₦airaland Forum

[quote author=~Sauron~ link=topic=452813.msg6105824#msg6105824 date=1275006523]^^^

So you are saying it's not selfishness nor insecurity?
What is it then?[/quote]its just one of those hidden rules. of course not everyone abides by it or is even aware of it but its there. no matter what you do on that day bridesmaid, mother, guests, friends etc dont just outshine the bride and draw all the attention to yourself. Lol.

to many it may seem/appear like a huge insecurity but IMHO, its not. 

it doesnt mean all her friends/bridesmaids should be allowed to look like aliens from the fifth world though.

nellaluv:
@ topic. .
That's one of the rules in planning a wedding, never outshine the bride, it applies to all females, be it the bridesmaids or the guest, you don't dress to a wedding looking like a tramp all eyez would be on you the bride won't find it funny, i won't , its nt kul!

correct.

i was recently viewing this wedding profile of a couple, the brides mom was just very fabulous. she literally out-shined her daughter, many commentators literally forgot about the bride and all comments was on her fabulous mom. she took all the attention

i mean those claiming she older than mike, whats wrong with it if its indeed true. is it only men that knows how to marry a young woman

.

@ Arlington


its indeed a strange world. i wonder at times

there are certainly no guarantees in life. i'm sure had she been the one in the condition she would have wanted all the love and care she can get and not be rejected by someone who vowed "for better, for worse". a spouse who truly cherishes you and is your friend will always be there for you especially in times of difficulty but this woman is more concerned about her image than the health and wellbeing of her spouse.

left for me, the man better amputate his leg cause where there is life, there is hope

funkybaby:
@post

to each their own.

am not really a big fan of a bridal train with so many 'participants'. left for me, it will just be my husband-to-be and i at the altar.

bridesmaid will prolly be my sister while i will handpick few of my young cousins to wear gown and coffetti or whatever it is called. my friends will have to make do with swiss voile aso-ebi.

if the bride sticks to this, then she has nothing to worry about anyone trying to outshine her  

Lol, like your style jare

why should she be worried about such in the first place sef. thats just plain insecurity

at the surface it sure do appear to be insecurity but its quite more complicated than that.

[quote author=mama-gee link=topic=452813.msg6105776#msg6105776 date=1275004942][color=deeppink]That's Nigerian women for you!

They think everyone has some bad intentions for them or cooking up something evil.[/color][/quote]No dear. this is not one of those "nigerian women" stuff. its everywhere

[quote author=~Sauron~ link=topic=452813.msg6105761#msg6105761 date=1275004674]U are a meanie! [/quote]Lol. you cant blame us. we know what we're up aganist

stillwater:
Women sha!!! The groom and his men usually wear the same suit color, he doesn't even fuss. But for the bride, you as a guest sef can't even wear white. The white is enough to set her apart from everyone but na lie she still takes it further by reducing her maids finess with nonsense hairstyles and dresses.

A woman should learn to hold her own in the midst of beautiful, gorgeous girls, of which I'm an expert at.

you know women na.  some bridesmaid can be tempting though and do intentionally try to out due the bride. so i dont blame the bride

[quote author=~Sauron~ link=topic=452813.msg6105651#msg6105651 date=1275002645]So in a nutshell, you will do the same as well?[/quote]as a member and a believer of the core sisterhood principles, had it be me i wouldnt make them look ugly per se, but one thing is for sure aint nobody going to be looking more fly than me. its my day and i make the rules. and i own all the attention

stillwater:
Why are there no rules with men? Women and their wahala

[quote author=~Sauron~ link=topic=452813.msg6105618#msg6105618 date=1275002072]Who made this rule? Queen Jezebel herself or who?
I am supposed to be the best man of this wedding ceremony but i am beginning to consider walking out of the whole schiznit.
Sauron is not standing next to Kemistry, abeg. [/quote]its the gene in us. all eyes on that day should be on the bride not on the dead gorgeous bridesmaid that may distracts the attention of men including the groom

one secret rule wedding among sisterhood, no lady should be allowed to look more gorgeous than the bride on her day. shes the only one allowed all the attention and no its no insecurity or selfishness.

No

tEsLim:
Same day! for me

same day your spouse died? really

headed by Prince Ifeanyi Dike made a move to ban the actors from taking adult roles,

how ridiculous! how can you ban someone because of their versatility?

these parents better get hold of their kids cause Aki and Paw Paw are paid to be actors not role models

kai! na me you wicked like dis eh? walahi talahi i don suffer finish

so you know even remain partial meat or even a small rice for moi

i remained plenty eba for you o in ma own time. u no say dat meat was to too small to share na

i go get you back


@ cookers

please madams and oga cookers, can anyone be kind enough to prepare me coconut rice with fried chicken and a bottle of vita malt . since yesterday me i never tasted anything. hunger dey punish me for here plz help! if you hear the kind of hunger war going on in my stomach eh, the thing pass iraq n iran war

yes stress is indeed very detrimental to health

Yah!!!! https://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-dance003.gif


welcome back dear!!! https://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-dance001.gif <-----betcha like ma new dance moves

coolier:
You can never stop people from talking, but can always stop yourself from listening!

true. but some rumors and suspicion can be very powerful that you cant just simply ignore them. some does get to you

Missy B,

blame it on hunger

thanks o.

