₦airaland Forum

My real friend here, I actually knew him before Nairaland. We met while taking our aptitude tests in FUTO back in 2006, and ended up as roommates during Uni.
One of his Nairaland troll usernames (during our university fresher days) was "Spade", but mid-June 2013, he got to permanently forfeit the handle to me for my BBA campaign purposes. He probably still visits this end. But I don't know if he still posts.
One of his other IDs I can remember is Areosapien. I guess it's still valid.

LOL! It's nothing new. Beyonce, Chris Brown and Justin Bieber's videos have been exposed as having fake views before. It's actually the label and the marketing companies that buy views.

Just last year, when YouTube corrected its algorithms, Sony BMG and Universal Records got caught pants-down with fake views in a lot of their artistes' videos. YouTube ended up deleting over 2 BILLION fake views, leaving most of the videos uploaded by those companies 'emaciated'

See the link to the story: http://www.nofilmschool.com/2012/12/universal-sony-record-companies-fake-billions-youtube-views/

satowind: Wat is this poo poo doing in front page?
@Satowind

Shey this bushman is still posting his picture all over Nairaland with his Ehindero face

Uh-oh! I guess I should've put up a warning on how large that picture is...
Sorry.

Just thought I'd post this here:
Keagan and girlfriend...
Her name, I forget. I could've sworn I saw it a few minutes ago.
Probably some Scandinavian name I just wasn't fortunate enough to give a phuck about.

alotofgrace: am not surprised....anything from general zod in smallville was always a lie

I think you're mixing him up with Lex Luthor.
The General Zod I know almost killed Superman.

What!!?

The beauty of this school makes OAU look like a Gala seller's kiosk!

Frontpage please!

....

My first experience with a computer, I was 6 years old at that time. That was 1995.

We visited my dad's office, and I was amazed at "this white-colored TV". Even more amazed that it had "the largest remote controller I'd ever seen" (the keyboard)
"OMG! BUTTANZ AND BUTTANZ AND SHINY, SHINY BUTTANZZZ!"

My elder brother (11 years old) was being taught to type by one of my dad's secretaries, but as soon he was sure she was out of sight, he closed down the Typing Tutor program to play Duke Nukem - and me, I no dey complain cuz the game was on point
But trouble arose when he started hogging the computer all to himself and not giving me a chance to "press my own".

"You've been pressing this thing the whole time. ALLOW ME TO PRESS MY OWN KWANU!" was what I said to him.

He responded with a loud "WILL YOU SHUT UP!?"

Oh boy, this thing pain me for bone! What gave him the right to diss me like that?
I angrily rose from the sofa, walked straight to him and turned off the monitor (My people, no blame me. I think say na just like TV). He simply laughed and turned it back on. That was when I walked straight to the outlet, and PULLED OUT the socket, effectively turning off the computer.
Mehn, the guy shoooouuuut! He was like "don't you know you could destroy this computer by turning it off like that? Are you maaaad!?
"You want Daddy to kill us? Don't you know you should go to Start > Shut Down and then click on "Shut Down"?

Me, I no even sabi wetin the guy dey yarn at the time. Person wey tell me to "Shut Up" before, how the hell did "Shut Down" come into the equation again kwanu? Biko, help me reason dis thing oh.

When he said he wanted to "Boot it again", I was mad confused
Shut up, shut down, boot, CANVASS, what the phuck is going on here?

When he turned it on, we noticed the wallpaper had turned black and white, and "Safe Mode" was written on the four corners of the screen.

"We're finished! We are finished oooooo!" was what he kept saying. Mehn, sweat rushing down my body, I looked like I had just stepped out of a swimming pool!

It was after he "booted" it one more time did things return to normal.

I tell you, we do sign of the cross up to 6000 times that day

Most of the people in Nigeria cannot keep up with my lifestyle of cleanliness.

