Why would you stop being friends with your best friend and not your "boyfriend"? Both have committed the same offence, yet you hang on to one of the offenders. You should apply the same rules, logic and emotion to both parties. It's up to you what decision you eventually make, but I think it is safe to say that your boyfriend does not respect you; neither does he love you genuinely. He is someone to watch, because he continued to throw your kiss with someone else in your face, but chose not to confess that he slept with your best friend! I would run in the other direction, far away from such a person. These are signs sent from above to you, but we women usually refuse to take heed. I hope you will take heed and move on quickly.

Something definitely is not adding up here. The first issue is; your wife borrowing money and to complicate matters even further, she is borrowing from someone you do not know. Secondly, why is your wife borrowing money she cannot pay back? Thirdly, why is someone unknown to you driving your car? I am a woman and if I suddenly see a woman driving my husband's car, na Gobe be that o!! In my view, it does not match up that she is worried that she is unable to pay him back and at the same time allowing him to drive her and the children, something is wrong. She may not be cheating on you. She is perhaps being intimidated or bullied by this Segun guy. I would suggest you talk to her to request the truth from her. Tell her exactly how you feel, what you are unhappy with and what you would like to stop. Be open and honest, otherwise it would be unfair to expect her to know how you feel and adjust her conduct accordingly. She is not a mind reader. Overall, I suspect there is some sort of emotional and communication gap between the two of you. Try to close that gap. Take her somewhere she can relax and open up to you. I wish you all the best in your marriage.

Firstly, the sabbath is on Saturdays. Secondly, you remember where Jesus healed someone on a Saturday andthe Pharisees complained, Jesus said it was wrong for the Pharisees to complain. There was also the sabbath that his disciples plucked grains to eat (matt 12:1-14), Jesus's response was basically that HE is the Lord of Sabbath, which in my view means that there may be occassions when people may be excused from observing Sabbath strictly, for example doctors,policemen etc. The sabbath is actually for the benefit of human beings(Mark 2:27). It is therefore profitable to rest on sabbath, but I disagree that if a Christian works on Sabbath ,they will go to hell.

I am a born again Christian and I only give what the Holy Spirit tells me to give, not what a pastor or a nairalander says. Jesus said to the Pharisees that they give tithes and offerings yet neglect their parents. Matt 23:23-"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices--mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law,justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. I cannot understand how a Christian will impose a minimum amount of contrbution on another Chrisian,only God has a right to do that. This is why the church is not effective because we have neglected showing mercy to others. A person earning N18,000 who has a wife and child, has given 10 percent as tithes, leaving him with about N16k. From the remaining he has to travel to work and church, buy food, pay school fees, pay nepa bills, give to parents. Yet you expect him to give N4000 every month as offering. Hmm!! even the bible tells us to count the cost of anything before doing it. Wisdom is profitable to direct. My husband tithes 25% and I tithe 10%, God speaks to us differently. TBH, I am hoping to increase my tithes at some point but not because my pastor told me, but because I believe that is what God wants. Very importantly, my pastor/vicar does not drive fancy cars. He is a a servant leader( when you come to my church you won't even know he is the pastor as he sits within the congration) We ( all church members) know where the money is going and you are allowed to nominate charities or missions where you want the money to go. Nigerian christianity needs to look properly at itself. We will one day give account to God.

Hi,

If the job is still available, I know someone who studied French in uni and speaks french fluently. She is 19 years or so.

Love is not enough to sustain a marriage, it takes a lot of other things like kindness, patience, money,health, patience,determination, fidelity and most importantly God.

Firstly, let me say how sorry I am, that you have to go through this sort of predicament. Secondly, never blame yourself for another person's wrongdoing. If your husband felt you needed to improve your dressing, sex life or whatever, it is his responsibility and not yours to discuss it with you and work with you to achieve a beneficial result for your marriage. It is totally disrespectful to a partner and marriage to say because one partner does not dress well or offers less sex, it is a license to cheat. What happens if the partner falls ill, becomes disabled, can't have children, looses their job and becomes less interested in sex( usually men), has significant episiotomy and the 'place' is not as tight as it was before. Your husband's behaviour suggests to me you are in for an awful ride in this marriage, unless he decides to change. He said to your face that he does not owe you faithfulness, what does he owe you then? STD's, ridicule, shame, disrepect? It is ridiculous what we Nigerian women take, honestly!!! If you don't mind, let me give you a word of advice( I have been married for 16 years now) whatever you accept now, you will have to keep on accepting it until either you become mentally damaged, full of bitterness, venomous and unrecognisable even to yourself. I assume your marriage is young since this is your first pregnancy. It is up to you what decision you make, but I want you to ask yourself these questions;
1. Are you willing to look the other way?
2. Are you willing to settle for less?
3. Are you willing to continue to endure your marriage?
4. Do you genuinely believe he can or wants to change?
5. Do you genuinely believe you are able to forgive him and forget about it?
6. What options do you think you have? How do you achieve these options?
7. Are you emotionally strong enough to deal with the effects of adultery in your marriage
8. Do you value your health, self and life?
9. Do you think you are worth more than rubies?
10. Do you see yourself as a queen that should be treated with respect?
11. If you are a Christian, are you able to vigorously pray and fast continuously for the rest of your life on this issue?
12. Will your next generation think it is okay to stay when your partner cheats, that it is normal?
13. What are the advantages and disadvantages of whatever decision you make? Weigh it up logically without being emotional about it.
Ultimately, the decision is yours; I hope you make the right one.

