₦airaland Forum

He's playing the reverse psychological game on you. He's cheating and you got to find out. Although you shouldn't have gone through his phone without his consent but you still did all the same and that's irrelevant at the moment. The important issue is that he's cheating or flirting with another girl and if there's anyone who deserve an apology it should be you.

Stop apologising and appealing to him for a reconciliation. He owes you an apology.

bukatyne:
Hmmm

You must be someone who is not egoistic.

You are free from the shackles of manipulation

Not really about egoism. It's about trammelling manipulation like you rightly said and petit mind games people use to seek favour and think they're smart.

I won't be surprised if he was born and grew up in Britain. Some of the British born Nigerian kids never admits or want to identify with Nigeria. But when they're in a mess they remember they're Nigerians and flee there for refuge.

I'm amazed on how the detectives were able to trace him through a jacket he wore. By going to the designer store and traced him as one of the buyers. Top class investigation. I really admire Westerners ingenuity.

What's new

martineverest:
d dude is greeting his benin kinsmen

And another omo Benin comes for her rescue. Abeg make una no use una language sell person this morning o.

Deejavuu:


It's igbo.. daalu

Na only daalu you sabi all these years. Yeye.

Who would have even thought you know how to converse in your native language. All these indomie kids born and bred in the city sha. I know say na cut and join you sabi no be the proper lingua.

Make you and Oahray no sell person o, hope we're safe.

Deejavuu:
Edo mè na wanre.

Èh mè lu fò. Ùwè nkò,

Warris dis?

When people start calling you sir, oga, chairman etc be worried. They are most times trying to weaken your demurrer and project an image of one who's loyal and respectful before unleashing their main objective which is to solicit for favours. I don't entertain such designates and would tell you to call me by my real name.

When we relate on an equal basis, you might not feel comfortable asking for unnecessary favours but when you guilefully attempt to place me above you by according me suspicious names then I'm unconsciously inviting bogus "demand list". Do well to stop anyone who assign you such titles, particularly those you don't know too well like this fella.

You did the right thing by asking for an account details that is related to his name and he should be willing to provide it or come up with a more convincing reason than the one tendered if serious. There's no point even trying to grill him further to ascertain if he's the said friend, let him just provide his accurate banking details. He has no right to be inundating you with calls, you no owe hin money, so you're supposed to send at your own convenience and terms.

cococandy:
@bold yes.

Before nko? See all the evil things you're thinking in your head.

In fact even if I don't know her before I'll look for her contact and do amebo on you.

A friend in need

Amebo no be work o.

Yawns.

MrBrownJ has been deliberating all day about what is right and what is not. I don't know what makes him or anyone think they have the mandate or audacity to dictate and tell what is right in another's person home. Indeed, we learn everyday and this has got to be one of my greatest albeit weird knowledge so far on this platform. Who would have thought another's privacy can be something anyone can intrude into and claim their are doing the right thing according to them.

Now that we have degenerated to the point of doing what is right and what is not without minding the consequences and aftermath of our actions, may I plead that we digress a little and see how lengthy you can go to substantiate your right claims, shall we?

Let's assume we are buddies and I do smoke once in a while or a chain smoker but my wife doesn't know as I always ensure to clean my tracks away from her. Would you turn around to tell her in the name of doing what is "right"?

I have a child before I got married to madam but I never told her as I was afraid it could ruin my chances of getting her tied to me. You as my long time buddy is aware or might not be aware about it but I later told you. Would you in the spirit of rightness disclose this to her?

I and my wife have a mortgage home and she has been appealing to me to pay off the balance so it can be outrightly ours but I have been evasive and lying that I don't have the money even though I do. My reason being that, since she's European or we're resident in Europe where alimony settlements are strictly enforced any property bought here might turn out hers in the event of a divorce and for that reason I opted to purchase a property in Nigeria without her knowledge but you are aware. Would you open up to her and damn the consequences in this paradigm of rightness?

Your response to this posers would go a long way to clarify what you truly mean by doing the right thing and why you think it is your obligation to tell what is "right" in others private affairs.

wristbangle:
Goodevening professor. How was your day sir?

Bigger boss, my day was smooth. I trust yours was cool too.

There is nothing wrong with being single. Everyone has their time and yours will come when you find someone you would really like to have a relationship with. In my opinion, it's better to start a relationship with someone because you truly are interested in them than just starting one just cause its what you're supposed to do or cause of peer pressure. Anyone who advices you otherwise is misleading you.

Please do well to also ignore the negative comments herein just like I implore you to distance yourself from any friend who is coercing or telling you that you must have a boyfriend to feel complete. You don't set out to have a partner, it does happens naturally.

Nicely written and well thought out. Well done Tosyne.

Yawns.

cococandy:
For those that would consider telling, 90 percent of that decision should depend on the kind of person your friend is.
Would they appreciate such info or not?

