₦airaland Forum

slimyem: there's an abandoned house project somewhere on my too with a related story.
The gist is that both wife and husband are both living in the states and the wife was sending home money to hr sibs to help her with a house..
The house was almost completed when the husband found out and he gave her an ultimatum to either dispose of the house of forget about the marriage and she chose the former.
.
.
.the truth is...if you don't give a woman reasons to be insecure,she wouldn't go around looking for a form of security for herself.
But will the men ever understand their reasons?
NO!
Their ego is too large for them to accept when they are really wrong or for them to acknowlege the success of their wife under their roof!
Smh!

If I was there to advise her, she should have chosen the latter.

It is not worth being with a cretin!

abouzaid: A harvard professor of economics by name greg mankiw was asked by a student where do economists make use of all the mathematics they learn in real life policy analysis and he replied none. He further said that academics teach what they know since they don't know what is obtainable in real life.

That is a sarcastic answer, not the truth.

It would be dumb for a Professor to believe that all the mathematics taught in Economics is unusable in real life.

PHIPEX: I will be the last person to agree that children from single parent can't succeed.

I am pretty much sure no one has said children from single parent can't succeed.

PHIPEX: I hate teenage pregnancy with a passion but will not condone abortion. 90% of the almajiris on our street were born to families with "two parents" living together how are they now better than children born to single parents? If we go by the logic that any child that we percieve to have limited chance of succeeding should be killed/flushed then children born to parents who are in abject poverty should not have been allowed to live.

When I see silly analogies it just gets under my skin.

90% of almajiris are on the streets because of a mixture of extreme poverty mixed with a reetarded culture mixed with fanatic religion mixed with lack of family planning mixed with extreme ignorance.

I don't know how that is representative of or a reflection of having two parents.

What next? You will point to a child with 2 parents that grew up in a refugee camp where he has no citizenship rights and no access to self-development as a reference to justify single-parenthood?

Please bring sane analogies.

Most of these Almajiri kids would have been better of not being born considering the life they are made to live. I would support mass abortions in Northern Nigeria where someone that earns less than $1 a day wants to have 12 kids and leave it to Allah to raise them. Nigeria itself would be so much better off for it as you would not have animals who are ready to take another person's life at the slightest sense of provocation.

PHIPEX: I believe that why children born to single parents experience difficult challenges is because their parents/grandparents abandoned them to their fate in other to avoid "the shame" that comes with teenage pregnancy. My solution to this whole mess is to avoid whatever brings teenage pregnancy but if it occures, the adults around such girls should help to ease the "pain" that may result from it. Nobody has a right to deny a child his/her right to life on the flimsy excuse of avoiding social miscreants. Even if our constitution is ammended tomorrow to say that abortion is now legal, it will not stop it from being a crime in the sight of the God who creates life.

You mean the kids in the West were abandoned by their parents and grandparents?

They do not get support from the public purse?

How come they are more likely to end up being social menace despite the support they get in these countries?

Cut the crap argument.

A child is mentally unsettled when a parent is missing from their life or is not there day-to-day. More so if that parent did not die. All evidence of research of child behaviours suggest this. A sane society would do its best to avoid such an outcome.

On the grand scheme of things, what a silly question.

Do I own her life to be entitled to tell her how she can live it? More so tell her how not to guarantee her financial future.

I don't know where women get these person men from. And when I say I am a gaddam hot catch, they will say I am arrogant.

gemstone22: A lot of teenagers in nigeria are sexually active before the age of eighteen. The percentage of teenage moms have risen greatly. These girls do not even feel ashamed anymore. They are proud and even go on to give birth to more children before they are twenty five. My neighbour's daughter is an example. She gave birth at seventeen. By six months,she has started leaving the baby for her mother who is almost 60. The burden of the little boy is on the poor mother. The girl goes off for weeks and months and breezes in pick up a change of clothes. She is not even in school. I know she will soon bring home another baby for the mother to care for.

I think the problem begins from the home. When ur daughter gets pregnant and u take total responsibility of the child because its ur grand child then u r leaving room for more accidental pregnancies.

She has to know that since she is old enough to get pregnant,she has to bear the burden. U will provide shelter and feeding for the child but she will care of her baby until the child is old enough to be weaned and go to school.
That will teach her to be responsible for her child and it will make her think twice before she decides to have sex again.

