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Family / Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Quintee(f): 2:41pm On Jul 16, 2016
Richy4:
This kind of story is the type that makes me feel like throwing up...

To think that your mum is really suffering like that in the name of marriage and insisting to stay is what i really do not understand....was it the stigma of being branded a divorcee that she was scared of? I don't know about Nigeria but there's no stigma anymore...

Maybe you should remind her one last time that life is just once... She should not live the rest of her life unhappy..

I understand people will advise you to pray.. Yes pray but while you were waiting for his answers, your mum should go and cool off ...It doesn't take much for someone to give up the ghost these days....
True that there is little or no stigma attached to leaving. One of the reasons she may be reluctant is that she might have invested a lot in the marriage. For instance, consider a situation where she contributed financially to building their house or jointly owns assets with the man. In a country like Nigeria, where the judicial system is messed up, she will most likely be left with nothing at the end of the day.
Issues like this is why I believe a woman should have her own world apart from that of the marriage.
A man's investment in Nigerian marriage is as good as investing in his future. The average Nigerian woman's investment in marriage is as good as investing in her spouse which she may not even reap in situations like the Op's own. So, a woman should create a life for herself at least.
Romance / Re: Advise Me Guys,is He Cheating On Me? by Quintee(f): 12:07pm On Jun 30, 2016
Zedoo:


Oga. Truth has no sex.
I love this. God bless you real good.

1 Like

Romance / Re: Why Ladies Are Not On Property Or Other Important Section On NL by Quintee(f): 8:29am On Jun 25, 2016
falconey:


a lady once posted in this section that , why will she go through the pain of working hard to earn money and acquire luxuries where she can acquire riches by dating a man that has or marry.
This is the mentality of a chicken. I AM AN EAGLE and I refuse to stoop to the level of a chicken by God's grace.
Family / Re: Introverts Lounge (Extroverts Pls Keep Off !!) by Quintee(f): 9:49pm On Jun 22, 2016
ennyhola:
to the relationship or quitting your introversion
No, I mean being overly considerate. In fact, there are things I love about being an introvert.
Family / Re: Introverts Lounge (Extroverts Pls Keep Off !!) by Quintee(f): 12:42pm On Jun 22, 2016
I think I'm too considerate of others (most especially in relationships) and most times, people take it for granted. I consider it necessary to put an end to it now but how can I achieve this? I feel this attribute is not ideal in today's world because only few people possess virtues.

2 Likes

Romance / Re: If You Have Wronged Someone And You Are Sorry But Cant Get Through To Them by Quintee(f): 8:28am On Jun 22, 2016
njiasi30:

Dats why I said nt everyone can endure, my cousin refused even as d both families intervened.she's d one wearing d shoes according to her. D op can still retrieve his steps..... he should just hope d wife accept him back. cheesy
True. This goes to show that even women react to verbal abuse and men should also mind their words.
Family / Re: Excellent Dad Or An Excellent Husband by Quintee(f): 5:55pm On Jun 19, 2016
I think an excellent husband has a very high tendency of being an excellent dad to his kids.
Just my thought anyway.

3 Likes

Romance / Re: When Girlfriend Sleeps With Your Lecturer For You To Pass by Quintee(f): 10:39am On Jun 19, 2016
nasha1:
she is an idiot, a very big fool.I can't even do it 4 a husband. undecided
I'm with you. If a husband demands such, that is the beginning of the end of that marriage as far as I'm concerned. Such a husband can go to the extent of using his wife for rituals.
Romance / Re: When Girlfriend Sleeps With Your Lecturer For You To Pass by Quintee(f): 10:35am On Jun 19, 2016
Lovers could go extra mile for each other atimes but not this one. Love is different from foolishness.

1 Like

Family / Re: Introverts Lounge (Extroverts Pls Keep Off !!) by Quintee(f): 10:42am On Jun 17, 2016
Hello everyone, good to meet people of like-personality.
I prefer to leave friendship to chance most times. I value mutual respect and politeness and with time, friendship will set in if it is meant to be.
I'm very analytical and tend to do things with 'reason' and not necessarily because it is the conventional way or because that's what everyone is doing. Unfortunately, others tend to see one as weird or a proud person.

