₦airaland Forum

Wow! This is really good. . . I love it!!!!

It has the same flow as my FAVORITE poem of all times, Wole Soyinka's Telephone Conversation.

Well Done!

Thanks Everyone.


[quote author=Ruby_Pearl link=topic=149836.msg2539237#msg2539237 date=1216686547]Just as long as you want.
So write it short, Some write it long, Some write it three pages long like Sisikill [/quote]3 pages? Ha ha. . . that's not right. I wrote it on word first before pasting it and I promise you it was only 5 and 1/2. . . okay, okay, I'll well tell the truth and shame the devil it was like 6 pages.

I know what the problem is. . . apart from the issue of me going on and on I mean, I double space everything but I'm working on it.



@ KarmaMod
Slave_Driver. . . errr. . . I mean KarmaMod, alright I'm gonna tackle one of the other themes mostly because i can fear the crack of you whip on my back. LOL

HCH3COO:
I have come to you with goodness in my heart. Getting you to see this good is where the problem lies.


_{first step is admitting my purpose. i have done that.}

Rotflmao! When are you gonna write you own story?

It would be a crime to let talent like yours go to waste.

HCH3COO:
"God made women as help mates for men"
SisiKill, July 2008.

LMAO! You wouldn't!!

doyin13:
Sisikillwetin be your other id for this forum?

Me? Emi? Another name? Ah, please oh.

I don't sabi how they get other names in this place.

Sisikill was the name my daddy, by order from my grandaddy, gave me 7 days after my mommy, who was encouraged to get pregnant quickly by my grandmommy, born me. No other name oh. Why do you ask?

By the way, IIRC, you and I sorta have similar upbringing. I remember our paths crossing on the Muslim marry Chirstian Thread and I'll tell you why I remember. . . see, I was reading the thread going "are people for real? Why are they making this such a big thing? What bizzaro world have I found myself?" and then BAM! I came across your post. . . couldn't have come at a better time coz I was about to call a divorce lawyer for my parents. . . even though Dad has passed on and has been for yrs now, I figured they still needed to be divorced. . . ya know, save the soul of my Poor christian mother. Anyhoo, your post brought me back to reality and I was like "Whew! The world has not turned upside down after all" So thank you for saving me from becoming a "The Child of Divorce"

Huh. . . that was you right?

HCH3COO:
Ehemm! We are only kuku exchanging words of tranquility.

Oh so that's what you were doing. Mah Bad!

See how I'm such a novice when it comes to lovey lovey.

Okay, carry carry on. Don't mind me.

Gamine:
im trying to help the poor element

but hin no wan. . ,

He dosnt want to accept help

Awww, that is so sweet. God made women as help mates for men ^{(please don't use these words against me in the future)}. Ah, never mind him. . . the male ego is something else. Just find a way to let him think he's do one doing all the "thinking", that ought to do it.

Aww, come on guys. . . let's not fight.

Can't we all get along? Don't make me to sing "Kumbaya" in this place oh. Apart from not knowing the words, I sing like a toad and trust me, it does not sound pretty. . . but I will sing if I have to. I will! I will!

So CH3COO Mi amore, sugar, honey, sweetie, pretty, lovely, handsome ^{and you thot you were the only one with the sweet words} how's about calling a truce, eh?

By the way, I just noticed your names is switched around? What happened?

doyin13:
@Sisikill

Pretty Good. . . . .Probably the best that has been written so far.

Thank you

timmfikk:
@ Ibkhaye, nice one, keep it up ma'm

@ Oyinye, Good one babe, really got you cool

@Sisikill thanks so much for the comments, u're also one of da bomb man, keep up doing the great work, Naija all de way.

You're welcome and the other side of me. . . the Hermy side, thanks you for saying "man"

KarmaMod:
Loved it SiSi.

I'm glad you decided to join in

Now tackle the other themes!

I'm glad you liked it.

LMAO! Gah! I was hoping I would get away with not doing the other themes.

