₦airaland Forum

Mcleo007:
Losing one's partner especially at a young age is one of the biggest emotional trauma that can happen to anyone.

I lost my wife 3 weeks ago due to complications from childbirth. Our son didn't make it too. The saddest part is that I walked her into the theatre myself as she was to undergo an emergency c-section due to foetal distress as they said. She was full of life, gisted and pranked all the way. My world came down shattered when I saw the nurses running helter-skelter a few minutes after I left her off at the theatre room.

It's mysterious really how your life can be going so well, and in one blink, it comes down to pieces. We were first friends for a few years before becoming lovers, then decided to tie the knot this year in between her getting pregnant.

She was my best friend and we shared a close bond. We got married just May this year, which meant the marriage lasted just 4 months.

Family and friends would expect you to brace up and move on, but trust me the grief never go away. The grief hit harder in the mornings when I wake up; thoughts of the life we had, what we would have had had she not died, the many plans we made and so on.

I know I will survive, at least I know she would want me to.

I'm so so sorry for your lose...I pray God comforts you cos only he can.
please cry if that will relieve you a bit for the pain...talk to family friends.. please don't bottle up how you feel.

Grieving is a process, please give yourself time to heal but don't go too hard on yourself.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
all the best

Ignore them please.
focus your energy on the new baby and your family...
I'm not a fan of 'announcing' a pregnancy...I didn't even tell my own mother of my pregnancy until I was far far along...
A true friend won't mind and see things from your angle.
A friend of mine gave birth sometimes ago, she didn't let me know(the baby was for her ex, whom she vowed never to go back to), I kept on calling and talking normally, even if I had heard she was expecting a baby...but I know after 9 months, she won't hide it..I intentionally didn't travel out of my state to see her cos I didn't want to embarrass her further.. She eventually gave birth and call me crying she knew I'd have scolded her cos I had told her that the guy was coming back to her, bla bla bla... But throughout her pregnancy, never did a week pass and we didn't talk

Wholeheartedly

As harsh as this might sound, focus on your primary family now( husband/ children)...
You cant keep offering the olive branch to people who detest peace and Harmony.
Save for rainy days...
Still make sure you give your mom something tangible by month end, for others, I think they'll feel 'entitled' to their sister's money.

Keep praying please and IN MY OWN OPINION, as much as I preach transparency between spouse, you don't have to give your husband every detail of the 'fued' going on your family.... Yoruba says "Eni ba ta Ara ile lopo, o le ma rira lowon"....When you undersell someone, you might not be able to buy them back with higher amount

Religion aside...the society is biased.

We expect that the women go through whatever without any complain, "carry your cross" they'd say..

Women should be the one to adjust while the men can be pardoned cos they're the 'head'...
They stay in abusive marriages because they'll be the one to lose more if things go south..

Few Sundays ago, in church, the preacher was saying "Divorce is never an option, if you do as a Christain, you can't make heaven".."if you divorce, you can't remarry unless the said spouse is dead..bla bla bla" .I politely raised me hands up and asked "Is death an option??"... the man was just quoting up and down.

A former neighbor impregnated the maid...people choose to castigate the woman on why she needs a maid, why she didnt notice, why she hired such a grown up as a help...no one was talking to/about the husband on why he stoop low to sleep with a maid, sleeping with a maid inside the same house as the wife (the maid said they've been having sex in the same house)...everyone including the priests were stylishly ignoring the man's act all because he's a man..
Until it is realised that marriage sometimes can mean shifting a bit from your comfort zone on both sides to make things work.. we'll always have issues like this hanging over our heads...The movie "Busy but guilty" comes to my mind

Anyways, a good man/woman is a good man irrepective of class, race, religion, political affiliations or age...

Ishilove:
Who is Oliver?

Methinks the child died immediately on impact. Even if he didn't, I don't think he survived beyond the first day because of the injuries he must have sustained.

Exact thing I thought... May God comfort the parents..

ifyalways:
Please send me a pm.

Yes ma'am...

PM sent

Unemployment..
Losing my job late last year was a very low low point for me
Coping with life as an unemployed single mother..Taking the responsibility of a child alone..
9/10 out of every man out there just want to mess with your body cos they're of the opinion that you shouldn't have a choice as a single mom...And not all single mothers are promiscious...some are just victims of circumstances
It's really depressing.
But my child keeps me going.
2019 I strongly believe will be a positive turning point for me..

gmail.com

ImaIma1:
8th child??!! He is still producing children knowing that your dad will take care of them.

Sincerely...and my own dad has just three kids..

serubawon:
Happy New Year everyone. Hope your dreams and expectations come to pass this new year. Haven't been here in a while and didn't know people were still contributing. I hope this thread is helpful to whoever can relate.

Happy new year to you too.
Though I'm not a widow, but your thread gave me hope when I was at the lowest cos of my divorce issue..
I used to feel ashamed, dirty and sad but now I don't feel an iota of those anymore...all I remember is just memories and just been grateful I'm here

CanadianNaija:
Unfortunately it will never end, people like these are usually very entitled.
My quiet mum became a nag because she talked all the time, and his family hated her and called her a witch that has come to steal their brother.
I saw all this growing up and it made me decide never to marry into a family with poverty stricken uneducated in-laws, they are the worst kind of mistake you will make.






