₦airaland Forum

cescky:
na u be that girl

LMOA! How did you know? I didn't think you'd. . . wait a sec, which girl are you talking about? Is it the one from the other day with the thing at that place? Are you kidding me? God forbid! Please ooh, that is not me. I am the girl from the other place with the thing on that day.

HCH3COO:
So Nigerian guys who decide to move on after a girl rejects them are now uncouth and immature. Hmm

you stay they say you're stubborn
you leave they say you're immature.
what do women want

No, moving on is not immature, refusing to talk to her anymore IS. Come on now, what is with the boning? What. . . is he trying to emotionally blackmail her? And to press home the point on how immature he is, he asks why she is bothered about him not talking to her. Gah! he's even lucky she is still talking to him. Me. . . I would added his name under my growing list of Schizophrenic guys. Talking and chilling one minute and then boning around the place the next, what nonsense?

We don't always get what we want and accepting rejection or failure in stride shows a certain degree of Maturity.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]I was thinking aristocracy [/color]

LMAO! So was I. . . I tell ya, I love our Naija vocab, ehn. Nothing is always what it seems and everything is the oposite of what it is and something just don't make a lick of sense but I love it nonetheless.


@ Topic
If my husband gets angry, I'll try to find a way to pacify him, then I will sit him down and gently ask him. . .

"Did you really think what you contributed from your 50k a year salary was enough to cover the wedding? Come on now, you can't be that dense. . . we bought top of the line lace fa and how many cows did we kill? What about the apos of rice? 3 different Aso Oke for your greedy mother, my two wedding gowns (one for church and one for reception) and all the remaining petty petty things like your shoes, your watch. Where did you think the money was coming from? Abeg get over it jare and escort me to Uncle's house. I need a new car, I swear if I wait for you to buy me that Tokunbo you're still saving for, I'll be jumping on Molue for the rest of my life. Now give me a smile? Aww, what a good honey you are. Yes you are. Yes, you are."

Honestly, I find it really uncomfortable saying these words and would much rather show how I feel with my actions. Unfortunately I've gotten into so much trouble because I haven't learnt how not to roll my eyes when I hear someone else say it but I'm working on it.

Every Monday & Tuesday from 9pm to 9:15pm and Thursdays from 8:30 to 8:45pm,  I stand in front of the mirror and practice my "Oh my God! I can't believe this! This is the best thing that has happened to me" look. I've found out that if I'm thinking of Strawberry Cheesecake, I get the same effect coz I do love my cheesecake. I thank God for that.

Chika? Jand? Bone?

Mercy me!

@ Topic
OP, don't mind her jare, I think she has spent too much time in civilized society, she has forgotten how to deal with uncouth, immature Nigerian Guys who get mad and take it as a personal attack when a girl says no. The next time you see her, slap her face and say "Yes, I did it". I swear if that doesn't bring her back to her sense, I don't what will.

Good Luck, sha and don't forget to hiss, eye her up and down and say 'shoir" when you're done with the slapping.

Now I get it, Chinese makes sense when you think about it.

Authenticity is an illusion, there's nothing new under the sun.

Confidence was a good movie

oh man! I missed it

Hiss is the sound snakes make.

Oko is the flaccid part on men that gives them confidence.

I'm addicted to Cranberry Juice, before that it was wafers with strawberry creme fillings, before that it was trail mix, before that it was Mentos, before that it was lifesavers, before that it was Water Melon.

I've read Child Possessed by Richard Baxter about 1000 times since I first got it as a gift when I was 8.

Once I lash out, I'm done. . . don't do well with malice keeping because I forget to hold it.

I have to have more than one thing going or I'd get bored.

I'm terrible with faces, that's why I can meet someone for the 100th time and still go "Hi, don't think we've met"

Still don't get the North, South, East, West thingy but very good with Navigation because I landmarks stick in my head.

My all time favorite show is The X-Files, was depressed for months on end when it ended. 2nd favorite show is The Simpsons. . . even though it's been crappy since the 12th season but I still gotta watch, coming at #3 is South Park.

