Gamine- why don't you feel like going to church? tell us maybe someone can give you useful and wise advice. to resolve an issue, you need to identify the problem and the source.

Why is it that we Christians are so quick to condemn each other? Let’s stop pretending and face the real issues going on in our churches. I suppose it’s not new, even in the time of Jesus there were Pharisees & Sadducees.

We forget about Peter and the other disciples who left ‘church’ after the death of Jesus, but guess what, the good Lord still used them. He did not condemn them, even Thomas the doubter.

I know A LOT of Christians that are fed up of their church, or question a lot of things about their church or leadership, but are afraid to talk because of other Christians.

Let us not forget that the bible says that judgement will start from the house of God. Because someone has stopped going to church may not mean they do not love the Lord or need deliverance.

I know 2 people who have recently stopped going to church and are on fire for God, they attend crusades for now and study the word at home, because they have encountered a lot of things that cannot be mentioned in their churches and they are so disappointed that they have decided for now, they would stay at home rather than imbibe the spirit of Absalom.

I am not saying this is the case in all scenarios, but let us ask her why she does not feel like attending church before we arrive at our conclusions. It may be deeper than we think/assume.

I love God and I believe that he is unhappy with some of the things that are happening in his house (he did warn us though of the end times). Because of my respect for God, I will not mention some incidents that I am personally aware of that goes on in churches. I do not want to be held accountable for people that may refuse to accept Christ because of such stories.

The long and short of it is that the bible encourages us ‘to admonish in love’ and not judge. I am sometimes grieved by our holier than thou attitude as Christians. I have taken time to write this, because when I went through my experience if not for people who did not condemn me, but admonished me in love; it may be a different story today.

We must be careful what we say, someone said you can only hear the word of God in churches and christian gatherings. Suppose you are disabled and cannot attend church because of your disability, or suffer from a severe ailment which segregates you from members of the public, or you have accepted Christ but your religion and nation does not permit you to openly declare so, lest you die and therefore cannot attend church but read your bible at home and listen to internet messages. Does this mean they will not get to heaven? You can hear the word of God by listening to podcasts, internet preaching tapes etc, but this is no substitute for attending church if you are able to. We must never make sweeping statements.

Please, I am not saying that we should abandon church, I totally believe in attending church because there is joy in doing so. But , if your attitude is not right when in church, you need to go back and repair your relationship with God or settle whatever is wrong. Church is not a ritual, it is an attuitude of worship because you LOVE God.

I had the same experience myself a few months ago. I would suggest the following:
1. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do (for me I was tired of ‘Pentecostalism’). I felt something was lacking in the church I was attending at the time.
2. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you resolve the issue(s)
3. Find another church, if you believe the crux of your problem is your present church, but ask the Holy Spirit for guidance
4. Yes, the bible does not say we have to go to church on Sundays but like others have said ‘do not neglect the gathering of the brethren’; the bible also does not state specifically what day the gathering should be held. So for me, the way I see it is that if I love God with all my heart, it will surely not be a burden to attend church on Sundays or any other day.
5. The next question to ask is, has your love for God waned or are you disconcerted with Pastors and elders? (I do not wish to offend you) but this happened to me in the past. Be honest with yourself and return to your first love, if this is the case. A lesson I learnt is that men of God are still human beings. Resist talking negatively about them, remember Eli the priest, even though he had 'fallen' , his pronouncement concerning Hannah still came to pass. I struggled with anger, hurt, unforgiveness and bitterness because of what a man of God did to my family, this led me down the slippery slope of not going to church for a while, then neglecting my study time with God, sinning etc. I lost a lot in the interim while I was angry,but thank God I have been restored.
6. Always study your bible on your own and continue to pray for his guidance.
7. Be careful who you take counsel from, some of us Christians are very quick to act as judge, jury and executioner.

To wrap up, believe me, NO CHURCH WILL EVER GIVE YOU ALL YOU NEED FOR YOUR SPRIRITUAL LIFE. I am not saying you should not attend church, I believe it is important to attend church, but do not only attend because you have to, but mainly because you love God and are excited about his word and praising him, which is mostly what happens in church.

I have told you about my experience to encourage you and warn you of the tricks of the devil.

Remember, it is a relationship with Jesus. Your relationship with Jesus is far more important than any church gathering or gathering of believers (whatever you choose to call it). Remember that the important thing is to spend eternity with Christ.

God bless.

Have you ever attended a finishing school? How was it? When I say finishing school I mean a proper one, run by a professional.

