly let someone that your wife always hope and believe( her Pastor or a respected elder) be there!
- Call your ex to inform her husband the situation.Get the number of the ex- husband and inform him that your child is living with him and you will like to take him away.
Then arrange to get your child peaceful.

slimjohn2k5:
No one is thinking of the other guy that lost his job.
After losing your job, your wife tells you that probably your only child is not yours, that will be a terrible one ohhhh.
I don't have advice for this but consider the guy that lost his job, also both of u cannot hide it for too long. Uhh

CalliDora1:
Learn to zip up and save us all this stories. If you didn't go there she won't add you to the list.

He was ready (and still is) to accept full responsibility in 2015 but she denied it was his probably because be wasnt doing well then.. So blamming Him when its clearly her decptive fault is wrong.. Talk to your women, if she hadnt played her games, he would have saved u from all this stories

paulolee:

the crazy bea say i bin deceiv her with my Lamba..

lol,she was dickmatized...

charles009:
Good people of nairaland,
Everything you are about to read is not fiction but certain reality.

At the heat of this DNA wahala, a married Ex called me on 6th of Jan to notify me that her son is mine and not her husbands. I remember vividly a certain Saturday in 2015, when we argued intensely over the paternity of the child during her pregnancy. She insisted it was her boyfriends, make una fear women. She swore she was single. Our calculations showed she was ovulating while we had some encounters. She proceeded to block me on all social media platforms and 2 months later, her friend informed me of her wedding.


The issue here is that I am married with two kids and expecting another, she told me her husband lost his job early 2018 and it has been a very rough patch for her family. she says she wants a divorce.

I asked for the boys pictures and it put instant tears to my eyes. Showed a few friends and the resemblance is striking so they said. The most painful of all, he looks not properly looked after.

I am doing fairly OK now, I wouldn't wanna to see my blood suffer, if you were in my shoes how would you handle this. My wife would not want to hear of another child...

Mature advise please...

So she was even cheating on her soon to be married to Bf... Guys get ready, because now once these husbands establish they are not the fathers and reject responsibilities. Guess who these women will turn to Ofcourse the real father whom they already know ���