I will comment from a lawyer's perspective. I am a dual qualified lawyer; Nigeria and the UK, the reason I mention this will become obvious below. The fundamental issue here is about his conduct or the 'fit and proper test' for persons in the legal profession. The first 'breach' as it were, was when there was an altercation between him and the lady. As a lawyer, your conduct must always be above reproach. That is why both of them were invited to the Panel not just him. Both of them allegedly did not act in a fit and proper manner, if they engaged in an altercation. Secondly, he did not honour the invitation of the Law school panel; that to me is the second contravention. With regard to the t-shirt, I am of the view that this was within his human right to protest and should not have been an issue with the Law school as long as it was peaceful. On the other hand, having attended Bwari law school, I know there is a strict dress code and his t-shirt would probably have contravened the dress code, (breach no3). I will not go on and on about further breaches. The point, I am making is this; if you want to become a lawyer, there are high moral standards you are expected to adhere to. In the UK, for example, if you owe money, are caught cheating in exams, have been expelled from a school previously; have a motoring offence e.g. speeding, more than likely, you may be prevented from becoming a lawyer. I am in no way siding with either party as I do not have the full fact facts before me. I am merely setting out the code for Lawyers so people understand why the law school acted the way it did. However, if I were to be a judge sitting on this case, I would give some credit to the law School for accepting his application despite the negative report from his University. I don't know for certain what exactly went on, but from a legal perspective of 'the balance of probabilities', this guy's history suggests he may not be a fit and proper person to become a lawyer. Like I said, I am looking at this from a lawyer's perspective not necessarily a moral perspective. Law they say is amoral.

I think the underlying issues are multifaceted. I believe you love this guy but you have not set out clearly what your expectations are. The foundation of your problem may also lie in a lack of communication. Firstly, with regard to him watching porn on your computer- you need to work out what actually upset you. Are you upset because he watched it without telling you or because he watched it at all. I ask because, if it is the latter, that may be a huge problem. You need to ask yourself whether you are willing to marry a man who watches porn? If it is the former, then you both need to communicate more. Secondly, how is it that you were unaware of the contents of the gift boxes? I think the contents should have been discussed before he took it to your home. If you genuinely love someone, you can both agree on the value of the contents, the value should not really matter if both parties agree. To an extent, I understand how you feel, if the guy is capable of buying better gifts but chooses not to, it may make you feel like he does not value you. However, if his explanation that he felt that you would not receive them in any event is genuine, he may have bought those gifts with the best intentions. Either way, both of you need to have a long and honest chat about your expectations going forward, that is, if you feel you wish to remain in the relationship. Because a man travels to see you in the US or that you have dated for 7 years does not mean you have to remain in the relationship. Think long and hard about what you really want.

I may be old school, but I really do not subscribe to this notion that only the man should spend on his girl. If you genuinely love someone, you will part with your money for their benefit. True love, will share and give. I have been married for almost 16 years and I buy gifts for my husband when I can. Sometimes, when I am going past a shop and I see something I know he would like, I just buy it, and he does the same for me. If I am honest, he does more of the buying! Note, I am not saying I am better than others, because I also had to get rid of the naija mentality, which encourages women not to give money to their boyfriends or husbands. Also, I am not advocating that women feed and clothe their men o! I am saying, if you truly love your man, you will be happy to spend some money buying him things and supporting him during difficult times. Finally, before you spend your money on a man or woman, make sure they genuinely love you, are not taking advantage of you and are responsible financially.