Just make your own plans for yourself and your kids, and stop using your money to do things that he should do.

It's like we grew up in the same house...it was really tough growing up... extended family feeling entitled... I even have an aunt that had six kids and my dad was responsible for them, recently one of the kids had a slip of tongue and said my dad sent him to a Polytechnic and sent me his (his biological child o) to a university...I'm like "really"..
One of my uncle was calling my dad to please send him money for baby things cos his wife is almost due..(8th child)..if a man in his forties is still behaving as such...


OP..just save for the rainy days, these people will continue to behave as such...and if you voice out too much, you'll be tagged a wicked witch.. There's poverty in the land..
Save your money and channel it into something productive..

Ayomide93:
Can you connect me to any house agent please?
Need a place at Bodija or Agodi GRA(2 bedroom flat precisely)

Ohh sorry...I no longer live in Ibadan...

Professor Mrs Oluyemisi Adebowale (former DVC, Adekunle Ajasin University, Akungba Akoko, Ondo State...a Mother indeed
Dr Mrs Deborah Arowosegbe... tooto..mother to all..
Prof Gbenga Francis Oyebade..
Simeon Olaogun..even if we didn't roll well, he's a teacher..a born teacher..you can't but understand him when he teaches.
All of the Department of linguistics and languages, A.A.U.A.
You are God sent to this generation, you are real parents, teachers...
Thank you for impacting knowledge in me...moulding me into whom I've become today..Thank you.

May God Almighty reward you

vizkiz:
I was at e mall yesterday for lunch when I saw miracle.

The guy looks more handsome in person than on TV. The bodyguards sef... They come dey run at a point

I was about entering the mall too when I saw people running, was thinking twas an attack or something ..
men and women running around just to take a selfie with him, I find that irritating (not bad belle o)
He looks more handsome in person.

War is bad....everything can be restored back after the war, the buildings, people can still unite...but the dead can never come back to life and their memories will stay with us forever...

Robbers are a nightmare, even after their operation, the feeling is still there, you can't sleep with your eyes closed.

A thief was caught in my area yesterday (one escaped) in broad daylight with a 2015 Samsung plasma, four laptops, sneakers and lot of new Ankara yards...
May God guide us all

I didn't speak until age 4, even growing up, I knew I had appointments in the hospital(OAUTHC) but I don't know if I was seeing a speech therapist... I don't speak like everyone else does cos now I speak very very fast and I stutter too.
Getting a speech therapist for your son is the best decision you'll make, make him associate with people more..
Unfortunately, I don't think there are lots of speech therapist in Nigeria as a whole but Teaching hospitals around you should have a speech therapist or know how to get one for you.
For me now, I write more than I talk, I see my speech disorder as a child a positive thing cos I listen more and talk only when necessary now. You can teach your child to start writing now.
All the best

A man is a man, and a race; a race.

being a good/responsible person doesn't have anything to do with colour, tribe, nationality, ethnicity, age, gender, religion, political affiliation or social background.

A good person is a good person irrespective of circumstances around them.

theysg:
I really appreciate the kindness of the time spared.
You shed spotlight on this issue of my life..

I know a good advice when I see one and I will work towards it all. Even though we are both that lone survivor but still, we need each other. My parents frown at this too, but you know, "a bad child should'nt be sent on an errand in which he will not return" something that prompt the support from my family.

I will try arrange a conversation between my family and hers, at worst case a conference call because of the distance.

I have offered her what I can, financially and psychologically by taking full responsibility and staying by her through the thick times of gestation.. It is not something I really prepared for and cost me alot of sweat and time. But I'd sacrifice that to correct the mistakes and to set a breeze of peace. I was initially advised to deny the pregnancy or even give her money for abortion but I still prefer to keep the law of nature standard because I know that's the only way to have my full reward. I might also never remain the same psychologically if I don't make smart moves henceforth. I hate to let her go but I have already start a fresh journey.

God bless you and I will definitely keep it posted here on whatsoever that comes out of this.

You're welcome Sir.
Considering what has transpired between both families, physical meeting can be arranged, which I think is very necessary,of course after speaking on phone (my dad for example will consider that rude and won't give you an audience, each family with its own rule, I don't even want to imagine what my dad will do to you if I were in your baby mama's shoes , on a funny note, just plan to carry your bag to relocate to Somalia )
Yes, I understand the psychological effect on you, but believe me whatever you're feeling, she's going through worse (our society doesn't favour a single mom, The society we live in hails abortion (I've got nothing against abortion, its a personal choice) and see those who are brave enough to face their "mistakes" are seen as promiscuous. I am one myself and I didn't have a child out of wedlock o,circumstances made me one, its a biased world out there).

She should work on making herself better than wallowing in guilt and self pity...having a source of income makes one mentally, physically and even emotionally stable to an extent(I really wish she can read this)

Like I said earlier, weigh your options well, very well, make the choices you can live with alone.

May God illuminate our path

theysg:
.