*salivates at the sight of my food* while still eyeing Yield's fried rice. bia Yield no go finish that rice and meat oo . kai that food looks very yummy
remeba the last time i shared my food with you eh? abeg remain for me oo or else

rushes back to finish my food. yummy meatpie and homemade delicious soup with handmade amala. tasty! you dis woman can cook oo! bravo!!!
5stars! oh dear! hope i still have space left in ma stomach for Yield's rice

probably didnt read the other part

awww . . really missed your presence

i'm fine. hope you are doing great!

plz come back

if I was at physical contact with them

my bad. thought you were going to be in contact with them. telling them over the phone might be harder and less effective because they will just tell you "ok " at the moment and still repeat it cause you arent there and might even forget they told you "ok"

I dont like children to feel that there will always be treats waiting for them just for doing sth good. No, thatz not life. . . . Good things are done because that's what is expected in society.

you dont rely on one method of discipline so incorporating different methods and seeing which one produces the most effective result and the one youre most comfortable with imo is the best way and also am against the use of monetary rewards and too much use of edible rewards too in esp in young kids. so the reinforcement i was talking about here wasnt monetary or treats. remember we discussed other methods like the charts etc.society reinforces positive behaviors in many cases and that in many instances tells people what is expected in society.

he needs to learn that not every time they walk into a store that he must get sth.

very good. am sure your mom did this to you too, cause i got my dose of this too lol. in my book of responsible parents, constantly giving in to the demands of your kids and in this type of instances is very wrong and a very bad negative reinforcement.  many parents in this instances which is very popular among kids and their parents in stores do definitely use the ignore technique your aunt implied here. like my GM would always "leave her let her cry her eyeballs out, crying wouldnt kill her, na she go cry tire"

I let her know she makes me proud

this also a form of reward. positive reinforcement is a type of reward.

I am NOT going to apply REWARD/REINFORCEMENT thing  into this

reward dont necessarily have to be treats, monetary etc it can be in any other forms. giving her a high five, praising her, going out with her, doing fun things with her etc are all parts of reinforcement/reward and this encourages the behavior.  IMO, there is nothing wrong in giving kids treats when they do something good as long as you dont use it constantly as your only method of reward.

BTW, thanks for diggin that out for me.  You always come true

same applies to you hun

madam

can i have some meat-pie with chilled coke so to calm my brawling stomach down while i await my EDIKANG IKONG SOUP served with amala. Ose. dalu.

OMG!!!. Karma is that you

where have you beeeeeeeen, i missed yoooooooou so much

Ebony,

i did also try the straight face no nonsense talk, making sure you maintain eye-contact with them and warn them seriously. but above all be very patient with them especially since you are not always there with them to correct them and they have been using it for some time. it might be and will definitely be hard for them to immediately stop it but with patience and reinforcement you will definitely see an improvement. you might also incorporate the reward chart reinforcement we previously discussed. also, another thing is try hard not to give them too much attention when they use the word cause kids can be very tempting. if they see that the word invokes your emotion so high they can annoyingly be using it constantly esp. the older ones just so to see you flame up, especially since youre their sibling. so do try to keep your cool in the process.

face969:
@Post
Even if e dey positive nko, wetin u wan do. T[b]hey say make u dey stop stigmatise pessin wit hiv. Abi u nor get TV for house ?[/b]

OP has already made up his mind not to tell (and then you really wonder why he asked the question in the first place) so no amount of convincing will do again.

use a cleanser/spot treatments that contains Benzoyl peroxide or Salicylic acid. watch the kinds of products you put on your skin they might be causing you to break out without you knowing. have a simple skincare routine/regime. try also oil free moisturizer and try not to pick the pimples if you can cause you will be prolonging the healing process and possibly inducing scars. if it gets worse you might maybe consider seeing a dermatologist for prescription strength treatment

Ndipe:
Well, legally and morally (especially if there was no infidelity), you can marry her, but still, you wont be able to contain rumors that there was nothing going on during the duration of the marriage.

true. some might even argue you eliminated him so to be with him/her

oh well, maybe careless use of word or lack of better adjective or maybe he meant in a sexual way. was probably thinking otherwise then

Quote from: Ebony-Silk on March 28, 2009

If they're corrected and often hears it in school, how can we stop them from saying it?
But what of the kids born here? Would the same method work?

Quote from: ~Sissy~on March 28, 2009

you know kids that young using such words dont really IMO, understand the meaning behind it, or its implications.

so, even if they learn the word in school, and you hear them use it, you still have reinforce it to them that is not acceptable. tell the child that although they will hear or hear curse words every day of their lives, in school, etc it does not make it right. sometimes they will tell you, "but, my friends, blah blah, uses it and so on" still, you have to give them an example to show them that because David uses it, doesn't mean you should use it. tell him, if david jumps off a cliff, does it mean that they should do it too ? ( lol i know that example, is kinda scary but just similar things to show them, it is not right to use it no matter who uses it).

set punishment, maybe your mom didn't spank you when she heard a curse word  but kids born outside of 9ja, especially in these time and age  needs some punishment just to show them that such words ain't right. or try to explain to them how hurtful/bad the meaning of the words are ( in a way they will understand,) however, i dont really suggest punishment whenever, they use it instead use that opportunity in a gentle way to remind them that the use of such words are unacceptable.

it takes time, and  patience but with  time and good reinforcement, they will learn that such things are unacceptable in your family.

coolskeelz:
This is a very interesting section.Am enjoying it.

warm welcome

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=249630.msg6090209#msg6090209 date=1274779341]See alapa ike [/quote]LOL 

Ebony, finally found the page

Quote from: Ebony-Silk on March 28, 2009, 01:44 AM
How do you stop your child from cursing?

Quote from: ~Sissy~on March 28, 2009,

good one ebony

this days cursing is the norm and kids do learn quickly

first the parents/ adults MUST not use any curse word in the house especially when the child is around because then the child would think it is okay to curse after all mommy and daddy does it, so why not try it.

secondly, whenever, the child uses a curse word they must be corrected immediately, this tells them that it is not right to use such words and a little spank on the bum bum wouldn't hurt   [/b]