I am unsure Jesus would do the same thing your church is doing. To me, it is negatively significant for your child to be excluded from his peers (i.e. excluded from open dedications). The question is this; is this man made law or God made law? I think it is the former. You confirm you have repented and you are married to the father. You did not have the baby out of wedlock and even if you did, I do not think the church should exclude the baby who is innocent. My understanding of baby dedications is; the parents are publicly declaring and affirming that the child belongs to God and that they would train him in the way of Christ. I appreciate your church may be trying to discourage others from getting pregnant before marriage, but this may actually have the opposite effect. Your child is innocent and was/is not involved in any of your decisions. I don’t believe the child should be treated less favourably because of that. If God acted like your church, Solomon may never have become king as he is a product of a very unholy alliance. Imagine if the Pharisees and the Sadducees excluded Jesus from the Jewish baby dedication because he was "conceived" before wedlock ( Mary was pregnant by the Holy Spirit before she married Joseph). Ultimately, please pray about it and agree with your husband. Do not make a decision without your husband's consent. I pray God speaks to both of you clearly about what to do. God bless.

@afemgbosey. Well done for editing the post, shows you are a gentleman. The point I was trying to make with my post is that, the daughter may not normally be rude but she is frustrated because there may be undyling issues in the family which have not been discussed. The truth is, a lot of times, we only glimpse snippets of a persons' life on social media, it is difficult to form a proper view on these snippets. I wish the family the best.

I am actually a parent. I have not negatively judged the family but rather made observations from the exchange between mother and child and I also suggested ways to deal with it. You may not agree with what I have to say, but there is absolutely no need to make rude remarks. By God's grace, I have and will continue to have an excellent relationship with my children.

A lot of people are missing what is going on here. What I see is a child who is exasperated with her parents' constant "unwelcome interference" in her life. Her replies to her mother suggest to me, this is not the first time something like this is happening and she is fed up to the back teeth. This family can improve on their communication with each other;(1) her father communicates the way most nigerian fathers do, through their wives. The problem with this is,child(ren) do not really know their fathers and feel distant to him to the point of feeling and/or believing that their father has no moral justification to intrude in their lives. (2) the mother in my view was not fortright from the beginning; she did not seek clarification on the dress in a straightforward manner, she went about it in a manner that put the child on the defensive straightaway,i.e, this your gown on your dp, the child then defensively replies, what happened? That is the answer you give when you are unsure what is coming next. Perhaps if the mother had come out straight to say something like;' this your dress looks nice from the back but I hope it is not revealing/low at the front', the daughter would have had no choice but to confirm what the dress looks like wihout being defensive (3) the child has allowed her anger which is simmering underneath to sip into her relationship with her parents, she has not properly communicated to her parents what she is unhappy about. This is the typical nigeran family situation, children afraid to tell their parents exactly how they feel about issues for fear of being labelled rude. Both the mother and the child should have communicated better and I sincerely hope the parents hear properly what this child is saying to them and take the opportunity to deal with the issue. I also hope the daughter remembers that these are her parents who deserve her respect. We parents must never forget that when our children find it hard to include us in their circle, we have lost them.Our children should feel free to have us as contacts on FB, snapchat, instagram,watsapp etc.

It is rather unfortunate that things are so bad in Nigeria that a couple with a child have nowhere to live. The government should do something about these sorts of circumstances. Whilst I genuinely sympathise with this couple, as a Lawyer, I fully understand why they have been arraigned. They broke the door while they were trespassing. Trespass is not of itself a criminal offence but a tort, on the other hand damage caused whilst trespassing may be a crime. I think the judge should have released them with a warning or minimal fine, especially as they did not steal anything from the property. It was rather unfortunate that they had to resort to breaking into a property in order to be with each other. Where is the child going to stay? with them in prison? I think childcare services should get involved. I genuinely feel sad for this couple.

Unfortunately, she may not be the one for you. For a relationship to succeed, both partners need to be honest and faithful to each other. Having said that; it is possible she will change when she realises the consequences of her behaviour. By this I mean, you should have a heart to heart conversation with her and tell her what you are minded to do. For instance, you may tell her that you no longer trust her and cannot continue with the relationship or tell her this is her last chance, if she gives you any cause to suspect her again, you will break up with her. I also think you need to find out why she is seeing other men, whilst I don't support her behaviour (if it is indeed true), she may be dating other men for a simple reason; she is getting from them what she is not getting from you, e.g. money. I am not saying that is a valid reason to cheat, I am merely saying sometimes working out why someone behaves in a certain way can help you in making a decision and may also help them to stop behaving in that manner. Also, I think the fact that you do not trust her will show in your behaviour to her, this could make her resentful of you. I am not saying you are unjustified in letting her know you do not trust her fully, but sometimes, this may result in a behaviour that seems controlling and stifling( like the 40 calls you made). I know you feel you love her, but honestly, in marriage love is not enough. You need trust faithfulness, companionship, friendship, support and a whole load of other things. If you take the risk in marrying her and she does not change, you will only have yourself to blame. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what to do. You know in your heart what to do.