After two years of staying home,she can go back to school and get an education while also learning a skill part time so that she can also help support the baby.

My friend's brother is a father of four at only twenty two. He got four different girls pregnant. At first his parents were providing for all the children then the fourth girl showed up. His parents got angry and left him to cater for the babes and their children. That woke him up. He got a job and today he has gone back to school.

if u encourage ur child to abort, it won't teach her the lessons she has to learn from that situation. It will also give her a way out next time and of course, u will never find out about it. Show her some tough love by letting her bear the baby and the burden it will bring with it. She will learn faster than u think.

Such increase is partly as a result of (1) the way we expose, through globalisation and technology, our kids to western contents that glorifies riff-raffs as "celebrities" who enter extremely transient relationships, are sexually promiscuous and are praised by the media for single parenthood, and (2) the way the next generation of parents in Nigeria attempt to be funky parents that are "Bestest of Best BFF with their cool kids".

People are encouraged to be more accepting of filth to demonstrate their "open-mindedness", "progressiveness" and "liberality"!

To my future child, wherever you are, listen: I am not a funky parent. I am not your friend. I am your FAADA! If you don't like it, start running to God now to get on your knees and beg him you don't want to end up being the pikin of that one called Sagamite. Let him change your destiny now before it is too late and you see fire!

Secondly, I would never condemn a single parent, neither would I praise nor glorify them. Obviously that is except for cases where the person lost a partner to death or due to abandonment after marriage, then that type of single parenthood is worth praising.

We should watch what our kids are exposed to and what they are fed to value. For me, definitely it would not be Western moral values or parenting style that I offer my kids. I am from Sagamu!

Fhemmmy: I am sure you have access to news . . . One love and enough respect, Sir

One of the typical Nigerian education system's product approach when asked to prove their "facts": "You prove it for me"!

Fhemmmy: I talk like adults to adults . . .Have a great day, Sir . . .When you ready to use right words, we will continue . . wont be nice for me to pollute your senses with senseless talk

Adults are expected to talk sense, not relate throwing McDonald wrappers in the bin to prostitution.

Believe me!

Fhemmmy: Please let us stick to using words that are not insulting, i dont exchange insults, so if you wanna discuss or argue a fact, let us continue, however, if you wanna be insulting, we could call it a day.
BTW. . . re-read your statement and see my response to it.

Answer my last questions to prove your statements are not senseless.

Fhemmmy: That is so untrue, Sir, if the Mother never wanted the child, most of the child will not see the light of the day, they would have been aborted longest time, yes, the father might not want the child, but most mother will not go thru 9 months only to have a baby that she will not love . . . maybe few % would, but that wont be enough for us to now generalize.
Also, a child that is born to a father that is not loving has a chance of the father turning around to love the child.
The day a woman tells a man she is preggy, the man gets a cold feet and wanna run, but as times goes on, MOST turn around and so happy.

What senseless thing are you saying here?

If a woman chooses to have an abortion, does she want the child?

Or are we not talking about people choosing an abortion here?

Fhemmmy:
Most of the victim of suicide are kids born to a mama and a papa

Where is your source for this conclusion?

Fhemmmy: What made you think that a child that is born into a union of Man and woman is loved?
Or your solution now is that every child that is born into a family where one of the parents is not loving should be sentenced to death by Pills?

A solution could be to have the kid and if you cant take care of the child, give the cute little thing up for adoption, and you will be giving the child a future, the potential parent a smile and you could go on your merry way.

A child born into a union has a FAR better chance of being loved and feeling complete.

A child not born into a union and whose mother does not want him/her has little chance of getting the appropraite love and feeling of completeness. There are tons of them in this world living a sad and unfulfilled life. Are you going to adopt them?

coogar: sometimes i leave the leftover on the table....
it's not like it's illegal to leave it on the table. it depends
on ma state of mind to either put it in the bin or leave
it for cleaner to do it for me. i have paid for that service.

You are REALLY going to waste your time with such lame analogy?

Goodluck!

Fhemmmy: ^^^ It is not about watching a movie, it is about being real.
Me and you were once a fetus and i could not imagine if my mother had wiped me off the face of the planet, cos of some circumstances . . . There are always solutions that could better than killing the child.

