₦airaland Forum

freecocoa:
So in a situation where one of the worsts like infidelity happens and the woman decides to leave, where is the crime in that?

I never said its a crime for a woman to leave her marriage.My stand is that divorce should be the last option (except in cases of violence).That's why it is adviced that before you marry someone,you should have thought about how to handle infidelity and other marital problems when they arise.We all do stupid things once in a while,that's why they say marriage is a union of two forgivers.I am not against divorce in anyway..its a personal decision to leave or work through it.Its just wise to explore every avenue for reconciliation,before taking that step.Then it would be on record that you tried to salvage your marriage,but it just didn't work out.

Walahi..The company just made their first business mistake using this babe to endorse their waist trainer.Her shape is anything but sexy.Plus she looks really razz!

ministerblessed:
Did anyone notice d senior pastor and head pastor have d same surname......

The church na family empire.lol..Things like this just make me weak to go to church on sunday.You can barely know the true men of God nowadays.

BluStreak:
May I digress a lil'bit.
@queenfav, having not been married and you are in an organisation that exposes you to marital problems mediation which most might likely be as a result of infidelity on the man's part, I am just wondering (I have not implied that you do) if it will not cause you to have trust issues with men. How are you dealing with that?

I left the ministry of justice last month after the completion of my NYSC.As for the trust issues thing,my cases got to me emotionally for a while.I was always imagining how uncertain marriage is.I just had to learn to forget about my clients and the entire mediation session at the close of work.If I choose to relect on most cases for too long,I no go even marry sef!To be honest,in a day I can get all sorts of cases that will just make you ask "why bother getting married,if this is how it may end?"From domestic violence, infidelity,custody issues and other nasty cases.Fortunately,I used it as a learning ground for myself,since I was opportuned to know the mistakes most of the couples made.It taught me a lot about what makes a good marriage.That it requires patience,constant forgiveness, hardwork,commitment and true partnership in all areas of your lives .I can say I don't have trust issues with my fiance for now,however nothing he does in future can shock me!That's why I keep praying for the ability for us to stay truly committed and respect each other's feelings.

Op has serious self esteem issues.Seek professional halp asap!Its too early in the day for this crap abeg.

@op it depends on the company o.Though most won't tell you blatantly,but when you see how the female staffs dress,you will advice yourself accordingly.Besides,that is just the interviewer's personal taste.What if you were on low cut nko?

Great thread op..God bless you!

amicable09:
You are right ekemini about people and lies. Seriously, I've seen the effect of bad counsel from lying people, only for me to heed their counsel and regret later. Some people are just bad...

I love the way this thread is progressing by the way. Looking like a debate already . When should one quit?

You are right o..Some friends will lie about their salary and working conditions just to make you feel bad about your life.I have learnt to keep my eyes on my life abeg.You listen to people at times you wil make a lot of mistakes.

Kockane:
This guy is the devil. Don't listen to him!

nairaland no go kill me with laugh..abeg make una leave me..My thoughts exactly..warri go say "a bird in hand is the very bird,hol am tight o,because nothing dey bush".

eleko1:
Not sure about drug abuse.Why did she travel back to camp?To die abi? Autopsy examination will determine the cause of her death.

Why you dey talk like this?Once you miss camp you would have to be remobilized with another batch.Going to camp is not negotiable..at least she for apply for leave of absence.May her soul rest in peace.

focus7:
If you really want to dispose them, get an emprty rice sack, tie their faces with a black cloth an put them in the sack cloth, tie the sack and put it in the car butt and drive to a distant refuse dump ground and hand the sack to a mallam with 200naira, after that you will never see the dogs again. Or alternatively drive to any calabar pepper soup joint, next few minutes you visit they are already being serves in plates.

you are very mean sir.lol@being served in plates.

bellong:
Is there anything to contribute to her quest?

The opening sentence is a give away of a deep underlying problems between them "hubby has been acting funny of late".. Meaning, he wasn't like that prior to acting funny of late.

I do not encourage divorce as the first point of call in a marital crisis. Yes, she could be distraught at her finding but it doesn't give her the right to bring the case to a court of public opinion without letting the accused know his offence. In law, her case would be thrown out for not following due process. I could wager my pension that she can't win this case if she goes straight to divorce proceedings. The presiding judge will ask efforts they have made at resolution before arriving at divorce.

She needs to discuss with her husband. Her subsequent post shows that the husband is not totally irresponsible except for this new found hobby in drilling different artesian wells..

