HARDDON:



When you expect mou to quake ,he stands firm like an iroko but when u dearly need him to stand firm, he quivers like drenched rats



Imagine how boys are playing by d air making us watch d match with our hearts on our hands

So u dey watch ball, even a man u fan... I think say na only girl matter u sabi oh... No beef intended

Walk on the streets naked and shout, who wants to have sex with me publicly

Wetin concern man with DP, we should be concerned about uploading money in our bank accounts

Woow

If you hear the word 'online forum', things that should come to your mind is nairaland, ftc-land, DM-not-working-land, lalasticlala-land and romanceland. Maybe because they have no potential competitor.

But if you hear the word fintech, what should come to your mind is Interswitch webPay, GTPay, VoguePay, CashEnvoy e.t.c. But for those who are updated with fintechs, they would have heard about paystack.

I created this thread solely because of the team #NothingEverWorksInNigeria.

Firstly, i want you all to know i'm just a developer and i don't work with paystack.

To those who don't know what paystack is, they are simply a company that help you accept payments easily online without hassles. They actually started last 2 years, trust me on this, they are already making waves.

They accept payments for giants like hotels[dot]ng, Domino Pizza, Taxify, Jobberman, IROKOtv, me and others.

TechPoint recently shared an exclusive tour and its mind blowing so i decide to, you know, make it known to Nigerians.

Let's just brush the CEO part, he is Shola Akinlade, nothing else special.

This sexy building is located at Ikeja GRA, Lagos.




Seriously, this building is awesome, Let's move closer.




OMG, Let's go inside shall we??
I said let's go inside!




Woow, lovely... Let's go meet the lady over there, she looks like a wife material




Hey bro, who the fork are you ?? Ok, this is their growth lead, he is Emmanuel Quartey.
Now, tell him to get lost, let's go meet that lady I told you about




Hello dear, you look beautiful, take that as a fact, not a compliment.



/* check if you can see the word 'welcome' translated in your language */



I'm so unlucky today, a guy will handle the tour, not a lady, shiit.
Chat you later sweetheart



This guy is so mean, he was just calling the names of places without even smiling, mtcheeew
He is like, "This is the lobby"




"The lobby"




Still with an angry face, "This is our conference room"




"Our conference room"




Ok, I'm getting pissed, I need a lady to continue the tour, this guy is just too airforce1




Then he finally got me really angry and mad when he said, "This is the window, the map and the AC"

Ok that's it, I need a lady to continue the tour, this guy is just too annoying.



And look that we found...


The new lady took me right to the other r.. sorry their bathtub


Seriously, what do you use a bathtub for in an office, I guess its just for fun.
//not that kind fun oh, perverts



She said, "let's go to our engineering room", by the time she held my hand, I was already in love




Oh my God, guys again ??
This guy here looks someone who was just annoyed by an angry customer, i can bet that is not his real face

But I am not too sure sha... Might just be his real face



And finally, the quiet room, this was where I met the tour lady...

With this kinda room, you need no we*d to get inspiration, inspiration will come by fire by force


Tour is over guys....



Wait, I just saw a bedroom
Nairalanders are so going to see this

Za other room, oops, its just a relaxation zone, if i am employed here, i would sleep most of my working hours + leisure hours away

*the tour lady then answered a call from someone and she said, "Hello sweet .... I can't wait to see you ..... Love you more"

As I'm typing this, I am seriously heart broken, the babe i yaff want to toast, all wife materials have been wifed.

Let me come and be going

Credits: TechPoint
Source: https://techpoint.ng/2017/09/21/paystack-office-tour/

Screenshots please

Khallyella:
It has always been near.

You look beautiful, with makeup. I would love to see you in person but oops, busy me!

I just quoted you to complement your good look, cus I know your PM's would have been filled up.

What others do wrong is UX(user experience) you could imagine how webPay would do their own payment interface on an android app, it would have been horrible and disastrous, after collecting a huge sum of 150,000, that's bad

Other web processors actually don't care for startups, they made receiving payments hard, so hard. I've tried almost all payment processors but only Voguepay and cashenvoy are fair to startups.

Meanwhile, paystack offers the power to totally control how you want to receive your money, everyone can receive payments without hassles, from an individual who doesn't even have a webpage, to a blogger, to an iOS developer to an Android developer like me.... Everybody!

