₦airaland Forum

If you'll apply the same rule to your own mom..no problem... if not..hmmm

701ecilana:
No vex o, But, are you sure you can get a woman pregnant? In all your gallivanting years, has any girl ever come to you saying, 'I have missed my period?, and are you 100% sure you got her pregnant? How many times have you sponsored an abortion?

Do you know why i'm asking you this? It's because you seem like some boy who will give that innocent girl serious heat while you could be the problem.

Check yourself.

Nice one.... the no one reason for marriage should be companionship.... but the OP is worried after 3months....give your wife breathing space abeg..

You sound to me like a man who will go outside to test his fertility if the wife doesn't conceive on time.
Your wife told you she aborted cos she trusted you, now you want to use it against her?? little wonder some ladies will carry secrets like abortion to.the grave..

Love your wife, make love because you want each other,because you adore and cherish her body no bang because you want kids...if you put too much pressure on her,believe me babies won't come

As much as this story might have been fabricated, this is what happens in some homes today.
There should be transparency between couples, as much as privacy should be respected, secrets are a No no cos they do more harm than good.
A family should be a partnership, a collective Responsibility of a man and woman, the idea of "my money is my money but your money is our money" doesn't pay on the long run.
Money/power are the best tool to get a persons real character.. money intoxicates and the woman got lost in it..the signs were there, she can't just become stingy with money overnight..

Family should be based on division of labour, it wouldn't hurt if the husband takes care of the capital expenditures while the wife takes care of the floating expenses..it makes life much easier and couples achieve their goals faster..
In marriage, you're ONE, one voice, one decision, one love..no "I" "he" "she".... it should be "we" "us"
I'll always tell my brothers to please settle for a woman who is ready to see you through thick and thin, not every one will earn millions in life,no matter how hard they work, but planning well can still make them afford basic life expections...

IMO, a woman who can keep such a secret from a husband who is striving hard to make ends meet, who is trying all is best is capable of murder..
ON the issue of sending money to her parents and sponsoring her siblings, I'm sure the husband has families to take care of too, if he decides to face his extended family like the wife did- who will take care of the home front.

@op, what the wife did was entirely wrong but two wrongs don't make a right, sending her out to me isn't the best option.. he could have been calm, call for a meeting first before confronting her...

For the woman to move out without giving a "fight" to stay in her home means she's tired and was already willing to leave and you gave her an easy way out...

Everyone deserves to be loved and accepted--- move on, she. was only managing you and she's obviously glad she's "free" now.
She doesn't trust you either, and of what essence is love without trust??

Transparency, Trust, Love, Tolerance, Respect, Honesty, Care/support are some of the main ingredients of a successful marriage
Go for a separation now, maybe over time, she'll realise her mistake and make amendments....if you love her, cos only you can make that decision cos its personal

If she does not come back, let her go, she was not really meant for you then.

Work hard, don't let it affect your mentality, there are still good women who will carry you along with every aspect of their life...double your hustle....one day, it will pay off
All the best

In the school I graduated from, you can't study English, Mass comm, Linguistics without literature..

She can opt for history/int rel, philosophy, religious education

They are still good and responsible men out there...when you see one, cherish him

Final year in school, I had respiratory issues and missed classes that I thought I was going to have extra year(s), a guy in my class, we weren't close, wrote my project, typed, in fact he did everything for me, I only came to make the final submission... this was someone who I didn't even know his surname then... he is someone I can never forget in life...

ladylco:
You dont apply for DS 160 you fill the DS 160 form while applying for USA visa, Yes you can apply for the USA visa along with your daughter all you need is her int. passport, it doesnt matter if you bear different surname, the onus lies on you to proof that she is your daughter. Your chances depend on how well you can proof to the VO that you are genuinely seeking for visa for the purpose you claim, as no one here is a VO or can tell you your chance.

All the best

Thank you...I meant to say fill the DS160 form in applying for the US Visa...

I want to apply for the DS 160 and I've learnt a lot from this thread part 1-3....I pray I'll come back here to give my testimony very soon

But my question is can I apply for DS 160 along with my daughter?? what will I need if I want to apply for her too?? she's just 3years old..
Please what are the chances of both of us being granted visas, we bear different surnames too(she's my daughter but I'm not married to the father), hope that won't cause issues??