God bless you for seeing things from a clear point.Besides,one of the documents to accompany a petition for dissolution of marriage is a certificate of reconciliation,signed by her lawyer detailing steps taken so far to reconcile and the outcome.If she doesn't seek mediation or other means to attempt reconciliation,the petition cannot be heard in court sef.She is right to feel angry,disapointed and all,but divorce is a big deal and shouldn't be the first solution to problems in marriage.

coogar:
oh puuhleeease!
what are we supposed to do? go into the mourning mode for something copied & pasted from hints magazine?



and she has no family member or a bosom friend she can confide in?



when she said "i do", she ought to have surrendered to whatever consequences the union throws at her. it's part & parcel of the whole deal. no one ever said marriage is easy.



then it begs the question.....
why marry at all if infidelity is such a huge deal to you?

GBam!my thoughts exactly...Many people think marriage is all about the cute photos they see on bella naija.Wheras its more than that.Our mothers had to endure a lot to keep their home together.Any man can screw up,the next step should be how to fix it,not opt for divorce.People who feel marriage is "until he/she pisses me off" ,should just stay single.Or else you would end up marrying 5 men or more,and having to leave once he messes up.Except its a case of domestic violence,I don't see any situation that can't be fixed in an amicable way.

freecocoa:
PIts not about these threads per se, it's more about the fact that you men seem to always find a way to make light of cheating by men and that's just not right, plus it's kinda annoying/insulting.

How do you know it's just threats? She could really be needing genuine advice on how to go about it.

Ofcourse she must have heard of infidelity in marriages but that doesn't mean one should expect that from their spouse, especially if the persons involved never made their intentions to cheat known, or are there no longer honest people on planet earth? It's not about shockwaves being sent to your system, it's about realizing that infidelity is a huge deal and treating it as such, not mocking a woman who finds herself in such a situation, where's your empathy?

Infidelity is one of the "for worse" scenarios every married person should prepare for.That's why nobody should have high expectations of their spouse.Its easier hoping for the best and also being prepared for the worst if it happens.

dinachi:
I think you should divorce him immediately. Divorce him and come and take your well deserved position on nairaland among the frustrated sex starved feminists here! You have no business being married in the first place. Does phone chats equate to cheating? Divorce him and go back to your lesbian ways,sicko!

haba,this is way too mean!She is going through a rough time here,try to be more humane.There's absolutely no need for the name calling.Would you say this to your female relative going through a similar situation?The anonymity of nairaland shouldn't turn you into a verbally abusive person.

nevanevaland:
Tx for d response.

1. None that am aware of
2. We argue about none.
Money: he's a very generous and caring husband, I give him dat. He's not interested in my money
Sex: we av a wild sex life, always hot
Personal interest: we understand n compromise wen necessary
3. I have no plan of remarrying, am OK with my son

I am not married but I served as a mediator in matrimonial cases at a ministry of justice.Madam,take time out to talk to your husband,let him know the game is up.This is not the time for raised voices and tears.Instead of going through a divorce,you can arrange for marriage counselling for both of you.That way you can air your grievances before a neutral person.I have done a lot of divorce cases,and trust me when I say, work it out.The incident is not enough for you to start considering divorce.The marriage is not irretrievably bad yet.Besides,maybe you are not aware of this,95 percent of nigerian men cheat!that's the plain truth.Its just that most are gurus at covering their tracks well.Your husband was just sloppy about it.If you didn't check his phone,would you have known?Again,its a good thing his lifestyle has been exposed,that's why you have to talk it out.He has to be reminded that there's a high risk of veneral diseases and other attendant consequences of cheating.Depending on how you go about this issue,I am sure he should be able to change his ways.I still insist that you work it out.Thankfully,you agreed that he is a great husband in other areas.So just push divorce far from your mind,and salvage your marriage.If all this fails,then your conscience would be clear that you made an effort to fix it,but he wasn't willing to meet you halfway.God will see you through this.

That's why I love zenith..They surely wouldn't have let the issue die like that.

Lmao...girls and lies about virginity!See as God use belle take embarass am!

50 shades of hell no!why should I buy a 7 inch tab,by an unknown manufacturer for 40k?Not happening at all!

Freegift75:
MORE CLARITY:

I had decided not to respond to any doubt but just changed mind now.

I'm not a full time Pastor neither have I ever founded a church. I'm just an associate pastor in the ministry. I'm a Civil Engr and by the grace of God I'm financially comfortable. My personal duplex where I reside worths N25M. I'm very simple, easy-going and never party, never drink and never womanise. I have a name to protect in my community.

The Molipa round about at Ibadan garage where the incident happened is my area where I have my integrity to protect. To even come down from the JeeP was very shameful. I preferred to sacrifise N50K than to continue in the scene of shame.