The falling in love one has got me stumped. Honestly what I recall was feeling so light headed and like I was gonna puke but that's not what the movies tell you it feels like. So i figure it would be best if I saved everyone from having to read crap about throwing up, sweating and stammering like a goat. LOL

"Are you okay?" he asked me "You were screaming"

"I. . . I. . .” I swallowed “I was testing out a dialogue" I lied.

Akin smiled, I could see him mentally chucking the incident up as one of the many eccentricities of a writer.

"Ah, so was that your character being killed" he asked, drawing me into an embrace.

"Sorta. . . it was also me fighting my inner demons. An exorcism of sorts" my voice muffled into his chest.

"Demons, murders and exorcism. . . Tell me again why I'm with you?"

"I bring excitement into your life" I replied raising my head from his chest to look up at him. "Without me, you'd live a boring Accountant life, where numbers and balance sheet was all the fun you'll have"

"Ah! I remember now" he smiled and slowly leaned in for a kiss. I met him half way.

God! I love him with every fiber of my being. I'm grateful for him; he always managed to pull me from the edge. When we finally broke apart, he grabbed my hand leading me out the door.

"Come on, I'll cook you dinner”

"I haven't finished the. . . “I half protested.

"It can wait, right now you need food. How can commit murder on an empty stomach?" He joked

"I don't think I want to anymore" the words tumbled out of my mouth.

"Do what? Eat?"

"No. . . murder. I don't think I want to do it" I repeated in a small voice. "It's sick, it's morbid. . . It's insane"

Akin turned to face me. Surprise written on his face

"Sweetie, you aren't really doing it. You are writing about it, it's all fiction"

“I know, I know” Actually I didn’t know anything anymore. This book was bringing something in me. . . something I don’t think I like.

“Oyin, you have been blessed with an imagination to spin tales. . . tales, people like me who see the world only in numbers, can lose ourselves in. Don’t begrudge us of that. . .” he said giving me a lost puppy dog look. I smiled and pushed him out the door

“Oh alright, feed me. Give me strength to maim; torture and kill” I replied in my best Igor voice

“At your service my gentle murderess”

An hour later, I curled up on the loveseat and I watched my husband pour himself a glass of wine. I had declined; I needed a clear head if I wanted to finish up the chapter. He joined me on the chair.

“I called the travel agent. How does Bora Bora sound to you?”

“Like heaven” I replied.

“I thought so. I’ve asked him to make it next Tuesday; will you be done by then?”

“Yes” I wasn’t sure but I couldn’t tell him that. We’d already changed our vacation plans 3 times because of my book.

“Good” He replied and took a sip of his wine. Well, that was that, I guess. Maybe having a deadline will motivate me into completing the chapter.

“Okay, I guess that’s my cue to get back to work” I said getting up and headed to my study.

“Here’s to a lovely killing” he toasted behind me and I laughed without looking back.

Once in the study, I paused. . . as if to make sure HE wasn’t there. Of course, he wouldn’t be he’s in your head stupid. I sat behind my desk and picked up the pen I had abandoned earlier. I read the last words I had written and then crossed it out. No, killing a man while he slept was too cowardly.

I began to write again. . .

She walked into the room; he was standing by the window, his back to her. She took out the gun

I stopped and then changed the gun to knife.

She took out the knife from where she hid it under her blouse. It felt right in her hand. Two more and she stood behind him. Should she call out to him or should she give him the gift of dying without knowing what hit him? Nah, she wanted to see the surprise in his face as the knife pierced through his flesh into his heart.

“Hey” she said softly.

He turned, his mouth widening into a smile which immediately turned into shock and surprise as the knife cut straight into his heart. She pulled it out and plunged again and again and again and again until he was lying on his back.

“Why? He asked as blood bubbled out of his mouth.

“I have to” she replied “I have to” she repeated over and over again.


“Well done!?” A voice cheered

I took a deep breath and stepped away from him. . . from Akin, who now lay on the floor, his shirt soaked in blood. I dropped the knife and wiped the sweat on my face with my bloody hands.

