₦airaland Forum

I taya o. What's more important than money biko? Any man who ask another what they want, be it male or female, and they say money shouldn't pick offence with them. Money is life jare.

firstking01:
before i proceed further to proof it to you...

Answer the following questions, cos it seems you dnt believe in the bible which as christians is our standard and bases four living...

Do u believe there's only one true God?

Do u believe in jesus as the son of God??

Do u believe in the holy scriptures??

I'm asking u dis questions so i wnt be wasting my time answering you, cos all my proveswill come through the bible and jesus christ...

Because there are some people here who don't believe in what i mentioned above, so, go ahead and answer oga ronald??

Pal, I'm not religious so your questions aren't applicable to me. For the purpose of argument if you have any substantial evidence that hell and heaven exist please bring them forth or hold your peace. Cheers!

Lizypumping:
I love your grammar. .. giving her accommodation don espouse slavery self. I'm on your side. I love all your point dear .
ThankS for contributing

Smiles.

Gaborone:
Their help shouldn't come at the expense of their own lives.

I know of someone who just had to break free and run from a relative's house. That was because all she was allowed to do with her life the 17 years or so she spent with them were chores! She had little or no time to do anything else. Fine, they were ready to school her, but that was never to be because she didn't even have the time to read for WASSCE, hence that blighted her chances of passing the exam. Herself and her family as a whole woke up when she clocked 26 or so, with no education to show for it. Scratch that... with no life to show for it.

She took the bold step to move out about 3years ago. It was after she left that she was able to pass her WASSCE and go for her ND programme at least. I don't know her plans with respect to furthering for now, but I do know she is currently working, and has become a balanced individual.

And with respect to your last statement: do you mean she should take the children along with her in the car when going in search of a job? How workable is that? And why does she have to take up more responsibility than the parents of the children?

----------------------------
Please people, when someone comes to stay with you, it is not an opportunity to trade their lives for your benefit. Don't make them lose plans for their own lives as a payback for the roof you're putting over their heads, afterall it is God who gave that roof to you. Fine, every guest has to earn their keep by helping around the house and compromising every now and then, but please, taking that too far is against God. I remember clearly that several times in the bible, God instructed the Israelites not to maltreat strangers living with them, moreso, as they have been strangers in a foreign land at some point themselves. You aren't even allowed to mistreat a house-maid, for the sheer reason that they were made in the image and likeness of God, talk more of your relatives. You can accommodate others without draining the life and dreams out of them. And no, you don't have to physically or verbally abuse them for it to be termed 'mistreatment'. Simply seeing them, and treating them as a means to an end (your end) can be aptly described as 'mistreatment'. You use things, not people, and the fact that they are living with you doesn't change that.

Thank you.

Breathtaking. I hereby move the motion for baba Seun to enable multiple likes features on NL as some annotation deserves to be upvoted more than once lol. I love this.

The truth is that anyone who thinks providing a roof over a relative/friend's head should accord them the carte blanche to abdicate their responsibility and pass it on to the squatter doesn't really ever want such a person to become independent and self-reliant. Because once they do, they'd move to their own place thus quitting their involuntary thraldom. The sister doesn't want her to get a job and prefers she remains a perpetual babysitter and maid. That's what her action evinces.

Her attitude and those of her ilks who believes that accommodating a friend/relative should give them the authority to apportion their individual responsibility to them isn't dissimilar to that of an average rich Nigerian who would rather his poor friend remains stagnant in life than help them stand on their feet.

The African man loves power, control and is imperious over others and they would do anything to hold firm lead over others. Just like the sister wants to have dominance over her so does the affluent Nigerian want his poor relative/friend to remain poor. Just like she needs her unemployed and continue her role of nanny so does the rich Nigerian want his poor friend never become independent so they can continue to sing their praises and runs errands for them.

It is not from the benevolence of the rich that he goes to the village and donates a million naira to the church or village bazaar when his brother is living in squalor but from his regard to pride, showmanship and popularity. It is not from the benevolence of the rich that he takes his friend to the night club and spends hundreds of thousand on exotic champagnes but for his regard to his conceited hubris and the fact that he needs the poor friend to take to town and tell people how rich he is and how lavishly he spends money.

I can go and on but the sister and anyone who thinks like her, by exploiting someone they are presumably helping to become a babysitter and maid is selfish, callous and an enemy of progress. This is not to say one shouldn't take up some house chores when they are living with someone but the role of a nanny isn't it. Except they voluntarily want to assume such role. To born pikin no be by force and if one can't look after their baby they shouldn't have one. Family planning stretches beyond kids spacing but more importantly the nursing and catering of that kids.

bukatyne:
Whose responsibility is it then?

Would I wait for my elder sister and hubby to cook before eating? Must I be told to babysit when they are going out? Must I be told to do their laundry before doing it if we put our used clothes in the same laundry basket? Must I be told to clean before I do?

