₦airaland Forum

[quote author=nefertitiram post=53163989][/quote]Yes, I'm doing very well without him, I now have a job that takes care of me and my daughter..

He sends once in a while, when I ask him (before I got a job) he will tell me the custodian of the child should settle the child's bill...and for times he sends, I use thrice of what he sends to take care of the child.
On the day I told him about taking of the child, he told me if I could no longer take responsibilities, I should take her to his mum (same mum who wouldn't ask after the child o) or I should put the child on the next available flight to where he is, so he'll be able to take full responsibility.

Ifecoded:
This is exactly what am talking about...
Op is keeping a lot of things here( wise of you tho)
How come your only offense is talking back when ur husband comes up with his deeds??
No matter how bad a wifey u re, or how hard your in-law wants your marriage to crash, your mother-in-law will still care abt her grandchild.. mani an soro e yi.
This is a child her own son begat.
There is more to that.
May God help all the same.

If not because of identity and that of his, I would have called on friends that are nairalander to come say it as it is..
My MIL has her reservations about me from the onset but I'm not particularly concerned about her but for the man I'm married to.

TonyeBarcanista:
I read from page 0 to the last before dropping my comments.

I am a guy, we say silly things to get the reaction of the people we love to know how much we mean to them.

I didn't see where she made mention of a new relationship, can you refer me to such comment?

I'm not in a relationship yet, still on friendship basis, the new guy told me of his intention but I've not given him a reply. I was just considering if I should have a rethink since my marriage isn't working despite all effort to fix it

@ifecoded, mecussy..I'm not a saint but I know I've not done anything to warrant this..
If I have, his friends won't be supporting me, one of his closest friend has refused to speakto him in two years cos of the way he treated me..
His extended family and siblings (except one and his mum) are in great support of me and they talk to me And encourage me... If am a bad DIL, they won't do that.
He told me and he tells everyone that I'm a good woman but he just doesn't know what's wrong.

We fight like every other couple and we settle it amicably...I don't just know where things went wrong

baby124:
What about the twins he is expecting? And the fact that she is even aware he was in a full fledged public relationship while she is waiting. Will you advice your own child to stay in such a marriage? What next when he gets bored or distracted again

He just asked me, not that he is really expecting baby(ies) anywhere...so I think

@Tonyebarcanista
All his friends have spoken to him and he keeps on repeating the same thing that he's not fighting me and he will call me back when he's ready..
I just wonder what he thinks of me...

I'm giving his break but I'm human, its beginning to tell on me...it's becoming tempting.

I'm a Christian and that's why I'm still holding on cos I respect my oaths and I believe my vows are sacred... I pray for him everyday, never has a day gone by without me praying for him.

Apina:
How serious are u with church activities? Does your parish priest know you? Is he aware?. Hope u know d church cannot divorce u or acknowledge any form of civil divorce? Hope u know u wouldn't be given communion if u choose to go ahead with civil divorce? And u can not remarry except ur partner is dead?. Abuse in marriages isn't rocket science when it comes to our setting. I will blame u for packing ur load based on ur parents advice who certainly are still together to come back and sit at home with them. St. Peter in his second letter said “Do not give d devil any opportunity, stand up to him strong in faith" but u chose to run away at the most trying moment. I bet ur parents aren't aware u cry urself to sleep cos they are enjoying their own marriage. The book of wisdom tells us that a wise woman builds her home with her hands and d foolish destroys it also with the same hands, many marriages crumble cos most women do not see d wisdom in these words which I guess u read by urself on d altar on ur wedding day. Any marriage that has survived d test of time its always cos of the woman. All being said, learn from ur mistakes and make things work, divorce is never an option.

My parent told me to come back home but I insisted he will have to send me out himself that I wouldn't give up on my marriage so easily..
But at the end, he had to invite the police to tell me to leave, when asked what I did, he said nothing, he just needed a "break"
Did you wife kept extra marital affairs, he said no
Then the DPO told me to go to my people, to avoid stories that touch the heart.

And ever since I got back, my parents were still supporting him that he'll come around, until they realised that might not be anytime soon.

I've tried all I can to make things work but he keeps frustrating my efforts.

enshi:
Sexy honestly i thought over the issue...
This is a for better for worse case
Its good a thing she already knows the bad sides of the hubby this means she can manage him into becoming a better person

Alternatively she could just focus on raising her Child and waiting for the man to come to his senses...

From the look of things her Major complain is about her being lonely (sex) . There was never a line where she said the guy denies her of it so i suggest she goes to him for it periooically to quench her urge.