How is it being real when you are wondering what an unborn child will say?

And so what if we were once foetuses? You don't need to imagine what if because you would not even be in a position to think about it.

What solutions can be better for a child that maybe brought into an unloved world where they struggle to get fed daily and constantly feel inadequate/incomplete?

Fhemmmy: Yes, the offer their services, You pay for it and enjoy their services, however, when you go to McDonald's and buy a burger, you eat and enjoy it, how come you nicely put the wrapper into the bin, and not put it on the floor and tramp on it as much as you want, cos you bought it and could do whatever you want with it?

What makes you think everyone puts there burger wrapper into the bin?

How does this relate to anything? People lay pro[i]s[/i]titutes on the floor and trample on them after paying? You expect punters to take them to the bathroom and give them a shower or something?

This is really a senseless analogy.

Fhemmmy: I read through this and i was nearly in tears.
Imagine what a fetus would say if only they could SPEAK.

Stop imagining what they would say, when they cannot even think yet.

Most of you have watched too much Disney to the point you think even Tables talk and shed tears.

Furthermore, I wonder if that is what a pregnant woman from r[/i]ape should be thinking.

[i][Mimics in mockery with a slanted mouth motion]

Mother, I am excited for my first toy,
I promise I will become your joy;
Please don’t feel me as a burden,
Whatever you decide cannot be undone;
Oh mother, can’t you hear my voice?
Don’t you have another choice?
I know you are waiting to see me play,
More than you I am excited to see that day;

Fhemmmy: Someone could chose to be used, but we have a choice not to use them . . . .

......or to use their services.

They are not being used, they offer a service and punters can make their choice to utilise the service or not.

None of this lame claim of victim. As far as I am concerned, that is like a worker claiming he is in slavery, despite voluntarily applying for a job and gets his wages in his account every end of the month.

Coldfeet: Nine months are slowly getting close,
I am surrounded by the blanket of yours;
Slowly I am growing in your womb,
Please don’t send me to the tomb;
Oh mother, can’t you hear my voice?
Don’t you have another choice?
Aren’t you happy? You can see me soon,
I am excited to see the world of sun and moon;
In your womb, I am counting days,
To show you mother, my little gaze;
Oh mother, can’t you hear my voice?
Don’t you have another choice?
Mother, I am excited for my first toy,
I promise I will become your joy;
Please don’t feel me as a burden,
Whatever you decide cannot be undone;
Oh mother, can’t you hear my voice?
Don’t you have another choice?
I know you are waiting to see me play,
More than you I am excited to see that day;
Oh mother, won’t you start my life story,
Please don’t make my life a history;
Oh mother, can’t you hear my voice?
Don’t you have another choice?
I am excited to play in your lap,
With my deeds, I will make you clap;
Oh mother, give me a chance to live...
Even if you don’t, I will forgive;
Oh mother, my life is now a question?
Please don’t give me the name aborted.

Cut the melodramatic crap!

Lenny5000: should your fellow humans be used? If so what makes them humans like you then?
About Marijuana you might want to ask the US and even Nigerian government what is wrong with smoking marijuana since we are talking about Government and what is lawful.

PS: I don't condemn people who do these cos Marijuana is like candy here and not a big deal
Bless

You mean the women that choose to go into prostitution out of their free-will are used?

jmoore: Is bacteria a human being? That I also killed a chicken to eat should be called murder too?


when one starts advocating for abortion common sense becomes scarce

So if a pregnant woman does something silly or by accident that results in the loss of her pregnancy do you think she would be charged with manslaughter/murder and do you think she should?

Jeezuzpick: Sagamite,
I asked that question hoping to provoke a rection such as yours.
The reason for your answer is the same reason why Teenage Pregnancy will continue and the girls should not be crucified for getting pregnant.
Why do I say this?
A parent not minding his/her son having a girlfriend or getting a girl pregnant as much as his/her daughter having a boyfriend or getting pregnant smacks just a little bit of hypocrisy!
Why will a parent guard his/her daughter from wolves and allow his/her son to be a wolf?

What moronic point!

You think political correctness can shape feelings?

Is it my son whose life would be destroyed if another man's daughter gets pregnant?

