₦airaland Forum

She has no husband, what she has is a liability, a real pain in thr a*s..
She should get grip of herself,stop feeding him..if he tries to abuse her physically, she should move out with her kids.
I sincerely do not pity women who sit down with a man who refuses to grow up as the husband and being maltreated.
Business is not as usual as Apapa wharf,I have people who are affected, infact one of them is learning bricklaying now so as to be independent and cater for his family..
If he doesn't get a Job, then your sis is sitting down on a time bomb, he will soon blame her for all his predicament very soon..
Plus she needs to check her self in a hospital...physical abuse is a no no for me

Cheating is very bad, if it isn't working,why not take a humble bow and walk instead of hurting the one you claim to love.
Dear op, you alone know what you want to do, can you still trust her if eventually she apologises and you want to walk down the ailse with her?? forgiving is very easy,but the imagery of how another man was caressing her might not go that easily..
Secondly, you may think you've tried all your best while she might think otherwise, both of you should be honest and communicate. you caught her real young so it might just be a honest trial to explore and see things not knowing the grass isn't greener on the other side..

Its not to late to cut it off And start afresh if you think it isn't something you can live with for the rest of life.. she made her choice so you're opportune to make yours....Take your time off her to think about it..only you know what you want

One thing is does your dad still has his job??
400k per month and no accountability??

You need to talk to both of them, your dad had probably had his time but bleeeped up and your know payback is a b*tch..
Your mum is bitter but she needs to be cautioned before she looses control of it all.
Let your dad beg your mum sincerly cos she is hurting, all her showoff are just coverup for the hurt and pain on the inside (ain't a bad thing to apologise to ones wife)..he should apologise because he means it and he's apologetic..
your mum should apologise too for going this far..he's still her husband, he might not have handled certain matters well,but he's human and bound to make mistakes..They should forgive each other and let peace reign.

if it doesn't work, maybe a temporary separation might save the day, sometimes the heart heals when alone...some wounds heal if you don't touch it.

I pray peace and love comes back to this home.

BrotherJesu:
his excuse for non accountability is his demanding family and i hope deh all die dis night

Tending to his extended family at the expense of his nuclear family, his first major assignment Then let them come to his rescue now..
Family should be close and be catered for but a man's first responsibility should be his wife and children first.

Little wonder your mum buried herself in making money and enhancing her career,she saw it coming.
If she had been a cheerful giver to friends and family and neglected you as her uttermost responsibility, what will you say

BrotherJesu:
thanks for ur piece am grateful.
Bt God knows am not on mums side at all am just tryimg to maintain a balance my philosophy is "na una know where meet unaself"
as per talking to them, popxy is sorrow bt mums no wan hear.
There are only two persons my mum respect that much her parents and deh ar both desceased, she is an only child ,so with me

And your mum isn't in sorrow? when she has a husband that is not responsible enough to cater for his family yet she had to take the wheel to provide for the family. To worsen the matter, he couldn't bridle his manhood and got another woman pregnant...so you think your dad hasn't make your mum miserable enough
if this is how you'll shift the whole blame on your mum, I really feel for her.
There are some matters that "sorry" doesn't resolve, the consequences are still there...infidelity to the extent of fathering a child outside marriage is one..
If tables were turned, will you be here seeking for advise??
If your mum's way of healing is to show off her hard earned money, let her do it...
I'm not in support of what she's doing but if that's her own way to get the pound of flesh back, so be it.

smartty68:
But he apologized remember?

Apology doesn't erase the deed

The family is apart already.
if you don't mind, what does your dad do with his 400k salary??
Your mum had to shuttle between keeping the home and struggling for survival, one has suffered now...uneasy lies the head that wears the crown

If verbal or emotional abuse should automatically gets one the physical abuse lesson... what happens to men that verbally abuse their wives??
I'm not in any way supporting the woman, what she did was bad but you can't really say what had happened inside the four walls of their home...a lot might have happened.
My ex used to tell me I can never amount to anything, simply because I had an extra year in school, he said i was useless and the only reason why he's with me was cos we are married.
I stopped breastfeeding my baby exclusively at 5months cos I couldnt cope, he told me to my face I've failed at motherhood,I can't even get it right with my son.
it was tough cos he used a lot of abusive words on me..but the day I was so angry and told him he was "stupid and selfish" the whole country knew how his wife was disrespectful and abused him..I don't talk, but once I'm pushed to the wall(it takes a very long time for me to lose my cool), better run cos I'll bring it all out
I looked down on myself a lot then but today here I am..thank God...

A lot happens behind closed doors between husbands and wife, the Angel you see might be a beast in the closet

no one deserves to be abused physically, emotionally, verbally... if it isn't working, take a walk

#personal opinion #

Sebastine1606:
But for real, why would you look at other men, your husband no dey satisfy u ni

why would he look like other women, am I not satisfying him too

That's just the way it is...things will never be the same, here in Nigeria or Africa.
The husband is always a "saint" who only fell into temptation and "sinned" while the woman is out of grace to even make a mistake cos she has to be the dutiful wife, obedient and must not complain cos that's what loyal wives do....

What a pity.

Mustiboy:
sis, I know this is off the topic but I believe you can help me out on these questions...
-how far is ondo from lagos?
-what's life like there?
-is it advisable to live there?
Thanks in advance

Don't get confused. Are you talking about Ondo town in Ondo State, or Akure as the capital of Ondo state??

Nice one

toluxa1:
Yes, this is Tolulade FUTMINNA. Do we know each other?