If they won't, then telling them is in vain. It won't solve the problem-assuming that's what your aim was to start with. And you end up the bad guy who's out to ruin their marriage. Be careful.

But if you're sure they will appreciate it, not telling them would be a disservice to your friendship.

The kind of friend he/she is to you also matters. Not everyone you go shopping with or to salon is your friend. Only do that for friends close enough to trust that you have their best interest at heart and not the ones whom you haven't been through enough with that they doubt your motives.

Also how sure you are about what you saw is like 10% of the decision. You don't want to be caught exaggerating something that turns out to not be as bad as your amebo radar initially made it out to be.

I think that should settles the discourse. Know the kind of friends you have before telling them that you saw their partner in so and so places before giving the impression that you're a spoiler and one who can't stay off others business. Some might care, others not so much. Some people including myself won't entertain any friend who tells me they saw my partner in a place they assume to be suspicious and would call off their bluff and might caution them not to ever intrude in what is ideally not their business right there. Anyways, I think for such people, their friends know them to well than to tell them twaddles.

Anyone who entertain what a friend or any outsider has to say about their union/partner is consciously or subconsciously paving room for troubles and may soon lose grip of what they've come to build with their partner. It is my believe that no third party can know a friend's partner actions and whatever they share more than they themselves. The couple lives together and should know about the other more than any jobless aprokos. If I can't employ my judgment to know when my partner is cheating on me, then it should be my loss. No one should tell me as it's not their fvcking business.

One don't even know the history between this man and this amebo who can't mind her business. Although unverifiable and unlikely but it would be foolish for anyone to dismiss the possibility that the amebo might have feel cheated by the said friend's hubby who she might be coveting on for going for someone else (the alleged mistress) and not her or perhaps plain envy.

MRBrownJ:
every time she sees the husband in suspicious places (or with suspicious people) then the friend should let his wife know. i mean, if that person wants it hidden so badly then they should not meet these women (or else) in "public".

Does she have a job? Why poke-nose in other peoples affairs like it's theirs? Except the friend told her to report any time she sees her hubby in suspicious places she should tell her otherwise is none of her business. And even if the wife recruit her services she still have the option to rebuff it and tell her to sort her private issues herself. Why would a gainfully employed person move about reporting every of their friend's partner they met with suspicious people to their friends? Didn't know we have degenerated to a people who don't keep to their business anymore.

so what you are saying is that she should lie/pretend in order to keep a phoney friendship?! the friendship would certainly be phoney if you can be honest and tell the truth to your friends. who cares if the hubby lies that he wasnt there? if she saw him there with a lady then thats what she has to say.

Like I said in my initial submission, no one sent her on a fact finding mission so the issue of reporting what she saw is inadmissible and unnecessary. There's a limit to how one can intrude on people's private affairs and some can come with grave consequences. Personally, I wouldn't hesitate to treat the fcvk up of anyone who dares to involve in my affairs ininvited and I could go to certain limits to deal with them even if it involves inflicting body injuries on them. One can't just delve into my family business and don't expect repercussions, especially when their services where unsolicited for. The wife sleeps and wakes up with the hubby, spends everyday with him and its solely upto her to dig out or close-mark the hubby's movement, if she can't it's her loss. And likewise if the gender is flipped.

whatever the husband says is irrelevant to the fact at hand... no matter how hard you are trying to make a lie being righteous.

Who's talking about righteousness? Who righteousness help. I'm talking about a cheating husband trying to mend his tracks and protect his family from splitting and nothing to do with honesty. Granted he might have cheated but he'd never admit and would fight back to retain his reputation before the wife. That's what is at stake, not about righteousness.

again, stop trying to paint all this deceit as righteous. even if the supreme court says you are innocent, if the friend saw you in a suspicious position then she MUST tell her friends, thats whats REAL friends do, regardless of the consequences.

Going about poke nosing on a people's private affairs doesn't make one a real friend. If anything it connotes joblessness, mischief-making and diablerie. One's private business should be respected by anyone who's not involve and third parties should remain uninvited unless if told to do so. I'm amused by your affirmation of not minding the consequences. Some consequences can be daring and disastrous mate. Be mindful of the repercussion of what is ideally not your business.

so let me get this straight, you come out of a hotel with a lady, a friend of your wife sees you and tell your wife, and SHE is trying to destroy your union?!?!?!?!? BWAAAAAH!!!!! what about taking responsibilities for your poor choices and actions?! have you thought about that?! any person who does something suspicious, and knows nothing wrong was done, will simply clear their names... its the guilty ones that will instead LIE and focus their energy on the wrong issues. if you come out of a hotel with a lady and thats what the friend says she saw you doing then HOW DOES THAT BECOME UNFOUNDED?!