4 Likes

Family / Re: Struggles Any Nigerian Who Has Ever Lived With A Relative Will Understand by Quintee(f): 8:16am On Jun 17, 2016
I don't even like the idea of spending a night with another family talk more of living with them.
Family / Re: Only Introverts Will Understand These by Quintee(f): 10:28pm On Jun 16, 2016
1b8m:
I relate with all the pictures. the only thing i dislike about being introvert is i assume alot. funny enough i end up right most times.
I can relate but I don't think 'assumption' explains it well. I believe it is mostly foresight as a result of being very very observant.
Although, when it has to do with human behaviour, I tend to give benefit of doubt for fear of judging wrongly especially when there's no concrete evidence.

1 Like 1 Share

Family / Re: Only Introverts Will Understand These by Quintee(f): 10:24pm On Jun 16, 2016
Family / Re: Only Introverts Will Understand These by Quintee(f): 10:20pm On Jun 16, 2016
1b8m:
I relate with all the pictures. the only thing i dislike about being introvert is i assume alot. funny enough i end up right most times.
I can relate but I don't think 'assumption' explains it well. I believe it is mostly foresight as a result of being very very observant.

2 Likes

Romance / Re: Is My Boyfriend Stingy Or Are My Expectations Too High? by Quintee(f): 4:50pm On Jun 16, 2016
daddyrich:


I disagree with you completely. she needs a genuine advise not this...

buying gifts and meeting a woman's financial needs in a relationship is not all there is to prove true. love itself is priceless. though her boyfriend behavior is somehow worrisome but you need to find out why.

I have witnessed a practical case where a guy was showering the girlfriend with gifts
and fancy outings in fancy places but he stopped immediately after wedding.

Next... are you sure this guy truly loves you or he's just tolerating you. if yes is answer, then I suggest you give him sometimes. he might be struggling with a past experiences which might have forced him to become too careful.

Besides buying you gifts how can you evaluate his love for you?

You have a point though but I think a reasonable guy shouldn't even be comfortable collecting all the time without giving too. It doesn't matter whether the lady asks or not. Same goes for a lady.

@Op, I commend you for not adopting the mentality that only guys should spend on their ladies. It's a good one.
However, you have every reason to feel worried that your guy doesn't seem to appreciate it or even reciprocate. If your boyfriend acts this way all the time even when he isn't broke, I think you have more issues to contend with and as such, you should critically re-examine his character as a person and with regards to your relationship. Try to answer these questions within you:
*Is he honest?
*Is he prudent?
*Does he pay attention to thing that mean so much to you?
*Do you feel like he has you in mind?
*Does he respect you?
*Does he value his integrity/reputation? - You may doubt the relevance of this point to the issue on ground but believe me, you'll realise it in the long run. Some people do not mind whether they come off as criminals as long as they eat, drink, sleep and breathe everyday.
*Does he have a mind of his own?
*Is he loyal?
*How does he present you to others - friends and family?
*Does he show generousity/kindness towards others?
*Does he fulfill promises? If he's unable to fulfill his promise, does he deem it fit to tell you the reason or does he try to evade his promises?
Use your discretion to adjust things if you have positive answers to the questions above or at least a substantial number of them. On the other hand, if you say no to all, you might just be hosting a parasite.
Just my opinion based on personal experience anyway.
Family / Re: 16 Rules On How To Be The Perfect Nigerian Wife by Quintee(f): 2:47pm On Jun 15, 2016
Kachisbarbie:

lol @ gala.
Darling yaki is more appropriate...
It is not easy at all but we go dey try our best.



Are you trying to tell me you are not aware husband is scarce? shocked
If you manage hustle and hook one, you should be happier than Leicester City upon winning the EPL. grin
Oh, I'm not aware o. You should have told me so that I can grab my own sharp sharp. E no good o, you for tell me now.
But shey na dollar still cause the scarcity abi wetin?
Romance / Re: So Many Baby Daddies These Days....i Can't Marry/date A Baby Daddy by Quintee(f): 9:48am On Jun 15, 2016
Oscarz:

Wey you! What are you insinuating? Na U fuuuck, na U get belle, na U born, when e dey seet you, u no know. Abi U wan tell me them rape you, Rubbbishh!
What is this one saying? Please, read my post again when you improve your ability to comprehend. Thanks and God bless you.
Romance / Re: So Many Baby Daddies These Days....i Can't Marry/date A Baby Daddy by Quintee(f): 9:22am On Jun 15, 2016
Walexsammy:
Lols.... dont be scared and don't ever generalise...Cuz definitely some of us doesn't have one, reason I can never settle down with anyone who has
Romance / Re: So Many Baby Daddies These Days....i Can't Marry/date A Baby Daddy by Quintee(f): 11:22pm On Jun 14, 2016
Walexsammy:
Honestly don't really know what to say buh this situation is getting worse and disgusting. FFS if you no u not ready for marriage why not use protection if you can't abstain? imagine after wedding one gal/boy Willl just show up from somewhere to call u daddy/ mummy
In fact, considering the level of moral decadence in the world today, I don't think it's safe to conclude that a sexually active guy doesn't have a child somewhere that he may even be oblivious of.
Romance / Re: So Many Baby Daddies These Days....i Can't Marry/date A Baby Daddy by Quintee(f): 11:00pm On Jun 14, 2016
Walexsammy:
Honestly don't really know what to say buh this situation is getting worse and disgusting. FFS if you no u not ready for marriage why not use protection if you can't abstain? imagine after wedding one gal/boy Willl just show up from somewhere to call u daddy/ mummy
True. Some people don't understand that it's not necessarily hatred for that child but the complexities that accompany such situations.
Family / Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Quintee(f): 10:15pm On Jun 14, 2016
author=oodua1stson post=46578427]wait ooo.....are you a Ghanaian? Cos you said you left your family in Ghana and got married here
And there's no sense in staying with that fool you call husband.
I'm married too and my wife has friends in similar cases as yours living with hubby's mom and being turned into their house help.
Imagine someone who works in a bank(you know the mental stress im banks) and she will come home in the evening and those old fools will be asking her to make like 4 different kind of food for each person. Person wey she suppose poison
Like I said, marriages like yours where you have to live with an old inconsiderate woman usually ends in tears
Leave now [/quote]
The part of being turned into house help is something that is common in most Nigerian marriages. In fact, wedding in this part of the world is more or less an induction into slavery. Imagine a wife made to serve younger in-laws (that are even younger than her little siblings) and even call them aunty and uncle simply because they did her a favour by allowing their son get married to her. Stuffs like this make me wonder why women are pressured to get married and atimes, even squander money on wedding. Though, I know there are still enviable marriages.

2 Likes

Family / Re: 16 Rules On How To Be The Perfect Nigerian Wife by Quintee(f): 2:08pm On Jun 13, 2016
Kachisbarbie:

Male chauvinist?
It is weird and funny that you didn't notice the sarcasm and humour in the original post, yet you are blowing kisses at someone who did.

@OP, you forgot the main one o, based on what I read on NL.
His mother is the number one woman in the world, but he should definitely come before your own father.
He can get another wife if you kill yourself but he can never get another mother,so behave well...do her bidding and call her per second. After her comes you guys kids, then the third position is for you, that's if his sisters/brothers or father fail to grab it first.

Honestly, this is the one that annoys me the most. It is unfortunate that most African parents will rarely accept to come first in their married daughters' lives even if she decides to also sideline her husband and they'll do anything (no matter how demeaning) to see that their daughters stay married.

1 Like

Family / Re: Unnecessary Extended Family Interference In Property After Demise Of Their Son, by Quintee(f): 11:48am On Jun 04, 2016
It is sad to know that it still happens these days and unfortunately, it is the wives and female children that bear the brunt.
From my observation so far, the best way to command respect as a female is to set up something tangible in your own name. Both your family and your inlaws will surely respect you for this. At least, you don't have to scramble for inheritance from either of the two families. If you go to your family, you're reminded of your status as a married woman. If you try to gain access to your husband's properties, you are termed a golddigger and an outsider. So, where exactly do you belong? Whereas, if you are buoyant on your own and these people happen to need your help, they won't remember that you're married or that you're just a wife as the case may be. Even the almighty in-laws will bow before you.
I'll rather invest than squander money on a wedding ceremony, even though the society and even some parents opine that a lady should get married before owning something tangible. Once you leave your family to a marry a man in Nigeria, most parents withdraw from your case. In this case, I will rather just chart a course for myself before marriage as far as financial stability is concerned than wait for joint investment with any husband.