What do they collect? Your cac certificate and a corporate account and that's all, same service delivery as other giants, even slightly better....

I don't work for them but I will definitely do my internship(IT) there if possible work there, they are just awesome.

Negotiate:

Have you tried an IQ test?

Were you planning to murder the guy before ?
Chai!!

Artistree:

u connect is real and yes, they recruit for Diamond bank.

As far as I'm tech-wise, you can send bulk sms with customised sender id like U-connect but not Diamond Bank because Bank is a restricted word, also when you see dia-mond bank, it clearly shows that the attacker is trying to bypass restricted words by using dia-mond bank instead of diamond bank...

Except otherwise you applied earlier to diamond bank, this sms is subjected to scam

Do not click the accept button if you see "Not yet accepted or Not admitted"... Wait till the list comes out.... Clicking the accept button is irreversible

I can do that.... Its easy let me give you a recap of the logic I would use
But first, what rilli are you working on, app is a generalized term, it can be android, ios or windows... Or even desktop apps

MrBen10:
please, when is this world ending?
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All this fake things ladies are doing is even surprising the devil himself

The world is ending tomorrow bro.... Just look up sept 23 on google

Peacefulgold:
u people don't get it,dis guy is an investor dat also wants profit ,he bought as much as 5 so he will get a discount ,and who told u he wants to use all d 5 iPhone 8,they are for sale and he will also make his profit from them.

So what you are insinuating is that 5 discounted iPhone 8 are assets ??

missbeckykisses:
Oh God, see selfie phones wasting away, and am here using infinix or as I call it inferior

Sorry for going off-topic but I need you to answer a question....
Is there actually a difference between God and Allah

Source code is not a launcher that you can install!! Its more complex than you think so just ignore it.

Since you said you don't even know how to root a phone, don't even bother to know how to use a source code....

Open source means programming codes written and available to everyone

Source Code is the name given to the programming codes

Well not everyone needs an open source for Xos and besides, without a proper knowledge of the language the code is written in, you just can't understand shii or even make use of it at all, so don't bother to download it....

But OP, are you sure its Source Code you saw ??

samueltoski:

Pls can I how can I use paystack without a register company

Sorry, you just have to register either a business name or a company.... Business name cost 11000naira only and you can DIY.

You'll need a lot more money to register a company and also a lawyer for company registration.

Page saved for future reference...

Well I don't need to cram these things, my payment processor (PayStack) validates card numbers, Security and expiry date right from my android app before initializing payment

Its been long since I saw u on fb oh.... What's up?? Mr Wadup, AM, Let's Chat.... So na PreemChat u finally choose, cool tho
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Just look at your head start You can't get a playstore account by yourself ? If you don't have the money, family members will help out, they are your closest bank. I don't want anybody to help this guy, if he want great results, he should perform great actions.... Upload it yourself, on your account

ikp120:
I just said lemme pity you and epp you small.

You transitioned from being a pussy nigga to being an absolute asshole. (Hey, don't even flare up before I descend on your with my cane. I am your counsellor, so sit the fvck down and pay attention )

You think the guys you call bad are absolute assholes because you don't even know who the so called bad guys are. If you don't know me and you wanna be me, how the fvck are you gonna be me? (Dude, don't even try to flare up because I just dey manage my vexation spirit for here o. How dare you misrepresent the brand of niggas called bad guys? Huh, bro? E dey pain me )


The solution to your problem is very easy. I shouldn't be giving it out for free but the image of the bad guys is at stake mehn.

1. First of all, understand that a real man (bad guy) doesn't try to impress ladies because he, the real man, is the boss. His life does not depend on the lady. A pussy nigga on the other is a fake man who lives all his life trying to impress a lady. Without the lady he will be contemplating suicide. He has no balls in his amu sack

2. DO NOT apologise to her under any circumstance because it was just an argument. You didn't hit nor insult her. It was mutual. There are two ways to hand over your balls to a woman: saying "I am sorry" over nothing and saying "I love you". Don't go near those regions. I know say pussy niggas dey come for me for saying this.

3. This is the real deal!

Wait for 6 and half days (Morning till night na one day. Half day na wetin then? Rhetorical question please ) from today, 7th September, 2017. If she doesn't contact you, just send her this text on the 6 and "halfth" day.