Would you be interested in attending one? Courses include etiquette, public speaking, networking, nutrition, deportment etc.

Would businesses be interested in this training but slightly geared towards office procedures and etiqutte, customer service, elocution etc?

Would you pay for elocution and social, financial and business Etiquette & Manners training ? How much would you pay?

I love their films so much, they show them on one of the African channels in the Uk. I have seen Agbara nla, Blood on the Altar, Ide Esu( I think its called that). I have seen others I cant remember their names.

God bless them, they are really good.

I am looking to start one before the end of this year. How much are people willing to pay? I am in England at the moment, but the school may be affiliated to a UK school.

What do u wish to learn? I will teach accent softening, I am a personal coach so will coach people as well, etiquette, hosting, deportment,social skills etc.

There is a lot more that I would teach but I'll leave it for now.

my email is sholeybee@yahoo.com

Seun, honestly you're vey funny. D word finish means complete, therefore finishing schools complete the educational school experience, that's all. It is where you learn things that ordinary educational establishments would not teach you.

It is a thing of the mind, u already have a mindset that they are for young ones and no matter what its called that' s the way u wd feel about it.

Ok then, suggest names!!!!!!!!!

My advice is to speak to him about it. Ask for his reasons and choose your words carefully, do not be aggressive or confrontational. Say things like "I'd like to practice my newly acquired cooking skills on you but they seem to be going to waste" and jokingly add that you would taste the food before he does.

If you end up marrying this chap, u would ave to cook for him so this is something that needs to be resolved. On the other hand, if it is not so important for you to cook for your man, let sleeping dogs lie, but make sure u get to know him well as someone commented about some people in cults, do not eat food cooked by women. I am not asserting anything just picking up from an earlier comment.

I don't know how long u've known each other, if recently please give it some time.

Seun, I disagree totally. Finishing school is for everybody, you learn a lot of social skills. Have you ever attended one or carried out some research about one, I'd advise you to do so, u may find it useful. But thanks for ur comment.

What's your idea of a finsishing school?

What's the most important thing for you to learn?

What length of time are you prepared to attend classes as in days, weeks, months?

What are your expectations?

Any suggestions?

What is your idea of a finishing School?

What is the most important thing for you to learn?

How long are you prepared to attend classes, in terms of days, weeks?

What are your expectations?

Any suggestions?

Hi,

I believe your friend needs counselling and support not necessarily from you but from Mental Health Specialists. She's definitely got mental health problems. I have noticed that people who abuse others, (yes ABUSE is the operative word here) have either been abused themselves or witnessed abuse, there is always an exception though. Your friend may be abusing drugs or illicit substances, in which case she needs help with letting go of those things.

I would advise your friend's mother to seek help for herself and your friend, there is an organisation called RELATE that may be of help, this is their website address http://www.relate.org.uk/.

If this does not work, let her ask her to leave her house, if she doesn't leave, there are  several legal remedies available to her before she reports to the Police, she may wish to explore these opportunities. I am a lawyer so I know that she has these options.

She can lock her out of the house and change the locks as long as the mother is the legal tenant/owner of the property and tell her not to come near the house and that if she does so, she will call the Police. If  she comes near the house she should call the Police and PRESS CHARGES AGAINST HER.

If this does not work she can obtain relief from the courts by way of an Injunction, an Exclusion Order with a Power of Arrest attached against your friend, excluding her from gaining access to the house or several yards of her mother and anybody else that may need protection from her, if she breaches this injunction she can be imprisoned.

If your friend's mother is not the legal tenant or does not have any legal interest in the property, she should present to her Local Authority as a homeless person under the Housing Act 1996/Homelessness Act 2002, she should cite her reasons for being homeless as fleeing domestic violence and harassment.

Your friend's mother has to be firm because your friend is a potential menace to the society, if she marries she will want to try it on her partner and her children, thereby rearing angry children and a dysfunctional family. this will certainly continue to the future generations. You mentioned that her past relationship did not work, abuse in that relationship may be the cause or the trigger for her present behaviour.

WORSE STILL YOUR FRIEND MAY KILL HER MOTHER, BETTER TO ACT NOW. Your friend's mother should exercise tough love NOW.

If you need further legal advice, provide your email address. I will give you free of charge and I mean that. I have represented several women in your friend's mother's situation and believe me the violence doesn't stop unless God steps in. Your friend's behaviour is totally unacceptable.

@nwando

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your attitude, infact we need more people like you. I am a lawyer who represents people who have housing problems, which has been brought on by debt. Usually my clients have rent/mortgage arrears and other debts, and believe me there are a lot of people in debt.