When you stay with people, you don't do chores when you like but when they like especially if you are not engaged (work/school/sick) etc.

Expect her elder sister is an enemy of progress, she will not stop her from attending a geninue job interview.

I beg to disagree, ma'am. That she isn't engaged with work, school or whatever doesn't mean she should become a babysitter. She's no nanny and the parents of the baby are solely responsible for looking after their kids. And house chores isn't same as babysitting and even so house chores doesn't mean the person should become their dish washer, chef and laundry personnel.

That one is accommodating someone doesn't espouse the responsibility of a maid. If they can't afford a nanny or neither of them can't give up work or take an employment that dovetails with the nursing of the baby then they shouldn't have had one in the first place.

What would have been the fate of the baby had she not moved in with them? The action of her sister evince one who reticently doesn't even want her get a job so she can continue her role of a babysitter. If she doesn't want to help the poor lady, let her say so.

This is just wrong and same anomalous praxis we have adopted over the years which should be frowned on. We think that once you're accommodating a relative/friend they should assume the role of a maid, cleaner and same time think we're helping the person in need.

A young man moves to an uncle's house he ceases from going to the car wash coz there's a new car washer in his abode. A young lady moves into his Aunt's home they jettison their culinary obligation coz a new cook has arrived. Madness. Individualism and selfhood can still be conserve even when accommodating someone and feeding them.

akinsmyk:
You raised a very good point too. In this case, I don't think the guy in question is broke or staying idle. Its not like she had someone else too. If she had options already and in a junction of making choices then your rationality can't be overlooked.

What worked with Mr A might be catastrophic for Mr. B.

I'm not in a position to decide for the OP, if she moves on with another guy and all went well, she has nothing to regret but if it went sour...hmm. It is well.

When there is love, this isn't an issue. Not like the guy here is a drop out, illiterate, irresponsible or whatever. Seems he has direction. The time is really the problem of the OP, that was what led to the statement you emboldened.

We shouldn't run too much of our destiny. Would have suggested she moves on if she was not comfortable with him, cheating on her or that he had no focus and direction for his life.

I wish you understand the thought behind that statement. What if she gets a working class today and the new guy isn't ready or iinterested yet in marriage, would you advice she keeps jumping from trees to trees

I understand your point quite well and rogered with it. On whether if she finds another man who's financially stable but isn't ready for marriage I'd want to think that's still a more viable option than his present boyfriend.

Reason being that the new guy has the financial wherewithal to finance marriage and manage a home though he doesn't want to but he has the means, whereas the present boyfriend isn't only financially incapacitated but still in school and with no certainty of an instantaneous employment after graduation.

My previous comment wasn't aim at addressing the OP's predicament and is completely unrelated to the context of her post but was rather to address a popular notion that always tend to indoctrinate people on the need to settle for less when they can deservedly grab more.

The likelihood of a rich fellow becoming poor is way improbable compared to a poor fellow becoming rich. And likewise the likelihood of a rich fellow becoming more richer is more probable than a broke fellow becoming rich. That's just being practical.

D

mineANDurs:
I am sure the guy they r fighting over also looks as dirty as they are.
Mtcheeew!

True. He might be dirtier than them even. For him to able to date two animals simultaneously means he's of a higher rank in the animal kingdom lol.

Did the report say they were fighting over a man or an animal? It's impossible for a sane man to find these animals attractive and worthy of a date. No way would any human being, male or female, associate themselves in a friendship or relationship with this disgusting humanoids.

No sense made.

firstking01:
:oand who told u it's not provened?, ask those who are death ronald you wanna wait untiL it's proven before u give ur life to christ ronald, tomaro might be too late for us o.

Do you have any proof to validate the existence of a heaven and hell? And when I say proof I mean experimental substantiation and not quoting scriptural passages. Let's have them bruv.

You have to tell her. If she can't cope she can move on, lest she finds out later and maltreat the poor boy. It's in the best interest of your son she knows or she might become scornful towards him. Let her move on if she can't cope biko.

The existence of a hell and heaven hasn't been scientifically proven and until it's proven beyond religion it remains a phantasmagory and an outright illusory.

akinsmyk:
You confronted him with your findings about his educational status and he confessed, that's a good one. Maybe he had to lie coz he doesn't want to loose you based on you looking for a graduate and working class guy.

You need to talk to him again, tell him your fears, feelings and plans. Let him tell you his views too.

Telling you to move on if you can't wait might be harmless in contrast to what someone said. He might be trying not to be selfish. He might be testing if u would really move on of a truth.

Be sure he loves you, if you do too, its worth d wait. You can marry a working class today and he lose his job tomorrow and stayed jobless for the next five years.

Its a good thing, but graduate or working class should not be ur basis for lov and marriage.

Youse yhour heahd!

Well said but the emboldened has become a cliche that's baseless and isn't in consonance with verisimilitudinous bearing. Often times we hear people say why settle for a working class or the affluent when they can become broke or lose their job tomorrow. This is a sophistry argument with no iota of rationality behind it.