Okay... Ouch.
Is he implying his first wife wasn't clean enough for him? That's gotta sting a little.
Then again... He has spoken like a true FOOL.

If you're dark skinned, you won't make wave in hollywood. Denzel Washington was just lucky.

I'd differ on this one a little, and say the same standards are not used when judging black men and black women.
While dark-skin black women are the ones who face the most discrimination in favour of their lighter-tone counterparts, I can't say lightskin black men are favoured above the darkskin ones.

Many years before Denzel Washington, there was Sidney Poitier (the first black 'Best Actor' oscar winner), even Louis Gossett Jnr (the very first oscar winner) and the ever-lovable Morgan Freeman - and all these actors are darker than Denzel. But during the time these aforementioned actors were making waves, their female counterparts were the likes of Lena Horne and Dorothy Dandridge - all lightskin/mixed women.
The infamous, internally-racist "brown envelope test" was used mainly against black women hoping for a shot at showbiz.

Even going through the list of male black Oscar winners and nominees over the years - from Morgan Freeman, to Sidney Poitier, to Louis Gossett Jnr., to Denzel Washington, to Don Cheadle, to Will Smith, to Cuba Gooding Jnr., to Djimon Hounsou, to Forest Whitaker, to Jamie Foxx, to this year's likely winner Chiwetel Ejiofor - the only notable lightskin dude I can remember there is Cuba Gooding Jnr.

So, implying Denzel Washington was just one 'lucky' anomaly, couldn't be further from the truth.

I can't really remember cases where lightskin black men were favoured above their darkskin counterparts when it came to showbiz.

If I had a nickel for every kilobyte in those pictures you just posted... I'd have just 1 nickel.

Mehhn... Some really 'discouraging' booobs I see on that picture...

coogar: they have always made low-quality shirts for nigeria & other african countries. it's pathetic. i dunno if the value of the shirt deals is the factor but some of the shirts won by african teams in the tournaments are cringe-worthy.

you often see the numbers peeling off during the games. the shirts itself are low quality. i have never seen our nigerian shirts tech-fitted like that of france, spain, germany, argentina, etc and the same adidas designs for all these countries.

Adidas makes the worst jerseys, dude. Period.
Not just in Nigeria. Not just in Africa. They just suck on a galactic level.

They caught some serious flak for the useless jerseys they made this year for some NCAA teams.
Check out the shhitt:

https://www.brobible.com/files/uploads/made/files/uploads/images/sports/college-bball/adidas-uniforms_640_458_s_c1_c_t_0_0.jpg

'the phuck is this? NBA Black Ops?

Uhh... I don't know about you guys, but I personally am sick and tired of these boring solid colors. I mean, they really bore the snot out of me.

Where's the artistry? Where's the artistic factor to set these guys apart from other team jerseys designed by Adidas?

Here's the Cameroonian jersey designed by Puma.

https://www.comparestoreprices.co.uk/images/ca/cameroon-puma-06-07-cameroon-home.jpg

Looking closely, you'll see the semi-transparent lion appearing as a faint watermark. It makes it known to everyone they're the Indomitable Lions.

Here's the Ghanaian jersey designed by the same Puma.

https://www.uksoccershop.com/images/ghana-home-shirt-2012-13.jpg

You can see the semi-transparent stars painted on it.

But in the case of these new jerseys designed by Adidas? Green, Lemon, White... BORING.

homesteady: Wizkid has 4 videos on that list? and Not even one Dbanj video?

None of D'Banj's videos even racked up to 1 million views this year. Not "Finally" or any of the crap he released this year.
But when you talk am loud, dem go call you "hater".

Dude lost relevance a long time ago.

Congratulations!

Her face reminds me of Jet Li's.
Don't know why.

Aha'm wu Chukwuedu. Awum nwa Bende, Abia, mana a zuu'm na Owerre, Imo. Ya kpatara Igbo nke'm n'asu wu nke ndi Owerre.