To be sincere I understand your plights and I understand hers too.
First and foremost, I want to commend you for telling her the truth about the status of your relationship with her, albeit in a way she wasn't anticipating... considering she has a child for you and even lived with you as a 'wife' for ten whole months..it's hard.

You have nothing to offer her even when she wants a whole lot from you.... To you, it's so easy to you don't want her, but the truth is her whole life is more complicated now, a child is involved now and she's going through a lot now, she might feel rejected, like she isn't enough hence the attitude.

One thing is threatening her might work on the short run now but what about the long run?? You've made your choice, one I'm sure you can live with...you alone know why you want to opt out and I respect your decision

Let her know her life doesn't revolve around you, she still has a future, a good one ahead of her even if she is a baby mama..
Involve third parties she respect,let them talk to her..

At this stage I won't advise you let her stay close to you (out of sight might help).. let her have her baby with her (no lady in her shoes will be comfortable leaving her child behind with you, believe me), no issues as long as the child is with her and not her people. Give her something monthly as you'll give the child too...She's angry and confused but she'll come around over time.

Finally, be stern but do not make THREATS, hell has no fury like a woman scorned...

If after all these, she still insists she wants it her way, you then can contact child welfare unit since your hands are tied (unfortunately, no one comes back from court and still remains friends, it will dent your friendship which you need at least for the child sake)..

To chip in something, in this part of Africa, every parent frowns at pregnancy outside of wedlock,(infact in some cultures the child doesn't belong to "you" few parents will pat their daughters on the back if this happens(you'll get there one day and you'll know what it feels like)...her parents might have gone way overboard by chasing her out of the house but her parent are still her parent. She has a child for you and culture demands you MUST see them, at least to acknowledge you are responsible for putting their daughter in the family way, Yorubas will say "Oro ni ana" (in laws are revered)..You don't know her family, yours don't know hers and you expect her to leave a child for you just like thatwho does that? Your baby mama is like a LONE survivor..
She didn't fall from the sky o, same way you think you have absolute control on your child's welfare now is the same way her parents feel too..

My dear brother, you can't put the CART before the HORSE...let the families see(not because you want to marry her,believe me it will even go a long way to mend broken fences between her and her parents) and then you will decide on the custody of the child...
This isn't the time for PRIDE, remember a child's life and future is what we are discussing here..One day your daughter/son will grow up and you'll understand better.

I wish you all best.

theysg:
Yes, my family wants to take care of the child but she is just the problem..

In this part of the world..most ladies will rather let the child be with their folks than let her be with the man's family... I really dunno why though

Dear poster,
Your baby mama is a bag of emotions right now, she loves her son, and at the same time, she's thinking of her future, things like what will happen now? How's my future going to be? Will this man marry me? Can I trust him enough to leave my child with him? Won't my family do a better job of taking care of my child than his?? one of her biggest fear now is insecurity, fear of the unknown, of the future

If you can, why not try to get a job at your town of residence?? no matter how little to let have something doing now? Probably do not cohabitate, let her get an apartment in town so that you both can think straight if you really want to take the "relationship" to the next level.

Have you seen her parents? Not for marriage but for acknowledgement that you were the one that impregnated their daughter?
Let her know your plans for her both on the long run and short run...You can't just have a free woman doing Wifey duties in your house without doing the proper things..

I really think this goes beyond her leaving with the child alone
...ten month plus of living with you and you're not talking about "us", maybe she just feels tomorrow isn't 'certain' but will be preferable to the " vision less" today.

EmmaEma:
Lol 60K agreement and agent is high? Lolz

When the kitchen will be shared?? the self contain has a minus already

EmmaEma:
Lol 60K agreement and agent is high? Lolz

When the kitchen will be shared?? the self contain has a minus already

last price?? 210 is on the high side if the annual rent is 150k..
if you can beat down the price, lemme know

SapphirePRINCEX:

Jesus my saviour is all things to me Oh what a wonderful saviour is he Guardians, protection my life guide is he Mighty deliverer Jesus for me. Jesus for me Jesus for me All the time everywhere Jesus for me...




.......

Jesus in sickness and Jesus in health. Jesus in poverty, comfort or wealth life everlasting, my days are in his he is my safety Jesus for me

Robisky001:
Spirit of God in the clear running water,
Blowing to greatness the trees on the hill,
Spirit of God in the finger of morning.

Bring to birth..
bring it to earth and blow.....


blow blow blow till I breathe.
for the breathe of the spirit blowing in me...

A guy was on my neck for months, I told him it can't work out between us cos I feel nothing for him...One day he called me and I was cold cos I didn't want to give him any hope.
Na so uncle vex that day, he said terrible things to me, he said he was actually trying to help me cos I'm a single mom and an expired product,that I should be happy he wants to go out with someone like me, that my shakara was too much.
I was suprised, didn't know what to say cos it came like a rude shock.
I called him few days later to tell him at least I'm glad I have a functioning uterus and I can bring a baby to life, I asked what he has to show for his numerous banging of girls, impotent man...he didn't take it so nice.
Anyways, I'm happy I never got close to a man so shallow minded
Some guys just don't take rejection so nice