Good evening familanders.
Sometime happened to someone around me that I think we can all learn from. I'm so sad at the moment but I feel this might be helpful to someone
A certain lady whose husband is the keeper/guard of my complex died today,she was rejected by three hospitals before she finally succumbed to death this evening.
They are from Niger Republic and the husband said she was 15 when she came from her town to live with him in Lagos in 2010..they have 3children, the youngest being less than a year old, she wanted to go for FP which her husband agreed to...they went to their family private hospital but the doctor was not around so they planned to come back later.
The lady was not patient, she went ahead to meet an auxiliary nurse who injected her and she has been bleeding since First week in September, but last week, things got so bad that she had several transfusion but she finally died this evening.
When I saw the husband this morning, he was just crying that he told her he prefers to use condoms but she insisted.

I just want to impore us all, please go to a certified private hospital probably with a competent gynaecologist or a Teaching hospital/General hospital for family planing... certain tests might be conducted to know which suits you best.
Family planning is good, I've been on FP for three years and I know it works fine.
Couples should agree well and seek for help in the appropriate place.
If on any FP, and you feel too uncomfortable, please see your doctor.

Thank you

Children are gift from God. The bible didn't say
children born in wedlock are gift from God....

Funny how the church frowns at pregnancy outside wedlock but applaud those that fornicated but are smart enough not to get hurt..
No sin is greater than the other but anyways rules are rules, you have to comply
Let he who is without sin be the first to cast the stone, the deed has been done....She ought to have weighed her option well before allowing you to touch her..Those who live in glass house should be very careful

Now she killed a baby cos of societal pressure and influence... did she weigh her options well before doing it? what if things go wrong and affects her reproductive organs? She will start blaming the devil..

If she had aborted the baby cos she isn't ready, I'll understand, but she did it cos of what mere mortals will say, to retain a church post, that's hypocrisy (I think both of you are anyway)

Op, I know you're hurt, truth is she is too...forgive her and be with her, but let her know she cant continue to live her life to be accepted by the outside world, we are human, sometimes we succumb to pressure from the outside world, let her know If she continues to live her life to please other people, she will live a sad and frustrating life

jdluv:
to reach oneof these agent. He said the mother begd him to speed up things that he want all her kids out of the country before the year run out. Ps their father's place is 3 busstop to the father in law place. adultery has been the reason for the breakup in first place. The woman has been with this prof before the divorce@least0that was what the father said

Thank God you said according to what your uncle told you.
To know what really transpired between couples, one has to put them together in a room and listen to them talk and counter each other not heresay, A said you did so and so, you call A and B together and listen and point out facts (that's why a counsellor helps better in marriages cos he won't take sides and will be logical not emotional) I'm not saying your uncle lied but you there will always be three versions to it.
Your uncles, the mother and the truth.
He who hears just one side of the story and draws conclusion from it is capable of murder...African proverb

All the best

jdluv:
No she was trough with her program but wheni got to know about the pregnancy she wasnt free like beforeso she went home for her IT

Alright... anyways there little or nothing you can, its between a man/woman once married and have kids together.
My advice--- don't take sides, be neutral as possible, they are your cousins not your kids so you can't outrank their mother.. believe me lots of water has passed under the bridge and it may go way deeper than you think, dirty scary secrets, bitter memories, quest for revenge amidst others...

nikky2012:
My mum is a member of mfm, Who truly forget after prayer there is a marriage to care for , my mum frustrated my dad to his grave, the poor man died last week and she became a happy widow. Bros be wise n shine ur eyes

Wow...so sorry for your loss...
some women just frustrate their husbands and kids in the name of religion.
Most people forget that prayer without work is DOD...work on the marriage and pray along

jdluv:
i am a cousin tothe lady in question and she stayed with me until early this year when i discovered she was pregnant

Did you ask her to leave??

lovelygurl:
I don't get it

Truth is nobody can force a 22 year old girl to move to Saudi Arabia. She didn't just walk into that country. It must have been planned for months or at least weeks. The daughter also must have known, I mean she probably had to get some documents etc before travelling. Besides she's 22 and not dumb. She knew what she was doing and did not tell her fiancee about it.