The person given ATM was a member of the Okada Riders Union at the junction. It was their Chairman that nominated a trusted person among them to withdraw.

Try to understand, the ATM I released is not my Business account, it's just the account for family domestic expenditure where I have less N150K in it.

I have never experienced such in my life. It was a shock to me, seeing a lady dragging steering with me, shouting to the extent the people gathered and started believing all lies. There is a level you will reach that you will engage yourself in physical combat.

Thanks for those who understand. But to those who still find it diffucult to believe, May God be with you.

Very soon, I will expose my experience with some Nairaland ladies on new thread with confirmed proof. But I will not mention names. There are OLOSHO as well on Nairaland.

God bless

ooh..I just read this,now I get the picture.A male friend of mine once had a similar encounter while we were in school.But trust warri boy,he didn't pay a dime.The lady shouted in his compound till she got tired and left.God will reward her sha.Its just too bad.

I can imagine @op's embarrassment.And I am sure the girl knew from his personality that he would not want to create a scene.kpele sha.

Uhhm...this same issue has been on my mind for days.Everyone that promised to help me with a job has certainly left me hanging.From uncles who stop taking your calls..To friends who ignore your bbm messages reminding them of their promise to help in the jon search.Or is ot employers who string you along maybe because they don't know how to tell you they can't hire you?I just told myself to stop pushing too hard.Its too early to be cynical and discouraged,but its not easy.The season of unemployment is something I would not wish on an enemy.Do you know how depressing it gets waking up with no plans for the day?As far as efforts goes,I have tried.I have called everyone I can think of.I am tired of having my so called friends pity me.The latest was someone from law sch telling me,"how come a whole you does not have a job?You were one of the best in our class na,how come?"I didn't know when I started crying.Its not an issue of poor result,nor not praying.Infact,I have been fasting to get a job with a good firm I can practice with.Abi na efforts?I started applying for jobs since august!Its october and I can't think of a law firm that I have not sent my cv to online.I try to encourage myself that this too shall pass!I even had to delete my facebook app because I am tired of people asking me "so where are you working?"In fact,now I get why many rich people become stingy.Because you don't know what they suffered to get to where they are.I am not even begging anyone for money o,just send out my cv,put in a good word.But no one can really do that.If there's anything I have learnt,its that nobody cares until you make it.How you make it,is solely your responsiblity!I know God will see me through this phase.I have decided to start work at a law firm that pays 15k.Its nothing but I figure with the way I get depressed and moody staying home,I may just become a nervous wreck if I don't get sth that takes me out of my house daily.That's my advice to anyone looking for a job.Get something to do to get your mind off things.Lately,I have been having insomnia,serious depression(that explains why I am active on nairaland) and can't even eat like I used to.I am tired rambling abeg.I hope for a better tommorrow.

When you are jobless,just forget about friends.You have nobody o.People only come around when you are successful.Its well.

All these manufacturers are just something else.There's andriod marshmallow now and they are still making tabs that run on kitkat.At least lollipop would have been nice.

The hustle is real o..I laughed when @op said she finished from oau(best university).I am a barrister for crying out loud,and I am yet to get a job.Nigeria no dey reason your course,degree or professional certifications.Its just God's grace that can help you get a job.Forget connections,they fail!Even those rushing to do masters with their nysc saved allawee..The Lord will see them through.No company rolls out the red carpet in your honour because you have a masters degree.Ask the phd holders that applied for the post of truck drivers when dangote recruited some time ago.Its not easy at all o.If they told me I would be job hunting as a lawyer,with 2.1 uni,2.2 law sch.I would have looked the person in the face and laughed out loud.The reality is not funny at all.I have travelled to lagos,ibadan all in search of jobs with law firms..Not that they even pay well o.

Thanks olayinka,I have a wattpad account but I use it to read mainly romance)chicklit books.You know books there are by upcoming writers.

@olayinka jnr thanks..I want this fone badly o because of its great specs and price.I am just thinking if reading on it would be possible.I am contemplating between it and driopad 8.But d tecno has nothing serious to offer asides big screen,and its even a 8 inch tab having 5000 mah battery.It seems like a waste buying it,but I dunno if I can read ebooks on this phone.please users in the house,what has been ur experience reading on it with moonreader app.Thanks.

May God provide the money for this phone before month end..Its a good buy.

@op am happy you are cutting your cloth according to size.I have told people I can't buy a phone above 30k at my current financial status.Instead I'd rather buy a cheap phone like the gionee m3 mini and use the remaining money for other things to make my life easier.Many people holding big phones can't boast of a fridge,tv or washing machine in their apartment.Its plain stupidity!