“Told you I could” I panted. “You see, you were wrong. I loved him and I killed him”

“That you did love, that you did it. You killed your lover! Didn’t think you had it in you but you proved me wrong”

“I am good. Say it . . . Say it!” I screamed “Say it! Say it”

News Report
Last Night, Writer Oyin Akin-Martins was picked up for the murder of her husband Akin Martins. At this moment, the motive for the crime remains unclear. According to sources close to the police department, Mrs. Martins was found sitting by his body, saying “I am good” over and over again. She’s been transported to County Mental Institution for a psyche evaluation before she appears before the judge for bail hearing.

Warning - It's Long. I mean really long. I'm working on keeping things short, I promise you.

Murder 101

She crept into the room; she could see him lying in bed, his back to her. She took the gun out from where she had hidden it under her blouse, it felt heavy in her hands. Two more steps and she stood at the foot of the bed. Should she wake him or should she give him the gift of dying without knowing what hit him?.

I threw my pen down, got up from the desk and began to pace. Okay, killing someone is not as easy as they make it look on TV, I'll tell you that right now.

I walked to the window; the setting sun told me how long I'd been at it. . . .murder I mean. The sun was barely up when I had started the most important chapter of my book "Death Gallows" and 10 hrs later there still wasn't any death. Ughh! Why was I having a difficult time with this?

"Stick a fork in it love, you're done." I heard my professor’s voice in my head. I don't know which was more annoying - that after 5 years, I still hear his berating voice and the cocky British accent it came in or that he . . . I . . . the voice in my head was right. I should just pack it up.

"Yeah you should" it was like he was in the room with me now. "You've committed the gravest offense a writer can"

"And what's that?" I asked trying to feign indifference.

"No! No! This is not how it's done" he snapped "I'm the teacher here. I ask the questions. Now what was it you did wrong?"

"I. . . I like him" I whispered like I was back in his class again

"Speak up" he ordered.

"I like him" I answered loudly.

"That's right; you've gone and fallen in love with your victim. How can you kill him now? Love will that to you. Oh you’ve lost it now" he dismissed.

"I can get it back. I can. Let me try" Insane! I couldn't believe I was pleading with a voice in my head.


"Remember what I said to you when you first walked into my class?"

Remember? I never forget. The way he had looked at me and told me I didn't belong there. "There's jingle writing class next door" and when I had told him I was in the right class, he laughed.

"You? In a Murder-Mystery class? You look like you should be baking cookies or singing nursery rhymes to children”

“I. . . I don’t bake and I don’t like children either” I had stammered.

“This should be interesting. Well then, have youself a sit and let’s see what you are capable of.”

And that how it began. . . Me doing everything I could to impress him and him getting less impressed with each attempt. It is why after graduating top of his class, I still felt like a failure, it is why immediately after I signing my 3 book deal with Pendant publishing, one of the nation's top publishing house, I went straight to the bathroom and puked my brains out and it is why after 5 years I can still hear his mocking voice in my head.

"Do us all a favor, love and make it a romance, I beg you. That way you and your lover can ride into the sunset with harps playing in the background?"

"I don't do romance" I muttered

"Well you might as well do it now, because there's no way you're going to get murder out of that"

"I can! I can and I will" I screamed

"Prove it! Kill him. . . Kill him" he pushed "You can't, can you? Because you love him" he laughed, his voice dripping with disdain and at that very something snapped in me.

"You know what? I don't have to prove anything to you” I yelled “Not anymore, I am a good writer. . . a darn good one and I don't need you to tell me that"

"Yes, maybe a Romance writer after which you can move to children’s books. . .

“Shut Up”

“That way, you can write about fluffy bunnies.

“Shut up”

“And the fairies riding on a rainbow. . . when do they come in?

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up" I screamed, shutting my eyes and shaking my head.

"Oyin? Baby?"

I opened my eyes to see Akin, my husband, standing in front of me.

@ Onyinye2
Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned!!!

Well done!

And you thought you didn't have it in you!