It's foolish for someone to dwell on hope when they can reap the positives and for anyone to infer that one shouldn't settle for something they can feel or gained over what it's under probability makes no sense. If a working class or rich can become broke tomorrow then the unemployed too can remain unemployed for life. And chances of a rich fellow getting broke its too vestigial compared to a broke dude becoming rich. Enough of this phantasmagoria and let's be real.

Richiy:
He has no job. He was just lying to keep her.

Alright. No hope dey the relationship be that. No single hope.

fulfillbill:
Not sure the guy is working...

I don't think she can date the guy considering the marriage pressure thingy...

She said he told him he was working which later turned out lies. I don't think it can work then. Too many falsehood on his path.

Richiy:
And do you think it is easy to be under such intense pressure and who you want is still in the University? It is not easy bro. I actually feel very sorry for her.

Hmmm not easy but I was thinking since he's also employed and if his job is rewarding then they can still get married even while he's in school. But that would depend on him though, if he's receptive to getting married while studying. Or can't school and marriage coincide?

How are you sure he's the one who revealed to your friend that you were making moves at him? The info might have been leaked by you knowing how loquacious some of you ladies are.

And your personal experience doesn't mean ladies shouldn't ask guys out, it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't for others.

You never even did asked him out, you were rather trying to seduce him. You dressed in an attire that exposed your body and behave in a lewd manner in your approach. That's not the way to ask a guy out. Seduction is different from wooing.

Besides, what's wrong with rejection? Why do you ladies feels frightened of rejection but ditches it out daily to guys?

fulfillbill:
She say the guy still dey school.

Oh okay. Then what's her problem. He's still in school and working then what's the problem?

She should just come clean and tell us that she's under self-imposed and societal pressure to get married and can't wait till the guy graduates than make it seem as if it's coz of him being undergraduate. Women and marriage sha.

What's the nature of his job in the government agency? Is it a stable job with a reasonable income or just some contract/temporal employment?

If the above questions are in the affirmative then I don't see what the problem is. Some people aren't formally educated but still learned, street-wise and can brainstorm on topical issues.

I think education goes beyond university and what we should normally seek for its for sensible people not educated people. Besides, he can still enrol into some adult course in the future if necessary.

So, if he treats you right, you love him and picture an evermore future with him then go for it.

They only claim they hate short guys when he's broke. Be as short as aki and paw-paw and make real money you'd realize it's all BS. Na them go chyke you sef.

You know you don't love and can't date her so what's the basis for this thread? To lampoon and make caricature of albinos I suppose. Aim achieved?

Well, only if I were mad would I do that.

WiLdFLame:
Incoherent blabbing skunkman!

Look, I'm very petulant when it comes to engaging fools, especially the ones who can't string together legible sentences to save a life. What you wrote up there can't make sense even to an incubated baby.

Your inability to attract a woman or conserve a relationship shouldn't be a basis to get exasperated and wince about women. If they don't conform to your ideals move on to the ones who fits into your spec. I'm suggesting you relocate to Papa New Guinea where they have lilliputians like you.

You must be dwelling in cuckoo land if you expect a woman, be it Nigerians or other Nationals, to date a skint and a dysphasia impaired ninny like you. Id1ot.

WiLdFLame:
nosense woman wrapper!
u no dey shame?

Shut up. You don't sniff out crap from your chuff and pass it out as facts. You mustn't create a thread if you have nothing plausible to say. Featherbrain id1oit.

chimkaire:
kikikikikikikikiki
Onye-aka-mkpiri ka ibu lol

Lol. Oburo eziokwu o. Abum aka nwepu-nwepu, mana adighi m nzuzu. Obu onye di iberibe ka ndi ogo ya ka kwa fa udika ife ahu. Fa bu ndi alabanko.

Rubbish. No sense made. You guys never get tired?

Who's this troll? Let's have some sanity on this section please.

Your to-be in laws are so kind and propitious to have adjured you purchase an 'ordinary' land before marrying their "Cleopatra". I mean it's not everyday that sheeple individual's like you come-by and I'm disappointed that they demanded 'just' a land from you. They must have found a credulous and willing tool in you but failed to fully capitalise on it.

Judging by the tone where you said "that aside" after narrating their galling request that you buy them a land, methink they should have insisted you build them a magnificent edifice of at least 12bedrooms cliveden that can accommodate her nucleus and extended family with the nosy aunt inclusive.

And please don't forget to purchase a beauteous car each for her parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, and all her umunna. You may also stretch your spirit of benevolence a bit further by also buying all of them houses too so they don't have to share the 12bed house. They are the Bourbon dynasty and must be appeased.

I'm so tempted to slam you with contemptuous names but I'd restrain myself not too.

Absolute codswallop. Nonsense.

If I see a cute ass and leggy babe I check her out and don't know how that means objectifying her as a sex tool. I'm just responding to nature and admiring what her mama gave her.