I'm an insomniac because from ages 6 to 12, I couldn't sleep for 1 hrs straight without waking up in cold sweats. My parents tried everything until the docs told 'em, it was my overactive imagination, that I make up things so frightening I scared myself.

ibkaye:
lool you are very funny

HCH3COO:
Ugh! This sucks.

What sucks? You won the game, you got a new girl.
What more do you want dude?
What? What for the love all the fcuks in the world, what?
I'm tearing my hair out trying figure it out    

Tee Hee Hee
Shoulda known you'd find
You must have a radar for 'em or somethin'
Anyhoo, ignore my last message on the F thread.
At least the first part, the last part still stands.
Oh I guess I won't be a good guarding angel if I didn't say this.
Tread Careful Son [Insert Errie Laughter here]

Apologies DeepZone

Psst, come closer, oh come closer I'm not gonna bite! Jeez, I wanna tell. . . whoa, whoa, I ain't kissing you either, pucker down those lips and listen. So I was on the dinner thread, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah I was snooping, sue me. Anyhoo, I think you might have yourself a new admirer. Yep, she sure seemed interested in you. Go see for yourself and you know the drill, don't start anything unless I'm there to watch. Now go out there slugger and make me proud.

Sniffs and wipes tears with sleeve of blouse

Awww, look at 'im go. They grow up so fast.

Lawd-a-fucking-mercy!!!

Uncle!! Uncle! I'm fucking crying uncle on the top of my fucking lungs!

I abso-fucking-lutely concede!!

I'll have to dig into the deep fucking recesses of my fucking mind to find anything fucking close to a response that!

So this is me saying you win! You are the master of your fucking domain! The Captiain of Your Fucking Ship!

All hail the King of Fuckery Kingdom!!!

HCH3COO:
Explains why I would much rather Fucking enjoy feeling Fucking good cuhmming than wasting my Fucking time messing with shit.
Grandma would commit the Fucking suicide herself after reading half a line of curse words.  I respect grannies though, even old Fuckers need love too.  :-

Ha! You think you can fucking take mah grandma? Now I know you got shit for brains.

The old bat wields her fucking purse like a fucking weapon. She'll take you the Bleep out before you pucker you lips for a fucking kiss.


I talk about teaching you how to do some online and offline ^insult fucking
And suddenly I'm a fucking dude? Well color me fucking surprised man! NOT
Bleep! I sorta knew you rolled that way but I didn't wanna say nothing.
You know, coz I thot it wasn't none of mah fucking business.
Well la di fucking dah, we gots us a fucking fairy on here.

Say when 

Disclaimer: Sisikill has nothing against fairies or errr. . . you know. People's personal sexual preferences are nobody's business but their own!

You read it 2 yrs ago? No you didn't.

Seriously, why are you trying to make my Future bit a thing of the Past?

Why. . . why would you wanna do that?

In their continuing effort to gain the upper hand in the battle of the sexes, the Men have struck back with the latest weapon in their arsenal. It only took them since beginning of time but The Powers That Be of Manhood have finally come up with A Guideline to make men feel better about themelves. . . .  errrr. . .  I mean to show men are truly DA MAN!

They call it. . . . 

^{*drumroll please*}

Men strike back!

*Wait for Men stop cheering, hollering and patting each other's butt.*
*And Women stop rolling their eyes*

1) How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it

2) Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

3) Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

4) How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me, "

5) How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

6) Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

7) If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


8 ) What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told


9) I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.


10) Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.


11) Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

12) Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.


13) In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.


WARNING: Ladies please do not to burst a gut while laughing at the latest in the many ways men try to keep up the illusion that they have the upper hand. If any guy is around you as you read this, don't scoff at his whooping of "Hell Ya! That's what I'm talking about. Women better recognize" Instead, look the other way and if you can, try to fake a shiver and say "Oh you guys sure told us. We are sooo scared. Yes, we are. Yes we are".

Now I know this might be hard. . . especially since you're still trying not to laugh, but remember letting men believe they still have the upper hand is the only way to keep them from having the upper hand.

