₦airaland Forum

brother18,
lets change the situation around and imagine your wife is the one saying what you are saying.
1.she feels you are to blame for not being able to impregnante her.
2.she wants to/feels like/is thinking about divorcing you for the same reasons
3.she wants to try her luck outside with another man to see if she will get pregnant.

how would you feel

You see its very easy to think about yourself only.

You (as a pious born again christian) married a lady who was not up to your moral upbringing(i have restated this as your tone towards our wife is so condescending) and thats what you are implying.

You since "forgave her" and now she is worthy of your moral high ground. By implication your wife pretended to be something she is not.....i strongly doubt this.

But then you have carried out tests and voila you(mr pious) and madam (mrs unworthy) are allright, no one is to blame for the lack of being able to have kids

SO WHY DID YOU BRING UP THESE UNNESCESSARY EARLIER DETAILS IF YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO APPEAR BETTER THAN YOUR WIFE?

Both of you are to blame.

Regarding your question-should you/should you not try your luck outside?well, will it be allright for your wife to have the same thoughts as you? If you genuinely can give her the go ahead to try having a child out of wed lock, then you have answered your own question.


btw, no one says its a walk in the park when you are faced with trials in life....and dont bring the angle that i dont understand either

if she calls, do not pick her calls and do not reply her sms.You need to heal first and this would not happen till you deal with your emotions

abi o chaircover, he really will laugh at himself in a few years.
op, time heals.move on

Pray for her also and talk to her in real ways about it.For e.g, when she is upset about it, don't give her the cliche answers like-God will do it.
Be more open about how you feel,it goes a very long way.
It gets worse with concerned persons as the years go by and the children dont come, so she has to be ready now, before the externally voices intrude

strange as my advise may seem....wifey needs to find new hubbies, visit the hospital/ people going through real issuesterminally ill people etc, whao are going through challenges and not whining and also attend a church that doesnt constantly make her feel like an invalid because there are no kids yet...i mean the type of church where there are constant reminders that "this is your month"

Life is so beautiful, kids add to the beauty, but if they dont come, God be praised

Jarus,
16months and two miscarriages!tears came to my eyes.May God keep this one

i have now been given a name on nairaland...jenny's alter ego.
jenny i dey fear oh.how can i be you?

this is hilarious.If you have some time, you can check previous threads where Jenny and i have had our e fight and e make up.I am not Jenny o.

sub zidi thank God for your safe journey back....you arrived today as Jenny suggested abi?

am sorry to say this to you dramakween, but if your husband has started giving you ultimatums like this so early in marriage, its not a good sign.

The next part of the scenario is really doing my head in. You obviously told your mum or parents and the next thing she did is to go and beg your husband. Please give yourself and family some self esteem.Beg him how? He says you should accept the consequences of whatever his actions will be-cheating on you.Why do some people play God.
wow

Its up to you to decide what you want to do.
Is this what marriage has become?
Is there any one in his family you can speak to?
Are you ready to accept being in a relationship with another child involved from another woman...by November?
Try not to develop high blood pressure.maybe you should take a holiday and seek the face of God somewhere else whilst you try to regain some sanity.

Warm hugs

gaggi its ok,
i also communicated with sub zidi and the number worked.
The importasnt thing is she has been advised well.sometimes it isnt easy to discuss issues with friends or family and anonymous persons tend to tell you the blunt truth rather than sweet coat it

poster,
this is just another obstacle in marriage that you will definitely cross.I dont know what the "marriage issues" are that your wife discussed.I can only deduce from the little you have written that....it could be that you are a reserved person and your wife is more outgoing and more outspoken than you.If this is the case, there may be some things which you consider as family secrets which to her maybe regular discussions....i dont know, i am just saying.

You know we all come from different backgrounds and react to things differently.Think about the things she has discussed with others, has she really stabbed you in the back.If you sincerely believe your wife is a good woman, then she probably didnt intentionally spite you by discussing these issues.