There's nothing you can do, she's a grown woman

Just like there's nothing you can do about her older sister. If she wants her dad to come, she'd have asked him to. Or she already has a feeling he is not coming.

The relationship between dad and daughters is so flawed. Where was he even he was growing up. Sure he and his wife are divorced but he is still the father of the kids. Why didn't he build up a close relationship to them? Welfare? Pfffft. There's more into being a dad.

Well, they are grown up now and there's no fighting or whatsoever you can do because they are now ADULTS. I'm pretty sure they are aware of whatever they are doing

Same thing I thought, if your uncle was really "there" for her growing up as you've claimed, then she should be able to open to her father, she's 22 not dumb.
@op
Her father can't just come now to "save" the day for her.
The woman insisting her new husband will be the bride's father has her reason, maybe your uncle lied to you or didn't bring you up to speed on certain things..
Being a father goes beyond just donating sperm and sending in occasional money for upkeep.

People aren't entirely truthful when it comes to marriage/divorce/ separation, everyone wants to be the saint and paint the other partner black.

If she says she doesn't want him to be there, he shouldn't be there.

If HE HAD REALLY fulfilled his FATHERLY obligations, the woman will acknowledge his presence as the FATHER of the bride.
Being a father means ACTIVELY PRESENT in his kids life, physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, all way round and balanced.
If the step dad was the one who did all these, then.....

adetayo234:
I'm not referring to the post. I'm referring to your understanding about casting and binding.

You need to cast and bind for sure, but that doesn't mean you should disturb everybody with your prayers. Prayers should be communication between you and your creator. It's all about wisdom.

If my own form of communicating with my father is through my silent ways, good. Everyone knows how he deals with his own God

Peace

adetayo234:
Still, the kingdom of God suffers violence, and the violent takes it by force.

Violence in form of noise and disturbance
violence at the detriment of her own home and making the spouse irritated?

adetayo234:
You should start believing in casting and binding Ó. You forgot the story of Daniel, whose blessing was delayed by prince of Persia? Wasn't the ways of Daniel pleasing to the Lord? Do you know how many years poor Daniel had to pray before the blessing came? Maybe his prayers would have been answered earlier if he had casted and binded.

Please wake up from your spiritual immaturity and knowledge -deficiency; start casting and binding today!

That I don't believe in casting and binding, or in speaking in tongues doesn't make less of a Christian and doesn't make spiritually immature.
And to correct you, I ain't knowledge deficient.

I know what I believe and I hold on steadfastly to it and it has helped and brought me thus far.
She knows what works for her, but it will be unfair if she uses her own prayers to disturb another's peace of mind

To each his own.

Thank you.

Prayer is right but let her understand she can step out of the room to the parlour to do her prayers..
Tell her you appreciate her putting the family in her prayers but you need rest as the sleepless night causes you to perform less at work, let her know the risks involved if you don't perform your tasks effectively and efficiently at work..

I as a person do not believe in casting and binding, my Bible tells me if a man's way pleases the Lord, even his enemies will be at peace with him, that's my personal belief, might not work for your wife. If that's the way she can deal with the "metaphysical", let her be, you really can't change anything about that in a day, its a gradual process

Tell her to tune it down,cos doing the same thing might be chasing you away from her
Sit her down and communicate, wisdom is profitable to direct

Learning

keepingmum:
His life, his choices.....just advisr ur dad (whenever he brings up the topic) that you wont be responsible for the care/welfare of any young children......men like that often expect older kids to shoulder the financial responsibilities of their reckless ways

Exactly.... let him know that. You do not owe him

Leave the man alone, he will regret the whole thing just that by then people will think his kids are evil.

What could have been your mum's offence that he couldn't keep his manhood in check, the manhood had to wander in between his wife friend's thigh...
Insisting the child must move in without considering his wife feeling is so cruel of him, infidelity is one thing, waking up each day to see the product of your husband's action is another thing..that's one big height of betrayal...Not everyone can forgive infidelity/betrayal

The family that insisted the child moves in, where are they today

Your dad destroyed his home, and now he wants to destroy any hope of the home coming back to life.

