₦airaland Forum

slyfox35:
Best friends or closest friends as some people term it is quite normal in the life of 80% of world population, I had one too.

We grew up as teens together, matured as adults together, he came to our house always and ate all his meals with us. My mom was really nice to him when she was alive. He wore my clothes and never returned them. I did not ask because my parents always provided for me although they were average citizens.

Then the worst thing in my life happened. I lost both my parents within the space of four years.
Things turned downhill for me (orphans do suffer a lot.. Too much suffering for you to believe there is even God in heaven who takes care of the fatherless and motherless).

My friend travelled to an African country. He kept telling me to come over there to work that things are better there. I kept declining but after a year of constant pressure, I decided to man up, packed my bags and travelled to meet him.

Guess what? I did not stay up to 5 days with him!!!

His attitude changed by the second day, he yells at me at every given opportunity, from his best friend, I turned to his boy, the heat he was given me was so bad that when he leaves the house and he comes back, I get scared just by hearing his footsteps. I virtually turned to a nonentity to him. I had no money on me because the little I had left, he collected it when I arrived. I knew no one, I felt so miserable and alone and I started regretting why I left Nigeria.

On the fifth day ,I woke up early in the morning and shook him up. I don’t know what got into me (but I am glad it did), I told him I can’t stay with him anymore and I want to leave. He did not even feel bad about this, he did not think of the fact that I know nothing and nowhere in this country. He let me go.

I packed my bag amid tears and went into the street. Mind you, I had no one to call back in Nigeria... It was tough on me but as a naija guy and as God will have it, I did not spend even a night on the streets. I was shocked that a total stranger took me in, clothed and fed me. He taught me everything he knows. I worked for 6 months and was able to make 2 million Naira. This was like a dream to me (If you get money ehn, to praise God Dey sweet o)

I came back to Nigeria, rented an apartment, furnished it and continued working from here.

This so called best friend of mine saw my posts and pictures on Facebook and video called me to check on me (I guess his eyes did not believe what he was seeing) he asked me if I am in a hotel, I said no, I am in my apartment. He was shocked (me I nor keep any grudge against you) he told me he was coming to Nigeria and that I should please forgive him and forget everything that happened. I told him I can forgive but can’t forget.

What surprised me most are this exact words he said “my guy, if I come, na your house I go relax first abeg”

Now my fellow Nairalanders, I am asking, how should I go about this?

I have forgiven him but should I allow him into my home?

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.
Tunmi

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Jesuisbelle:
Your husband is controlled by his bodily urges, it's a sex addiction and you have become his personal sperm disposal unit if you don't take a stand. His type will still cheat, watch pornography because it's always in his imagination. I can see some women think their only role is to service Oga just because he paid your bride price and made you a Mrs!!! You are a woman, someone's daughter with human dignity! If you like continue submitting because you want to please him to your own unhappiness. Sex is not everything in marriage. Nne don't kill yourself, dat everyday own is a very big No!!! To me, if u don't have strength explain to him if he gets angry allow him to get angry in peace he will be alright las las, no be today dem don begin dey get angry on matter like dat

gambia:
There is no economic implication sir.

senatordave1:
Stop displaying ignorance here.the ministry of disaster and humanitarian affairs is incharge of the conditional cash transfer.they have distributed money in fct,anambra,imo,cross river,kano,rivers and its now the turn of lagos.up buhari

Duru9:


Which kind wahala be this


I don already buy sniper keep sha

If there's no movement on Monday I won't have any choice than to ease this whole stress I don really suffer this life

Tundenoni:
The worse has not even arrived.
Just wait until the Jehovah witnesses finds out that everybody is at home
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jlinkd78:
This is really getting serious. Oh God heal d land for your children. It's obvious now only u is truly omnipotent. Imagine small virus wey eye can't even see has brought d world with her level of sophistication to her knees. God let your mercy prevail

hablink:
Man U fans how market?

Souqwaqif:
I Want The Best For Her But She Seems Not To Understand, Pls Advice Needed

Dear All, good evening.

When I first met my woman, I met her decently dressed, since she is from a Christian background, likewise my very self.

But as time goes on I discovered she puts on dresses that are either too tight or too short. I have corrected her in love several times and even reported to her parents, she adjusted for a while and continued again.

She even promised to stop such dresses because of our baby girl.

This time around she put on a very short gown that makes her look like a prostitute on her WhatsApp profile.

On seeing it, I replied that I am ashamed and disappointed in her and as a result I refuse giving her the money she demanded.

She knows why I was angry and why i made such comment and instead of her to apologize she told her mother that I said I was ashamed and disappointed in her, her mother called me to ask me why I said such, I explained to her that its because I have been correcting her on her dressing but this one was too bad, she said OK and that's all.

Its over 5 days now I have not heard any thing from her and her mum. So I just kept silent too because the last that happened I was the one that called for a meeting with her parents to sort it out.

This time around I may not do such again.

However, if there is a better way you can advise me on this I will appreciate. Since her dad may not be in the know.

Thanks

xammax:
So am in level 2 going to level 3 and i just saw my cgpa, it's 4.73 and the guy leading my dpartment has 4.84. My dream is to graduate as the best student in my department. So how do i overtake. Am studying accounting.

rentAcock:
Maybe it wasn't meant to be. She didn't say what the issues were so one cannot say if it could've been resolved. Abounce has bounced out and I wish them well. But I always feel like sometimes, both parties need to sit down and make compromise just for the sake of the union and their children. The only unforgivable offense is adultery. Though it is sad to see them split, we should never forget that in 1994 Rashidi Yekini became the first Nigerian player to score in the world cup tournament where we defeated Bulgaria 3-0.

Issues? What else aside INFIDELITY.

mykelswa:
Fear women. That was how last night a married lady with 2 kids was sending me nudes.

safetyzone:
No, it makes you talk less. It makes you withdraw from friends and family and low moral.

chudez0147:
Depression is very Bad.. am going through same now.. it makes you talk too much ..
And nobody even care!