You're gonna send the ball to her court (reverse psychology. Somebody holla "back to sender!" . Pay attention to the totorial o ).

Send this message to her via email and text:

"You said that you love me but for over a week now you haven't even checked on me to know how I'm doing. If I had died 2 days ago in that hospital you would have come to my graveside shedding tears and telling everyone about how much you loved me, right?

Mary was there; Jones was there; Terry was there; David was there; but the one who claims to love me wasn't there. Wow! Is that how love works? If that's how love works then I don't want to have anything to do with love"

My brother, no pick her call o. No reply her messages again o. No go her house again o. Start forming for her. She WILL come asking after what happened at the hospital, IF she really loves you. Just DO NOT worry about her again.

You have successfully fired the ball into her court. She will be the one apologising now and begging to know what really happened.

PS: All the names in the message are names of people you know.

Don't thank me bro. Thank reverse psychology. That's what girls use on guys.

Bad guys are actually the guys who beat these girls to their games using the same tactics they deploy

4. DO NOT behave like an asshole again by being harsh unnecessarily. That's inhumane bro. Anyone who does that ain't even human, talk less of being a bad GUY.

If after doing all these and she doesn't apologise in 10 days after sending the message, I WILL DEACTIVATE ALL MY ACCOUNTS ON NAIRALAND!

Harddon, I'm very correct na

Oh my fucking christ... I wish to be like you, HarDDon, XXXTEDDYXXX, NovelistGuy and all those dope ass alpha male here, you rock mehn, thumbs up!!!

People are wicked.... Let me retoun to my house, this place is not friendly

If you get 9 as an answer, Do you know why the answer 9 is wrong??

So i was just feeling down after having a bad day when I saw this problem, as a java and c++ programmer, it sparked me....

I know the real answer to this question but the answer is not so detailed, if you're interested in the solution, you can do more findings

What is 6÷2(2+1)

The real answer follows the rule of mathematics so your calculators might not help you

DeConsultant:
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For Business Name: 25K for 4 working days.

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NGOs (Church, Club, Foundation etc): 120K (30 days, inclusive of mandatory 28 days for public notice.

Contact us via call or WhatsApp us on 08107804290.

Hello, I just paid the sum of 10,000 naira for business name registration with the approved name Silvernett Technologies. On getting to my submission point today, I was told I should submit my school certificate which I wasn't told before, I am really heartbroken right now as I do not know what else to do. The problem is just that i'm an undergraduate studying computer science, year 3. The worst part is that its a five year course. I really need the certificate for my currency exchange business but due to the fact that I have no certificate, what else do I do so that my 10,000 naira won't be wasted

Bro... If you wrote the codes of your portal by yourself, then you can setup a payment gateway with paystack.... Their integration is as eazy as hello world.....
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I could have helped but I've only integrated their android payment gateway on my app using java

MODIFIED: The last time I checked, paystack don't charge payments below NGN2500 but their problem is that you must have a Corporate Affairs Commision certificate for them to approve you or you have a Corporate Bank account....
PS: They don't charge for integration unlike GTPay and WebPay that charges 75000 and 150000 respectively, although voguepay is also a zero setup fee.

If you still feel like getting vogue pay for yourself, its not hard setting it up
.........
If you still want to hire someone, well I wrote my android app backend server in php so why won't I be able to integrate voguepay for you, just hit me 08104422662 or 08186565170

ReorxTohGan:
lol...so if D_Day couldnt load cus of high graphics,so games like Godfire,GTA SA etc,wuld make d phone spark,like d name implies? ..Tecno is a joke abeq!!!!!!

I don't know how the OP and everyone else thinks that a 1gb ram can't play d-day, maybe he guessed... I've played GTA on a 1gb ram phone and it doesn't lag like how people always paint it, anyways, 1gb ram is small for such a great phone

sampett:
please need to write a programme to execute these questions taking input from the keyboard

Question (1) Standard equation of a circle (x-h)^2 + (y-k)^2 = r^2 (2) Arithmetic progression (AP) (3) Relativity E =mc^2

I know fur sure you're using netbeans but you can't figure what to write out.... I'll help u for a token, let me know if you can write hello world in java and I'll help u. If you can't write hello world in java then .....

DanielTheGeek:


You mean your count HAS ALWAYS fallen between 167k to 289k..... Bro I smell redundant stuff

I swear