1 Like

Family / Re: Help! This Girl Wants To Destroy Our Family by Quintee(f): 3:19pm On Jun 03, 2016
abbey621:
Funny how people hear one side of a story and automatically become the judge & executioner. Everyone could be wrong, the OP might only be seeing things from her point of view hence the emotional tone in her write-up. Some mother-in-laws can never be satisfied and until we truly hear both sides of the story we would all be guessing. The only advice to give here is for the OP to work harder and get married, if she marries a successful man she wouldn't need to worry about the inheritance and at the same time she would be able to take care of her mom.....case closed!
Marrying a successful man isn't even enough. She should be successful too because her well being is more guaranteed if she acquires her own properties.
Fashion / Re: Learn Bead Making For Free(interactive Classs) by Quintee(f): 10:12am On May 23, 2016
Please, can someone help with flatron? I've done the first step but finding it difficult to go further.

Romance / Re: Is It Proper For Mothers To Be Matchmakers? by Quintee(f): 2:39pm On May 21, 2016
Well, I won't say it is right or wrong. Although, I can't consider going into such a relationship because there is already room for third party interference which I detest. If the guy's mother is the matchmaker, then directly or indirectly, the lady will likely be married to both mother and son.
Family / Re: My Girl Friend Having Issues Having My Siblings Living With Us If We Get Married by Quintee(f): 9:29pm On May 17, 2016
raydatluvs:
Everybody is saying let her go which is probably best,I just want to give you a flip side to salvage your love.
You see,my family is or was pretty much like what you are about having. my dad was the eldest and all his siblings took turns to live with us like you and my mum tried to understand. My point is I understand her fears,firstly its going to be a new marriage and when push comes to shove,you would take your siblings' side as she would be like the odd one. Its the natural thing to do unlike if its just two of you and they visit,she would feel a sense of entittlement.
That said ,I think she needs to be assured of her position when heads start to roll, that you would not put your siblings first, that you would support her when there is agrument and not stay on the fence like you say you do. She needs authority!! So bro,you have got work to do. Believe me,her reaction is normal.
I'm quite impressed that this truth is coming from a guy. Op, you should really look into this irrespective of whom you eventually get married to.
Family / Re: You Won't Have Problem With Your Mother In Law If You Follow These Steps by Quintee(f): 10:58am On May 17, 2016
blesoh:

my dear its true,last week my MIL told everyone dat wish to listen,dat i didnt help her carry her handbag untill she asked me to.
Lol,i ve my own handbag hw do i manage wid 2 bags but i carried to avoid problm yet she stil told pple abt it.MIL no easy oh
Na war o. Someone like me that doesn't even like the idea of collecting people's handbag. I can help to carry any other thing but not handbag.
Family / Re: What Is The Right Punishment For A Hubby Who Refuses To Assist In House Chores? by Quintee(f): 8:21pm On May 15, 2016
Talk to him first. If there is no improvement, divert your financial contributions in the home towards outsourcing chores that can be outsourced.
Let him also outsource the role of providing.

3 Likes

Romance / Re: Is It Possible For A Wife Beater To Change? by Quintee(f): 11:29pm On May 14, 2016
KevinDein:
what do you have to say about verbally abusive women? We should pray for them? Fast for them to change?
Sheesh! its a two way thing. You ladies have done more harm with your mouths but I guess we should all keep shut and overlook it.
Do you realise some men actually initiate verbal abuse? I personally can't stand to be insulted and my choice of words might even be worse if I'm to reply. I don't insult people first but initiating verbal abuse on the part of my opponent is a license for me to use whatever words I deem fit. I'm talking from experience, though I chose not to reply but I ended the relationship silently. Its over a year now, he doesn't seem to have moved on but wetin be my own? Funny enough, he can testify to the fact that I choose my words and talk to him with respect. At least, he commended me for that.
Family / Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Quintee(f): 2:09pm On May 13, 2016
sweetcocoa:
Payment of BP is not responsible for anything as there are no laws which state that, cos you are married, you must do all of your in-laws bidding.

It is just that women have been expected to behave a certain way due to gender discrimination and they have been accepting it for as long as we can remember, although not every woman will keep quiet, I certainly won't do what I'm not comfortable with, just cos in-laws expect me to and believe me, nothing will happen(if you married the right man).
Good. It still boils down to societal expectations and the role of WOMEN in such issues cannot be over- emphasised. It starts from child upbringing and also supporting each other as women. I once mentioned my stance on this issue to an elderly woman and she sounded so disapproving. Imagine if her married daughter refuses such treatment, she will take sides with her inlaws and insist that her daughter performs her 'marital' roles to the family'. In turn, if she would expect her son to bring home a woman that will be more of an 'extended family slave' than a wife to her son. So, you see that women are not even helping matters.

2 Likes

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