Yes, we do though you might not be able to recollect.. #Bosso area.. Happy married life bro...

charlesazeh:
Not the one ma! Thanks for the wishes

Ohh, I was talking about the other poster celebrating his one month wedding anniversary.

toluxa1:
Congratulations and Happy Anniversary. Today is our own 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY!

Is this not Tolulade?? FUTMINNA..
wow, congratulations. God bless your home

Educative

hmmm...learning

..

Happy anniversary. God bless and keep your home

realmindz:
raw display of ignorance. It was written out of the cave man knowledge that the sun revolves round the earth. How you a 21st century man still quote this bullshi.t is astonishing

Your opinion doesn't change what I think or know..
You're entitled to your opinion.
Thanks
Bye

The day the sun stood still....raw display of authority as a God's chosen

lilliesboy:
What I know is that, no B.Sc holder (GL 08) ought to earn less than N80,000 monthly for a start in a federal parastatal/corporation.

please does it include the allowances too or just the basic salary

I'm against infidelity in marriage but Grace got served.. why did she cool down when she got the unexpected response.. Loveline, your married neighbor shouldn't be your lover, its bad, very bad.

The irony of it is that A guy can do a woman wrong, treat her badly, violate her and for some reason only known to that woman she'll still stick by his side. But when the tables are turned, it's like SOME guys are not trying to give their woman the same love or consideration. If she does him wrong then that guy feels so "violated"... Some guys will dance with another woman or flirt with another woman at the club and when his woman gets upset he'll be like "it isnt nothing baby, it's just harmless" and expect her to be cool with it, but if his woman flirts or dances with other guys that same man of hers is going to get offended and be like "what the hell is wrong with you, you don't respect me". A guy will cheat on his woman, get caught and then expect his woman to forgive him, because after all he "loves" her and he's "sorry".... But if his woman cheats on him he finds it impossible to forgive her, she did him so wrong, it's unforgivable, she's a slut and he can't take her back because she hurt him so much. A guy will move on and find a new girl in a few days and that's okay... But if his woman moves on as quick, he'll call her a LovePeddler and say she never loved him. If you as a man are not willing to treat your woman or act towards your woman in the same manner or do the things for her that you expect her to do for you, then you dont have any right to expect or demand anything from her. If you can't do it for her, then she shouldn't do it for you. There's a reason men can't deal with women doing the same thing to them… Because deep down you KNOW it's WRONG.

sgtponzihater1:
What are u saying. Someone I went openly to tell that I wanted another wife, so they'll be 2 and live like sisters and she refused, if I like cheating will I think of marrying her?

How about she brings in another man, so you'll live like brothers when you bring the lady

Of course, yes. I'll surely have a second husband too. There is no harm in sharing.

jonsnow92:
Arya never liked Sansa from day one..Sansa was prettier and seemingly had more affection from people than Arya..It escalated when Sansa was to marry King Jeofrey and Sansa couldn't support Arya when Lymeria(Arya's wolf) bit Jeofrey in Season 1,It happened in season 1,Arya obviously hasn't forgotten.

They had this siblings rivalry from the onset..I think they had to kill Arya's friend or was it the wolf (can't remember) then Sansa though Jeofrey was the best thing after sliced bread before he showed her pepper.

Good evening mothers. How are we all doing?
I need your advice(s) and input on a matter bothering me...I've created a thread on the family section for it..
please help me out.

Sorry I had to change my moniker cos of my privacy..
www.nairaland.com/3590476/ex-new-man

Thank you.
cc
CC zaynie, fortius, enkay, mitchy, Ozycy, hajarahbadmus,

Favourchild2017..thank you.
Thank you everyone too.
I hope and pray to make a decision I'll be able to live with for the rest of life..
Thank you all

@favouchild2017.
Thank you.
His friends have tried talking to him all this while but all efforts have been futile.
As per what took it so long to start all this reconciliation process...I was hurt and II needed to be myself again...twas in this period I got a job.

You see, when we were together, I had no job, I couldn't ask for cash o, he will tell him since I don't work, I wouldn't know the value of money and hard work.. I did virtually what a woman should do, and one thing I know is I respect him, a lot.
But on days he abuses me, sometimes I get angry and lash out back at him.
Yes, he beat me up twice in the marriage.

And he's not concerned about my feelings, like for example, he forcefully had me go for Family planning, and when I complain about being uncomfortable with the FP, he starts yelling at me and telling me we can't afford a baby for now.

My flaws... He says he fears me cos I don't talk(when of course, he knows he has done something bad or cheated me) and my nature, I don't dwell on things for too long, I don't keep malice, even when he wrongs me, I'll go and apologise, not because I'm happy or guilty but because I want a peaceful home... So sometimes he feels I'll hurt him.
Last November, he asked me if I wouldn't retaliate if eventually we come back together.
I keep quiet not because I don't feel pain, but because I believe its better I keep mute when I don't have anything nice to say than to hurt someone with my utterance.

Again, his mum keeps giving me cold shoulders, I tried trying to make things work between us but it was abortive, so I accord her her respect but I don't go close to her...it annoys my husband and I keep telling him, for me and his mum to be friends, he has a lot of work to do, you know I don't hate your mum, but please talk to your mum, let her accept me, you can't forcefully match make and your mother but no, he doesn't care..

Sometimes I wonder if he's got bipolar issue, this minute he is sweet, caring loving and everything.. The next minute, he's like someone I've never known before.

Amen to your prayers, thank you