The only caveat to you is to watch your attitude closely, if it is becoming an obsession, that you cannot even part with money to give to others or God, then there is a huge problem. My other advice is to start to support a charity of your choice, or even better to sponsor a child.

Most certainly. post your email address.

I am so excited that there are others like me, thinking of positively impacting the attitude of our young ones.


@alexisjay- please let me have your contact details as well.

Thanks, you can send me your email address so we can chat.

Could you re-post the website address. it is not clear.

Cheers

Thanks for ur advice. How do I do that?

The point is that it is actually the lack of understanding of the people wearing these costumes not the designers. In shows, a designer is supposed to create something unique and different, that is worthy to be remembered. When you purchase such clothes, u ask 4 it to be altered so that it is comfortable and wearable.

The reason designers create this outrageous clothes, is just to show that they have talent and are imaginative. If a designer creates an everyday attire, this is nothing out of the ordinary and may not catch anyones imagination. The designers trick is to make the buyer think, if this designer can create this complicated outfit, then surely they can create something simpler.

I hope I made sense.

One of the major problems, we have with marriage these days is that a lot of us(including myself) went/go into marriage without proper understanding of the institution.

I believe we need to go back to the original manual for marriage ( for me the Bible). We don't think carefully about the consequences of marriage on our lives, we feel we just want to be married at our age because 'my biological clock is ticking' or all my friends are married, I must be married etc.

To be married and remain happily married, you have to be ready to compromise on a lot of issues, not to the extreme though as the consequence of this is unhappiness. If you compromise to the point that you are doing things you dont believe in, this is dangerous.

A lot of dating couples, do not actually sit down to talk about a lot of issues before getting married, eg finances, plans, goals, sex life, children etc. It's funny that before we buy a car or a house, we would do so much research, but not so with marriage. Some of us don't know enough about our partners and just go ahead to marry them, or we have this nigling feeling at the back of our minds but ignore it because we are 'in love'.

There is the issue of pride which a lot of us indulge in. We no longer have patience, which you need bucket loads of when you get married.

My point is, we have been short changed and deceived by the world that marriage is all honkey-dorey, the truth is you must be prepared to work hard at it, accept the other person (faults & all) and accomodate each other.

thanks for your answer, but I do need specifics. Like how many you may have purcahsed this year and how often?

I am collating some statistics, please answer truthfully. Thanks

1) PARENTS: How many times have you bought socks, singlet and pant for your children this year? Please break it down to show the number for your daughter and a separate number for your son. Please give a separate number for singlet and a separate number for pants, and if purchased as a set, give the amount.

2) MEN: How many times have you bought socks, singlet and pant as a man this year? Please give a separate number for singlet and a separate number for pants, and if purchased as a set, give the number.

3)WOMEN: How many times have you bought pants as a woman. this year?

Everyone: What material do you prefer? Cotton, Silk, Lycra etc. How much do you pay for these items and what is the most you would pay.

Thank you guys.

I am collating some statistics, please answer truthfully. Please only respond if you live in Nigeria,Thanks.

1) PARENTS: How many times have you bought socks, singlet and pant/ knickers for your children this year? Please break it down to show the number for your daughter and a separate number for your son. Please give a separate number for singlet and a separate number for pants, and if purchased as a set, give the amount.

2) MEN: How many times have you bought socks, singlet and pant as a man this year? Please give a separate number for singlet and a separate number for pants, and if purchased as a set, give the number.

3)WOMEN: How many times have you bought pants/Knickers as a woman. this year?

Everyone: What material do you prefer? Cotton, Silk, Lycra etc. How much do you pay for these items and what is the most you would pay.

@4him

I have not adduced my evidence from reading papers. I am talking of reality, the stock markets, even Bush has admitted to the fact that the US economy is struggling. the severe/alarming sudden interest rate cut, mortgage crisis,Investment banks declaring losses, (wasnt one of them just bought by another last week or so) that is what I am talkng about. Lets be real.

I am not dissing one country for the other. I am merely stating the obvious. It does not mean that the USA will not bounce back, but for now this is the state of affairs.

Re: the second comment, there is something fundamentally wrong with a society that exaggerates its ills.

@ 4him

If you read to understand, you would have understood that the underlying statement I am making is that no one including yourself will live in a financially unstable country.

With regards to your 2nd statement, it shows that you have no clue. I have chosen not to lead evidence to butress my point. Go and read FT and watch the news

@ 4him.