Gamine:
The countries listed are their SADC countries +
other African countries
are legible to enter

Oh okay, thanks Gamine. 60% for you

HCH3COO:
elig

Well color me surprised! A guy who knows when to say. . . when?

Wonders shall never cease.

HCH3COO:
na lie?


_{it's amazing how you knock me off my feet
Everytime you come around me I get weak}

Grandpapa was right!

You are a man of flowery words!

Okay, maybe I'm reading wrong but they didn't mention Nigeria on the list of countries.

Does that mean we can't be a part of it?

jummiee:
@CH3CHOO & SISIKILL

Hmmmm, cyberlove ! how romantic, u guys need to go on a cyberdate (just teasin)

@ SISKILL

read your piece, lovely ! was already feeling so sorry for your character, sandra, till i read the last three lines, intriguing story.

I think u can write romance, even though u think the description of emotions of attraction sounds sappy and silly, (e.g butterflies in the stomach, weak knees, irregular heartbeart at the sight of the 'crush' ) but havent u ever felt any of these reactions towards someone u were attracted to? , if u have, then it makes it all easier, just picture yourself as the character being attracted to the other.

Aah, I guess you are not aware that CH3COO is Nairaland's Casanova. All the threads are littered with the hearts of the many girls he's broken. . . but for the grace of my dead granpapa who told me "Sisi, my love. . . stay away from men of flowery words" (he should know, he was one himself) I would have been one of them.

Yeah, you gotta feel sorry for her. The woman is a freaking Psycho.

I guess I can try my hand on romance. . . to be honest, the last time I did was years back and when I didn't get the desired result, I just abandoned.

HCH3COO:
She doesn't do my type.

Gamine:
@Doyin, i did not call your attention

@Sisi, HEN!!!!!!!!!!
my fee is 50% nothing lest!

i did not google for chicken change!

Lmao! Okay, okay since you googled and everything I guess i can do 50%

ibkaye:
MURDER

Does murder have a color? Yes, I think it does, the color red, blood red, like trickles of blood, running down from a fresh cut wound, the type you get when you scrape your tender knee on coarse concrete, a mere paper cut or even a stab wound, not just from any knife, I’m not talking about the kind you’ll probably find in the kitchen amongst mum’s favorite stash of cutlery, those are just infants, I’m talking about the big boys. Something like an axe, a cold, hard axe, silver glistening fiercely like stars in the night, if it had not been for the numerous splurges of blood staining that precise area, your reflection would have been so clear. So sharp that even a razor could not compare, though not as powerful as Aoyagi Manor Museum’s collection of samurai swords, obviously not, but still effective.

Imaging the feeling, no, the feelings that will overtake your entire body having such a colossal monster smashed into your skull, like cutting into yam, though the consequences are not as gruesome. Mr. Murderer is your predator, you are the prey. You feel numb, you feel pain, you see red, you see blood, you feel death, this is murder.

Sorry It Is Short O

Okay, this is beautiful.

I envy people who can write short and to the point. I just go on and on and on.

I'll think about the highlighted part next time i"m eating yam.

djikb:
how's this:
it creeps up into my thoughts every time
how it happened again and again as i let my conscience die
to think it all started as a joke, a simple thrust and a poke
but now it hardly strikes me as a crime

i need not bother you with details gory
life after death is another story
just as death is a waste of birth
life is a waste of death


HOW'S THAT- AND FOR YOU CRITICS,DON'T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, ITS JUST A VULGAR WORK OF CREATIVITY. I KNOW MURDER IS A SERIOUS CRIME THAT SHOULDN'T BE JOKED WITH.

I love it! it speaks to me in every which way.

doyin13:

FEAR

E no easy to live for London in the first place. But if u no com get paper, Ol bob na double trouble. The government people for this country jus dey tighten rope for illegal immigrant neck harder and harder. Today you go hear say, na biometric testing dey jus introduce. Tomorrow, you go hear say na ID card. I say if u no believe say the anti-christ dey corner, you suppose go see eye mechanic.