Both of you have been together for 5years, abeg try to remove the negative thoughts.relationships have stages, this is just another stage.pele and talk to God to, to help ease of on the anger you feel.
i hope this helps in a little way.

travelling is so much fun and broadens the mind.been to a few places...let me see

madrid spain
barcelona spain.... amazing
mucia spain.......amazing
maberlla -spain
algeciras spain.....amazing

venice italy.........the hype is more than the actual
florence italy
rome italy.....beautiful architecture, ancient, just wonderful

lisbon portugal..... i love

denmark....about 4 cities
sweden
mid east
malaysia

nice france
paris france
monaco france

and many more.the more you travel, the more you realise that there are so many more places to visit.the world s so diverse and beautiful

Dear Poster,
in a way i understand where you are because my dad was an atheist whilst i was growing up and my mum eventually became a fire brand shouting in tongues xtian.
Well my dad persecuted her and it was fun to watch....i added this part to let you know that your kids will be fine, dont worry.

About your husband being an atheist and voicing out his opinion, i really do not see anything wrong with it.Just as you have your beliefs and opinions, so does he and he actually has a right to express it.

I imagine that it may be initially difficult for you to understand his way of thinking, but if you look at it from the perspective that that world does not revolve around you and the ways you think are right that would help.

Listen to his point of views and respect them, just the same way he listens to you talk about christianity-remember that he cant stand the christian beliefs but he listens all the same.

Your husband has seen many christians make a morkery of what real christianity is (he is a doctor) and this has probably contributed largely to his present decision to say his mind aloud.....you should see what christians do at hospitals...you'd have an idea as to why he is angry.

Lastly, dont try to change him...thats the work of the holy spirit.pray for him and let him be a dad to his children. we knew my dads beliefs and he never imposed them on us, today i am a christian because i decided to be, not because a parent made the decision for me.

then relax,life isnt only about your point of view.
loads of love and grace

nothing.in sickness and in health...you took a vow

yep, i know exactly what you mean Jenny. i am emotionally exhausted too.

last page replace everywhere you have written women in your post with MEN and do me a favour by taking your own advice

debrief has every right to be angry jare.ah ahn.I am so angry with the situation, but angrier that the lady didnt love herself enough.How can one constantly be trying to seek approval from other human beings...see the end result

so sorry for all the pain your dad has caused you, your siblings and your mom.
This is my opinion, it will take a while for you to readjust back to your dad coming back into your life.dont rush it and if you believe in God, asking for His help in forgiving works.its a slow step, but you also need to heal.
I cant advise you on whether or not to help your dad financially...thats up to you.But i am so glad God gave you a husband (an angel) to help you.
sorry

boys are easier to roll around and play with, girls too much maintenance as they grow up

rubbystar,
are you the one going through all that in your marriage or someone you know(the blog link you posted).I really feel so bad for you.omg.Is there no one who can accommodate you temporarily?

Are you sure you have your self esteem back woman?because if you really value your God given life, you wont ask us for our opinions.If you were my sister, i will make sure that i take you somewhere else so that you can see that life is beautiful.
Abeg go and develop your life and stop attracting loosers.And honestly, please dont think about marriage for now, till you rediscover your self worth, because no man will respect you if you dont respect your self first

op,
your husband is one of the men who get a little bit more jealous than others, no wahala with that.it only makes you learn.make peace with this situation and next time, dont mention all the men you accidentally ran into in the day, his heart cant bear it and you probably are free spirited and dont think anything about saying hello to someone ( a man) you know, but its a big deal for your hubby.mine is like that too, so i can identify.

op
pls re-read ifyalways post- many times, till it sinks in

Akan, please stop, everyone has something or the other happening in their lives, sometimes the way we choose to respond to the situation is what matters and thats what debrief was trying to say in her first post. The OP needs to slow down a little, as long as her husband is under pressure and his ego is in the way, well  , no show.he will come round but maybe not as soon as the op wants, in the meantime, relax you hvae a good life

x

thumbs up recruitment.people generally over think on behalf of those without kids.
mazaje why do you feel sorry for your aunt, i dont think she wants to be pitied.there's so much more to life than having children. after having them, then what? ah you have agirl, when will you get a boy.then you have two kids, when is the 3rd one coming.its so overatted

thank you busy body for your notes to me, i will take it on board.i appreciate