He would be the one with morning sickness? He would be the one screaming in labour? He would be the one finding time to breastfeed? He would be the one that his schooling would be inconvenienced? He is the one that would struggle to find a new partner if things don't work out between them? You think he is even the one that needs a partner the most? He is the one that wants to have a steady life-time partner the most or her?

So why would I bother if my son impregnates as much as if my daugther is impregnated?

You think nature is politically correct?

This is as stewpid as saying I should be as sad if my child drink drives and kills another child, as I would have been sad if I was the father of the child killed.

BULLSHIT!

Maximum my child would get 2 years in jail and come out. Why should I be as sad as the man that has lost his child forever.

Cut your BS political correctness and funky ideology. There IS NO WAY I would be as bothered as my son impregnating as I would be if my daughter was impregnated.

Utter rubbish!

[quote author=Missy_B]You've got an e-mail.[/quote]Look your lawyers can send me as many emails as they want, I AM NOT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT!

I already have18 kids I am feeding, you want me to come and pay for another 3 just because I am their father? You can't have some pity and raise the 3 on your own?

When we get to court and I explain my case to the judge, you will see how he would label you selfish!!!

Jeezuzpick: @All, Y'know what?
It's not easy to take, learning that your lovely girl is pregnant, the girl you had grand plans for, who had always made you proud...How could she!!!
Now,
Before we all get carried away, will you take it just as hard if your son got sm1 preggers...?
Even if you can lie to yourself and say yes to the above question, answer this: now it has happened, what next? You still love her, right? is it the end of life?
I don't support premarital sex, in fact I got marries as a 33 year old virgin (can you handle that?)
However, I married a single parent, put in the family way at the tender age of 16. Her daughter-my stepdaughter-just wrote Post UTME yesterday.
I have two handsome boys by her and I am thankful to God for giving me such a wonderful woman.
My little contribution to this thread is, do all you can, within reason, to forestall teenage pregnancy. If it happens, make the best of it! Don't abort!!!
Peace.

Why should I take it just as hard if it is my son that got someone pregnant?

What is wrong if I don't take it such as hard?

Ninilowo: Same happened to me. The child is now in SS1 while those blabbing then are now envious. When there is an error from our children, we should not treat them as outcast. That is when they need us most. Let us rebuke them in a loving manner cos the deed has benn done already. casting out cant solve the problem.

Envious of what in particular?

Ivynwa: ----to think that he openly confessed in one of his posts here that he dated a single mother and later broke up with her. Ask him why he broke up with her and he will tell you that "she wasn't good enough for his saintly self". Some men have already broken the girl's heart, given her children and left her alone to rear them and on came Davidylan for his own turn-----sleeping and satisfying his s-e-xual urges with the girl to his satisfaction and dumping her again.Isn't that the same thing Miss Durobraham was referring to in the last sentence of her last post?----the men that take advantage of the vulnerability of single mums only to discard them as "no-good" and here he is seated on his women-preying b*ttom typing rubbish to show the world himself as super intelligent. Hide your face a bit, shame! You are no match to the maturity displayed here by Durobraham, however much you tried to bring yourself across as smart, her composure is astounding. You did not come close to her class and you think that you are a better person than her because she had a son out of wedlock.

"Teenage pregnancy", "damn the single mums!","damn and kill off their babies", insults on a single mother---blah blah blah----whatever happened to the men that impregnate these girls? Nobody is talking down on them.

Oh, please, cut the crap!

People are allowed to date whoever they choose and end any relationship as they wish.

Or you think it is only women that are allowed to end relationships?

Cut the crap!

durobraham: dude go back&read where i gave my life example, some guy talked abt not being able to have an education& i simply gave myself as an example, that being pregnant didnt stop me from doing well in school.

Dude, why did you just waste fractions of my precious life going back.

The guy OBVIOUSLY referred to teenagers not being able to do stuff before you brought your 23 year old life as example:

https://www.nairaland.com/957252/attitude-towards-teenage-pregnancy/4#11045709

"Her chances of doing all those things you mention are almost practically nil with a teenage pregnancy."

How did your 23 year old life become a good example for teenage pregnancy?