Anyway, me as I dey so now, I jus dey come back from my friend Askoni place. E be tell me say make I com see am about one job, but as you already don guess, na no show. The supervisor na one old wowo woman wey I refuse im invitation a few years back. Walahi, that time I dey hungry for woman sotay, na permanent erection be my nickname. But men, this woman deflate all my desire no be small. Na so she wowo reach. As she see me like this with my friend, she just talk emphatic no. For Cleaner job oo, na im dey take use me pose so. I say, people I don suffer.

So na my situation be that oo. Na my last three pounds I use take enter this Bus 53 to Elephant and Castle. And see as the bus just full. Honestly dey suppose do something about this route. Person go don tire and e no go see seat for inside bus. And the bus slow sotay, e be like journey say na from outside to inside london.

Ahn Ahn why this man dey look me na. In normal circumstances, I for word am well well as Naija man concern. But mehn, this guy big. The guy hench. I dey guess say e no dey less that 6 foot 5. I say mehn, e no go take anything for the guy to tear me into two. And as e dey look me, e no blink one time. E jus dey look me straight for eye.

So jeje, na im i tell am 'Sorry', even though I no know wetin I do. But even as I tell this my man sorry, e still stand there dey look me ooo. Anyway me I no
get time for this, so I waka a bit deeper inside the bus, make I avoid trouble.


Oh my god. E ma gba mi oo. Why this Dongoyaro dey follow me na. See as my heart dey beat now. If na for Naija, I for jus shout, and you knw say naija like amebo, so crowd go gather. But for this country no way ooo. . . . .Dey fit dey rape woman for street, all this yama yama people go just look like say nothing dey happen. I don see where three small pikin wey no pass 14 dey beat person papa for main market, and nobody talk anything.

Anyway, me I no get time for wahala. My stop na still three stops away. . . .I fit waka reach. I go drop for here. Make I leave kingdom for this mad man.

Okay. Make I waka the thing. . . . .Na who get this kain heavy footsteps. Make I turn look. . . . .Lord of Nazareth, this Matamba still dey follow me.

Where I go run reach now ooo. . . .

Jeebus save me! This is freaking hilarious!!!

I think I've lost all semblance of being sane, won't be surprised if the men in white coats come and cart me off.

timmfikk:
Hear we go!!!!

This young dude in my area like to go to parties, he is a young man born in a christian family, but always like and enjoy things like partying in da club and many more, suddenly a day the young man had to go to one kind of party like that where every one who is attending are really VIP strictly i mean, but the guy was like filled with joy and have free move around with peeps babe, suddenly he challenge young babe to dance with him, but the lady was like hey, you (calling his name) i knew the day you went to the first party of your life, ha ebu! the guy was like hey ma'm what a nonsense but never know the young woman have so much back up before we could know whats really happening ogba leti oo and thats how the beefs started. After settling the issue right there, the babe keep wondering how could a guy whom his first ever party was my birthday bash slapped me, eh' impossible i will never let him go freely, suddenly they jam one more time at a street party then these time the young woman call him to dance with her, he was so filled with joy and the young babe told him we need to go and do that in da club sha oo you know guys na seeing an opportunity of what you need. He left with her and then they hang around in the party until the babe ask her why did you slap me the other day, he was like a mistake the next thing was a bottle hammering from backside, with a deep voice Never in your life try to dance with these type of woman.

Mehn before they figured out everything them don shook d guy and that is how he gt murdered oo

ROTFLMAO, Oh my heavens!

Good God! Man you owe me a new keyboard.

Let this be a lesson, don't drink and read. I have no idea what I'm gonna tell IT now.

Awww, Gamine you are too sweet. 20% is too much right? You deserve it. Okay, okay. . . I'll do 15% but that's it, I can't go any lower.

Nice!!!!

Thanks Gamine! If we win, we'll share the loot with you. 20% finder's fee.

Peeping through the window

Oh la la! Orgy, S&M, tantalizing pre-intimacy. Ye Gods! Be still my beating heart. I. . . I feel light headed


Grabs brown paper bag Breaths in and out.

Come Sisikill, snap out of it or you'll miss the action.