Very funny. Why was there a brain drain from Nigeria in the past, of course the economy, why are Nigerians returning home now, u don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

The economy is extremely important, would you go and live in Sierra Leone now, I know things will improve there soon. But truth be told, no one wants to live in a financially unstable country. I am a realist.

Hi,

I have seen some comments about the houses in UK, its amazing that our naija mentality still means that we naijas mainly live in London and never travel around UK. UK is lovely if you are willing to go 'outside London' ( I hate that statement).

I live in a beautiful village in Cheshire, nice country side really really lovely. I guess its not really about UK -V-USA, but more about the way our people live in each country. I know people on both sides of the continent who are doing well and others who are not doing so well, both countries have their pros and cons.

But I believe the economies of both countries say it all, USA is going down and UK is still doing alright. Go figure!!!!

Hi,

I reside in the UK and I have seen the decline in the moral standard, manners & etiquette of young people both in the UK and Nigeria, but in fairness I don't think it's that bad in Nigeria yet. But, believe me it is surely going that way.

I am interested in altering their mind set,attitude, bad manners & etiquette, for good ones. I went to a finishing school myself.

A lot of people think that finishing schools are only about vain stuff, but it is deeper and it is something I am passionate about. For instance, I am a lawyer and I have certificates in Personal coaching, Public speaking and Accent softening. I believe things like accents and word pronunciation are major obstacles to people getting certain jobs or becoming part of the right social class/circle.

There is also the issue of mindset, which is one of the greatest problems in Africa. These things can be taught in finishing schools. You also learn life skills.

I want the youths of Nigeria to be the best in the world. The world has become a global village and we as Nigerians travel all over the world these days, by implication we are competing against people from other social circles. We must improve our chances of success.

I think that parents should invest in the future of their children. Finishing schools are places where you meet other people that can help you along in life( networking).

Enough said. I am just so enthusiastic about the future of our youth. Do people think, this can be a successful venture in Nigeria. I would appreciate a genuine response.

Thank you.

My husband & I live together now, it was just that we were in different continents when he proposed. And we had been dating for 2 years. NOte the word 'was'

The main question to ask is 'why do I feel bad that he proposed on phone'?
a) is it because of what people will say
b) is it becuase of my mind set of how a proposal should be made
C)is it because this is the way it  is done in my family, village etc

My husband proposed to me over the phone, because he was abroad. I believe that as long as both of you love each other and know that the other is genuine, this should not be a problem.

To be honest I would have preferred a face to face proposal, which he did at a later stage. But of course, I said YES over the telephone,LOL!!!!!!

We have been together for 9 years now and love each other more as each day passes.

Sometimes, we should cut other people some slack. U don’t know why the guy proposed on phone, shame fit dey catch am!!!!!!!

MY advice to you would be to forget about this relationship and move on. I am married and I told my husband about my past(which by the way was wild). He listened and told me that he still loves me. We are both Christians now.

If a man loves you and KNOWS that you are his wife sent from God, he will forget and forgive your past. I would advise you to thank God, for the bible(Romans 8:28) says all things work together for good for those who love God. I can deduce that you love God, so things must work well for you in the end,though crying tarries for the night, joy comes in the morning.

Picture this scenario, if this man cannot forget the past now (remember you had broken up at the time) perhaps it is better that you do not marry him, becos u will offend each other in marriage. It will be much more difficult for you at that time, what if he decides he wants to divorce you after 3 children, becos he cant forget your offence?

Accept this as the kind mercies of God and believe me, God will give you a husband that truly loves and cherises you.

Re: ur exams, pls concentrate, because if you fail you will have only yourself to blame. Who knows u may meet your future husband in the next stage of ur life. So, pls dont limit your chances by failing and remaining in the same position.

God bless you.

Thanks guys.

A lot of people think that finishing schools are only about vain stuff, but it is deeper and it is something I am passionate about. For instance, I am a lawyer and I have certificates in Personal coaching, Public speaking and Accent softening. I believe things like accents and word pronunciation are major obstacles to people getting certain jobs or even entering the right social class/circle.

There is also the issue of mindset, which is one of the greatest problems in Africa. These things can be taught in finsihing schools.You also learn life skills.

I want the youths of Nigeria to be the best in the world. The world has become a global village and we as Nigerians travel all over the world these days, by implication we are competing against people from other social circles. We must improve our chances of success.

I think that parents should invest in the future of their children. Finishing schools are places where you meet other people that can help you along in life( networking).

Enough said. I am just so enthusiastic about the future of our youth.