Its never about sex.
I'm lonely... that feeling of having a family, a home and now everything is just blank...my daughter is currently with my mum, I'm in my a different place..always having him as a bff, a confidant and now I can't even talk to him, it hurts...

Yes it is..
I think I'm the only one who is still seeing the possibility of a come back, every other person is keeping quiet and I think their silence means approval that we should part ways

raumdeuter:
What are his family and your family's opinion on the current state of this union

My own family is indifferent, they respect my decision, though my mum is hell bent on me not going back there, cos of the way he treated me and he really humiliated them by sending me back home

His family are wishing we would resolve our issues, though his mum has not uttered a word all through, she has not even checked on me in two years, she has not even checked on her grandchild..

raumdeuter:
Were you legally married to this ex?

Yes, we were legally married in a registry..

HARDDON:
One n just one thing alone guild our Lives as human beings: Our faith.
Not people's opinions, how we feel or the prevailing circumstances.

If you are a christian, u already know the only condition for DIVOURCE is infidelity.
Every other reason(s) is/are inconsequencial.

I'm a Catholic and I have my reservations about divorce except of course when abuse set in

I know these r trying times,
dont know why u let this linger for two years.[/quote]I was hurt.. I literally built my world around him so I felt let down and I just wanted to be alone that's why it took this long..

I'm not doing this cos I'm lonely..no..not at all.
hmmm...

are you saying I should give it a trial? to go see things for myself?? even when his body language says he doesn't want me around

I feel he's trying to tie me down cos he's indecisive at the moment.

I'll surely think about this..

I took an oath in the presence of God and that of man to be faithful to my spouse so I take my vows serious, hence why I've been able to cope without the "sweet apple".

I'll think it over.
Thank you.


Thank you

WHOcarex:
Babe, you should be singing hallelujah that you are free.

At 22, you are still young self.

Now open ya eye before you enter another one.

Thanks.
but I never said I'm 22...

Dera25:
From the look of things it seem your husband is not interested in you anymore, there is no need of forcing yourself to his life. I will advice you to move on

Thanks

keepingmum:
please stick with your husband inugo? for better for worse brigade....next time he bangs your head to the wall you will explain to angel gabriel why you arrived earlier than your appointed time

and stay away from your family friend. You are clearly still hung up on your abusive ex. only enter a relationship when you have grieved and healed

I'm not grieving at all and I'm not trying to use the other guy as a rebound... not at all.

thorpido:
Try to establish communication with him and have a talk.Ask him what the future of your union is.It's going to work or maybe not.If it won't no point struggling with it.It takes two to make it work.
A home is not broken just because the parents are separated,it's broken also if there's abuse and strife between couples.The kids get damaged seeing that too.

Trust me, I've tried, we've both spent lot of cash calling and trying to iron things out...but I feel if we see and talk better. I asked if he'll come down to where I am, he said no, he's busy at work so I offered to come down to see him, he said no, he'll find time to come see me probably by mid year...I told him I'll come around, since then he blocked all communication channel with me.

okenwa:
Well, marriage declaration is for better or otherwise.
You couldn't bear the cross of the first union.
How are you sure that the next one has no torn between the road?
You have known the first man, only avoid and scenerios that leads to the insults and abuses.

As you feel lonely, so does he. Is just that he might have other options as a man.

I am of the opinion that you go for the first man. Who is "not satisfaction " to you. He is the one coming back to you and not you going to him. Let there be counseling and undertaking of a renewed lifestyle from him. Which if you opt for divorce later on: your reasons would be germane.

thank you sir.
I'm a strong believer of marriage as a for better for worse thing, hence my decision to bring in the olive branch..
As per the lonely part, I don't think he is, cos he particularly told me "he has got structures in place" and its too complicated.
on one occasion, he asked me if I heard he is expecting a set of twins in few months time, how would I feel? So I know he's seeing someone else now.

But I don't just want a broken home for my child

thorpido:
I would have said you should try to work your marriage with you husband but it seems he is formed in a bad way and can't really change.Getting back with him will probably be the same of the same.

Maybe you should do a six-month trial with your husband.Go back to the house and try to see if anything has changed.If you discover it's still same,sue for divorce and move on with your life.You're still young,so it's best to make the decision early.

You could try for a new relationship if your marriage doesn't work but be sure the man wants you for you and not just because he wants to use you.

Thank you very much Sir.
I'm 22hrs away from him ATM..but I'm willing to make things work between us, but on his own part, its like he takes one step forward and 3steps backward.
He's not even talking to me, he has blocked all means of communication with me.

Good afternoon Familanders.

I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up.
I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker.

So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

Now I have two problems here,
1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too.

2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him.

3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man.

I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me.


Thank you

cc