By telling my wife not to believe the friend coz she want to cause us pain and ruin what we have I'm only trying to fight back and paint the friend in bad light to her so she can stop listening to her and if possible discontinue their friendship. Not necessarily because she truly want to ruin our union even though that's what her actions exude. When a jobless and mischievous individual makes your business theirs you fight back and go to any length to destroy them.

Going by the story as narrated by the OP her claim is unfounded as she can't prove it beyond verbal presentations. They are mere allegations without evidence which makes it unfounded by default. Even a murderer can be let off the hook if there are no concrete evidence to nail him.

every time this friends sees the husband in suspicious places then she should tell her friend, until the reason as to why he is there with the said lady has been confirmed.

Who send am work? Amebo no be work o bro.

NONSENSE! its the duty of a couple to NOT find themselves in public questionable situations. if they do then they should accept that someone might see them and report such suspicious activities to their partners.
no matter how hard you will try to make this look RIGHT, it will never be... it is and will remain SUSPICIOUS and QUESTIONABLE for a married man (or woman) to come out of a hotel with a lady (or man)

You see, in any case the family splits after the revelation by the self-styled amebo friend, her friend (ex wife) would never forgive her by the time it must have dawn on her that the friend had no cause to intrude in her marriage and she will go to town and tell anyone who cares to listen how she destroyed her marriage.

Married couples should be left to detect acts of unfaithfulness by themselves and friends, real or not, should maintain their lane and don't get involve unless they were solicited to do so. If the lady appreciate their friendship she should mind her business and just one day she would find out about her hubby's escapades if she even cares or watch his moves closely. It's her obligation to dig her husband's philandering lifestyle and no one else. Minding one's own business cost nothing but poke-nosing could be harmful not just to the victim and his/her spouse but to the whistle blower themselves.

MRBrownJ:
well said... yes we can!

@5minsmad ness @Ronald 4lif

tell her friend what she saw... if there is no big deal about it then thats what the husband will confirm with his wife.
why should anyone care who the woman is or if it is his family member etc? the point is she saw him and since it is a "suspicious" place, she needs to make her friend aware of it. any husband who has nothing to reproach themselves will A) understand why the situation is suspicious to his partner's friends and B) explain the situation to his partner without a beef. only a foolish/cheating husband would think that the friends of his partner should have been quiet about it.

but here is a clue: if i happen to drive by and see my buddy coming out of hotel with a lady, then guess what?! the next time i see him, i am going to tell him" hey buddy, btw last time i saw you coming out of this hotel with a lady, what were you up to?! bad guy!!!" and there would be no big deal about it. if i see my friend's parents coming out of a hospital, then next time i see this friend, i will ask" hey, i saw your parents coming out of a hospital last time, i hope everything is ok with them?!" and there would be no big deal about it... now hypocrites here would want women to act differently because its there friends partner?!

one thing is certain, being a FRIEND is certainly not being quiet about issues that "may" be detrimental to that said friend.



you mean that the wifey possibly finds out when the husband will have infected her with whatever deadly disease he would have contracted from that possible mistress?! i guess thats when you will be a true friend and cry on her dead bed.... kai, friend indeed!

For how long will the person go about telling her friend where and who she saw the hubby with? It's true that the place she saw them is suspicious but for inquisitive fellas they don't care where they saw such persons but just want to gossip. Even if they saw the man in a church with a lady they'd still report. At what point do one stop delving into others privacy and business? Who recruited her as a private detective?

Let's establish some possible facts that could ruin the friendship with such friends in due time. First off, it would be her word against the friends hubby. Who do you think the wife would believe more: the friend or the hubby? Take a guess.

She allege she saw me coming out of a hotel with a lady with no evidence except verbal presentation and I counter it that I have never been to the said hotel. There's no verdict on my part and my wife depending on the trust she has for me might dismiss her friends claim. Although she might start prying on me afterwards but on this one she's going to let it slide as there's no verifiable evidence.

A week after she saw me drove across her hood and notice a lady infront of the car and text my wife to indirectly find out if she was the one but she said no. Then she, as an unrepentant amebo, tell her she just saw me drove by and a lady was in the car. Later wifey confronted me and as expected I dismiss the claim that no one was in my car and I didn't drove pass that area or conspire with a female cousin and claim she was the one in the car and wife calls her to confirm and she admits true. Again, she'll exonerate me from this allegation though still keeping a close watch on me but without no traces of infidelity to nail me. And similar scenario keeps playing out.

Meanwhile, as someone who has realized that this said friend of my wife is out to ruin my marriage and stoke the embers of disharmony in my home I will fight back by ensuring I destroy her image in my wife's eye and twist it that she should be mindful of this friend and don't let her have her way to destroy the peace we have sustained thus far. What do you think might happen and who will my wife believe? The person who has been making unfounded allegations against her heartthrob or the man she married and has never had traces of infidelity against him? Take another guess.

