₦airaland Forum

Two reasons...
Insecurity
Selfishness

Our Lady of Fatima,hail.
Immaculate mother of grace..
oh pray for us, guide us today
thy hope of the human race

Ave Maria
Granti aplena
dominus tecum
Benedicta tu

iamphill:
I can relate to your question to an extent. I just lost my wife and i have a son of about 3years and a daughter of about 2months and some weeks. Funny enough today makes it 2months she died.
Sometimes i feel helpless and confused thinking about the future of the kids and many issues am facing from my inlaws (it was an intertribal union) .
Guess i can learn one or two things from this thread.

Take heart OP. Am sure your deceased parent is in a better place. God be with ua all.

I'm so sorry about your wife....please do well to take good care of your children, channel all into loving them and caring for them... they are still quite young.. Do not give in to societal pressure to remarry any time soon, in as much as those kids need a motherly figure in their lives, thread very carefully....few women will genuinely accept and take good care of those kids like their mum will, very few.
In case of your hormones raging very soon, do not share those kids attention, they are still quite young and fragile....it ain't an easy route but I pray God helps and strengthen you

hmmmm....op, have you heard of reacting out of frustration An adage says even sheep bites if pushed to the wall....what family secret is there to respect when the man obviously cannot respect his wife by not slapping her
A controlling man is a nightmare, a bad dream that might never end, for the woman to say "no other woman will be able to live with him",that shows the kind of man he is.
I'm not supporting the woman, she could have just stayed indoor and not provoke the devil but realistically how long will she continue to do as his 'lordship' says? what if she had had an emergency and she had to make an urgent call??
Both of them were wrong but the man behaved like a total animal.

Read through every page of this thread and I understand very well.
I'm going through the same, torn in between seeking a divorce or stay to work things out one more time.
But all I've discovered is two people makes a marriage works, it can't be one sided and work...its collective effort.

I'm not divorced yet just separated and I don't even know what divorce will bring..all I know is it gets better with time.
What do I expect after a divorce?
what am I most likely going to face? The challenge??
I need answers

Almajeris....all over the north,at least I know of kano Kaduna and Minna cos I've lived there..like flyca said you can't help someone who doesn't want to accept help.. they can even rebel against you if you want to help one of them... they are contended as long as you give them left over meals and used clothes..some don't even remember their homes anymore...very sad
I don't blame the poor kids, I blame the parents and the kind of religious and political leaders they have up north(no offence intended).
Sad thing is they grow up to become nuisance on the street....they still need lot of awareness up there

hmmmm..
Divorce is terrible, heart breaking but sometimes divorcees are just "victims of circumstances".
Like the old adage " where two elephants fight, the grass bear the brunt "....sometimes people try to make things work but it just won't no matter the effort, time, resources put into it...sometimes,one can find him/herself stuck between a rock and a hard place..
not all stories will have happy endings, " they lived happily ever after " might not just work for some marriages....sad but honest truth

All I tell couple is that your life " first"....couples can still care and love their kids even with a divorce, at least they never divorce their kids....put differences aside to cater and tend to the kids.

#my opinion #

Just ignore them please... move on with your life.
But the question remains why would the ex bf still have your semi nudes not to ask how it got to his wife

in as much as you should ignore, your nudes aren't something you should joke with cos they might fall into the wrong hands, you might want to get the appropriate authorities involved.... quite a long shot but your privacy will be respected.

In all, choose your fights,maybe this is worth it or not, only you can decide. you can decide to ignore or tell her to get a hold on her husband

oh God....

mother's love....incomparable.

Syntax.... can't remember the course code, no one submitted before the end of the exam... I wept openly after the paper, see me consoling my course mates...

Results came out, got and "E", did thanksgiving in church
morphology too...Lin 201,intro to morphology, crazy course, god forsaken lecturer...got B, I no say no be my result but e favour me, I prayed for the lecturer and whosoever made the " error"

linguistics no be here ooo

tuoyoojo:
one more

oh lawd

One of the best in this generation.... Asa...

joa2013:
Thanks so much for this comment. Samuel actually fell for this emotional blackmail till 2016 when he started reacting, may be as a result of the present harsh economic realities.
Samuel is an engineer with one of the departments under the federal ministry of petroleum resources. He's a bit well paid and think this is the reason why his wife is not too eager to be engaged in what she termed "unreasonable" job offer according to Sam. He told me that Dorcas once turned down a 70k per month Ikeja job, they live at Akowonjo which I consider as not too far.

She's not serious yet... I wouldn't blame her cos the guy saw some traits in her and still went for her, I tell couples marriage goes beyond love.
Understanding and an organising partner who will help you plan your life in the right direction is a must have, unfortunately the said wife isn't looking like someone who has that.

joa2013:
I held this opinion too but Sam told me the guy was not posted to Abuja originally, he said the redeployment was done so as to help monitor him and he wanted to cut himself off from her mother in law as much as possible.
To me, Sam seems to be doing everything to protest the actions of his mother in law, including an attempt to even divorce his wife which I see as not tidy.