What next? A single mother that had her child at 36 will come and use her life to justify a 15 year old being pregnant?

durobraham: dude i had my baby @ 23 and started making better decisions since then, i dont know what the future holds for me and i dont waste my time asking what ifs or what could have been?
Yes i dont regret being a mom because i love my son, i delight in him, i like him...
i have great plans for my future but how does that make it compulsory that i must live in regret of yesterday?!
Mister, u dont v to understand me, but i dont regret being a mom, what i am to regret? School? v aced, career its growing well, relationships excellent, m @ 26 yr old woman & i have my whole life ahead of me but i should live in regret because U think so?

guy, i have more perspective over my life than u v(duh!)trust me when i say i have no regrets, everyday i thank God for how good he has been to me inspite of me...

If you had your child at 23, then why did you use your life as a reference point for us discussing teenagers getting pregnant.

Dude, do you know the meaning of teenage?

[quote author=i_Do]Yes there are many in juvenile prison - but children from "proper" homes with mother and father and rich professionals also are in prison - such as the recent underwear bomber and many Nigerian boys and girls from rich homes scamming and transporting drugs.

No one wants a teenager to get pregnant, but the cure should not be worse than the misdemeanor.[/quote]All these lame arguments.

Go and look at the odds of kids from single parents or living without their biological parents in terms of success in life.

For every Ben Carson and Reggie, you will see tens ending up in jail or a life of crime.

This is as silly as saying because you know someone that waddled safely through a river known to have crocodiles reputated for eating some people crossing, then it is OK for people to use the river to cross to the other side instead of take a path that involves trekking an extra 2 miles on safe land!

KIDS WITHOUT A BIOLOGICAL FATHER/MOTHER FIGURE ARE FAR MORE SUSCEPTIBLE TO FAILURES IN LIFE. FACT!

durobraham: dear sagamite, ure a classic example of the amusements that make nl enjoyable. Its amazing how people who have never met u know u more than u know urself.

Definitely , i have regrets but not one of them is my son, if u have met my son u will understand me&Just because u dont understand doesnt mean its untrue.

Yes, having an unplanned pregnancy changed for the better in the way nothing else could have, thats fact. I am wiser, more compassionate& more thoughtful of others, m a better christian&a better daughter,

i have a solid family unit, it consists of my mum,my bros,myself&my 3yr

So you would have not been wiser, more compassionate, more thoughtful of others, m a better christian&a better daughter if you had your child at 24 or 26? Your child would not be better of if you did that with a man you are married to? You have no interest in being married? You have no interest in your child having a father that lives under the same roof?

Cut the BS!

[quote author=i_Do]durobraham - has spoken with wisdom and compassion.

I was raised by a single mother, her husband abandoned her. I was able to graduate from University and managing my life very well, I also respect and understand what women go through. I make it a point to treat women, especially single mothers with compassion and dignity.

Some of these men here talking ABSOLUTES regarding this topic are obviously still young 20's and early 30's most likely. I will not argue with them. Life is the ultimate teacher. In time they will revisit this topic and realize that their extreme views are misguided.

There are many REAL men that marry and help raise wonderful children of another WEAK man. For example Reggie Bush (NFL player) gave kudos and much praise to his step Dad while he never mentioned the sperm donor. Most of these young men talking of Abortion carelessly do not know what the future will hold. I have some friends from University days that rushed their girlfriends to Abortions and today wish they could have those children back that they discarded.

Young men be patient, considerate and compassionate - the future is a few years away. Who knows what it holds.[/quote]I have a misguided view for objecting to teenage pregnancy?

Wow! Fck me. I am misguided in life o!

durobraham: since when are fatherless& single mom homes synonyms? secondly r these stats of urs from Nigeria?
In Nigeria, we still have functioning extended family systems just because a child's biological father is not in his life does not mean he wont have a father figure...
stop tryin so hard to change the issue, the issue is abt societal attitudes to teenage pregnancy which u hijacked&turned into a campaign for forced abortions.
my point is every child is a blank canvas given to us by God, it is the responsoibilities of families to raise children, it takes a village papi.
if u treat any child that comes ur way as 'better not born' they grow up into miscreants its dat simple.

And you need to start coming to the reality that God made us with some natural instincts.

The primary responsibilities to raise a child lies with the parents. They are the ones God has given the hunger to give the best to that child, not the village.