After tainting the cordiality she shares with this family and unsuccessful attempt to convince her friend her hubby is cheating will this jobless dunderhead of a friend give up on her unassigned job to invade people's privacy or intensify her foolishness by trailing the hubby with a camera to take pictures with every woman she sees him with? Remind me what joblessness is all about again.

It's the duty of married couples to keep an eye on their partner and investigate any suspicious act of infidelity. If they can't no one else can and they should nurse their misery themselves. The lady or third parties should fvcking mind their business if they don't want to ruin their friendship with the family because at the end of the day such couples would reconcile and your friendship will never be the same again. Minding one's business isn't that hard, is it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAbxS-6XsMY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKOtzIo-uYw

Cutehector:
has any gurl eva toasted u ronald? Like been too foward wit u?

I don't think my experience is a yardstick to determine if a girl can walk up to a guy and tell him she likes him or not. This things happens all the time although uncommon with the black race but it does occur. I don't encourage blunted emotions though, she can ask him to be friends and see how it pans out so she doesn't get taken for granted.

Cutehector:
Crap...


One of the threads the op makes to get some attention

She's got a point, mate. There's no reason to ebb in silence when she can walk up to him and let him know she'd like to know him better. Her disposition is commendable.

The downside is that she might be stereotyped if she opens up outrightly. She can just say I like you and want to be friends and the guy should take it up from there if the feeling is mutual.

As a result of her vacuousness she can't sustain a steady relationship and guys keeps dumping her once they've had a fill of her punny. Consistent relationship equate less banging but numerous affairs more shagging with different sizes of kini. Very factual.

Deejavuu so this is how you sleep at momma's place and come form tushie to me at night.

What a dunderhead. This is the type that wash undies and run errands for women hoping for a fvck. But what they end up getting is just a hug, not even a kiss.

People should fvcking mind their damn business and face their front. Tell your friend, tell her as if she sent you on a fact finding mission and debrief her after collating facts. What bullocks.

She saw them coming out from a hotel and so what? How did she know she isn't a relative? And let's even assume they're fvck mates how is it exactly her business. Is she crushing on the friend's hubby? Is she wishing she was the alleged mistress?

OP, you did the right thing by distancing yourself from the drama. Let her go ahead and tell and watch the husband turn the table against her and give the wife a good consolation sex afterwards.

Even if they had misunderstanding after the revelation, they're still likely to reconcile with the self-assigned loud mouthed aproko becoming the joke and losing her cordiality with the family. I don't know why it's so hard for people to mind their business nowadays.

Midehi:
and i pity such ladies, its not even easy to sit idle,so why will a lady fold hands and wait for man alone, she better be ready for doom, there are some men who does'nt want their women work, i call that bullshit cos for me i can't be tamed by a man...my yansh no dey siddon o cos i need more

Good you have such idealism. Women who stay idle doing nothing and pray and fast for a wealthy man to come their way are abound. I have no problem for anyone to envisage dating and marrying someone above their socio-economic strata coz I would have done same if I were a lady and would wish same for my daughter.

But just had to correct some impression out there that men are the only ones who have the potentials to become successful. Both genders have an equal opportunity to attain greatness and just like a woman would wish to get hooked with an affluent guy, such guys themselves equally want to maintain their caste and not just connect with any couch-potato like lady who has no stable source of livelihood and nothing going for her.

Midehi:
my two guys always on point


but i prefer communication of now than olden days, its easier and simple.


its not easy to date a broke guy, it takes an empress of love to date a broke guy, so guys should work hard and get the best woman


olden days urge for sex was as a result of circumcision, these days ladies are no longer circumcised; but that does not mean we cant still keep ourselves.
#teamzipup#


who doesnt know how to pound yam, i can,very much

nice one bro.

I agree with the embolden but permit me to add that hardworking and successful guys no longer go for a sit home lady who has nothing to contribute in the furtherance sustainability of a marriage, financially.

The paradigm has changed from when a girl will just stay idle and do nothing anticipating for a wealthy guy to come take her home to mama. Independence and hardworking ladies are the new trends now. Just saying.

LogoDWhiz:
Technology is a major criteria here!

People have become more exposed!

True. Times have changed and people have embrace these changes, men and women alike. I don't know much about how life really was back then but there are many positives that we've come to witness over the years which I find commendable. Just like men, women too have adapted to these changes.

martineverest:
Ur advice kinda contradict his faith and its unbiblical

Still doesn't make me a pervert. Was it contrary to established morals or doctrines? Perhaps so but has nothing to do with perversion.

Deejavuu:
Lmao..

Some people use words carelessly

I taya o. Wanted to know how perversion correlated with my comment sha.

martineverest:
Pervert

How do you mean?