Has anyone considered that the Policewoman may not actually be fanning the olori; but herself? Sometimes, pictures can be taken at angles that suggest something other than what is really going on. I personally cannot see the officer fanning the olori. What I see is a Policewoman holding a fan.

Nice pictures, good standard of work and choice of materials.

Please can you post pictures of the pent floor when completed, I am interested. I want to see whether an adult can stand fully on the pent floor. Thanks in advance.

We invested in Lekki gardens too and with all the news we have been receiving, we asked for our money back. We have paid about N8 million in total ( we are a year into our 3 year plan). We were told that they would refund our money but would deduct 10% and N10,000 administrative charges which I find laughable because;
1.The house is not built yet, so basically Richard has been using our money to trade and then wants to make a deduction when he should be paying me interest
2. There is no contract between us stating that there will be a deduction in case of a refund
3. I mentioned all the issues with their estates to them but they have refused to respond

Can anyone give me any suggestions on what else to do. I live in the UK so it is difficult for me to constantly attend their office to stress them. I would appreciate any suggestions. Thanks.

My husband and I are buying one of the units on a payment plan, the marketing staff we chose is extremely helpful, polite and sometimes telephones us here, replies emails and when we pay, they scan our receipt to us as we live in the UK. So far so good, I think they are okay, let's just watch this space. Hopefully, they do not turn out to be like other developers in Nigeria.

Taking money from the pocket of your husband or vice versa before telling him/her I consider normal. Any money a couple have is jointly owned,if we truly understand the oneness in marriage.. However, you should tell him so that he does not rely on the knowledge that he has money in his pocket, saving him from embarrassing situations. If you have a mature relationship, it is a very small issue in my opinion, and from experience husbands that panic or are totally against their wives taking money from their pockets have an unhealthy attitude towards money, more than likely they are slaves to it. As long as the money is not spent foolishly and is used for the family, I do not see anything wrong. One cannot steal from one's self. The only exception is when you know the money is for a specific purpose.

You know darling, God has a good sense of humor. You will surely laugh last, wait and see the goodness of God. My advice, forgive, try to heal, learn from this and move on in your heart but don't move out of the house, let your husband rent a place for her. Don't live with her, it would be too much for you to bear,believe I have first hand experience of this from my parents marriage and if you allow this, more rubbish would be offered to you to at later stages in your marriage. Stay firm on her living elsewhere,its the best. Do not live with an enemy/snake under the same roof

Are the plots in the estate or behind the estate? please clarify. Thanks

my dear i understand how you feel, my husband and i just had our first child after 9 years of marriage. my advice to you is to trust God and continue to pray. please, don't adopt without  your husband's consent, one thing that kept our marriage was that we were united in all our decisions, the worst thing you can do is be in disagreement with your hubby, this will bring unnecessary pressure.

Try to persuade him, I can suggest that perhaps you start with caring for your nieces and nephews,friends children in your home for a week, weekend etc, this may persuade him. I did the same thing when i had this same challenge with my hubby, but eventually persuaded him round to us adopting, but God blessed us with our own, but we have now decided that we will still adopt at a later stage in our lives. God will bless you with your own too by HIS grace. try and stay relaxed( I know this is hard) but what the doctors told us was that if you are stressed, your body produces anti pregnancy hormones, so please try.

There are several reasons why God may not answer our prayers, however his WORD says that when we ask in HIS will, then it will  be done(paraphrasing). The question is, what is the will of God for us, we may pray and be so certain that it is the will of God but it may not be, for the bible says he has predestined our lives and recorded it in his book , I feel when you don't get a response from God, ask him whether it is HIS will and whether to stop praying about it. Remember Paul, who said God told him that HE would not remove his thorn, but that HIS grace is sufficient for him.Notice God did not give Paul a reason why HE would not remove the thorn, but rather to trust HIM.

Unless you do not have papers, there are benefits you and your husband are missing out on and should apply for, these payments will boost your income. These benefits are;
1. Child Benefit
2. Child Tax Credit including the child care element
3. Working tax credit
3. Housing benefit- You may be entitled to something even on your income

You need to contact the child benefit agency, HMRC and you local authority and apply as a family.