I am sure there is no child on this Earth you love as much as your child. You might love them, but you surely love yours more.

davidylan: Plenty of fatherless kids who even as well-rounded adults still deeply resent being raised in a home without a father.
Would you allow your own 15 yr old daughter to have kids without a father?

Your situation is not a choice but forced on you... if you had a choice to come back in another lifetime i'm sure you would not choose the same route. If you need a bastard to know that you need to better yourself in preparation for having offspring then something is wrong with you.

I've heard the psychobabble before... "my child is a blessing because he/she made me change my life".... hmmm yeah responsible people dont wait until they are pregnant to know to do the right thing.

That is out of order.

durobraham: For my sons sake,because he like every child deserves the best, i would definitely have chosen not to have sex when i did but i would never have chosen to have an abortion. My sons father is very active in his life btw.
however, my family had a couple of health scares in d last 2yrs& my sons joy&laughter really helped my mom go through all she went through. Also, my preg&birthing really helped me become a much better woman in every way... so i might for my own sake do it all over again.

Cut the BS, my friend.

You surely have regrets. Having regrets is not a sign you do not love your child. And coming up with lame singular incidence of happiness does not eliminate the regret of missing a better path.

So your mother would not have overcome her adversity if your child did not exist?

So your pregnacy and birthing at a more mature age would not have made you a better woman?

So having a solid family unit with support and help of a husband would not have made you a better woman, have a happier child and give your more elasticity to achieve other things or feel more secure?

Come off the lame public face of pride. You have regrets, you just decided to get along with it as best as you can. You know you could have done it better and would choose to do it better if you had a time machine.

durobraham: sweetie, i had a baby in school and graduated second best of my college class, yes better than all them chicks who didnt have babies.
m yet to have a night where i regret having my son& m not married cos i dont think i can trust any1 to raise my son like he should.

All i am saying is this, we all have different roads to take in this life, teenage pregnancy is not an ideal situation but the truth is abortion is not a remedy. God forbid u ever find urself in such a situtaion anyway,the right approach is to support whatever decision ur daughter makes as a parent, thats d only way her life will not be totally ruined...

So if you had a fresh template, you would rather choose your current path (unmarried single mother) or prefer to have a path where you finished school without being mother and then getting married and having a father jointly help you raise your child?

durobraham: dayokanu&daviddylan
one question why the heck are u getting involved in the lives of children when u clearly know u re not going to be there for a while?

secondly just because the kids of those who were unfortunate to date u guys were crying&missing u makes u think they should have been aborted?
children are resilient&v short memories , if u guys would do the honourable things& get OUT of their lives u will be amazed how quickly they would forget all abt u.

u guys re so funny. U take one aspect of the life of a single woman& decide that it means those children should not have been born? Do u have any idea how infinite the light every little baby brings to the world? What makes you the judge of which children deserve to live& which dont?

Children's memory are not short enough to stop noticing they have no father.

This is real life, not Memento.

coogar: what a man!
11 kids from 4 men. the funniest thing is the 3rd and 4th women
knew of his history but do they care? the more, the merrier....

your barber reminds me of desmond hatchett - he's got
30 kids from 11 different women. desmond is only 33.
american taxpayers must love him....not!!!

I think there should be a law where if you have more than 6 kids and you are not able to take care of them for more than a 2 year period, the State should arrest you and force you into a labour camp to work your butts off till all the kids are 18.

Later, these fcked up Black men and their kids will blame the white man for their failures to make it in life.

durobraham: This thread is so hilarious its unbelievable!! Its amazing how those like sagamite &Co who are supposedly pro choice are in here acting like every unplanned/teenage pregnancy must be aborted.
what happens to a womans choice?
seriously u guys, pregnancy is an opportunity to be a mother , what ever the circumstances, its important we help&support those we love & help them make the choices THEY can live with.
Dads; forcing a teenager to have an abortion is a terrible thing, i know u think u will be doing her a favour but have u considered that ur little girl may never get married baby or no baby, she may never go to college or work in a world class firm& then on those nights when she hates her 38 yr old life, she will long for the baby she lost&hate u the more!
Bottomline the decision to be a mother or have an abortion has lifelong implications for most people, so stop propagating this useless urban myth that abortion is some kind of bullshit panacea! smh!

I am not pro-life, I am not pro-choice, I am pro-sense.