Thank you,
Sisikill (Your inside source into the inner workings of a Man's Head)

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 WHEN

1. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you will share this with via email

13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

And Yes, I was laughing and I did scroll back to see that there wasn't a #9

dreeldee:
what da mess is going on here?

I was about the ask the same fucking question!

Don't quote me on this but I think it's all HCH3COO's fault.

HCH3COO:
I opted to ace Fucking instead.  It commands more respect.



fucking negro please.
isn't that all you can do online.  
Bleep people up with insults.
grrh . . why do I even bother explaining this to
you this mini-focker.

Ah! Explains why you're fucking fumbling with the shittalking.

Can't even fucking scare my 90yrs old granma in the a fucking dark alley.


It's Negress, thank you very much!
And I do both online and offline insult fucking.
Maybe one day, if you are good I'll teach how the Bleep it's done.
Aah! What the Bleep am I doing? Putting ideas in ya head like that?
It's a bleeped up thing to do. You'll never be good.

Go sharpen your claws, while I go take care of some fucking biiizness.

Oyaletor:
@ sisikill

come bros abeg make u take fcukin your time for this bleeping thread oh, u just wan come snatch my bleeping girl IBKAYE!!!

no just come dey toast my wife for my presence oh, hen - except say u want make i bleeping commit murder-------- take your time oh---------

@ HCH3COO

abeg helep me fcukin advice your bleeping brother-----wats that his name again sisikilldead , warn am oh make e leave my bleeping babe alone ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!


@NLDRS
bleeping BEG SISIKILL MAKE E NO TRASPASS FOR LANDED PROPERTY OHHHH!!!!

HEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEE

Rotflmao!!!!!    

Jeebus fucking Christo!

Calm the Bleep down dude.

Bleep! I don't know which fucking offends me more,

You thinking I'm a fucking guy or that I'd fucking use Elizabeth fucking Browning to woo someone.

Are you fucking kidding me? Elizabeth Browning? Bleep! Her Poems are so fucking lame.

Talking about fucking heights and width and Morning fucking glory and Eternal fucking sunshine?

Egads! Shoot me the Bleep up first!

I was only trying to fucking help you get the girl and this is the thanks I fucking get? Nah! That's it, I'm getting the Bleep outta the helping business.

Did you notice how she laughed it up? She fucking loved it man! ^{Sorry Ibkaye but this guy is a goner!} I hope you took some fucking note coz like I said, I'm out.

By the way, Sisidead? Fucking High-la-rious! Nice play on words there.  

HCH3COO:
Shitting is not in my vocabulary sisi.  I'm a loyal Focker.


_{bring it. i'll crush it like a pingpong ball}

You do know you have to ace your way in shittalking to become a loyal fucker, right?

Just Sayin'.



Crush it like a pingpong?
Ooooh, I'm so fucking scared.
Amatuer! Using shit talking 101 to fucking bring it?
Gah! Why the Bleep am I wasting my fucking time?

Oh Damn! You got Jipped!

I sure hope you didn't pay full price for your unfinished dictionary!

Honestly, it wasn't.

Gah! That shit is bleeped up.

Leaves a fucking bitter taste in your fucking mouth.

I was just coming to ask you how you fuking do it?

Jeebus! I fucking respect you.


You wanna brung it on?

Fucking Bleep! Did y'all get any fucking sleep last night?

Looks like you were fucking partying all fucking night.

What. . . my fucking invite got lost in the fucking mail?

Men That's bleeped up!

I'm not fucking stupid, ya know so don't try to fucking lie to me.

Aah Bleep that! I have nothing but love for the fucking lot of you.

So we've got a couple of loved birds in the fucking house!


*Sigh*

Love is so fucking sweet, when it is fucking done right.

A little fucking advice to Romeo. . .

All these bleeped up local lines you are spouting isn't going to fucking get you anywhere.

Bleep Dude, don't you get it! The girl is a fucking class act not a fucking local girl

You need to go fucking Victorian on her like this. . .