I have been married to my husband for over 8 years and honestly, the butterflies are still there. Marriage needs to be worked on. My husband & I made decisions early in our marriage to;
a) Spend time alone everyday
b) Go out on a weekly date
c) Be intimate at least twice a week
d) Pray together daily by God's grace
e) Never keep malice with each other
d) share all we have including money
f) keep family out of our matter( no matter who it is)
g) Go away on holiday once a month( weekend away)- it does not have to be an expensive hotel or an exotic location, any where will do as long as we can be alone. To be honest we don't manage this every month, but we try to do it as often as we can.

There have been times when I have been angry with him or felt like leaving the marriage or killing him!but it soon passes because one of these things listed above will force us to talk and resolve issues.

You must form a deep friendship with your husband, I tell my husband everything and I mean everything and he does the same. I can genuinely say by God's grace, he is my best friend.

Bottom line, you have to work on your marriage daily. A lot of us spend more money and time on our looks, career than on our marriage.

IMO, I think u should tell her without compromising yourself. It is extremely unfair to see someone entering into a marriage that is doomed to fail from the beginning and you do not even make any attempt to fore warn them. It is akin to a life long prison sentence for both of you, you may forever feel guilty and they may forever be in this loveless and painful joke of a marriage.

I would want someone to tell me if I were in that situation,I concede that if you tell her directly you may end up being the bad one, but one thing you should also bear in mind is ' it is wrong not to do good when you can'

You need to employ wisdom, e.g you could drop an anonymous letter in her house with details of where she can find her fiance, call her anonymously so she can't trace you or get someone else she does not know to do it, most importantly give her the location of the club, so she can confirm herself.

There are at least 2 issues here;

1. Akala creating the jobs- I do not condone him creating these sorts of jobs for graduates, he is short sighted and can do better but refuses or lacks any intelligence to do so.
2. Graduates doing menial jobs- I do not in anyway say this job is right for a graduate and I agree that they are entitled to better.

My comments are mainly directed at the unfortunate graduates that find that they have no choice but to do such a job. If you are a graduate and have no alternative at the moment, do this job until something better comes along. I am speaking from experience, I trained as a Lawyer in naija, but when I got here(UK) for a few years I could not practice, however after 3 years I was able to start practising, if I insisted on ONLY law jobs, I would have suffered for three years and would not have been able to save £4000 to sit for the course that enabled me to practice as a solicitor here, I could have indulged in self pity and may still be waiting for a better job several years later.

Even in the UK, there is a shortage of jobs for graduates, they are having to do jobs below their educational status, there was a programme on the TV recently highlighting this. One of the graduates had to become a door to door sales man, but he is believing that things will improve.

Akala, like so many of our leaders are as thick as door handles, until the situation improves we unfortunately have to deal with people like Akala.

I would rather work as a taxi driver than rely on friends and family to support me, my present situation does not determine my destination.

May I say that if my post is read carefully, I did not say this is the perfect situation, the governor should create better jobs for graduates. However my policy in life is to see the cup as half full instead of half empty. If there are no jobs befitting of a graduate and there is something legal available, why not seize the opportunity. I knew a few of my Uni mates in Nigeria, who were moonlighting as security gaurds in VI at the time, I know someone very close to me actually, who was doing kabu kabu when he was in Uni, he now works in a bank in a good poistion.

Let me give you an example of someone I know in the UK, he worked at McDonalds as a security guard when he arrived in the UK in the 80's, to cut a long story short, he somehow started to supply security gaurds to McDonalds and now he is turning over millions(in £'s) every year, he is no longer a security gaurd and lives such a good life.

Life is what we make of it. We can decide to complain and refuse to do anything about our situation, hoping for something better to come along or we can make do with what is available and opt out when the desirable becomes available.

Personally, whilst this is not the most ideal situation, I believe it is better than having no job at all. I do not have the overall picture and facts of the matter, however I live in the UK and there are graduates doing all sorts of menial jobs, although I concede they are doing it grudgingly.

Look at it this way, if they get this taxi job and save most of their income, in a few years they may be able to start a business in their 'read' field, leaving behind taxi driving. Like the graduates abroad, they save the money they make abroad and when they return to Naija, they use this money to establish themselves.

Another point is that there is honour in labour, no matter which kind. It is more honourable than looting Nigeria’s coffers, like our so called 'leaders' do. Another point is that a graduate who drives a taxi will more than likely treat their passengers with more respect, this may change the taxi industry in that state for better, to the surprise and benefit of everyone.

It may be an unpleasant situation now, but this is an opportunity for the future.

However what I do not agree with is selling some useless form to them for £1700 and not even trying to create jobs that correlate to their level of literacy, he must go further and create jobs befitting of graduates.

I use the powdered thing quite regularly and it tastes like moin moin to me, however you can get already peeled beans to buy in stores. I live in the UK but not sure of the availabilty in the USA.