I personally don't like the idea of his BIL live with him, he's an adult and should be make a decision for himself.
What if he's not comfortable there in Abuja?? remember he might even be responsible for the BILs welfare and upkeep there.
Heck, the guy might even be struggling to make ends meet and the wife and her family thinks he's an ATM.

I'm still in support of the husband sending monthly allocation to the wife, whatever she wants, she can do with her monthly upkeep

The lady should be the one to choose, if her husband is trying enough or she wants to be a baby and cry every time he can't take up her family responsibility....that's synonymous to emotional blackmail to the husband.

She should look for a job that pays the bill for her family....let's see if she won't get tired in a year....let her get a job or the husband should set her up in a business under strict warning that the business isn't for charity.
No one should be under compulsion to cater for every of his in-laws financial needs....he can only assist.
If he meets all his own family requests too, meet that of the in-laws family and still settles his own nuclear home, it won't be easy on him.

The wife is already losing her husband the moment the husband had to get a transfer and she wasn't moved by it.
The husband is the one wearing the shoes, and he knows it hurts...his primary responsibility is his wife and child which he is settling well.

fratermathy:
RIP Chief Ayomike, the defender of the Itsekiri!

Omi'Were Dede!

Eeeeeee
Omi Nigeria Dede

Diffident:
Anjolaoluwa
,
Eyimofe
,
oyinkansola
,
moyosore
.

Anjolaoluwa is my name

lovely

hmmm

Radiohead6:
I hope she's fine now? Wow

Yes, she's four now.. thank you

iamphill:
The day my wife died in my presence. I was holding her hands.

May God comfort you.

Cheating is bad and degrading.... it makes your partner feels so less of themselves..
You can't love someone and make them sad (cheating)...

Mine was during labour, one woman who was also in labour was the one encouraging me, she was having her third child or so, she went into the delivery room but didn't make it, she had a pre existing medical condition (hospital had no maternal casualty in a year plus)....her mother's wail down the hall still sends shivers down my spine whenever I remember... no one deserves to loose a child...

I was so scared even with the pain and everything.... it was the scariest and most traumaticmoment in my adult life...

My daughter was sick at birth, I was scared to the marrows....I couldn't pray, I was just crying

So your dad is expecting your mum to pay the bills for the children he has outside of marriage
Since he wants respect that was why he went out of his marriage to sow oats around, he should take responsibility of his children, find accommodation and other basic things for the kids..

A man once chased his father and his kids out of his house in Ibadan, he said his father never had a dime in him and his siblings, he struggled with the help of his mum to become someone in life, so he built a house for his mum around General gas/akobo area,the mum left her husband's house, the husband insisted he'll follow her since they had the kids together, the child was furious but his mother told him to keep his calm...few years later, the woman travelled out for a six months rest, by the time she came back, the man's FIVE kids from other women were already the living in the house, the son came back and explained to.the kids he doesn't hate them and he'll help them as much as he can but they can't live in a house he built specifically for his mum...he had to move them out and got a two bedroom flat for them around dizengolf area...The father was angry,started cursing the son, he told him that he was just a sperm donor, he had to move out in shame, its been almost five years and he's still in touch with his half siblings.

@op if your mum insists she can't house those kids or can't pay the bills for them, let her do it....as long as the house is hers,if the man isn't OK with that let him move out.
Beating your mum in front of the kids shows the kind of father he is...God forbid,a man can't be hitting me and still expect I will open my thighs to him or give him my hard earned money

Please no one should preach about love and endurance, a man who truly loves his wife won't go and sleep with another woman,not once but twice... so.since he didn't consider how she felt then, he should not be angry if the woman does not consider his feeling now

Ohh my....
This might just be a case of abuse of drugs in early pregnancy or pee existing condition.
one of the reasons why women should use their vitabiotics well during pregnancy especially "folic acid"
and avoid self medication..
This isn't a spiritual attack whatsoever....looks like Anencephaly that is a serious birth defect that is linked with the absence of the major part of the brain,skull and maybe spinal cord..

Medical experts will explain more.

Believe me single motherhood ain't easy but it simply means you have to brace up and do the work of two especially when the child starts growing and ask questions..
Some nights you're strong, some nights you can't but break down but you know we're stronger than we think we are
Thank God we don't look like what we've been through.
Some men/women need to grow up and stop being selfish

Any woman who builds her hapiness on another woman's sorrow and tears will have all her hapiness crashing like a pack of cards right before her.
If a married man is shameless enough to ask you out, a lady should have the dignity to say no, come one, ladies should have self worth..

All those girls who find married men better and attractive thereby causing the wife at home to have sleepless night will surely be paid back in their coins...

Revenge is a meal best served cold.

angelTI:
Roasted corn + garri is bae mhen

My husband will be looking at me like 'is this woman ok with what she is eating'? Me, I no send am sha .

I remember one time my mum and him where jisting and the topic came up. My mum was like 'Adura nikan lo le je ko fi agbado ati garri le'. I just carry my face commot no look them

My mum takes garri and roasted corn too...I feel it's double suffering sha.

Amazing