*Clears Throat*

Oh Ibkaye, Ibkaye, Ibkaye my one true one
How do I fucking love thee? Let me fucking count the ways.
I fucking love thee to the fucking depth and breadth and height
Bleep! My soul can reach, when feeling out fucking of sight
For the fucking ends of Being and fucking ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every fucking day's
Most quiet need, by sun and fucking candlelight.
I fucking love thee freely, as bleeped men strive for Right;
I fucking love thee purely, as they fucking turn from Praise.
I fucking love thee with a bleeped passion put to use
In my bleeped old griefs, and with my bleeped childhood's faith.
I fucking love thee with a love I seemed bleeped to lose
With my bleeped lost saints, --- I love thee with the fucking breath,
Fucking Smiles, Fucking tears, of all my Fucking life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but fucking love thee better after death. . .  wait death? Bleep that!
I ain't going to fucking die for no fucking person!

mohawkchic:
~Nooow that was some Awesome Shit!!


~ If You ever wondered the Linage of the Most Functional Word Of The English Language,check this out VVVVVVV



https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-45755.0.html

Are you shitting me? There is a linage for the word shit online?

Well I'll be damned! I tell ya, you can find all sorts of shit on the web today.

That's why I don't take shit seriously anymore.

HCH3COO:
Bleep is fucking preferable to whack shit. Shit ain't shit when it comes around Bleep.
Bleep the Fuckers who think shit is Fuckworthy.

That was a shitty thing to say.

Some folks like shit and others like Bleep.

Everyone is entitled to their own shit,

And it's unfair of you to just shit it like that.

Personally, I am always up for any bleeped up shit.

So what kind of shit are you going to get into today?

I see you already stirred up some shit on the "You are good as who you date"

Shit Man! How do you do it?

I agree, let's keep this shit flowing, it's not like I've got shit to do today anway. Saturday's are always shit for me, no shit to watch on TV and it's hot as shit outside, there goes any hope of doing some outdoor shit.

Shit!

I agree with iice, it's most definitely not deceit. It's quite the opposite, infact. It's. . . it's innocence, yeah that's it innocence. We are creatures who trust so easily, unfortunately we live in a world where people aren't always straight forward. You know. . . I think I have found the answer to the common sense/invincibility theory. See, because we (women) so want to believe men are good, men are kind, men aren't liars. . . We sheild ourselves from the truth by wearing a cloak of invincibility (don't worry if it doesn't make any sense)


@Hannibal
Sacarsm? Wait. . . Are you saying these bonfires aren't a regular Monday & Wednesday thingy all over the world?


@HCH3COO
Fatiwhatnow?

First off, you watch Sex and the City? Lmao. . . How very evolved of you. Nice

Secondly. . . Absolutely, positively without an iota, smidgen of a doubt Women deceive themselves.

I have a theory, it is my belief that the common sense part of a woman's brain has been replaced with a sense of invincibility. . . How? I'm still working on that.

Anyway, it's this sense of invincibility that makes 'em boldly go where even angels fail to thread.

It is why they can easily dismiss red neon signs flashing DANGER, with a flick of their wrist "Aah, I'll be a'ight. She didn't get him like I do" completely ignoring the fact that the old she is lying in coma from the beatings she got from him (sometimes I get bored and watch Lifetime Channel)

It's why the theme song of their lives is "Love fool" by the Cardigans. Can you just see 'em all circling a bonfire, each holding a pix of the object of their desire and singing at the top of their lungs. . .

"Love me, Love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, Fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, Love me
Pretend that you love
I can't care about anyone but you"

Sad, no?

Wait a sec. . . didn't this just happen a few hours ago? I was just on the phone with my sis and she is still stuck in traffic coming back home from "Papa's Son's wedding" ^{yeah, she calls him Papa.} Talk about living in the age of technology. . . everything is instantenous, kind of scary if you think about it.

Anyhoo, wish the couple a happy married life. Heard the bride looked amazing. . . Let's hope the pix do her justice.