SheWhore: I saw this one trekking this afternoon

Who? Your dad?
One thing I've come to notice on Nairaland, is that the moment you reveal you own a car, it makes a lot of people uneasy. Like it's a big deal.
Enyi, because you languish in abject poverty isn't a reason you should take out your frustration on people you see on the internet, e hear?

Is it really possible for her to be 14 in SS2? Then that must mean she started her nursery education at the age of 1, advanced to elementary school at the age of 4, graduated from elementary school and advanced to her secondary school at the age of 9...

Well... I don't know, dude.
It could be true, though.

1. My teenage cousin taught me knitting this year, as a little something I could use to pass time. I can now knit living room sofa headrests

2. This year, I also fully mastered the art of ambient occlusion and sub-surface scattering on Maya2013, a 3-D rendering and animation software. For those of you who are a little confused... Sub-surface Scattering is the ability of matter to both absorb and scatter light beamed directly at it. A common example is the bright-red light seen on your neighbour's ear when light is beamed from behind it. Phew! Basically, I just mastered how to fully simulate it using a 3-D software. Nerdy stuff

3. I finally grasped the art of cooking Egusi soup. Jehovah! Clap for me naau! After 14 tries, no be small thing oooh. I know I got it right this time because my guests didn't quickly rush to scatter my toilet with hot shhitt as was the case before.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...

4. I FINALLY learned how to do the tongue-roller, bitcches!!! Yes! In your faces! Who's the man?!

Tmex: I only know about the health implications‎​ of having your CAR AIR CONDITIONER turned on immediately the engine starts, and could be responsible for why more folks are dying from cancer than ever before. We wonder where this stuff comes from but here is an example that explains a lot of the cancer causing incidents. Many people are in their cars first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, 7 days a week. Please do NOT turn on A/C as soon as you enter the car. Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the A/C after a couple of minutes. Here's why: According to a research, the dashboard emits Benzene, a cancer-causing toxin (carcinogen - take time to observe the smell of heated plastic in your car). In addition to causing cancer, Benzene poisons your bones, causes anaemia and reduces white blood cells. Prolonged exposure will cause Leukaemia, increasing the risk of cancer and Can also cause miscarriage. Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft. A car parked indoors with windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene. If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 70 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level. People who get into the car, keeping windows closed will inevitably inhale, in quick succession, excessive amounts of the toxin. Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver. What's worse, it is extremely difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff. So, please open the windows and doors of your car and give time for the deadly interior air to clear out before you enter.

Jeez!!! Thanks for this.

In my car, there's an auto-delay (about 20 seconds) after you've started the car, before the AC itself turns on.

I'd love to exchange nudes with my wife especially when I'm out of town.
Don't know about you guys.

Sloan: Hmmn, interesting but why not provide the link?

Note that people will speak whatever language they know and I hope your aim is just to start a thread to tell Nigerians that Ibo is spoken EG and nothing more? In any case, there are many more people in EG that Ibos and it's great to see they speak many languages. Here is a sampling of the peoples of EG:

Somebody's insecurities are eating him alive already. I'll have you know, first of all, that there is a difference between "spoken" and "officially recognized"; because if we'd like to go by your logic of "spoken", then Somali is spoken even in America (Minneapolis to, be exact).
But when you talk about an "Officially recognized" language, then it's an entirely different case - The said language is listed in the country's official database.

Although we can't have that for now, I hope this should help a little:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equatorial_guinea

Keneking: Igbos are indeed doing well globally

LOL.
You again

But their dialect might seem barely intelligible to us in Nigeria.

Still, it's a nice discovery.

The OP is wrong.
Yes, Lagos is the largest city; but Abuja is not the 2nd largest.

According to that dubious census, Kano is. So, excluding the aforementioned...

1. Port Harcourt
2. Ibadan (land area tinsss)
3. Onitsha

Actually, that "gun" is a cigarette lighter.
You all knew that, right?