Let your mum be, provide for as much as you can, I do not advise she goes back to that home, her happiness and state of the mind matters...since her bride price has been returned, she's as free as the bird in the sky

As per your brother, why not let him get an apartment of his own, the whole issue must have a strong hold of him....
He is angry at your dad which is understandable but he'll outgrow it over time
you all should leave your father alone to live his life or what's left of it...if bringing in a new wife is what he wants, let him do it but please tell him if he's going to father more kids, he should have the means to take care of them, not make them a burden to you..

Your main focus now is your mum and your siblings, let your dad marry as much as he can. You and your siblings work hard and make it...make your momma proud

Yes...sometimes you need them to counsel, encourage you especially when you see that matters are heading south and you can't keep it together...they've been through that path, though that doesn't mean they are in the best counsellors for you simply because they have been through same.
We go through same stuffs differently, and we see things from different angle.
No knowledge is wasted, their experience might help in making certain decisions

What an elder can see when sitting, a child may not see it even on top of an iroko tree.

When next mama Calls, she should wake her husband and let him hear what his mama has to say.
Where is the husband whenever his mother comes around to harass his wife?? where is he when his mother places those midnight calls to his wife??

I've been thinking about something, on this infertility MIL issue, can't the lady's mother come and accuse her SIL for not letting her daughter give her a grandchild...just asking
Why can't people give couples breathing space? is it so difficult for in-laws to do? A year and half and all hell is getting loose already

Woman, let your husband know what his mum is making you go through with evidences, let him do something

Let your cousin and her husband get all fertility tests done, if it comes that the husband is the one with the issue, she should pay mama back in her coins..

Donald3d:
Hmm
A lot of married people don't understand that its all about compromise and dropping ur ego(for both can tame(not to be confused with control) and this goes either way(man/woman). Marry the right person for your character and personality.

Pray for wisdom ,before and during marriage and apply the wisdom

Never let your marriage go sour over time,Marriage is like cooking an eternal food with firewood that will never get done,you have to keep the fire

You've said it all...

My mum can be extremely annoying sometimes and I won't and have never thought of slapping her..
If I can tolerate my mum and not even go verbal with her, why won't I tolerate my MIL...
MIL/DIL fued will end if wives see their MIL as their mother and MIL sees the wives as daughters in her husband's house.

No matter what my MIL has done, in as much as I can't slap my mum, I won't dare try to slap her

You can still choose to be different.... make a conscious effort to break the "evil yoke".... I know psychologically it might have affected some people's reasoning but they can make a difference by trying hard not to make the same mistakes their parents made in every possible way..
You just have to try....albeit very hard

Hmmm...
just few questions for the OP, do you have any of the traits you listed above
Are you ready to accept the same list of condition from a woman??
A woman who doesn't do all these you've highlighted doesn't guarantee a happy and perfect marriage either.
A perfect woman who has none of this or the traits of these you've pointed out will be the one you get clay and mould yourself or maybe a robot..

No woman out there is perfect, no human is...like my dad will say, once a woman has at least 80% of what you want, go for it, that might be as much as the best you can get..
Every human being has a bad side and that includes you and I.

42years old plane rest in peace to the casualties

jahlid:
Bro, this your write up was me about 5years ago. I was. Paying for my junior one school fee at the university at the same time give my mum monthly allowance *

My mum tried this with me, I was paying most of my sisters bill in school, one day,she saw my payslip, I just changed it that no elder sister trained me in school o,so its not my primary responsibility to train my sisters, she cried ehn, but she got my message, I still pay the fees though but she knows I'm doing it as help to blood not as a responsibility..sometimes one just need to set the record straight oo

Mothers are demi gods, yes, but please do not fall for her blackmail, 30k a month for someone who has no big responsibility is enough,coupled with the fact that your other siblings are sending something too.

Africa my Africa, she thinks maybe your wife is manipulating you already so don't take a fight off with her,sit her down and explain that you have responsibilities, plans for the future that involves money....if she doesn't understand then you have to apply wisdom and diplomacy so that your wife won't get caught up in the "cross fire"...tell her you'll definitely do more when you start earning more

Harsh as it may sound, your primary responsibility is your nuclear family, salary not lasting till the 20th of the month is a red flag..
I give me my a little above what you give yours and she knows she mustn't ask me for more or else I'll burst to tears o, na management level everywhere
Wisdom is profitable to direct

Lovely